my life as a country album

by LJ Evans

  “I think I’m just trying to adjust to the fact that Blake Abbott just asked me out on a date,” I tried to reassure him.

  He was still grinning when he added, “Technically, since I paid for lunch, it would really be our second date.”

  I smiled back at him, “I don’t have anything to throw at you.”

  “Your right hook. That was always a good one.”

  I was laughing while I opened the door, but I looked back in at him and tried to inhale some confidence, “I’m done here at seven, is that too late for you?”

  “Any single man in their twenties would have to be committed if they said no to you.”

  “I never knew you were such an outrageous kiss ass.”

  He grinned more, “See. That’s the Super Girl I remember. I’ll see you at seven!”

  I swung the door shut and watched him drive away in his sporty Cadillac which made me realize that he had to be doing pretty well for himself. Even I knew those cars weren’t cheap. When he was out of sight, I turned back to the hospital, and I still had a smile on my face. It felt good. That smile.

  I texted mama. And Wynn. But in truth, I wanted to text you. I wanted to know what you thought about Blake asking me out. I could imagine your eyes flashing possessively and angrily if you were still here. I could imagine you putting your arm around my waist and pulling me close if he’d smiled at me that way with you around just so he’d know that I was yours.

  But now. Now that you knew you were gone, what would you think?

  ***

  Anne was appalled that I wasn’t going home to change for my date with Blake. She said I should have made him pick me up at Wynn and I’s apartment. I told her I was new to this whole grown up dating thing.

  “What? You haven’t gone out on any dates since Jake?” even more appalled.

  “A couple. College boys. Wasn’t the same. And didn’t work.”

  She pulled out what she called her “emergency kit”. It had make-up, a scarf, shoes, and a cute leather jacket. I looked at her like she was a little insane. She sighed.

  “I’m a single woman in my thirties. We are always prepared.”

  The shoes didn’t fit, thank God, but the jacket and make-up added a lot to make my plain summer dress look like I had at least spiffed up a little. She and I went back and forth on the scarf. “Trust me, you want the scarf!” she said strongly.

  So, I let her wrap it around my neck, and when I looked in the mirror in her private bathroom, I realized that I looked good in it. It was a different me. Different like the haircut and the lines that I’d earned around the corners of my eyes at twenty-three, but it kind of all fit.

  When I walked back into Anne’s office, Blake was there, shaking her hand and dwarfing the office by his height and breadth. After all, he’d been a football player just like you. And, he’d obviously kept in shape. It had to be a single guy in the music industry thing, but he looked good. Fit, strong, blonde. Like he should still be on a surf board in Cali. That’s what I’d always thought about him and Matt.

  When Blake saw me, his eyes lit up, and his polite smile turned into a full-on, shit-eating grin. It made me tingle in a way I hadn’t tingled in so, so long. My tummy even did a little back flip. I liked that he liked what he saw.

  “Every time I look at you, I can’t believe how fabulous you look,” he said.

  “Kiss ass,” was the only response I could give him without betraying how much that compliment had meant. But Anne knew. She was smiling, and she even wiped her eye. I rolled mine at her. It felt good to roll my eyes at someone again.

  “Where are you taking our young Cami?” Anne asked in a way that would have made my mama proud.

  “The 1808 Grille, does that meet with your approval?” he smiled broadly at her with a knowing look that only supremely confident men can do.

  Anne tried not to be astonished, but was. She just nodded.

  “Okay, well, be off you two.”

  He held the door for me, but I waited for him on the other side, and we walked through the hospital in silence. He had changed his clothes. He wasn’t in a suit anymore. Instead, he had on comfortable jeans and a really nice modern button down that still spoke volumes of how he was all grown up. But, on his feet were a pair of worn in cowboy boots. Not the kind you used on the ranch to muck out horse stalls, but the kind you wore to nice occasions. He looked a little more like the Blake I remembered.

