No Ocean Deep

by Cate Swannell

  I’m still angry with him, Jo realized. Then again, he probably did me a huge favor.

  “Hello Ken,” she said quietly. His breath, which he had obviously been holding, came out in a rush.

  “Thought for a moment you were going to hang up on me,” he said gruffly.

  “Maybe I should have,” Jo answered. A wry smile touched her lips, unseen by the policeman but noticed by Cadie, who had followed her into the living area. “Ken,” she mouthed.

  “I know you’re probably pretty pissed off with me, yeah?” Harding continued. “Bottom line is, I made a judgment call and I think it was the right one.” Jo could almost hear his rugged, probably unshaven, jaw sticking stubbornly out.

  “Relax, will ya,” she said. “Sometimes I think you forget what I used to do for a living. If I was really angry with you, you’d know about it already.” She was tweaking him and it probably wasn’t fair, but she couldn’t let him get off completely scot-free.

  On the other end of the line, in his seedy studio apartment in Sydney’s inner city, Ken Harding rocked back on his heels. He could never work out when Madison was joking and when she was seriously threatening him, but the memory of what she used to be was still cold and clear in his mind.

  “Uh, look, I’m sorry, okay,” he muttered, trying not to sound like his testicles had just retracted what felt like several inches.

  Her laugh surprised him.

  “Harding, for Christ’s sake,” Jo admonished. “It was a joke.” She laughed again and then turned serious. “Look, I’m not going to tell you that I was entirely happy with what you did,” she admitted. “But in the end you saved me from one of the scariest conversations I could imagine. It worked out fine, Ken. Forget it.”

  There was another pause before the cop finally let it go.

  “Okay,” he said. “It’s forgotten.”

  “Good. Now, is that why you called?” Jo watched as Cadie walked into the kitchen and began making fine adjustments to the dinner she was cooking for them.

  “No, actually,” Harding said, the business-like tone returning to his voice. “I have good news and bad news.”

  “Oh great,” Jo growled. “Just what I need. Okay, tell me the bad news first.”

  Cadie looked up sharply, wondering just what was coming next. Please don’t let it be something that hurts her, she silently begged the universe. The time at Coonyabby had been a healing period for Jo and her parents, but Cadie knew there was still an underlying fragility to her lover’s self-confident outer appearance. If nothing else, the almost desperate way Jo unconsciously clung to her when they were sleeping was evidence enough. Cadie sliced a couple of tomatoes for the salad as she listened to Jo’s half of the conversation.

  “Well, the bad news is I need you down here on Thursday,” Ken said. “Marco di Santo’s court case has come up and he’s fit enough to go on trial.”

  Jo felt her skin go cold. Marco di Santo. The right-hand man of her former drug lord boss. The one who had slipped through the fingers of the law when she had turned State’s evidence. The one who had come back for her five years later. The one she had practically castrated and would have killed if it hadn’t been for Cadie’s intervention.

  “He’s back on his feet, huh?” she said around the lump in her throat.

  Harding chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah, he’s walking again. Got a bit of a girlie limp about him, but he’s walking. More importantly, he’s talking, though he sounds pretty rough.”

  Jo closed her eyes and winced against the memory of the feeling of the garrote cutting deep into the henchman’s neck. Her face only relaxed when she felt Cadie move close and slide under her arm, a reassuring hand on Jo’s belly.

  “So what was the good news?” Jo asked hoarsely.

  “I’m probably only going to need you to be available on Thursday and Friday,” Harding replied. “God willing and the creeks don’t rise; he should be locked up for good by the weekend.”

  “What about Josh?” she asked. The young man, a neighbor who had been house and cat-sitting for Jo while she had been at sea with Cadie’s touring group of Americans, had been taken hostage by di Santo in a successful bid to get Jo to come to him. Josh had been beaten and badly shaken by the encounter, and she knew he would have to testify.

  “The judge agreed to let him testify by video,” she heard Ken say. “It’s already done. No worries there at all.”

