by Abby Gale
I quit my job, stopped posting on my blog and stopped meeting my friends. I couldn’t stand the pity in their eyes every time we were together. I hated when they acted like I was weird. They couldn’t understand my need to find out what happened to Angel. They wanted me to forget about it, forget about her. Like that was even possible.
After a few attempts to socialize, we slowly drifted apart. I didn’t merely stop meeting with my friends, I stopped being social. I didn’t go to any bars or clubs to have fun.
For two years, I didn’t have any fun. I didn’t think there was any way for me to have fun.
For two years, I wasn’t living, I was faking.
I forgot myself.
I wanted to find Angel, to be sure whether she was alive, but I wanted to be myself at the same time. Deep down I knew if Angel were here with me she would have wanted the same thing.
My life for two years wasn’t healthy. I was afraid even if I could find Angel, I wouldn’t be able to return to normal afterward. What good would it have been if I lost myself while trying to find her? I had to balance my life. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to focus on anything, at all.
What if everyone was right and I could never find her? Or worse…What if I found her dead?
I shuddered with the possibility. I didn’t know how to deal with that. I lived with the idea of finding Angel, like my life was depended on it. It was dangerous to live like that. But I didn’t know how to balance it.
My mind was going dark places, I was scared of myself.
I shook my head to get rid of the bad thoughts and went to my kitchen.
To occupy myself with something I made a cup of hot chocolate with vanilla flavored vodka. This recipe was something I prepared to cheer myself up. It was good at soothing my nerves and making me feel better. Also, it was something that brought back happy memories. After one hour with my book and hot chocolate I felt good enough to go to my bedroom.
I sat at my desk and tried to focus on the task at hand. After the wisdom I found in balancing my life, I thought I was ready to make a list.
But I didn’t do anything except writing a title on a blank page: WHO IS GUILTY?
I thought it would be easier than this. I think I expected someone would have a neon sign on his or her forehead saying “GUILTY”. But it wasn’t like that. No one seemed guilty and I didn’t know how to help Angela.
I straightened my back and started to write everyone’s name on the paper.
William Harrison…I wasn’t sure if he could hurt anyone but he was surely a pervert.
Michael Lane…He was a mystery to me. I didn’t know what to think or feel about him. He made me ambivalent. One moment I was thinking that he was a decent guy, the next moment he seemed like a douchebag.
I shook my head and noted that I would ask Kevin about his accident if it was true. That was the only information I knew about him so I’d use it.
Channing Paxton…I was full-heartedly hoping to strike his name from this list. He looked too good to be on the list.
Zac…I didn’t know anything about my driver except the gut feeling that he might know something. I didn’t forget he warned me to be careful that first night.
Frank…He was the most difficult one, a closed box. Standing like a statue all the time, I doubted anyone would know something about him.
About the girls?
Harley Davidson didn’t look like she could hurt someone. Even though I saw her tough from time to time, she was too cute to be accused of something ugly. I knew I didn’t know her much but she had become my closest friend in the club. Actually, she was the only friend I had after two long years. But no matter what, she was working there for enough time to know a lot of things about club. And Angela might be one of them. I had to figure how to ask her.
K was acting strange recently so I decided to watch her carefully. But it could be anything that made her act like that. Everyone had their own problems in their lives anyway. Closing my eyes on anything was a luxury I wouldn’t take in my situation. Deciding to be careful about every little detail, I wrote another name.
Arianna Salem…
I pushed the paper aside with a huff. It was harder than I thought to do it like this. I was spending my nights with those people. They were my friends in a way. Some more than the others but how could I accuse them of being guilty and care for them at the same time. How could I doubt that they were related to Angel’s disappearence? But also caring for them made me feel like I was betraying Angel, like I was choosing them over her.
Shaking my head, I gave up on making the list with a long exhale and decided to ask Kevin to do background check for everyone. Also, I had to ask him about Mike’s accident. Something in Mike’s demeanor rubbed me off in the wrong way about the accident. It might be my paranoia but I had to start from somewhere and this was the only thing I had on my hands.
I put the paper into my blue folder and let myself fall on to my bed.
As I watched the ceiling I waited for the sleep to find me but my body couldn’t find any rest or peace. I tried to adjust my pillow a few times but it didn’t help one bit.
I was stressed, nervous. Also, I was frustrated…hot and bothered. I was feeling everything all at once—it was confusing.
Tossing the comforter aside I turned on my side. No matter how much I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, my body had needs. It was tense and throbbing since the moment I saw them in the VIP room. I tried to focus on something else, something so much more important. But tension, anxiety, arousal, fear caused me to lose focus. It was so much, I ached. The card on my nightstand that was luring me like a forbidden fruit didn’t help the situation, either.
I gave up the fight in me. I’d already made a decision, accepted them both and being at war with myself now was just ridiculous. I grabbed the card and reached for my phone.
Actually, I wasn’t expecting his cell-phone number would be on the card but it was.
I decided to call him even though I had no idea what I should or could say to him.
Could I say to him that I was so turned on and wanted to hear his hot voice with Alex’s playful one?