  He held the car door again. He’d done that all day. I slid into the leather seat and tried to take in the whole concept of Blake owning the car and having enough money to do these grown-up things. When he slid behind the driver’s wheel, I turned to him.

  “You know, the 1808 Grille, it’s pretty pricey. I’m not really a pricey kind of girl.”

  He smiled at me. “Jake would kick my ass if I didn’t give you the star treatment.”

  I swallowed hard. It was kind of sweet and poignant that he’d been thinking about you and our date just like I’d been thinking about you.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but after dinner, I need to stop by this club. There’s a singer there that my partner wants me to check out. Just the look of him makes me think, no way in hell, but my partner says he’s got the voice of an angel.”

  “That sounds good. You. You own your own firm then?”

  He nodded with a proud kind of look in his eyes. One he probably had every right to have. I couldn’t imagine Blake doing anything at less than the 100% effort he’d always given football. Or racing me to the dock. Or playing his guitar.

  “Yea. My partner, Wil, he’d been in the business for a while already when I joined a firm he was at here in town. We quickly realized that we worked well together and didn’t like some of the politics of the office, so we decided to go it on our own. It was tough at first, but we’ve got some big clients now, so we’re all good.”

  “Like?”

  “Band Perry. Thompson Square.”

  “No shit?”

  He grinned again that grin that said he was proud of himself and kind of embarrassed at the same time.

  “Who’d you stand up today when you went apartment shopping with me?” I asked expecting him to say no one, but he got all bashful which I thought was kind of sweet.

  “Blake Shelton.”

  “Holy Crap!” I was stunned.

  “Well. When he first started talking to me, it was because he thought our names being the same was something of a joke. I don’t represent him at all. He’s got a team he’s had forever. But he’s heard some nobody and thought we might like to take a look at them.”

  “Holy Crap!” I said again. This time Blake laughed loud and hard. “What the heck were you thinking putting Blake Shelton on hold to go apartment diving with me?”

  His smile went away, and he looked at me with all seriousness, “I’d choose you any day.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. Kiss ass had already been used too much. I was thrilled to my toes and yet baffled at the same time. I hadn’t seen him in years, even counting the funeral where he may have seen me, but I certainly hadn’t seen him. It seemed a little overwhelming. And fast. And heady.

  It seemed a little bit like me. The old me who ran fast and hard at what I wanted. Most of the time. Except. Sometimes when I’d had to wait for you to catch up. To stop being an idiot.

  ***

  Dinner was good. People knew Blake there. It was obvious that he brought a lot more famous people than me there. The waiters looked at me a little wonderingly, and I smiled thinking that maybe they thought I was Blake’s next hidden gem being thrust into the music world that was Nashville. Little did they know that I could barely carry a tune. Not even for songs I’d known my whole life.

  Blake asked if I wanted wine, and I didn’t. I’d never really been a wine drinker. He sighed happily, “Thank God. I didn’t want it to ruin my image of you. How ‘bout a beer?”

  I nodded yes. It made me think of the kegs by the lake. But, he ordered some local brew.
It was good. Definitely not the watered-down Bud Light we used to buy.

  We talked about summers at the lake. The swimming races. We talked about you. With laughter and good memories. It wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. The thing was, Blake didn’t let me bask in the old memories. He had a way of weaving them into our current lives and what was going on right then. It was a good mix. Making me feel like I could be this person I was right now with all my memories and heart aches and my new beginning.

  “You know, back then, everyone always knew there was something between the two of you?”

  “Everybody but Jake. God, he could be an idiot when it came to girls.”

  Blake chuckled. “Maybe to your face. Truth was, I remember many times we’d come out of the locker room, and he wouldn’t budge until you’d joined us. He’d kind of be tense and on alert until you showed up, and then he’d relax and suddenly be himself. The normal, confident, joking Jake that he was when you were there.”

  “No!”

  “Yep. I think that’s why none of the guys made a move on you. Even when you were a freshman.”

  “How would you know, you were away at Ol’ Miss by then,” I said, but there was lots of sarcasm when I said Ol’ Miss and that made him beam again.

