The implication that I got was that Alec had committed adultery with her while he was married to me. She said she never changed her phone number so that Alec could get in touch with her after he married me. Sounds a bit desperate to me. She was just telling on herself. The woman couldn’t even get a man of her own, she had to latch onto someone else’s husband.
I said, “You’re a secret; it’s why I’m here and you are there. You’re nothing but a mistress. No one knows about you.” “You can’t go to Alec’s office, to his business affairs or around his colleagues. You are a mere secret mistress at best,” I said.
I stopped texting and exited the bathroom. I said to Alec, “Carolyn said that you and she had sex before you married her and while you were married to me.” Alec was furious. I though he was going to tear the roof off the topper; he was so mad. The man was livid. He said, “It didn’t happen.” He said, “She’s lying.”
He immediately called her on the phone and said, “You tell Ana the truth. You know I didn’t have sex with you while I was married to Ana and not to you. Tell her the truth now.” He said, “I don’t play around when it comes to Islam. Tell her the truth.” Alec was in rare form. He wasn’t in the mood for games.
I could hear her as I stood near Alec. I could hear her say that she can’t talk because her daughter was nearby. She said she didn’t want her daughter to hear what she was saying. Alec kept saying, “Tell her the truth, Carolyn. Tell her the truth.”
I then heard her say loudly, “I don’t want to be a secret.” “She said that I am a secret.”
She refused to say that she had lied when she insinuated that he committed adultery while married to me. I sensed that he knew that he was getting nowhere with her, and he ended the call. After which, he had a mean angry look on his face. He said, “She lied.” He said, “I didn’t have sex with her without being married to her while I was married to you.”
I wasn’t disturbed by her allegation, as I didn’t believe her. Alec had been a perfect gentleman to me when we met and all the time that we were together while planning our wedding and marriage. He never tried to get sexual with me. He never touched me. He respected me, and I had the greatest respect for him for it.
I think back to when he said that he had to marry Carolyn because he couldn’t be around her without being married to her. Although she probably didn’t care whether she was married to him or not and would have been willing to have sex with him, I believe that he wasn’t someone who would do it. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt.
It seemed he wanted to hurry and marry Carolyn so that he wouldn’t fall into sin. I didn’t let what she said affect his and my time away together. I let Alec know that I didn’t believe a word that she had said about it. He still seemed concerned about her implication anyhow. He didn’t like it, and he wasn’t going to let it go.
He asked me if I had told Carolyn that it was okay for her to call us while we were away. I didn’t answer him. He stated, “She said that you said it was okay for her to call us.” Again, I didn’t answer him. Nope. Mum is the word. “She said that you said that she was a mistress and a secret.” I stood there looking dumbfounded. My lips were sealed.
At least I didn’t implicate another in a serious wrongdoing and wouldn’t come clean about it. To accuse another of a wrongdoing that the person didn’t commit is a serious sin. She must not have known that Muslims are stoned and murdered for having committed adultery till this very day. Adultery is a heinous offense. But she was new to Islam and knew nothing, so what else could I expect of her.
She didn’t stop there though, nope. She kept texting me. She said that I was a dried up prune because I didn’t have sex for ten years before I married Alec. The only way that she could have known that is if Alec had told her.
I was celibate for over ten years before I married him. Yes, I was. Chastity, modesty, purity, and virtue are all important in Islam. I had purified myself for my future husband who is now Alec. But she wouldn’t understand anything about that. She may not know what the words mean.
I was a revert to Islam. I lived an ordinary life of a non-Muslim before I reverted. I dated and I had sex without marriage the same as the average American. I pulled myself together with the help and permission of God, and I took the Shahada (vow to be Muslim). I accepted Islam, and I got on the “Straight Path.” Once one takes the Shahada all her or his previous sins are forgiven by God. I was proud of becoming celibate and getting myself purified.
