No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  “Sshhh, babygirl. None of that matters now. You’re home, that’s all I care about. You’re home.”

  Home. Jo closed her eyes and let the warmth of her mother’s welcome wash over her. I’m home.

  Cadie watched the family reunion from her seat behind the truck’s steering wheel. Although she couldn’t hear what was being said and Jo had her back to the blonde, Maggie Madison’s emotions were clearly written on her face. Cadie exhaled on a long, ragged breath as it became obvious that her lover’s reception was more than welcoming.

  Both women were crying, she knew. Although she could tell Jo had been surprised by her mother’s hug, Cadie was pleased to see her lover not only accepting it but returning it in kind.

  “Thank god,” she murmured, her own stomach releasing some of the knot that had formed. Still got the father to get through, but this is a good start. She felt tears sting her own eyes and quickly she wiped them away. Come on Jones, she urged herself. Time to meet the in-laws. Jo had left the small pile of mail on the seat next to her and Cadie scooped it up as she opened the car door. She walked around to the front of the truck and leaned back against the bull-bar, just waiting.

  Maggie pulled back a little from the hug and took her daughter’s tear-streaked face between her hands. With long thumbs she brushed the tears away. Over Josie’s shoulder she could see the pretty blonde standing quietly, head bowed.

  “Are you going to introduce me to your girl, Josie?” she asked, her heart warmed by the look of joy and wonder that flicked through her tall offspring’s blue eyes. Maggie smiled. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “I-I was worried that … that you …” Jo was silenced by her mother’s fingers against her lips. Maggie’s eyes, paler than her own, but just as intense when they wanted to be, held nothing but acceptance and curiosity.

  “Don’t you worry about that,” her mother reassured. “I can already see she makes you happy. That’s all I care about, Josie.” She tipped Jo’s head down and kissed her forehead softly. “Now, come on, introduce us.”

  She was treated to Jo’s trademark killer grin before the younger woman turned to look at her partner.

  Cadie’s eyes lifted from the dirt to meet Jo’s as her lover reached out with her right hand. Relieved, Cadie took the proffered hand and moved to her side. She was somewhat surprised when Jo wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to place a kiss in her hair. She wasn’t about to argue though and slid her arm around her partner’s waist, patting Jo’s belly reassuringly with her other hand.

  Maggie watched the scenario with a tiny smile. I thought this would be so hard to see, but I was wrong, she thought. It’s obvious how good they are for each other. They balance. Green eyes looked up at her from under the blonde’s unruly fringe with a quiet intelligence that impressed Maggie. This one has depths, she decided.

  Well, now I know what Jo will look like in 20 years or so, Cadie thought, meeting the pale blue gaze as they sized each other up. Maggie was every bit as beautiful as her daughter, though a lifetime spent working in a harsh landscape had added weather-beaten lines of experience to the familiar features. Something to look forward to, Cadie decided, smiling tentatively at her future mother-in-law.

  “Mum, this is Cadie,” Jo said simply, meeting her mother’s eyes.

  Cadie reached out with a hand. “It’s great to finally meet you, Mrs. Madison,” she said, widening her smile into a friendly grin. Maggie took her hand and firmly pulled her closer. Within seconds she had wrapped Cadie up in a warm and welcoming hug. The blonde found herself chuckling as she returned the embrace, liking the older woman already.

  “You must call me Maggie,” she insisted, letting the American go, although she kept hold of her hands. “Welcome to Coonyabby.”

  “Thank you, Maggie,” Cadie said, ducking her head in gracious acknowledgement. “Jo’s told me so much about it, I’m really looking forward to exploring.”

  Maggie glanced around at the countryside she was so familiar with. “I’m afraid it’s not as pretty as it can be right now,” she replied. “This drought’s been hard on the grass and flowers.”

  “It’s still beautiful country,” Cadie murmured. She was aware of Jo’s warmth at her back, could almost feel the edginess in her lover’s demeanor. Cadie remembered the mail and handed it to Maggie. “Jo-Jo remembered to pick this up on our way in,” she said with a smile.

