Be Mine

by Jen Frederick

  I think it’s okay for me to pursue Lainey. We’ll all get what we want. Cass gets a daddy. Lainey gets someone to shoulder her burdens and me? I get sweet, delectable Lainey under my body whenever I want.

  Chapter Six

  Lainey

  I knew Nick was dangerous, but I didn’t realize how potent he was until last night at the laundromat. It is nearly light out when he wakes me up. The clothes are all dried and folded—although, while he did an okay job with the towels, sheets, and diapers, the shirts are a jumbled mess. My heart squeezes so tight I feel like I’m having a heart attack.

  “Did I do okay?” he says, as if he isn’t currently the sexiest thing on two legs.

  I nod because I can’t be trusted to say a word. I’m afraid if I open my mouth, I’ll start bawling or I may push him down on top of the sorting table and try to mount him as if he’s a wild stallion I’m trying to tame. I’m not used to this kindness. I’m sure I don’t deserve it.

  “Do you work tonight?” He hitches the laundry basket on his hip and holds the door open for me.

  “Yes, but I get off at nine.”

  “Good. I’ll bring dinner over for you and Cass.”

  “She’ll be in bed by then.”

  “She can have the leftovers for breakfast.”

  “Okay.” I acquiesce without more argument because I want to see him again even though I know I shouldn’t. My experience with Chip should have me running in the opposite direction from Nick. He’s got everything that made Chip attractive and none of the negative traits. Nick is successful, rich, the quarterback on a professional football team, but he also folded Cassidy’s diapers and let me sleep for two hours straight.

  How am I to defend myself against that?

  He finds a close parking space on the street and helps me lug the laundry up to my third-floor apartment, not complaining at all about the rickety stairs or the weight of the clothes. He’s never said one bad thing about my place. Never made me feel low or poor or embarrassed.

  I guess that’s why I let him in while I pay the babysitter. She wiggles her eyebrows at me as Nick sets the laundry on the sofa.

  “Nice,” she mouths.

  “I know,” I mouth back because what else is there to say?

  When the babysitter leaves, Nick and I go into my bedroom. Cassidy’s in her crib, clutching a teddy bear to her chest. Nick sighs.

  “What is it?” I ask him after we back out of the room.

  “I wanted to hold her, but I can’t because she’s sleeping.” He looks adorably frustrated.

  Before I think about what I’m doing, I reach up and brush the lock of hair out of his eyes. He catches my hand and swings me hard against him.

  My internal temp goes from hot to raging inferno.

  “Lainey,” he mutters. His tongue comes out and snakes across the bottom of his lip as if he’s imagining the taste of me there.

  I freeze for a second as the unmistakable evidence of a hard-on presses against my stomach. My own sex clenches in response. Butterflies swirl in my stomach and all the nerve endings in my body light up. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of a man, so long since I wanted someone to touch me.

  After Chip, sex became something dirty and shameful. No matter how many times I told myself his opinion didn’t matter, the word slut waved above my head like a banner.

  “Nick, I…”

  “It’s okay,” he says. He closes his eyes and tilts his head back. I can see his jaw work as he gathers control over himself.

  He takes a step back and then another until there’s space between us. Too much space. I sway toward him.

  He holds up a hand. “No. I’m on the edge here and I’m afraid if you show me the slightest positive signal, I might jump and ruin things. It’s okay that you’re not ready. There’s no rush.” The corner of his mouth tips up. “I’m not going anywhere.” He raises our still-clasped hands up to his chest. “As long as I know I’ve got a chance. That’s all that matters.”

  Before I can protest, he leaves. I sag against the door. Pulse points in my body that were long dead are thrumming. If he had asked…if he had waited one more minute…if he hadn’t left…I—

  There’s a knock on the door. Nick. I spin around and whip open the door. “You’re back—” my words shrivel on my tongue as I stare in horror at the man on welcome mat.

  “Thought it was ol’ Nick for a second round, eh?” Chip says nastily. “Although it must’ve been a quick bang given how little time he spent here. He’s got a fast trigger, so I’m not surprised it only took him a few seconds to nut.”

  “Get out.” I try to push the door closed, but Chip’s too big and too strong.

  He shoves me aside and slams the door behind him. I cast a quick look toward Cass’s room. God, please don’t let her wake up.

  “What do you want?”

  “What do I want?” He practically screams. “I want my damn receivers to catch the ball. I want the O-line to actually block for once in their pathetic lives and I want you—” He jabs his finger against my chest. “I want you to get the fuck out of this town.”

  He backs away and I see a piece of paper fall from his hands. It lands on the floor between us.

  “Pick it up,” he orders.

  I’m too afraid to disobey. Crouching down, I pick up the coated paper and unfold it. It looks like a check, but it must be fake because there are five zeros behind the number one. “You’re giving me a piece of paper?”

  “God, you’re a dumb fucking bitch. It’s a check. It’s a check for $100,000. Take the money and leave.”

  “Like go home?” I don’t understand what he’s saying.

  “No. Like go somewhere else. Austin, San Antonio. Hell, Arizona for all I care. Just get the hell out of town.”