My wali, who had introduced me to Islam, gave me a good talking to one day soon after I became Muslim, and it helped to change my way of thinking quickly and forever. It happened when I said something alarming to him right around the time that I first became Muslim. I was doing a lot of reading about Islam and how we aren’t supposed to have sex without being married.
I said, “If I were to have a daughter, I would want her to have sex with the man before she marries him.” I said, “I’d want her to know what she’d be getting before she gets it.” I couldn’t imagine anyone, male or female, getting married without sampling it.
My wali was beside himself with disgust, and he chastised me harshly. He said, “Sex is sacred. It’s between a husband and a wife.” He talked about virtue and purity. He said, “The sexual act is specific and lawful for a husband and his wife and a wife and her husband only.” He said, “That place is where babies come from and it’s not for any man other than a husband.”
When he got done with me, I just wanted to crawl underneath a rock and hide. I was so ashamed. What he said was beautiful and rang true. From that moment forward, I went on a mission to purify myself for a man who would eventually become my husband; although I didn’t know who he would be yet.
After my wali’s lecture, I considered sex from a perspective that I had never viewed before. I was so ready for a new life.
All before I had thought I was miss Cosmopolitan. I thought I had it going on because of my liberal views on sex. In reality I was the complete opposite. I was disgusted now by how I had lived my life dating when I was a non-Muslim.
My wali said, “A Muslim and a non-Muslim are worlds apart.” “You shouldn’t follow the masses,” he said. He further said, “Your life shouldn’t resemble that of a non-Muslim. Darkness and light are not equal.” He said, “Islam brings us out of the darkness and into the light.” What he said was heavy, and I started on a new path of renewal.
Anyhow, Alec came into the bathroom where I was receiving more text from Carolyn and was texting her back. He could see that I was upset. My hands were trembling as I text her back and my face was blood shot red. He pleaded with me to please hang up and come out of the bathroom. He looked hurt and it hurt me to see him that way. I did what he asked and stopped texting.
While away, Alec and I had a lovely time in the evenings when he was done with his meetings. We did the usual, which was to have dinner with the other couples, and then we relaxed for the rest of the evening in the hotel room.
It’s now Saturday, and Alec and I decided we’d go out on the town and see some of the sights before we leave tomorrow. Before leaving the hotel room. I got another text from Carolyn. She said that she was angry with Alec and didn’t want to speak with him. She said that she had just had a car accident but was okay. She said that she is happy that she has good insurance and was able to get a loner car. I said, “Okay, I’ll let Alec know.”
I said, Alec, it was Carolyn. I repeated what she had said. He seemed to be unmoved by it and said, “It’s what she gets.” He seemed to be still angry and upset with her. I could only assume it was because she had implied that he had committed the heinous sin of adultery. Alec was Muslim long enough to know the severity of what she had said and implied.
On Sunday morning, Alec and I got up fairly early to get to the airport. Right before leaving the hotel room, Carolyn text me again. She said, “Make sure you take a douche.” I showed the text to Alec. He frowned.
I shook my head. I then looked to one s
ide and stared into space. “Something is not right with that woman.” I said to Alec,
“Is she mentally challenged?”
Alec said, “She asked the same thing about you.”
In December 2002, it was Alec and Carolyn’s first wedding anniversary. Boy-oh-boy, how time flies. It seemed that no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep up.
Alec had to attend business meetings in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He would be there for two weeks. Coincidentally, he had to leave for Massachusetts on the day of her and his anniversary. I know it was a bummer for the two of them.
When I knew that Alec was probably at the airport or in flight, I called Carolyn on her cell phone while I was at work. I thought to call her and speak with her verbally and not just text. The conversation had a rocky start. She called me a “punk” for having to wait for Alec to leave to call her.
I didn’t care that she called me a name. I didn’t pay attention to it. I didn’t care anything about being called a punk. I didn’t grow up in the inner city for words like it to affect me. Maybe I was a punk. I never had a physical fight in my life. I wasn’t a ‘tomboy.’ I was quite the opposite. So, I’ll be a punk, if she wants me to be one. I’d rather be a punk any day than be some manly looking woman wanting to engage in fisticuff.