  “Ah, thank you,” the older woman replied, glancing cursorily at the stack of letters. “Bills, mostly, I’m sure.” She looked up, seeing her daughter’s nervousness over Cadie’s left shoulder. I think we all need to relax a little, she thought. “Well, I don’t know about you two, but I could certainly go a cup of tea.” Both women smiled in agreement. “Josie, blossom, why don’t you bring the truck around to the side of the house and bring your bags inside?”

  Cadie turned to her lover. “Blossom?” she mouthed, tossing Jo the keys to the truck. Jo flushed despite the twinkle in the blonde’s eye.

  “Oh great. Thanks Mum. Give her teasing material, why don’t you?” Some things never change.

  Maggie dismissed it with a poo-pooing wave of her hand. “Something tells me this one doesn’t need much encouragement on that score. Now go do.” She took Cadie’s hand again and pulled her in the direction of the homestead. “I’ll have a cup brewing for you.”

  Cadie looked back over her shoulder at Jo, flinging her a helplessly apologetic look. Jo just snorted and flashed her lover a happy grin, letting her know it was more than all right.

  “I’m beginning to feel like John F Kennedy,” she muttered to herself as she watched her mother dragging her girlfriend away. “I’m the woman who accompanied Arcadia Jones to Coonyabby.” The thought made her giggle and she felt almost light-headed with relief as she climbed up into the truck and turned the key in the ignition. Now all we have to do is convince Dad.

  The kitchen was cool, a blessed relief from the relentless sun and airless heat outside. Cadie sank gratefully down onto one of the wooden chairs that surrounded the central table. Maggie bustled around her, putting together cups and saucers while the kettle heated on top of the stove. Cadie looked around, taking in all the details of the room. Everything had a vaguely 1970s feel about it and although the fittings and appliances were elderly, all were obviously well-cared for and sparkling. It was kind of comforting, she decided. It feels like home.

  Being left alone with Maggie this early on in their visit was slightly awkward, but it only took one look at the older woman's all-consuming interest in the bottom of a tea cup to tell Cadie that she wasn't alone in feeling that way. She's probably a lot more nervous than I am, the blonde realized.

  "This is a lovely room, Maggie," she said, hoping to find a way of putting them both more at ease. It won her a slightly distracted smile in reply.

  "Thank you," Maggie replied. "It hasn’t changed much over the years, but it's always served us pretty well." They lapsed into silence again before the kettle began to whistle and steam. Maggie quickly lifted it off the heat, trickling the boiling water over the leaves. "How do you take your tea, Cadie?"

  "Just black with one sugar, thanks," she replied.

  Both women listened to the sounds of Jo pulling the truck up to the side of the house and then slamming doors as she extracted their luggage from the back. Maggie placed Cadie’s tea in front of the blonde and sat down next to her at the table.

  “So,” the older woman said tentatively. “How did you and Josie meet?”

  Cadie smiled. It was the obvious question and did at least put them on fairly safe ground.

  “I was with a group which chartered a yacht from her company for three weeks. She was our skipper.” Cadie beamed, the happy memories of their first hesitant steps towards romance obvious on her face.

  “Ahhh, and you just couldn’t resist each other?” Maggie found herself smiling back at the blonde, her happiness infectious. She decided to ignore the incredulous little voice inside her head that
couldn’t quite believe she was having this conversation.

  Cadie blushed under the inquisitive blue gaze that was so like her partner’s.

  “Something like that,” she replied. “It was a little more complicated.” She felt her color increase even further as Maggie’s look intensified. “I was, um, with someone, when we first met.” Cadie held her breath, waiting to see what the response was to that.

  Maggie absorbed the news, stirring a spoonful of sugar slowly into her tea, her eyes on the swirling liquid. Finally she looked up, catching the faint hint of anxiety in the American’s green eyes. She smiled gently.

  “Love’s a complicated thing,” she said, reaching across to pat Cadie’s forearm.

  The blonde nodded and breathed again. “Yes, it can be,” she agreed. Okay, that’s that little hurdle out of the way, she thought with relief.