  Jo breathed a sigh of relief. Although she had talked with Josh several times since and he seemed fine with her, she doubted his parents would ever let him anywhere the house – at least not alone – again. It made her sad, because he was a good guy.

  “That’s great,” she murmured. “I’m glad he doesn’t have to go through all that.” She looked down at Cadie and saw a question there. Quickly she dropped a kiss onto the end of the blonde’s pert nose, and then she dropped the phone’s receiver away from her mouth. “Josh doesn’t have to testify in person,” she quickly explained.

  “But you do?” Cadie asked.

  “Mhmm.” Harding was talking again. “Sorry, Ken, say that again. I was just explaining things to Cadie.”

  “No worries, mate. I was just saying that I’ve organized you a plane ticket. You can pick it up from Hamilton Island airport – the Qantas desk – on Wednesday afternoon. Your flight’s at 4pm.”

  Jo thought about it some and then made a decision.

  “Can I make a change to that?” she asked. “It’s just that Cadie’s flying out to the States that day. I’d like to swap my flight to hers down to Sydney so I can see her off.”

  Jo heard Harding rustling around with bits of paper. “Yeah, I can do that. What flight’s she on?”

  “Hang on, I’ll let her tell you,” Jo replied, handing the phone to her partner with a grim smile.

  Cadie took it and patted Jo’s arm as the taller woman moved into the kitchen. “Hello, Ken,” she said into the phone.

  “G’day,” the policeman said. He had a lot of time for the American, having learned from experience that Cadie was a pistol. She had shown a lot of guts that afternoon they’d come after Jo and di Santo.

  “How are you?” she asked, amazed, as always, that Harding and her partner seemed to maintain a rapport without ever asking those kind of questions.

  “Ah, not bad, you know,” he replied. “Still plugging on. How about you?”

  She smiled, recognizing the man’s awkwardness around her. “I’m good thanks,” Cadie replied gently. “You need to know what flight I’m on?”

  “Yeah, please.”

  Jo watched as the blonde continued to talk to Harding. Absentmindedly, she stirred the spaghetti sauce that was bubbling away on the stovetop. Cadie said goodbye to the cop eventually, hanging up the phone.

  “So…”

  “So, I guess we’re going to Sydney,” Jo replied. She tapped the wooden spoon she had been using to stir the spaghetti sauce on the chopping board. If there was one thing Jo was sure of right now, it was that the last place on the planet she wanted to go to, was Sydney. Her stomach knotted at the thought. “At least I get to see you on to the plane for LA.” She smiled wanly at Cadie.

  “Mhmm, and believe me, I’m happy about that,” the blonde answered as she walked over and wrapped her arms around Jo’s waist from behind. She took a second to drop a kiss on the taller woman’s shoulder before resting her cheek against the strong back. “Well, maybe happy is the wrong word. I don’t think I’m ‘happy’ about any of this.” Jo grunted her agreement. “Least of all the fact that I’m going to miss the trial. I really wanted to be there for you during that.”

  Jo patted Cadie’s hands in reassurance. “Don’t worry about that, love. I’ve been there, done that. I’ll survive.”

  Cadie thought about that. She knew enough about that Jo’s past to remember that she had testified against a lot of big-time crime lords.

  “Sweetheart?”

  Jo shifted slightly, maneuvering slowly around Cadie’s embrace as she s
pooned the pasta and sauce out on to two plates. “Mmm?”

  “Those times that you’ve testified before … will this be as bad as that?”

  Jo stilled for a few seconds as she considered her answer and Cadie took the opportunity to slide to her side. Warm, green eyes blinked up at her and she couldn’t help but smile back.

  “I don’t expect so,” she replied, ducking her head to brush her lips against the soft ones waiting for her. “Mmm, god, you taste good.” They indulged themselves for a few more, blissful seconds. “In those cases I was the only witness,” Jo continued. Cadie tipped her head to the side as she listened, a gesture the Australian found hopelessly endearing. “All the pressure was on me, and all the risk. I was pretty much the prosecution’s entire case.” She sprinkled some parmesan cheese on the plates. “This time it’s a bit different, I guess.”

