Be Mine

by Jen Frederick

  “Me, too. Well, not today, but a few days ago. Training camp started up, but you probably already know that.”

  “Nick, we need to go inside,” Chip says impatiently.

  “I can’t leave these two out here alone. Are you waiting for someone?” He holds Cass up as if he is trying to figure out who she looks like.

  Chip gives me another death glare. I pretend not to see him and instead focus on the door of the building. As I stare at the entrance, I see a familiar sign, and a thought occurs to me. Before I can evaluate whether it’s a good move, my mouth starts moving. “No. I’m looking for a job. I saw a help wanted sign.” I point to the small black-lettered poster taped on the side of the building next to the door.

  “Sweet. Stacks needs new staff. Why don’t you let me take care of your little girl while you fill out an application? Hey, sweetheart, what’s your name?”

  “She’s too young to answer,” says Chip.

  We all look at him in surprise.

  Nick recovers first. “Oh right. I don’t have any kids. Do you, Chip?”

  “Yeah, do you, Chip?” I parrot recklessly.

  His eyes spark fire in my direction. “No. I don’t have any and I don’t want any. Neither do you, Rookie. Kids sap all your energy. The only way you’ll be any good is if you keep your eye on the ball.”

  Rookie…this must be the player Chip was complaining about earlier. The one he said he’d have to babysit. This man looks capable of carrying a whole stadium by himself. Cass agrees. She coos and pokes her fingers into Nick’s dimples.

  He laughs again, easy and free, unaware of Chip’s mounting temper. I should be more cautious, but instead, I seize the moment. “It’s Cassidy, and if you don’t mind, I will go in and apply.”

  “Sure. Cass and I will play out here. Do you like to play football, Cass?” He lifts her high. Another happy squeal sounds out.

  I hurry inside with Chip hot on my tail.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” he hisses behind me.

  “Applying for a job.” My voice is surprisingly even.

  “You need to leave. Now.”

  “I need a job.” I wrench open the door.

  “Not here.”

  Cloaked with false bravery and the belief that Chip’s not going to do anything while others watch, I enter the bar, semi-blind as my eyes adjust to the dimly lit interior. When I can finally see clearly, I gain instant understanding. Half the bar is full of NFL players. I recognize them. Anyone who lives in Texas would. This must be a Mustang bar.

  Suddenly, I know that this is the only job I’ll be safe at. Chip wants to pretend like we don’t know each other. Like Cass isn’t his kid, and he’ll be afraid to do anything to me in front of people he knows. In another workplace, another bar, he’d be free to harass me or get me fired. But not here.

  With that knowledge, I march up to the counter. “I’m here for the waitressing job.”

  The bartender blinks. “What’s your qualifications?”

  “I’ll work whatever hours you want and do whatever you tell me.”

  He presses his lips together, nods a few times, and shrugs. “Sure. We can try it out.” He reaches behind him and tosses me an apron. “Start now.”

  “Now?” I squeak.

  Over my shoulder, I hear Chip laugh. He thinks I’m screwed.

  “There a problem?” the bartender asks. “You said you’d work the hours I told you to work.”

  “Give her a day, man,” says a burly man at the counter.

  “Leroy, you were just complaining about how the service here is so slow that the rookies will be veterans by the time you get your food.”

  The big man shrugs. “Another day isn’t gonna kill me. Go on and come back tomorrow, girl.”

  I look toward the bartender, who sighs. “Fine. Come back tomorrow.”

  I nearly collapse with relief. “Yes. I will. No problem. What time?”

  “We open at eleven.”

  “I’ll be here.”

  “By ten.”

  “By ten,” I confirm. Then I turn and sprint for the door before he can change his mind. At the exit, Chip catches up to me.

  “You breathe one word about how you think Cassidy is my kid and I’ll ruin you,” he whispers.

  He might be serious. I plaster on a fake smile for the benefit of the curious eyes staring at us.

  “Don’t worry. The last thing I want to do is to be associated with you.” I pull open the door and run toward my child. This is dangerous, but I feel like it’s the best solution for me. It’s not as if I have a ton of choices. I have to earn money. I have to protect my baby. This seems the right way forward, at least for now.