  They were interrupted by the arrival of Jo at the back door. The tall woman had Cadie’s large sports bag in one hand and her own backpack slung over her left shoulder. She turned sideways to negotiate the narrow doorway and then came to a sudden halt just inside the familiar room. Cadie smiled at the look of shocked wonder on her lover’s face. This could be the first in a long series of those looks, the blonde realized.

  Jo felt like she had stepped into a time warp. Apart from the appearance of the kitchen – she swept her eyes around the room she had grown up in – it was the smells which brought the memories flooding back.

  “You’ve been baking,” she murmured as her mother stood and handed her a cup of tea. Maggie raised an eyebrow and patted her cheek softly.

  “I’m always baking, love,” her mother answered. She chuckled as she watched Jo sniffing the air speculatively.

  “Bread,” Jo guessed. “And …” she sniffed again. “Chocolate cake?” Cadie giggled at the look of childish hopefulness that lit up Jo’s face. Maggie nodded and her daughter grinned triumphantly. “Oh, Cadie, you haven’t eaten until you’ve tasted Mum’s chocolate cake,” she stated.

  “Good?” Cadie asked, playing along.

  Jo dropped the bags long enough to take a sip of her tea. Dead milky and two sugars, she thought. Just the way I like it. Trust Mum to remember that.

  “Not just good. Heavenly.”

  “Tch, you’re exaggerating, Josie,” Maggie demurred. She moved over to the sink and began washing out her teacup.

  “I’m not,” Jo disagreed. She put her mug down on the table and picked up the bags again, exchanging a meaningful look with Cadie as she did so. “Where am I taking these bags, Mum?” she asked.

  Maggie turned around and leaned back against the sink as she dried her hands on a tea towel. “I’ve put you both in your old room,” she said quietly. “I hope the bed’s big enough.”

  Brownie points for you Mrs. M, Cadie thought as Jo’s eyebrows lifted up under her fringe.

  “Um, okay then,” Jo murmured. She winked at Cadie as she hefted the bags again and headed out of the kitchen and down the hallway that ran down the middle of the house.

  Maggie watched her go, a tiny smile playing across her lips. Her eyes drifted away and caught the pale green gaze of the petite American leaning on her kitchen table.

  “Thank you,” Cadie said softly. “That was worrying her.”

  Maggie fiddled with the tea towel, tying the cloth into a knot in front of her.

  “I’m not going to pretend that I’m entirely comfortable with it Cadie,” she admitted. “But it’s more important to me to see her happy.” She glanced up and gave the blonde a frank look. “And you make her happy.”

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  “Cadie!” Jo’s voice sounded vaguely startled and Cadie jumped up. She scurried down the corridor and found her partner standing in the doorway to a small bedroom. The blonde put her hands on the taller woman’s hips and peeked around her into the room.

  “Wow,” Cadie murmured.

  “Oh yeah.” Jo sounded shaky and Cadie nudged her forward until she could walk around and into the space.

  Jo’s bedroom was almost like a museum piece – an exhibit on childhood. Cadie wandered the edges taking in the minutiae of her soulmate’s youth. A wooden shelf held a collection of crystal and porcelain animals. Some were exquisite, but most bore the telltale signs of being well-played with. A china cow balanced on three legs, a horse was missing a tail. At the other end of the shelf were a large number of Matchbox model cars of all varieties. Cadie grinned at them, picking up a sports model with opening doors. My girl the tomboy, she thought.

  A higher shelf was piled with books – Cynthia Harnett, Rosemary Sutcliffe and a wide range of science fiction and fantasy – Asimov, Heinlein, and Donaldson. A battered, well-thumbed copy of Lord of the Rings held prized position.

  As she moved around the outskirts of the room, Cadie continued to pick up items, learning something new about Jo from each one. Stuffed toys, a crystal radio set, posters of Bjorn Borg, Martina Navratilova and television cops Cagney and Lacey lined the walls.

  Jo sat down on the edge of the bed. Her emotions were rubbed raw and close to the surface as she watched Cadie exploring. I can’t believe they kept all this stuff, she thought. How could they have stood to look at it all after I left the way I did?

  She must have had the most bemused expression on her face because when Cadie turned around to look at Jo, the blonde chuckled and walked over. She crouched down between Jo’s feet, placing her hands on her partner’s knees.

