No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  “Um, I can’t really, Mum,” Jo muttered. “Bad time to leave the business.”

  David and Maggie looked at each other. Unspoken between them was a conversation they had had many times since Jo and Cadie had arrived. How to broach the subject of Jo’s past... how to tell her that they already knew, that it was okay. David knew his wife was burning to keep this conversation going and he nodded at the raised eyebrow she quirked in his direction.

  “It’s survived all right without you for the last three weeks, Josie-love. I’m sure it could manage a few more,” she said, taking her cue from her husband and pressing on. “You’ve obviously got good people looking after things for you.”

  Jo cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable. Cadie swallowed around the lump she felt in her own throat, sensing that there was a certain inevitability to this conversation. Need to make her feel safe, she realized. Turning slightly in Jo’s arms she leaned and put her mouth close to her lover’s ear.

  “Whatever their reaction, my love, we can get through it,” she whispered, feeling Jo pressing against her. “And don’t underestimate them. My gut says trust them.”

  Jo pulled back far enough to look into Cadie’s eyes. “I’m scared,” she whispered back.

  “I know,” Cadie replied. “But we can do this.”

  Jo blinked, feeling the knot in her stomach tighten and twist. She knew this moment had been coming for days, weeks even. For three weeks she had ducked and weaved around it, even though a large part of her wanted very much to get this conversation over and done with. But now the moment had come, she found herself trembling. Cadie’s fingers wrapped warmly around her own and squeezed gently. Jo took one last look into loving green eyes and breathed in deeply.

  “Mum, I can’t go to the United States because I have a criminal record,” she said. Two sets of parental eyes looked at her steadily. “And I’m not talking about petty stuff,” she continued shakily. “There are things on my record that would make any Customs officer stop me at the gate, without a second’s hesitation.” She dropped her eyes, a flush of shame coloring her cheeks. “And rightly so, probably,” she muttered softly. Cadie’s thumb chafed the back of her hand slowly.

  Cadie looked at her parents-in-law. They were calm and Maggie even smiled slightly as they watched Jo struggling. I’m missing something here, Cadie thought. They’re almost reacting as if they al- … She gasped, realization hitting her like a baseball bat between the eyes. They already know. Son of a-

  “Do you want to tell us more about it, Josie?” Maggie asked quietly. She wanted so desperately to have this conversation done with. Fear and shame had held her daughter back from them for too long as it was. They’d come too far in the past few weeks to let ancient history keep them apart now. But a hand on her arm stopped her from pushing further.

  David wasn’t sure he could stand this much longer. His daughter was suffering. She was stumbling and stuttering over her words, and there was pain written all over her face. He leaned forward towards her, resting his elbows on his knees.

  “Enough, Maggie,” David said softly. He turned back to Jo and reached out with his left hand, waiting until she hesitantly took it, her fingers almost shy in his larger, callused palm.

  Jo couldn’t remember the last time her father had ever held her hand. His skin was rough, but familiar, and she felt a wash of safety rush over her with a warmth that was almost startling. She blinked up into grey eyes that were steady and calm.

  “Josie, we know,” her father said simply.

  Confused, she tilted her head, trying to figure out what he was saying. “You know what?” she finally asked.

  “Everything,” Maggie replied.

  “We know about your record, and the things you did in Sydney,” her father continued. “Terrible things you did,” he conceded, gripping his daughter’s hand tighter when his words prompted her to try and withdraw. “But you made good, Josie. Tried your best to make up for what you did.”

  “I can’t ever do that,” Jo half-sobbed, hoarsely. Cadie held her other hand fiercely. “Not ever. No matter what I do the rest of my life.” Tears made her voice ragged, its harshness making them all wince.

  Maggie couldn’t stand it any longer. She slipped down out of her chair onto her knees in the grass in front of Jo. With both hands she cupped the tortured face before her and held it steadily.

  “Josie, stop. Don’t do this to yourself. Please.”

  “You know?” Jo’s eyes widened, as if her father’s words were only just sinking in. “How can you possibly know?”