  “Did you get the job?” Nick asks. He’s sitting on the asphalt, drawing on the surface with a piece of chalk. There are little x’s and o’s. “Like I said, I don’t have kids, so I didn’t know what to do. I was teaching her plays,” he says, slightly embarrassed.

  My toes curl at his charm. “She appears to like it.”

  He reaches out and ruffles Cassidy’s dark curls. “So she does.”

  “I did get the job. Thank you for watching her. Can I pay you something?”

  “Nah, just make sure when you pour my beer, I don’t have much foam. That stuff gives me a headache.”

  “No foam.” I’d scrape every last white speck off with a toothpick if I had to.

  With a lazy grace, he jumps to his feet. “I hope to see you again, Cass.”

  “Bye ’ick!” She waves both hands.

  He waves both of his large, long-fingered hands back at her. Before he leaves, he sticks his palm in my direction. “I never did catch your name.”

  “Lainey. Lainey Valdez,” I croak out. His hand is warm, calloused, and so inviting. I want to lay my head against his big chest and feel that hand on the back of my head—along with other places.

  “Nice to meet you, Lainey Valdez.” He tips an imaginary hat in my direction. “I’ll see you around.”

  He lets me go. In my imagination, his release is slow. His fingers drag along mine and my long-dead girl parts stir. What would it be like to have this man touch me? What would it feel like to have my hand clasped in his? What would it feel like to be able to lean on him when I’m tired, rest against his broad shoulders when I’m feeling down? My breath quickens. My hand trembles. I sway…

  “Mommy?”

  Cass’s voice jerks me out of my half-baked fantasy.

  “Yup, baby. Let’s go.” Earth to Lainey. You’ve got a truckload of things to do starting with finding a place to sleep tonight. I reach down and pick my girl up and slide her onto my hip. I give Nick a brief, curt nod. “Thanks for all your help. I’ll be going now.”

  Without waiting for another response, I force myself to turn away.

  “Like ’ick. Like ’ick,” Cass sings to herself.

  Me too. I wonder what’s more dangerous—liking Nick or being so close to Chip. As I walk down the sidewalk, away from the bar, the heat of Chip’s stare burns through my back. I danced close to the flame once and burned myself all the way through. It doesn’t matter how handsome that Nick Jackson is or how charming he is. My life has no room for a man.

  “Cass, baby, it’s you and me. Okay?”

  “No ’ick?” she pouts.

  “No Nick.”

  I brace myself for an outburst, but nothing comes. My baby is worn out.

  “Okay,” she says and tucks her face into the crook of my neck. “Love you, Mommy.”

  “I love you, too, baby girl. I love you so much.”

  I hug her close and keep walking. It’s going to be okay, just the two of us.

  Chapter Two

  Lainey

  It's a miracle, but the tiny efficiency that I had scouted out in the two days before I left home was only two buses away from Stacks. I get my key from the manager, along with a list of all the things I can't do in the apartment including keep a pet, smoke, or light a fire. The place is tiny and there are bars on the win
dow, but it’s clean and comes furnished with a sofa, side table, lamp and a bed. There are two wooden stools tucked under a small kitchen island.

  Cassidy barely lifts her head from my shoulder as I maneuver inside the apartment. I carry her into the room and lay her on the bed. On the floor next to her, I dump out my bag. Along with the diapers, formula, bibs, and plastic baggies full of apple sauce and cereal, a shower of dust and pebbles fall out. The image of Nick Jackson crouching next to me, his longer, capable fingers plucking Cassidy’s little picture books and teething toys off the ground and slowly wiping them clean, flits through my head.

  The tenderness with which he acted, the care he took, the kindness makes my throat tight. Someday, I’m going to find someone like that—someone who will love and treasure Cass and me. It’s not going to be today. It’s not going to be a pro football player who has bags of money and lots of women knocking down his door, but someday, that can be mine.

  There’s nothing wrong with me having that dream, but for now, I have to face reality. I’m a twenty-year-old mom with only five hundred dollars to my name. The rent for the apartment is paid for only the first month, and the cost of Cassidy’s daycare is twice what the rent is. I’m going to have to earn a crap ton of tips at Stacks or find another job.