  “How are you doing?” Cadie asked, smiling up into uncertain eyes.

  “Um, I think my brain is dribbling out my ears,” Jo muttered, provoking a gentle laugh from the blonde.

  “I think I like who you were when you lived in this room, Jo-Jo,” she said.

  Blue eyes finally focused on her. “You can tell that just from the things in here?” Jo asked.

  “Mhmmmm.”

  “I was a rat-bag, Cadie.”

  The blonde stood up and let Jo pull her close for a hug. She stroked the long, dark hair as Jo buried her face in Cadie’s shirt.

  “You were a teenager, sweetheart. A smart, curious teenager.”

  A muffled snort was her reply and Cadie ducked her head to drop a kiss on the top of Jo’s head. “Mmmmmm, that feels good,” Jo said as she wrapped the blonde up tighter.

  Maggie found them like that, the sight stopping her in her tracks at the entrance to the bedroom. Neither woman had heard her approach and she spent a few seconds absorbing the reality of a type of relationship with which she’d had utterly no experience.

  How can people think of this as a bad thing? she pondered. Look at the love and support they give each other. Everybody should be so lucky.

  She leaned against the doorjamb and cleared her throat quietly, disappointed to see the two young women move apart quickly. “You don’t have to do that, you know,” she said matter-of-factly. “I was just thinking what a lovely sight you make.”

  Jo rubbed her face, trying to dispel the blush she knew was coloring her cheeks.

  “Sorry, Mum. This just takes a bit of getting used to.” She glanced up at her partner who had moved over to the large stack of vinyl music albums and singles in one corner. “At least it does for me. Cadie is an old hand at the parental thing.”

  Maggie stepped into the room and sat down next to her daughter.

  “Your parents know about… um… you? And Jo?” she asked Cadie, who sat down next to the pile and began sifting through the treasure trove of 1980s music.

  “Oh yes,” she replied. “They’ve known since I was in college. I think I was 20 when I told them.”

  Maggie leaned back on her hands, unconsciously mirroring Jo’s posture. Two peas in a pod, Cadie thought, smiling quietly to herself. The apple certainly didn’t fall too far from the tree in this family.

  “How did they take it?” Maggie asked tentatively.

  Cadie leaned back against the wall and crossed her legs at the ankles. She thought about it before answering.

&nbs
p; “Bear in mind that my home town has a large, and pretty vocal gay and lesbian community and my parents were both born and bred there,” she explained. “So they certainly weren’t unaware.” Maggie nodded. “Even so, I guess you’re never prepared for it to be one of your own children,” Cadie continued. “But by the time I was coming out, Mom and Dad had already figured out that having me alive and healthy was the most important thing.”

  Maggie sensed there was more to that story than she was getting. But perhaps now isn’t the time to be digging any deeper, she decided. I’m sure there are going to be plenty of opportunities to learn more about this young lady.

  “You’re going to find us awfully backward out here, then,” she said aloud. “I’m embarrassed to say that you’re the first … gay person … I’ve ever known.”

  Jo nudged her mother’s shoulder.

  “You’ve known me for over 30 years, Mum,” she reminded her. “And there was Phil.”

  Maggie blushed.

  “I’m sorry. I think it’s still a little hard for me to think of you … that way.” She shrugged apologetically.

  Cadie watched quietly from the corner. Mother and daughter were looking at each other like they both had a lot to say but couldn’t quite see a way to start the conversation. Time to leave them be, Arcadia, she decided. She pushed herself up from the floor, dropping the handful of 45s she’d been looking at back onto the pile.

  “I’m going to do a little exploring,” she announced as she walked to the door. Jo grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently as she passed. Cadie deliberately leaned down and brushed a light kiss across her partner’s lips. “Be back soon.”

  “Okay, love,” Jo murmured. Cadie was almost out the door when another thought occurred to her. “Sweetheart?”

  The blonde looked back in.

  “Don’t go out of sight of the house for now? It’s easy to get disoriented out there if you don’t know your way around.”

  Cadie grinned.

  “Aye, aye skipper,” she agreed.

  “Oh shut up,” Jo retorted, laughing at the retreating back.