“Um, okay. I guess.” She shifted her smoothie and bag to one hand and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You?”
“Not bad. Busy, trying to look after things while Beck’s gone.”
Her eyes widened. Beck was gone? Gone where? She bit her lip. She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t stop herself. “Where’d he go?”
Marco’s forehead puckered. “Back to Boston. Because of his dad. Didn’t you know?”
She shook her head slowly. “What happened to his dad?”
“He had a heart attack.”
“Oh my God!”
“He’s okay. Seriously, how did you not know this? Didn’t Beck tell you he was going?”
“No.” She dropped her gaze to her smoothie cup. “We, ah, basically parted ways last week.”
“What?”
The shock in Marco’s tone had her gaze flying up to meet his. “You didn’t know that?”
“Hell no.” Marco scowled. “What the fuck? He broke up with you?”
“No.” She sucked briefly on her bottom lip. “I broke up with him.”
Marco’s eyes bugged out. “Why?”
She bent her head again and sighed. She was kind of tired of telling this story. “I just don’t have time for a relationship. My work was suffering.”
“Jesus. Really?”
“Yes.”
“When did that happen?”
“Wednesday night.”
“Fuck. That was the night his dad had the heart attack. He left Thursday morning.”
“Is his dad okay?” Worry for Beck and his family made her stomach squeeze. She pressed her hand there.
“Yeah. Beck texted us yesterday. They did an angioplasty and put a stent in. His dad’s doing well.”
“Oh good.” She let out a breath. “And Beck? Is he okay?” She knew the strained relationship between him and his parents. This probably wasn’t easy for him. Shit, it was probably hard as hell for him.
“Hell if I know. I thought he was.” Marco narrowed his eyes at her. “He hasn’t said a word about you breaking up with him.”
She dropped her gaze again and shuffled her feet. “I’m sure he’s fine with it.”
Marco snorted. “Yeah, right. And snakes have hips.”
She blinked rapidly at that.
“He says his parents want him to stay there and take over running the family business from his dad.”
Her heart squeezed painfully. “They’ve wanted that for a while.”
Marco tilted his head. “He told you that?”
“Yes. But he said he has no interest in going back to that lifestyle.”
“Yeah, well, maybe the fact that his dad is sick is changing his mind.”
She stared at Marco. “You really think he’s considering staying there?”
“He’s definitely considering it. Whether he will or not, I don’t know.” One corner of his mouth lifted in a glum smile.
No. Beck didn’t want to do that. He felt guilty, but she’d told him he should do what was right for him. Damn. “What would you do? With Conquistadors?”
“Fuck if I know.” He rubbed his face. “I mean, we’d keep it going. But Beck financed the place. We’re paying him back from the profits, but without him…well, we’d figure it out.”
“He loves Conquistadors,” she whispered. “And he loves you guys too.”
“Yeah.” Marco cleared his throat. “But sometimes duty calls.” He grimaced.
Hayden nodded and swallowed. “Yes. I know that.” She paused. “Well. Good to see you, Marco. Take care.” She started to turn away.
“Hayden.”
“Yes?” She paused and looked over her shoulder.
“Are you okay?”
“Oh. Sure.”
“ ’Cause you look really…wiped out.”
“Great.” She rolled her eyes but smiled. “It’s been a rough week. At work. With Beck. With my aunt and uncle.”
“Huh?”
“Long story.” She hitched a shoulder. “But I’m fine. Bye.”
She walked out of the restaurant and to her car, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other, even though her body felt stiff and cold.
Beck had left. And he might not be coming back.
She was halfway home before she realized tears were streaming down her face.
—
Beck still hadn’t made a decision, but he knew he had to talk to Cade and Marco before he did. He owed it to them, and to be perfectly honest, he needed their input. They felt more like his family now than his blood relations did, but apparently blood had some kind of pull, because he was seriously wondering if staying in Boston and working for Whitcomb Industries was the right thing to do.
So it was Saturday night and he was on a plane winging its way across the country from one coast to the other. He arrived back in San Diego at eight-thirty, retrieved his car, and headed straight to Conquistadors. He needed to talk to his buddies, although he wasn’t sure if they’d both be there tonight.
They were.
He walked in. A bunch of regulars, including Dussen and Joe and Helena, greeted him. He paused to chat with them. Everyone asked how his dad was doing. Huh. Apparently word had gotten out about why he’d been away.
“He’s doing well,” he told people. The angioplasty had gone fine. Dad had stayed in the hospital for monitoring and had gone home today. They had some nursing care coming in to assist, and he’d need to take it easy for a while, avoiding stairs, and there were some new medications he had to take. His parents had been disappointed that Beck had left, but what else was new. He’d disappointed them his entire life.
“Hey, man!” Marco greeted him with wide-open arms, then a backslapping hug. “You’re home!”
“Yeah. Cade here?”
“He’s in the office.”
“We need to talk.”
“Yeah, we sure as hell do.”
Beck frowned. “What does that mean?”
“Why didn’t you tell us Hayden dumped you?”
Beck’s chest clenched. “How’d you know that?”