  A wave of exhaustion sweeps over me. I set my bag on the floor and crawl into bed next to Cassidy. Her cheeks are flushed and her little baby lips are pursed into a tiny cupid’s bow. I drop a kiss against them and snuggle up. I don’t really need a man. I’m okay as long as I have Cass.

  I should’ve taken more money from my savings account, but Momma felt she deserved it for letting me stay in the house for the last two years. It didn't seem right to argue with her. I doubt I would've survived my teen pregnancy if I hadn't had a roof over my head. I'm not mad at Momma for kicking me out. I'm just scared is all. I'm here in the big city and I don't know anyone but Chip and, for Cass's safety and mine, it's better that we act like we don't know anyone.

  I heave a sad sigh. I need to get the rest of our stuff out of Chip's car. The idea is depressing. No doubt, he'll make me do something humiliating, particularly after what happened today at the bar. Maybe I was wrong about getting a job where I'd have to see him on a regular basis. In the heat of the moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. I’m not so certain anymore. Still, it’s a job and I can work it until another one comes along.

  I want to sleep for a month, but I need our stuff. I roll upright and grab my phone.

  Can we meet? You have my stuff.

  There’s no immediate answer and no indication he’s even read the message. I wouldn’t put it past him to block me. Fine. I’ll take this opportunity to sleep. I need it. Cass will wake up in a couple of hours and I’ll need my energy.

  It’s nearly dinner time when I feel Cass stir. I hold my hand to her forehead. It’s cool. I exhale in relief and push myself off the bed. A quick glance at the phone reveals no messages. None from Momma wondering if I made it okay and none from Chip. In my suitcase is a whole package of diapers. That’s what I really want. Those things are expensive. It’ll be so nice when Cass is potty trained and I can redirect the money from diapers into other things.

  I lay out the cereal and apple sauce I had in my bag. She can snack on the cereal as we go to the grocery store. I wake her up, use one of the two extra diapers I had in my bag, and then wash her face.

  “We’re going to get some food,” I tell her. “You hungry?”

  She bobs her sweet little head eagerly, nearly tipping herself over. God, I love the peanut so much. It doesn’t matter than Momma kicked me out or that I had to suffer Chip’s presence. I feel good about this move to Dallas. Like I told Cass before, it’s just her and me now.

  I hand her the baggie full of cereal. “Snack on this for now and we’ll get you some good stuff. What’re you hungry for?”

  “Apple sauce.”

  “You’re going to turn into an apple yourself if you keep eating that. Do you want peas or carrots?”

  Cass makes a face. “Apple sauce.”

  “This is why you don’t get any veto power until you’re twenty, girl.” I tweak her nose and pick her up. I settle her against my hip and drop the bag over my shoulder. “Hang on, baby girl. We’re going for a walk.”

  There’s a small grocery mart about eight blocks away from the apartment. I pick up milk and eggs, some frozen veggies, which are more expensive than I can afford, bread, bananas and peanut butter. For myself, I throw some mac and cheese and ramen in my cart. The small basket of food comes out to forty dollars. It’s too much, but what am I going to do? Not feed Cass?

  “You sad, Mommy?” Cass pokes my cheek.

  I fake a smile and hand over the cash. “Nope.”

  “Can I have cheese sandich?”

  The cheese was three dollars and would’ve made five sandwiches. The peanut butter will last me a week. “I thought we agreed you liked peanut butter the best?” I tell her as the clerk bags our food.

  “No. I like cheese now.”

  “Can we have cheese next week and peanut butter this week?”

  Cass pushes her lower lip out and scrunches her brow as she thinks hard about this choice.

  The clerk gives me a sympathetic smile before handing me the single bag of groceries. I should be happy that the food isn’t heavy because it’d be hard to carry more with Cass, but my insides twist tight as I think of how many nights Cass’ belly won’t be completely full until I can earn more.

  “Okay,” Cass agrees.

  I’d forgotten what we were talking about. “Okay what, baby?”

  “Okay. I’ll eat peanut butter.” Her little hands come up and push a piece of cereal against my lips. “You eat this. Your tummy’s growling.”