I said, “I love you.” Don’t ask me why I said such a dumbass thing. I don’t know why. Maybe it was because I was feeling a touch of love in my heart for her as though she was really a “sister-in-faith.” Maybe my heart was softening towards her. It had been a year now since she and I were in each other’s lives.
I thought I’d tell her a bit about me and what I had been going through since she married Alec. I said how hurt I was that Alec had married her, and how I had let Alec know before he and I got married that I was not receptive to polygamy. I poured my heart out to her about all that I had been going through and how difficult it was for me.
She just listened and never said a word. I talked about it at length without her saying anything. I said, polygamy is good because sharing is a good thing.
Of course, Carolyn agreed with me on that point. She said, “Yes, sharing is good.” She then said that she had to go back to work and would call me later in the evening. I looked forward to her call.
Well, that evening she did call. She said she couldn’t talk long because she was getting ready to watch her TV show. Meanwhile, Alec called me on my cell phone, so I asked Carolyn to hold, which she did.
Alec said he had arrived at the airport in Boston. He wanted to let me know that he had arrived there safely and was on his way to Cambridge. I said, “Hold on a minute.” I got back on the landline, and I let Carolyn know that I had Alec on my cell phone. She said, “Tell him that I love him, and I miss him.” “Tell him that I will pray for him.” I said to Carolyn, “I’ll call you back.”
I wasn’t in the mood to talk with Alec right now because I wanted to call Carolyn back to tell her a thing or two. I was enraged. I was fit to be tied. I was about to explode. I was livid. How dare she talk sentimental crap to me to tell Alec. She didn’t know me like that.
After I quickly finished talking with Alec, and believe me when I say that my mind wasn’t on anything that he was saying, I hung up the phone and called Carolyn back as I had said that I would.
She immediately, without me being able to say more than “Hello,” said, “Ana, you had said before that nothing good comes from something that is bad. Well, it’s my anniversary today.”
Really? What was wrong with this woman? Did she just naturally lack sensitivity or did she have to work at it? Did she really think that I didn’t know that it was her and Alec’s anniversary?
Between her saying that she loves him and misses him, and having the nerve to tell me to tell him it, along with saying that it was her anniversary today, I went temporarily insane. That’s putting it mildly. I lost my friggin mind. It was as though I was a bull that had just seen the color red. It was all the way live now.
I ended the call abruptly, with no goodbye. I just hung up. I stood there in a daze for a minute. My mind was in a fog. I couldn’t figure out or rationalize what made her think that she could dare take it to a personal level that way with me about Alec. She doesn’t know me like that, and we most definitely weren’t friends; although I was trying to get there.
Even to say that we were cordial in the real sense of the word would have been stretching it more than a bit. I had thought I could extend a hand to her. I had poured my heart out to her earlier in the day. She had given nothing. She had only repeated what I had said about sharing, that “Sharing is good.” She shared nothing with me, during that telephone call.
She couldn’t even empathize with me. I had basically opened my heart to her and said where it hurts, but it obviously didn’t make any difference to her. To her, it was all about her and Alec. If it wasn’t about the two of them, then apparently it didn’t count. And I had thought that I was self-center and self-absorbed. She had a patent on it.
There was no give and take between her and me when I called her on the phone earlier in the day. It was almost a conversation that I had with myself. I did all the talking. She only listened on the phone and took in all that I had to say.
She is one self-centered, selfish, sorry excuse for a human. Or maybe I’m wrong, but it’s either one of two things: It’s either that or she is mentally challenged or doesn’t know how to communicate with anyone other than through sex with a man. The text messages that were exchanged between her and Alec that I discovered were all sexual in nature other than when she weighed-in that one time.