  “When you turned yourself in to the police… well, Ken Harding made it his business to tell us what was going on,” Maggie explained, knowing that on some levels Jo would find the policeman’s actions a betrayal.

  “Harding?” It was all getting a bit much for Jo.

  “Yes, love.” Maggie smiled softly at the younger woman’s confusion. “He’s become quite a good friend to us.”

  Cadie shook her head in wonder. “He never let on,” she murmured. Jo had no idea what to think or what to feel. On the one hand she was angry with Harding for going where he had had no business going. On the other hand, he’s done me a favor, she realized. They’ve had time to absorb this and come to some kind of peace about it. How, I have no idea.

  Maggie kept her hands around Jo’s face, gently stroking at the trail of tears with the pads of her thumbs. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she whispered. “I promise you, it’s okay.”

  Over her mother’s shoulder Jo saw David nod and it was like someone broke open the dam of fear and uncertainty that had blocked her emotions for so long. A strangled sob forced its way out of her and soon the cries came bubbling up. Maggie gathered her in, wrapping long arms around Jo until finally her daughter gave in and collapsed into her embrace.

  Cadie let go of Jo’s hand long enough to let Maggie take over the comforting. The American felt her own tears well up and she placed a hand over her mouth, trying to stay quiet. She watched as David reached over his wife’s shoulder and gently ran his fingers through Jo’s unruly fringe.

  Thank God, Cadie thought. Thank God.

  Maggie closed her eyes as she held her child close against her chest. Sobs wracked Jo’s body, her breath coming in long, hitching gasps as she cried. Maggie heard herself making the soothing sounds of comfort only a mother seems to know. Memories flooded her consciousness, other times when a much younger Jossandra had needed her this way. A lost puppy when she was four, a broken arm when she eight. Maggie’s eyes opened again. And when Phil killed himself. That was the beginning of the end. She felt Jo’s arms squeeze tighter around her waist. And this is the end of the new beginning, she realized. Now we can really start to be a family again. “I’m sorry,” Jo kept saying, over and over. “I’m so sorry.”

  “What are you sorry for, love?” Maggie asked quietly. She could feel David behind her shoulder, his calm presence rock steady even as his fingers continued to lightly stroke Jo’s head.

  “I never meant for all that to happen,” Jo moaned. “I never meant to become that person. I just… I just…”

  “Sshhh… it’s all right. It’s all done and over with now,” her mother soothed.

  “But that’s just it, it’s not done with,” Jo insisted. “Not in my head. Not ever.”

  “And maybe that’s just something you’re meant to live with, Josie,” Maggie argued. “But that’s not a reason to shut people out or isolate yourself. And it’s no reason to be afraid of your father and me.”

  “We’re not going to lose you again,” David said firmly. “I don’t like what you did, Josie, not one bit of it. I’ll admit to that and it’s something you and I are going to have to learn to deal with. But we’re going to do that together. And nothing you can tell me, nothing you can do will ever separate me from my love for you. Do you understand that?”

  Jo blinked at her father, her blue eyes wide and moist with tears that threatened to spill over again. “I didn’t,” she
admitted. “But I’m trying to understand it now.”

  David nodded. “I know. And perhaps the only thing that will make it clear for you is time. But we’ve got plenty of that now.” He cupped her cheek with his rough palm. “Thank you for coming home again.”

  Jo turned her head slightly, tilting it in Cadie’s direction. “I can’t take credit for that, Dad,” she said hoarsely. “Without Cadie’s encouragement I can’t say that I would have.”

  David nodded and looked calmly at Cadie. The blonde was still fighting her own tears, her hand covering her mouth. “Are you all right, little one?” he asked.

  Cadie sniffled and took a deep breath. “Y-yes, I think so,” she replied, a little nonplussed by the term of endearment, something she hadn’t heard from David before. “I just don’t like to see her hurting.” She nodded in Jo’s direction. “It gives me a stomachache.”

  David smiled kindly, his grey eyes twinkling as if he recognized the feeling somewhere deep inside. “I think it’s a good thing that we had this conversation, though,” he replied. “Don’t you?”