  I hadn’t realized. I eat the cereal obediently. “Thank you for watching out for me.”

  “It’s you and me, Mommy,” Cass coos before she feeds me another piece.

  I hug her tight. Isn’t that the truth.

  I drop Cass off at the daycare and try not to cry at the check I write out for the week. I’ll need to earn twice that in tips to keep the roof over our heads. Since the waitressing job at Stacks is all I’ve got, I’m going to make it work regardless of what Chip says.

  I’m wearing the same clothes I had on yesterday because the asshole hasn’t texted me back. I’m able to get most of the apple sauce stain out, but the shirt isn’t fully dry. I pluck it away from my breasts and wish that my boobs weren’t quite so big.

  When I arrive at Stacks, the place isn’t even open. After pounding on the front door a few futile minutes, I inspect the rest of the building. There’s a back door, but that’s locked, too. Over by the dumpster is a scraggly tree providing about two feet of shade. I hoof it over to the gravel, ignore the smell of rotten food and the buzz of the flies and pull out my phone.

  A quick internet search pulls up Stacks. I hit dial, but the phone rings and rings. Since there’s nothing I can do but wait, I decide to search for jobs. There are plenty out there, but they are all low paying. Minimum wage isn’t enough for me to support Cass on. I could work two jobs, but that would mean I’d barely be able to see my baby. Plus, is there childcare out there at night that doesn’t cost two arms and a leg?

  I don’t find anything that fits, but I fill out a bunch of applications anyway. By the time I’ve worked my way through five of them, a dark blue pickup peels into the lot. I stand up, brush the dirt off my jean-clad ass, and go to greet the driver, who turns out to be the bartender who hired me yesterday.

  “Who’re you?” The older man squints.

  I thrust out my hand. “Elaina Valdez. You hired me yesterday.”

  He ignores my hand and scratches his chin as he stares at my chest. “You sure you got the right place? This is a bar and not a strip club.”

  The urge to cover my chest with my arm is hard to ignore. “I’m at the right place. You said to show up at ten, and here I am, ready for work.”

&n
bsp; He shrugs a little, takes another long look at my boobs, and then drags his ass to the back door. “You’d make a lot more money shaking your tits down the street at the Beach House. I hear those girls make a couple grand a night.”

  “No thanks.” I could go a whole lifetime without some random seeing my naked chest again.

  “Your funeral. I guess you’re here to mount a Mustang, eh?” He chuckles at his own crude joke.

  “I just want to make a living. I have a kid.”

  My new boss swings around. “You? A kid? You’re barely a kid yourself!”

  Then why’d you suggest I go down the street and take off my clothes for money, asshole. “I’m older than I look.” Chip told me I looked like I was a twenty-five-year-old hooker. That was after I informed him that I was pregnant. Before, when he was plying me with booze at the age of sixteen, he said I looked sweet and young—like someone who needed protection from the big bad world.

  The boss raises his eyebrows. “If you say so. I’m Simon Cronett. I own this dump. I’ll pay you the minimum. You can keep your tips.” His eyes fall to my chest again. “You’ll get some nice ones if you show off your titties a little more. No sex with the boys on the grounds. I don’t want to get busted for some kind of prostitution shit.”

  “I’m here to wait tables. Nothing else.”

  Cronett doesn’t look like he’s convinced. “We’ll see. Also, I don’t give a fuck that you’ve got a kid. While you’re here, you’re one hundred percent mine. Not get your ass inside and start cleaning up. The boys will be here in a few hours.” He slaps me hard on my ass. I jump in surprise. When I give him a death glare, he only smirks. “What you gonna do? Quit?”

  Yeah, I do want to quit. Not even a half hour in this guy’s presence and I feel like I’m going to have to take a shower for a week to get the dirt off. But I can’t quit and he knows it.

  Chapter Three

  Nick

  The end of practice can’t arrive soon enough. I want to get over to Stacks to see if the girl is there. I spent all last night thinking about her and cursing myself for not getting her phone number, but the owner of the bar is a friend of the team. If she’s applying for a job there, he should have it. As soon as the last whistle blows, I hustle to the showers. It’s a quick rinse and dry and then off to my locker to change.