I was not in my right frame of mind at this point. I had to do something to retaliate. I had to hit her where it hurts. I had to bring her back to reality. I sent her multiple text messages, and the content was horrific. I was so messed up in the head that I can’t remember what I said in the messages.
She then texts me back. I deleted each and every text without reading a single one. I refused to read them. A mind is like a sponge. It absorbs everything. Nothing that she was writing to me could be good for my mind or soul. I knew whatever she was writing would haunt me, if I read it. It would play out over and over again in my head like a broken record. I wasn’t going to be a part of that.
She didn’t relent, though. Rather, she bombarded me with text, after text, after text. One after another they kept coming. I kept getting the notification each time that I had a message. The notification was in the form of a sound-bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. I’m thinking, goodness gracious, how does this woman type so quickly on a cell phone-bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
I thought the messages would never stop coming. I deleted them, one after another. I deleted them all, and then I blocked her number.
Days past, and I was done with it. I had moved past the incident, but Carolyn obviously hadn’t. Towards the end of the week, she telephoned my home, the landline. She initially hung up. She probably was taken back a bit upon hearing the voice mail greeting that said, “You have reached Alec and Ana...”
She immediately called back and left a message. In the message, what I could make out distinctively was her voice quivering as though she was having a panic attack. Her opening sounded rehearsed. “This is your co-wife,” she said.
I know she said it to agitate me. She knows I don’t want a co-wife and didn’t consider her one, nor did I consider her a sister-in-faith. I didn’t consider her connected to Islam in anyway. I truly believed that if she was a “Muslim” and not one in name only, she and I would have connected by now and would have been on friendlier terms.
She went ahead and said, “You don’t know when Alec and I really started seeing each other again.”
Okay. Did I ask her? No, I didn’t, and I wasn’t interested in whatever she was trying to say. She was being ridiculous, which seems to be her norm. Here she was implying yet again that she and Alec were involved sexually during his and my marriage, while she wasn’t yet married to him.
Even if it were true, it’s his and her business. It’s their personal problem. It’s nothing that I would leave Alec over, even if he had admitted to it. It didn’t reflect on me. I wasn’t a part of it. It wasn’t my reality. I won’t have to account to my Creator for anyone else’s wrongdoings. She just didn’t get it. A person who was really Muslim wouldn’t boast and brag about having committed a horrific, heinous sin.
She had to think that it would cause me to react. She must have thought I’d consider divorcing Alec because of it or that it would create friction between him and me. On the contrary, it went in my one ear and came out the other. She had to come better than that, if she wanted to move me.
Another thing that irked me about her is that she always talked in riddles. She talked out of her ass. She apparently didn’t know how to be direct or just couldn’t be. I had no time to figure out what she was trying to say or was talking about. I realized now that she and I weren’t in the same league. I see now why she still works at the Walgreens and has made it her career.
I didn’t listen to the rest of her message. I erased it. I then called the telephone company and let them know that I had been receiving harassing phone calls. The representative was very cooperative and offered to change my phone number free of charge. I now had a new landline phone number.
Maybe I shouldn’t have cared about what took place in the last week between Carolyn and me, and my feelings shouldn’t have gotten involved. But, I did care, and my feelings were hurt. In the first place, I didn’t have to reach out to her, but I did. and look what I’ve gotten in return.
What hurts me the most about it was that I had gotten naked with her, meaning, I let myself become vulnerable. I thought she and I could connect woman to woman about our thoughts and feelings with regard to being married to the same man. I thought we could have some sort of camaraderie.
Sadly, it was not meant to be, and I got a rude awakening. The woman was all about Alec and herself.
When I spoke to Alec about the incident, he said Carolyn accused me of turning on her, and she wanted nothing to do with me. Huh? She simply wanted to have and to keep an excuse not to communicate with me. She hadn’t open up to me. I called her, not the other way round. I’ve always called her
The Silent Tears of Polygamy Page 16