I groaned and called the number without thinking. It was three in the morning for fuck’s sake! As soon as I realized time I wanted to end the call but I heard Xander’s deep, raspy and slow voice on the line.
“Vincent,” he answered the phone. I had to swallow the gulp on my throat before answering. His voice, so collected and in controlled was making me unsure of myself.
“Hi, Xander. It’s me. Violet.”
“Flame? You okay?” he asked in a concerned voice.
Why would he ask if I was okay?
Did he really care for me?
Was the concern fake in his voice?
No matter what the answer, I was touched by his question.
“I’m sorry to call you this time of the night. I didn’t realize it until it was too late or too early in this situation,” I said. I was mumbling like a nervous employee. His effect on me was unnerving. I’ve never felt this insecure around anyone.
“Don’t worry about it,” he replied but his voice was slightly softer, hotter. More like I remembered.
“I came home from the club and thought about Alex’s offer. I forgot I was working until late hours. I can call you tomorrow at more appropriate time.”
“Flame, Flame, Flame…you can call me anytime you want,” he replied. I could feel his ghost smile through the phone.
“Umm, thank you.”
I realized I turned my back at some point during the talk. My body vibrated with his voice. It would be so easy to touch myself with his breath at my ear.
“Well, what is your answer?” he asked after a long silence.
“What? What answer?” I asked breathless. Jeez, why was I nervous? I was the one who called him anyway.
Keep it cool, Dawn!
“You said you called about the offer, Flame,” he chuckled. His chuckle was like melted chocolate
. Heavy, sensual, aphrodisiac…I would roll my eyes with this description if it was another time. But that was what his voice reminded me of.
“Oh, right. The offer.”
My voice was so weak, I hated it. I lifted my chin, trying to seem confident. It was silly since I was on the phone, though.
“I do accept the offer.”
“Good. Alex will be glad.” His answer was short and cool. He wasn’t a mess as I tried to control myself. Why would he be, anyway?
“You?” I asked. I couldn’t keep the flirtatious tone away from my voice.
“Me what, Flame?” His voice deepened. It became more sensual.
“Are you glad that I accepted the offer?” I whispered. I desired this man.
“I’m more than glad.” His voice dropped a few levels to become more sensual.
How could he do that? I could have a sensual voice if I wanted but he was in another league. He was fucking me with his breaths, his words. Or I was just too turned on.
“Okay,” I said with a smile on my face. I knew I should end the call now but I wasn’t ready to let him go. My fingers were itching to touch myself.
“What are you doing now, Flame?” he asked in his husky voice, like he knew what I was about to do. Maybe he did.
“Nothing…Yet,” I answered slowly.
The vibration in my body transformed into spasms and heat. I was so aroused as my mind went back to the moment in the VIP room.
“I want to fuck you so bad,” he growled out of the blue.
“Do you?” I asked with a half-moan half-whisper voice.
“You should know one thing, Flame. I don’t do words game. I say what I want, how I want and I take it.”
“So, I am something you want now, huh?” I asked. My voice was husky.
“I’ve never wanted something or someone more than you,” he growled into the phone. I couldn’t help but imagine him with his cock in his hand. My hand slowly moved down on my belly.
“What is your schedule tomorrow?” he continued and stopped the naughty images in my mind. My hand stopped the movement.
“Wh-what?” I asked breathlessly. The sudden change in the topic caught me off guard.
“Your schedule, Flame,” he repeated.
His tone was amused but hot at the same time. He knew what was in my mind, I wasn’t doing good job hiding it anyway.
I cleared my throat to regain my self-control.
“I’ll be in the club at nine pm and will leave at one am.”
It was the least busy night at the club. Thanks to the guest dancers. Will said two days in a week some dancers would come and make a difference for the club from now on. Thursdays and Fridays were my new favorites.
“And Friday?” he asked.
“Same schedule. Why?” I didn’t understand what he was up to.
“I’ll send you a car tomorrow morning. Ten is good? Send me your address.”
“Whoa. Wait. Tomorrow morning?” I asked in high pinched tone. I was suddenly excited and nervous at the same time.
“Yes, Flame. Tomorrow morning. We can have breakfast. Alex will want to talk with you about some arrangements,” he said matter-of-factly.
“What about you?” I whispered.
“I have a few things in mind.” His voice was promising and dangerous.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“I cannot wait to see you. I’m hard as fuck,” he growled.
I couldn’t silence my moan. His statement didn’t help my imagination.
“Goodnight, Xander,” I whispered. I loved that I had an effect on him.
“Send me the address. Goodnight, Flame,” he said and the line went dead.
My whole body ached but I forced myself to write and send the text first. Before I took care of my well-being. This was insane. This need for him was so strong. Alex was hot and I wanted him, too. But Xander…His effect was like a siren call to the depths of my soul. A dangerous demand to lure me into sin. I wasn’t able to deny or ignore it. I was a submissive to his effect on me.
After a few minutes I have sent the address, my phone vibrated.
There was a text from Xander.
*Will you play with your pussy now, Flame? Are you turned on as much as I am? Will you think about me? Think how I will eat your sweet cunt or how deep I’ll thrust my cock inside you? Think, Flame. Think about that, until I do all of them.*
Fuck!