  “I had a brother with a big mouth,” he winked at me, “You know, he was scared as hell when you decided to kiss him in front of Jake. Thought he’d get dragged to the lake and drowned.”

  I looked at him doubtfully. “You told me this morning that you didn’t even remember who it was playing tonsil hockey with Matt.”

  He looked sheepish. “Caught. I knew. I wanted to see how you reacted.”

  “Why?”

  “Curiosity.”

  “About?”

  “Your feelings for Matt.”

  “Poor Matt,” I said thinking back at how badly I’d used him to get Jake jealous.

  Blake threw his head back laughing. “Exactly!”

  “You know. Jake used to tease me about liking you.”

  “No shit!”

  “Yep. Summer before fifth grade. He thought I had a little girl crush on you.”

  “Did you?”

  I shook my head, “No. I didn’t have eyes for anyone but Jake.”

  Blake nodded, but he didn’t seem upset by that.

  “What about now? Do you think you could have a grown-up girl crush on me?”

  “You are not humble are you?”

  “Where do you think Jake learned it from?”

  “His god like status.”

  “Well. Yes. And me!”

  I couldn’t help but smile at him. I felt so relaxed with him. Like everything was just going to run its course. Like I didn’t have to make anything happen, and I didn’t need to look over my shoulder for the women waiting in line, although I imagined that Blake had his own line of women out there somewhere. They weren’t visible or waiting on the porch by his door.

  “So? You didn’t answer me. You avoided it,” his eyes were twinkling and serious at the same time as they looked into mine.

  “Do you always move this fast?”

  “Unfortunately. It’s what Wil is always complaining about. And you are still avoiding my question.”

  I took a deep breath and breathed out. “Yes. Yes, I think I could very much have a grown-up girl crush on you.”

  That made Blake’s face splitting grin come back out.

  “Good! Let’s go then,” and he dragged me out of the booth, and out of the restaurant.

  He took me to Tootsies Orchid Lounge, or just Tootsies as the locals call it, where he was clearly known again by the bouncers. We avoided the front room which was packed with both residents and tourists and headed up the stairs to the back room where he said the local guy his partner wanted him to hear was set to play in an hour.

  The bartender already had a beer extended to him by the time Blake reached him. “What would you like?” he asked me.

  “Honestly, just a sweet tea.”

  He grinned, but didn’t bat an eyelid ordering it like the college boy I’d gone out with had. He’d wanted me to drink. Be drunk. Like him. But Blake wasn’t drinking to be drunk.

  We found a seat at the back and listened to the music. Blake was different here. Still confident and grinning, but you could tell he was really listening in a solemn way to the music being played. I didn’t doubt that he was really good at his job. He looked like an expectant father, waiting for the baby to shoot out so he could catch it on the first good note.

  “So. You don’t really get to make musicians dreams come true, right? I mean. You just sign the contracts for them. You’re not an agent or a producer.”

  He put his hand to his heart like I’d shot and killed him. “Now that’s hitting where it hurts.”

  I smiled, “But it’s true, right?”

  “Yes and no. I definitely make sure that the deals people sign are fair. To all parties. I don’t want a studio making more than they should or an artist. And on the other hand, launching a new artist takes a lot of bucks on a studio’s part. But, I also know people in the industry, and I like to think they respect my opinion, so if Wil and I find someone we think is good, we have a few ways to open doors for people.”

  It was a little humbler than he’d been before, but that’s what made me take it as truth. He wasn’t really bragging about it. Just stating it like it was. I realized that I wouldn’t be able to tell for sure if Blake was lying to me like I’d always known if you were, but, I could tell when he was serious and when he was just having fun. And, that was good too.

  We listened to the guy that Wil had recommended. And I thought Blake was right, his look was a “hell-no” but looks could change, wasn’t I living proof of that? But, I also wasn’t sure he had the voice of an angel.