“I ran into her this afternoon. She didn’t even know what had happened with your dad, and that you’d gone to Boston.”
Beck shrugged. “No. Why would she care?”
“She fucking cares, asshole.”
Beck scowled. “What the hell do you know about it?”
They were getting curious glances from customers. “Let’s take this back to the office,” Marco growled.
“Fine.” Beck stomped around the end of the bar and down the hall.
Cade looked up from the computer as Beck walked in, followed by Marco. “Hey, you’re back.” He rose and they too did a bro hug. Beck repeated the update about his father as they all took seats.
“So, they’re pressuring me to stay in Boston and take over Whitcomb Industries.”
Cade leaned back in his chair, a wary look on his face. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Beck grimaced. “Dad really needs to take it easy. Now he’s had a fucking heart attack because he works so much. Mom thinks he should retire, or at least dial back the time he works. They see this as the perfect opportunity for me to transition into learning the business.”
Cade and Marco exchanged glances.
“And it makes sense,” Beck continued. “They want to keep it in the family and there is no one else.” As usual, the loss of Aidan was a stab to the heart. How different would things be if he was still around? Well, there was no point in thinking about that. “I mean, one of the VPs could take over.”
“What difference would it make if it’s not family running it? Couldn’t your dad still have final say over decisions, but someone else does the work?”
“I think that’s kind of how it goes now. Except Dad still does too much work. It’s a big company. Anyway, they made me feel kind of guilty now that Dad’s actually gotten sick and he really does have to take things easy for a while.”
“You want to go back to Bost
on?” Marco asked bluntly, leaning forward, elbows on his knees.
“No.” The honest answer sprang to Beck’s lips. “I don’t. I like it here. I like what we’re doing here. I like having time to goof off and go mountain biking or sailing. I sure as fuck wouldn’t be doing that stuff in Boston.” He hesitated. This was kind of hard to talk about. “I like what I’m doing with the foundation. And…I like hanging out with you guys.” What that really meant was, he loved them like brothers and didn’t want to lose the only real family he’d ever had. That idea was like a knife twisting in his gut.
“Then stay,” Marco said. “Simple as that.”
“You gotta do what you want to do,” Cade added. “What’s best for you. Your family can guilt you into going back there and taking over, but if it makes you miserable, what kind of life is that?”
Beck rubbed his face. “Yeah.” He bent his head.
“And what about Hayden?” Marco asked. “What the fuck, man? Why didn’t you tell us she broke up with you?”
“It just happened. That night I got the call from my mother and I jumped on a plane to go home. Didn’t have time to tell you.”
“We talked on the phone,” Marco said dryly. “But whatever. What happened? It was different for you to get involved with someone, but you two looked good together. You seemed really…happy. Never seen you happy like that with a chick.”
Yeah, he had been happy. Now that the happiness was gone, he recognized how potent and bright it had been. He’d thought he was fine before he met Hayden, only maybe he just hadn’t known what real happiness was.
He told them what had happened, about Hayden’s fears that she was letting down her team by having a life, about her losing the grant, his offer to give her money, and her horrified reaction.
“Whoa,” Cade said. “She knew about your money?”
“Nope. You know I don’t go around telling people that.”
“Hmm. So that must have been a shock to her.”
“I guess.”
“And she turned you down.”
“Hell yeah. Basically implied I was treating her like an expensive hooker.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Well, I get that,” Marco offered. “If all you two had between you was sex, sure she’d feel that way.”
“It was more than sex,” Beck snapped.
Marco smiled slowly. “Oh. Was it?”
Chapter 23
Beck bent his head.
“Bullshit’s here, bullshit’s there, bullshit’s flyin’ in the air.”
Beck’s head snapped up to glare at Marco. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you’re full of shit. You’re in love with Hayden. Jesus, pull your head out of your ass.”
Beck gritted his teeth and his face tightened. He swallowed. “Okay, yeah, maybe I do care about her. But she told me to get lost. She’s got no time for me. So I may as fucking well go back to Boston.”
“What about us?” Cade demanded. “You just said you want to be here with us.”
“All in, all the time,” Marco murmured. “You know the motto.”
Beck nodded. Fuck, yeah. Marco was right.
“You all in here with us?”
He lifted his head and met Marco’s eyes, then Cade’s. “Okay, you assholes, I’ll say it. It’s gonna be hard staying here and not seeing Hayden again.”
“You’re either all in, or you’re not.”
Beck sucked in air. “Yeah. I’m all in here with you.”
“Okay, good. What about Hayden?”
“What about her? It’s done.”
“It’s not done. She’s miserable.”
Beck’s gaze snapped up to Marco’s. “What?”
“She looked awful when I ran into her this afternoon. Drained. Exhausted.”
Beck frowned. “Did something happen with her aunt and uncle?”
“I don’t know. She did mention that it had been a rough week, and said something about them. What’s up with that?”
“Ah, her aunt broke her hip a while back and she’s been looking after them. Fuck, hope they’re okay.”
Marco lifted one dark eyebrow. “You’re worried about her aunt and uncle?”