  “Oh yes,” Cadie agreed. “It’s been a long time coming.”

  “That it has,” David murmured. He looked at his family. Jo had stopped crying and was leaning wearily against her mother. Maggie looked happier than he could remember seeing her in a long time. Mothers and their daughters. He smiled at the picture. For the first time in… well, years… he felt like something was going right. “Who wants another drink?” He grinned as hesitant chuckles broke out from the three women in his life.

  “Make mine a double,” Jo muttered.

  “How does it feel?” Cadie whispered. Jo’s ebony hair was splayed across the American’s bare chest and Cadie could feel her partner’s warm breath against the skin of her neck.

  “Mmmm,” Jo rumbled. “Feels pretty good to me,” she replied, letting her fingers slide under the sheet and across the silky surface of Cadie’s stomach. They were both naked, something they hadn’t made a habit of in the three weeks they had been at Coonyabby. But for some reason, tonight they had both opted for skin, though they hadn’t talked about it at all. Cadie chuckled.

  “You know that wasn’t what I was talking about, wicked woman,” she murmured happily.

  “I know,” Jo burred close to her ear. “But you didn’t really expect me to resist, did you?” Cadie shivered as Jo’s rich alto tingled its way down her spine. They were both a little drunk, she knew, but she was rather hoping that would loosen the inhibitions that had kept their more amorous activities to a minimum during their stay in Jo’s childhood bedroom. Not that we’ve exactly been abstaining, she thought with a grin as Jo continued to nuzzle her neck. We’ve just indulged Jo’s taste for the outdoors a little more than usual.

  “What are you purring about?” Jo slid her leg across Cadie’s thighs, relishing the way their bodies just melded together.

  “I was remembering our little adventure in the barn yesterday,” Cadie replied. She turned her head and buried her nose in Jo’s hair, breathing deeply of her partner’s faint, but uniquely gorgeous scent. They had indulged themselves in what could only be described as a laughter-filled roll in the hay during the afternoon, taking advantage of the fact Jo’s parents were out of hearing range. Mmmmm. Jo laughed quietly. It had been a delicious interlude that had led into a quite extraordinary evening. Can’t believe it’s all out in the open now, she thought with relief.

  “You haven’t answered my question.” She was brought back to the present by her lover’s gentle reminder.

  “It feels a little surreal,” Jo replied after a brief pause to collect her thoughts. She lifted herself up a little and rested her chin on Cadie’s chest, looking up into the gentle green eyes trained on her. “I feel a lot lighter,” she admitted, smiling back when Cadie’s face broke into an unrestrained grin. “Yeah, I know, I should have talked to them a long time ago.”

  “That’s not what I was thinking,” Cadie replied, shaking her head. “You couldn’t tell them until you were ready to, and you haven’t been ready to. So second-guessing yourself doesn’t serve any purpose.” Cadie looked down at Jo, whose expression had turned pensive. “Are you angry with Detective Harding?”

  Blue eyes swung back into focus. “Yes,” Jo answered honestly. “But how can I be, really?” She rolled away from Cadie, onto her back. “He made it so much easier for me … and for them too, I guess.” She turned her head to look at the blonde. “Know what I mean?”

  Cadie nodded. “He took away your right to tell who you wanted, when you wanted,” she said softly. “On the other hand, he probably saved your parents five years of worrying. And allowed them to get to a place where they could accept you back into their lives without a hesitation.”

  Jo grinned.

  “So I guess I owe him another carton of cigarettes and a case of Johnny Walker,” she said happily.”

  “At least,” Cadie agreed.

  “They really didn’t hesitate, did they?” The wonder of it was still something Jo was coming to terms with. She had a childlike look of amazement on her face that was obvious even in the dim glow of the candles that were scattered around the room.

  “Not even for a nanosecond,” Cadie confirmed. She pushed herself up on one elbow, and looked down at her dark-haired lover. “They’re a wonderful pair, Jo-Jo,” she said.

  Jo looked up at her. “Yes, they are.” She reached up and pushed a lock of pale hair out of Cadie’s eyes. “Thank you for bringing me back to them,” she said simply.