Fuck!
That was exactly what I’d do.
I reached in the drawer of my nightstand and brought out my six-functioned old friend out after two years. There was no way I could survive this night without it. My purple rabbit survivor. But no matter how talented it was while giving myself pleasure I was thinking about a sapphire eyed, dirty-talker gorgeous man.
I woke up before my alarm and took my time getting ready. Using this opportunity on my behalf, I pampered myself with body lotions. I almost forgot that feeling, that sweet rush and anxiety before meeting a guy. Two, in my situation.
I thought extra hard about my outfit. Lately, all I wore was jeans or yoga pants between gym and home. But this was different. I wanted to feel confident—the best version of myself around these men. I finally made my decision to wear a navy blue midi dress. It was professional yet sexy. The dress wrapped around my curves like a second skin. It made me look hot without showing much skin. Also, it was casual enough for a breakfast meeting.
I was excited.
Today was totally about me. After two long years of sorrow and determination, I was finally doing something for myself. I was nervous about modeling but I knew Alex would make me feel comfortable. He seemed like he could make everything easier and comfortable. I didn’t know him enough to assume something but as far as I knew working with Alex would be fun. On the other hand I was excited to see Xander. I didn’t know how to act around him. I was insecure when he was in the room. That made me nervous but that feeling was nothing compared to longing to see him.
My heartbeat sped up when I heard the ping from my phone, I knew it was from Xander.
*Car is outside your building. It will take you to Alex. I’ll be late.*
Excitement filled me when I saw his name but I couldn’t help feeling relieved after I realized he wouldn't be there. At least that would give me alone time with Alex. I hoped it would be enough to prepare myself to face Xander.
Closing my apartment door, I took a deep breath and walked to the elevator. I assumed I would be alone for the car ride. It was what I needed.
A driver was waiting next to the car when I got out of the building. He was middle aged. Forties maybe fifties. His uniform couldn’t cover the tattoos on his neck and on his hands. He had that professional smile on his face but his chocolate brown eyes made him seem friendly.
“Miss Violet?” he asked while I was walking toward the car.
“Yes, that’s me. I think Xander sent you, right?” I asked for confirmation.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m Stephen. Mister Vincent said I needed to take someone important,” he answered gently.
I felt a tingling sensation hearing that answer. Being “someone important” for Xander made me giddy.
Stephen opened the SUV’s door and helped me to get in.
“Thank you,” I murmured and inhaled the rich scent of leather in the car.
“Would you like to listen anything, Miss Violet?” Stephen asked as he started the engine.
“Something calm and peaceful would be great. Thank you,” I said and rested my head against the window.
Classical music filled the car while we were heading to high-end part of the city. There were a lot of thoughts and also nothing in my mind.
I was feeling out of my element today. My days used to settle in a routine, filled with determination; like a workaholic.
I was a prisoner inside my own walls after Angel’s absence. In this car, I was heading toward my freedom. Being a prisoner for two years inside the self-made cell of pain and longing, I didn’t know how to be fre
e.
I was losing myself as trying to find Angel.
Until the car stopped I played with my bracelet that my mom made for me and Angel. Mine was a blue rope, Angel’s was purple. It was simple with a simple note on a small metal charm:
Be yourself. Love yourself.
I turned the bracelet on my wrist and caressed the names written there.
Dawn. Angel. Forever.
“Miss Violet? We are here, ma’am,” Stephen’s voice brought me back in the moment.
I closed my eyes and buried the memories of my mom and Angel in the depths of my mind.
“Thank you,” I said and walked into the fancy restaurant…
The restaurant was fancy. It reeked of money with every step I took. As soon as I stepped inside, a guy in a grey suit greeted me.
“Hello, Miss. Do you have a reservation?” he asked with cool professionalism. He reminded me of Antonio Banderas. Maybe it was his accent.
“I’m here to meet Alex and Xander Vincent,” I answered and gave him my coat.
“Oh, Miss Violet. Mister Vincent is waiting for you. This way ma’am,” he said and motioned for someone to take his place.
We walked further into the lobby, headed toward the breakfast/lunch area and I saw him immediately since he was catching a lot of attention with his biker look.
He was different than I remembered. He wasn’t only casual, he was killing the biker- badass look with lots of contrast in this fancy restaurant. I stopped to drink in his look. He was playful, flirty and too good-looking. It was a pretty dangerous combination for a girl’s heart.
As he lifted his glass to his lips, he spotted me and with a charming smirk he walked toward me.
“Violet…hi, gorgeous,” he said and placed a kiss on my lips that caught me off-guard. It was a soft and brief kiss but I wasn’t expecting him to kiss me. I wanted more, though. I wanted all he, they, could give me.
I noticed the fake Antonio Banderas was watching us but he kept his distance, thankfully. I cleared my throat and smiled to hide my surprise.
“Hi, Alex.”
“Would you like to hang out here for awhile? Otherwise, we can go to our own table?” Alex said gently. I liked that he was giving me options. I doubted Xander would ever do that.