Beck shrugged. “Yeah, sure. They’re people.”
Cade laughed. “You love her. That’s why you give a shit about her family.”
Beck grimaced. “Okay, maybe.”
“Pretty sure she’s in love with you too. I don’t think she was miserable because of her aunt and uncle, or losing that grant. She’s miserable because she lost you. When I told her your dad had a heart attack, she was worried. And not just about your dad, she was worried about you. Then when I told her you’d gone back to Boston, and your parents wanted you to stay there, she damn near dropped.”
“Fuck. Seriously?” Beck stared at Marco.
“Yeah. Jesus, man, you insulted her not only by offering her money, but by never telling her that you had money.”
“I didn’t insult her!”
“Well, yeah, that wasn’t your intent, but that was how she took it, clearly.”
“I just wanted to help. I just wanted to make her life a little easier. She’s killing herself working so hard. She’s going to end up like my fucking father, having a heart attack or something, which is really ironic since her mission in life is to save people. Jesus Christ.”
“Maybe you should tell her that.”
“She told me to get lost, in no uncertain terms.”
“Oh, come on.” Cade sighed. “Sack up.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means you’re scared.”
Beck narrowed his eyes.
Cade met his gaze head-on, eyebrows lifted. “Remember how fucking terrified you were to jump out of a plane?”
“Yeah.” Beck continued his steady glare.
“Feel that way now?”
Fuck, yeah. But what was he scared of?
Cade continued. “Remember when you had to climb a rock face? How you had to learn not to look down or you’d freak out?”
“What’s your point?” Beck growled.
“We all had to overcome fears,” Cade said. “Whatever they were. How’d we learn to do that?”
“Focus on what you can control,” Beck said slowly.
“Right. Don’t focus on the things you can’t control. Just on what you can. Focus on your next move.”
He nodded. His head was messed up. He didn’t even know what he was afraid of, so he sure as hell didn’t know what to focus on. He rubbed his face. “Okay, right,” he said. “I’ll, uh, give that some thought.” He paused. “Thanks, guys. And thanks for looking after things while I was gone.”
“Whatever you need, man.” Cade clapped a hand on his shoulder as the three of them left the office. “Whatever you need.”
Beck couldn’t hang around there. The noise and laughter made his head hurt. He needed to think. So he went home.
He poured himself a shot of Don Alvaro and carried it out onto his patio. He leaned on the railing, looking out toward the bay. City lights glimmered in the distance.
For some reason, he found himself thinking about Tom Devereux—another member of SEAL Team One. A teammate he’d come to despise. They’d been on a mission in Ramadi, Iraq, and Devereux had lost it. He’d let the fear get to him and it turned him into a coward. Beck knew the reason he hated Devereux and his weakness—it was because he feared that weakness in himself.
He was afraid of heights. He’d hated that. But even more than heights, he was afraid of not being brave enough. Not being smart enough. Not being…enough.
And now his biggest fear of all was not being good enough for Hayden.
That was what he was afraid of.
The tequila warmed his insides as he swallowed a mouthful.
He loved her. He could tell himself it was just fun and sex, but it had become so much more than that. She obviously didn’t feel the same though, since she’d dumped his ass.
Which fucking sucked.
Despair made his lungs burn, and the city lights blurred in front of him.
He’d never wanted to have a family, because his own family had been so messed up. But he wanted Hayden.
As a SEAL, he’d been trained to assess, prioritize, and act. He needed to assess this situation.
Except it was so fucking hard when his heart felt like it’d been struck with shrapnel.
“Think, man,” he mumbled, taking another sip of tequila.
He considered his options. Never seeing her again. His gut cramped. What could he do?
He could tell her how he felt. Maybe she didn’t feel the same, but he could make sure she knew he hadn’t been insulting her. Make sure she knew she was amazing and beautiful and he loved her—even if she didn’t love him back.
So he had to tell her the truth. He had to face that fear and make sure she knew her worth—because that was more important than his own goddamn fear.
Now a sense of desperation filled him. His heart picked up speed, and energy flooded his body. He had to tell her that. Now.
Saturday night. She could be out with Carrie. Or on a date…though that didn’t seem likely, since she’d ended things with him to focus on her work. He’d take a chance and go over to her place.
Now that he knew his next move, there was no looking down. Or too far forward. Which was scary as fuck. Just focus on the next move. That was in his control.
He strode into the condo, slammed his glass down on the counter in his kitchen, and jogged out to his car. He made the short drive to Hayden’s complex in record time, parked, and tore up to her place. He rang her bell and waited. The faint sounds on the other side of the door told him she was home, probably peering out the peephole. He waited for her to decide whether to open the door to him, his heart pounding, his hands sweaty.
“Hayden.” He said her name quietly, leaning his forehead against the wall. “Let me in.”
The lock clicked and the door opened. She stood framed in the opening, her hair glowing like a halo in the light of the room behind her. His gaze roved over her face, taking in the shadows under her eyes, the tightness of her mouth, her pale skin.
“Hi.” He wanted to touch her so bad his hand lifted, but he stopped himself.
Body Shot (Last Shot) Page 23