  “Because of Josh?”

  Jo nodded. “Yes. And because the cops themselves were witnesses to the last bits of it.” Images of that nightmare afternoon, and di Santo’s blood on her hands, flashed across her memory, causing her to blink rapidly. Cadie saw her lover’s reaction and she reached out, cupping Jo’s cheek with a gentle hand. A shiver went through the taller woman and Jo smiled wryly at the blonde and leant into the soothing touch.

  “I was there for that as well,” Cadie reminded her. “Why haven’t I been called as a witness?”

  Jo shrugged. “My guess would be Ken is just doing us a favor by having the prosecution keep you out of it. With his testimony and that of a few of his men, he probably thinks he doesn’t need to have you involved.” Cadie’s fingers were still stroking her cheek softly, and she closed her eyes, letting the sensation wash over her.

  Cadie watched the emotions sweeping across Jo’s face. The dark-haired woman was usually a closed book to other people. Not hostile-looking so much as hard to read. But whether it was because Cadie had learned to read Jo better, or Jo’s trust in her allowed the Australian to show more, every twitch and flicker was like a neon sign to the blonde.

  She’s as wound-up as hell, Cadie realized. “Come on, love. Let’s eat.” She picked up the two plates and wandered over to the dining table. Jo sighed deeply then followed. Soon they were eating together, enjoying each other’s company as quiet music wafted through the house. It wasn’t long before Jo was doing more food redistribution than eating, however. Cadie watched as the skipper chased a pile of pasta around the plate with her fork. If it wasn’t so worrying, it would be adorable, she thought.

  “So…” she hesitated again.

  “So.” Jo nodded, knowing she wasn’t being the most communicative of dinner companions but at a loss to know how to unblock whatever was jamming her up inside.

  “I could hazard a guess and suggest that Sydney’s not your favorite place to spend a few days,” Cadie said quietly.

  “And you’d be spot on,” Jo admitted. “Apart from the bad memories…” She swallowed, surprised by the knot of emotion in her throat. Cadie squeezed her knee gently. “Apart from those, I know that it’s likely I’ll… um… revert… a little, once I’m there.” She turned and looked Cadie in the eye, for the first time in a long while. “And that scares me.”

  A tiny, cold sliver of… something… she refused to call it fear… trickled through Cadie’s gut. I’ll be goddamned if I’ll let her see that, though, she decided. Her instinct told her it wasn’t fear of Jo, but fear for her.

  “It’s a self-defense mechanism, Jo-Jo,” she murmured. “I’d be worried if you didn’t feel that.” Blue eyes blinked at her, trying to understand what Cadie was suggesting. “Do you think you’re going to be in any danger down there?” she asked, her mouth suddenly dry.

  Jo shrugged. “I don’t have any friends in that city, that’s for sure,” she muttered.

  “Except for Ken,” Cadie pointed out.

  The dark head dipped in acknowledgement. “Apart from Ken,” she admitted.

  “And he’ll be looking out for you, right?”

  A flash of something hard and angry flickered in Jo’s eyes for a moment. “He doesn’t need to look out for me,” she snapped, wishing she could take the words – and the tone – back as soon as she let them go. “Damn it.” Long fingers pinched at the bridge of her nose. “I-I’m sorry, love. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  Cadie’s hand, which had never left Jo’s knee, squeezed again and the blonde smiled gently. “Sure you did,” she said quietly. “And it’s okay. You can look after yourself. That’s what Sydney taught you. I don’t think you should beat yourself up for self-protection.”

  Jo snorted in self-deprecation. “As long as I don’t beat anyone else up in the process, huh?”

  There was a silence as Cadie waited for Jo to look at her again. When blue eyes finally met hers, she made sure her gaze didn’t waver.

  “That’s not what was I was thinking, Jossandra,” she said quietly, but firmly. “I just meant that back then you had to look after yourself and it became habit. I don’t think it’s surprising that being back there would kick that habit into gear.” She caught Jo’s chin as the older woman made to turn away again. Tenderly she pulled her focus back. “Don’t put words in my mouth, sweetheart.”