  When we got in the car, Blake asked my opinion. And I liked that. No one had asked my opinion in a while. Not even you, usually. Probably because you already knew what my opinion was, but still.

  “Eh,” I said waving my hand trying to explain that I thought it was just okay.

  “Exactly!” he exclaimed back like I’d just said something completely brilliant. “I knew you’d be on my side!”

  I laughed at that.

  He started the car and then turned to look at me with a funny look on his face.

  “You know, I don’t know where you live.”

  We both chuckled at that. It was kind of funny seeing as he’d been helping me look for places to live all morning. I gave him the address near the hospital, and he knew where it was and took off.

  When we got there, we had to find street parking a couple blocks down. Wynn and I lived in the second story of an early 1900s home that had been converted into apartments. There was really only street parking. It was a reason I used my bike a lot. But, heck, I would have used my bike a lot anyway.

  Blake opened the car door and walked alongside me down the sidewalk in the direction of my apartment. I felt oddly nervous for the first time all night. It wasn’t nervous like I was scared, but like I had pent up energy kind of nervousness. A way I hadn’t felt in a long time.

  The street light lit up our stone steps pretty well, and I noticed the light was on in our apartment which meant Wynn was waiting to see how things had gone. I hit the first step and turned back to Blake to say good night. It put us almost eye-to-eye.

  He tugged at the scarf that Anne had made me wear, and the motion pulled me closer to him. Before I could even think about it, he was kissing me. A good kiss. Not slobbery. Not quite as intense as yours had been, but still demanding something back from me. Not just sitting there whimpering. Not angry like Seth’s. It made my insides, that I thought had died, twirl. It knocked my nerve endings awake after a long, long sleep.

  He stepped back a little, still holding onto the scarf so that I wouldn’t run away. And I had completely conflicted emotions towards Anne and the scarf. On the one hand, I felt like I should thank her profusely for suggesting it, and on the other
hand, I felt just a bit panicked. I hadn’t let anyone kiss me. Not since you. And Blake had just done that. And it had felt good. Really good, to be honest. My brain was saying I’d betrayed you in some way, but my body was doing a silent high five with my lips.

  Blake looked down into my eyes, and he was somber, but there was still a smile on his face.

  “I really liked that,” he said.

  It made me laugh. I think, now that I am writing this, and now that I know him a little better, that he’d said it just that way on purpose so I would laugh because he’d known I was feeling conflicted.

  “I’d like to do that again sometime. Maybe even tomorrow?” he continued.

  I pushed at him with my hand trying to pull Anne’s scarf away, but he wasn’t letting go yet. “You’re such an ego maniac. What makes you think I’d like to do it again?”

  He grinned lazily. “Let’s just say that I am not an idiot when it comes to girls.”

  And it didn’t even make me mad. The fact that he was making fun of you; saying that he was better at something than you. I was relieved that someone could actually joke with me about you. Tease me about you without fearing I’d break down into hysterics.

  I tried to pretend that I was offended though, “You’ll have to call me in the morning. Maybe I’ll have changed my mind by then.”

  I tugged again, and this time he let me go, but he was still smiling that confident smile. He took my key from my hand, mounted the steps, and unlocked the door for me. See. Complete gentleman. Then he bopped me on the nose with his finger like you’d done a million times as he headed down the steps.

  “Sleep tight, Super Girl.”

  And he was gone in the night.

  ***

  So. What would you have thought? That’s my big question now. If I’d told you this story maybe when we’d both been dating other people? Would you have thought it was sweet? Would you have warned me away? Or would you be happy because it was Blake and Blake was good people? Had come from good people.

  Wynn said it was good. That he was perfect for me because he knew you. That he knew our story. That I didn’t need to explain to him the things that I couldn’t possibly explain to another guy. Things like the fact that no one could ever take your place. I’d never love anyone the way I’d loved you no matter how cliché that was. The way I still loved you. That I wouldn’t have to explain that I was going through life as if my right arm was missing. Would always be missing.