  “I think you would have made it back to them, without me,” Cadie answered.

  Jo shook her head. “Thank god I never have to do anything without you again,” she murmured. She slid her hand around to the back of Cadie’s neck and gently pulled her down into a long, slow kiss that held a lot of promise. Cadie felt a languid tingle begin somewhere south of her waist. It could have been the kissing or it could have been the sensual explorations of Jo’s hands as they brushed across the skin of her shoulders and lower back.

  “Mmm, I want to make love to you, Jossandra,” Cadie growled softly against her lover’s earlobe. She lifted herself up until she had a hand on either side of Jo’s torso, and then she pushed herself up until she could look directly down into the shadowed face below her. “Will you let me?”

  Jo was already beyond the point of being able to deny Cadie anything. Her general lightness of being seemed to extend to any inhibitions she had previously held about being in her childhood bed, with her parents a few feet away behind a wall.

  “Yes, my love, I will,” she whispered.

  It was only a soft cry, but it was enough to pull Maggie from a light sleep. She had startled at first but when the sound came again, this time it provoked nothing but a soft smile.

  Well, it’s about time, she thought even as David snuggled closer against her back. Not that she was fooling herself that her daughter and daughter-in-law had been leading a chaste life of late. One look at them when they had come back from the barn yesterday had confirmed that. They had both been flushed and giggling. Not to mention the fact they were covered in hay stalks, she remembered with another smile.

  “What are you chuckling about?” David mumbled against her shoulder, his rough hands warm and familiar against her stomach. Another small cry from the other side of the wall interrupted Maggie’s reply and grey eyes blinked open in the darkness. “What the hell is-”

  “You don’t want to know, darling, trust me,” his wife replied softly, patting his hands.

  “Huh? What do you mean?” She looked back over her shoulder at him, lifting a knowing eyebrow as she waited for him to connect the dots. Finally the light dawned. “Oh, for god’s sake, I didn’t need to know that.” He grimaced and buried his face in her hair.

  “I think it’s wonderful,” Maggie said, amused by his squeamishness. “They finally feel comfortable here, David. Don’t you think that’s a good thing?”

  “I’m not listening,” he mumbled. “My
brain is dribbling out my ears as we speak.”

  A soft echo of an invocation to something divine floated through the wall, and even the usually unembarrassable Maggie blushed.

  “Seems to run in the family,” David muttered, provoking a wave of giggles from his wife.

  Cadie was relieved that Jo was so lost in the moment that she hadn’t heard the unmistakable sounds of her mother laughing on the other side of the wall between the two bedrooms. That would seriously blow the mood, she thought as she gently coaxed her partner down from the high she’d reached.

  Finally blue eyes blinked at her from under half-closed lids.

  “Hi, sweetheart,” Cadie whispered, smiling as Jo wrapped long arms around her and pulled her closer.

  “Damn woman, you are awesome,” Jo sighed blissfully. Cadie chuckled against her neck.

  “You’re inspiring, sweetheart,” Cadie replied.

  “Mmm, well, you’re inspiring me to return the favor,” her lover answered, using her greater body mass to flip them over until she was leaning over the blonde.

  “Ooooo, goodie.”

  This time the groan was higher-pitched, longer-lasting and much less articulate. David raised an eyebrow which his wife could barely see in the gloom.

  “Impressive,” he said.

  Even in the dark Maggie recognized the gleam in his eyes. “Seems that runs in the family too,” she murmured.

  “Is that a challenge?” her husband asked.

  “More an invitation.”

  “Hmmmm.”

  “Good morning,” Cadie said with a smile when she walked out into the kitchen. Jo had already left with her father, allowing the American to grab another couple of hours sleep. I guess a couple of hours are better than none, she thought, barely suppressing a well-satisfied grin. And there are definitely worse reasons for losing sleep.

  Maggie looked up at her daughter-in-law’s entrance, noticing the half-formed smirk on the American’s sunny face. Can’t blame her for that. And it’s not like you don’t have your own reasons for smiling, Maggie Madison.