  As quickly as the hardness had appeared it vanished, replaced by welling tears and a slightly wobbling chin. Jo was confused by her wildly swinging emotions but beyond that she just felt about two years old.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Cadie smiled again. “It’s okay. God knows, neither of us is too happy about the timing of any of this. It couldn’t be worse.”

  Jo leaned forward, resting her forehead on Cadie’s shoulder. The American slipped her fingers into the long, black hair that cascaded over her chest. It was silky and soft to the touch.

  “I wish I could just say my piece in court, watch that arsehole get locked up and then get on the next plane and come after you,” Jo said miserably.

  “So do I, angel. So do I.” Cadie rested her cheek against Jo’s head, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. “There’s no possibility of that, is there?” she asked tentatively. “I mean, your record has been expunged, right?” It occurred to her that she didn’t really know what that meant. “So why won’t they let you into the States?”

  “Expunged is a bit of a misnomer,” Jo admitted. “Because it doesn’t mean I didn’t do those things, Cadie. It doesn’t mean my record doesn’t exist anymore. It just means there’s a big, stinking note on it that says I did the right thing in the end. What I did is still there for all to see.” She sniffled slightly.

  Cadie held her partner close. She could tell Jo was over the worst of the urge to burst into tears, but the hug was a welcome one for them both and neither felt like letting go.

  “You’d think after 12 years with a US senator that I could pull a few strings somewhere,” Cadie grumbled.

  That produced a chuckle from Jo, who finally pushed herself upright again and slumped back in her chair. “Yeah, well. Somehow I think Naomi is the last person to ask for some help in that area, my love,” she said, smiling affectionately at the blonde.

  “Can’t think why,” Cadie muttered.

  “Something to do with me stealing her wife away from her, I think.” The women looked at each other, both mentally reviewing the events of the last few months. “Somehow I don’t think I’m on Naomi’s Christmas card list,” Jo opined.

  “Perhaps not.” Cadie quirked an amused eyebrow at the skipper, happy to see that Jo seemed to have regained some semblance of good humor. “Would you want her to help, even if she was of a mind to?”

  Jo laughed again, knowing that Cadie had her pegged, well and truly.

  “No, and you know it.”

  They resumed eating and a few more minutes passed in companionable silence. Finally, Cadie came to the only reasonable conclusion possible under the circumstances.

  “So I guess we just have to suck it up and get through the next few weeks as best we can,” she said softly.
>
  Jo took a mouthful of wine and swirled it around her tongue before swallowing.

  “Yup. I’m going to miss you.” The last was said so quietly, Cadie almost thought she had imagined it. Their fingers tangled across the table. “So much.”

  Cadie had an inkling that there was a touch of insecurity lurking behind her lover’s relatively calm exterior. She squeezed Jo’s fingers.

  “And I will miss you horribly too,” she said. “Jo-Jo, you know I’m going to try and make this trip as quick as possible, don’t you? Because, God knows, I don’t want to be away from you any longer than I have to be.”

  Jo nodded slowly. “I know. I just don’t want Naomi hassling you. And I really wanted to be there with you to back you up.”

  I really do need to call Toby back, Cadie reflected, wondering, not for the first time, if the man’s call had been related to Naomi’s state of mind. “Jo, don’t worry about that,” she said aloud, opting to push that pessimistic prospect to one side for now. “I handled Naomi for 12 years – I can handle her for another three weeks. And, besides, I’m not going to give her much chance. The Senate’s in session and she has to be in DC most of the time I’m going to be there. All I need is a couple of days to clear the rest of my stuff out of the Chicago house and then I’ll be safely up at Mom and Dad’s in Madison. She’s not going to come within 50 miles of me, I promise.”

  Jo turned their hands around so she could stroke Cadie’s palm with her thumb. “Promise me you’ll call if you need to talk things out?” she asked.

  “Darling, I’ll be calling you a million times a day, if I get the chance,” Cadie laughed. “Do you really think I could last more than half a day without talking to you?” Affectionately she ruffled Jo’s hair. “Silly girl.”