  “Why?” I’m genuinely confused.

  “I don’t want you around. I don’t like seeing your fat face at Stacks. I don’t like that your nasty pussy is contaminating my back up. I don’t like you and your whiny-ass kid breathing the same air I do.”

  I have no doubt that other women find Chip quite attractive. He has sunny California good looks—blond hair, blue eyes. His family is ordinary—middle-class and rather unexciting. His father was a factory worker who quit his job after Chip signed his first contract. Gossip around town varied as to the reasons why. Some said his father had been fired. Others said it was because of an injury. His mother is a schoolteacher and he has two older sisters, both of whom are lovely. Everyone in town is proud that Chip is an NFL quarterback, but they don’t see him like this—utterly cruel and without grace.

  “I can’t go home. My mom is—

  “Does it look like I give a fuck about your family problems? I want you gone.” He reaches over and picks up a stack of diapers Nick had folded. “I want you out of this city. Out!” He throws open the door and tosses the diapers out.

  “No!” I cry and reach for him.

  He backhands me. Behind me a wail goes up. With a hand pressed to my cheek, I whirl around to see Cassidy standing in the doorway, pressing her bear to her chest and crying. No. God, no. She can’t see this.

  “Go back to your room, baby,” I tell her, keeping the tears of pain and shame at bay. “Go back to your room.”

  Chip stalks toward me and throws something at my face. The sharp edge of a photo hits me. I know what they are without even looking at them. I clasp them between my fingers, crumpling them so that the images can’t be seen by my precious girl.

  “If you stay, I’ll post these on the internet. What will your new friends say then?”

  “Why are you doing this?” I choke out.

  “Because I’m sick and tired of seeing your fucking face at Stacks. That’s my bar. Now get the hell away from me and take that fucking brat with you.”

  He walks out, slamming the door behind him. Cass collapses on the ground, crying her eyes out. I fling the pictures aside and pick up the check. It’s a cashier’s check. I think of Nick and his tenderne
ss and of Charlotte and her sweetness. I hear the cries of my daughter. She’s my life. My whole life. Nick and Charlotte are selfish indulgences and I can’t afford those.

  I crawl over to my baby. She clasps her arms around my neck and weeps against my chest.

  “Baby. It’s all right. We’re going to be all right. Mommy’s going to take care of everything. We don’t need anyone but the two of us.”

  Chapter Seven

  Lainey

  Two Years Later

  “There’s a crier at table 10,” announces Ashley. My co-worker slides her tray onto the bar top. “I’ve tried to tell her we’re closing for the last twenty minutes, but every time I go over there, she starts blubbering. Can you look at it? My babysitter has been texting me for the last twenty minutes.”

  “I’ll take care of it. You can go.” I’m closing anyway, which means Cass will be asleep when I get home. Working nights means I miss most of her bedtimes, but I get to make her breakfast in the morning and go to the park with her before my shift at the mall starts. Sometimes, when I crawl into bed after working a double shift, I think about the pool of dirty money sitting in my bank account collecting interest. Then I remember the shame and terror the night that I got the money and count my blessings for being employed and having my baby girl lying in the bed next to me.

  “Thank you.” The busty blonde leans over the bar and kisses the air in front of me. “You’re the best.”

  As Ashley cashes out with the bartender, I go and confront the woman sitting by the window. The blonde is staring moodily out over the Riverwalk with the fingers of her right hand laced around the stem of her now empty wine glass while the left arm dangles over the railing of the patio. Sometimes you get drunks who start fights and sometimes you get the weepers. Like Ashley, I think it’s almost easier to deal with the angry drunks than the sad ones. The criers tend to pull you down with them. We all have something to cry about.

  “Ah, miss, I’m sorry to tell you but we’re closed now. Can I call you a car?”

  The woman swings around, her honey-gold hair fanning out. Our eyes meet in surprised recognition.

  "Lainey? Lainey, is that you?” Charlotte Randolph cries.

  I grab the back of a nearby chair for support. “Ch-Charlie?”

  Charlie rises from her chair. “My God. It is you.” She reaches down and snatches a cloth napkin off the table. For a small woman, she moves quick because she’s beating me with the napkin almost before I realize she’s moved. “You left without saying goodbye! I looked everywhere for you. I thought something bad happened.” She halts, mid-strike. “Did something bad happen?”

  “Nah. I just found some new opportunities. Better job and all.” I smile sheepishly. The bad thing that happened was way before I ever met Charlie.

  She looks around at the restaurant with its nice tablecloths and the shiny silverware. “Oh, I see.”

  She doesn’t sound convinced. I notice that she’s thinner than I last saw her—not that she was ever very big. Her eyes are red and her skin is pale even under the bar lights.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  She nods slowly. “I’m good.”

  But a tear falls out of the corner of her eye. She laughs and tries to swipe it away, but a couple more escape. I realize I can’t leave her like this.

  “Come on. I have to cash out and then we’ll…” I trail off. I can’t take her to another bar because, like Ashley, I have to get home to my babysitter. While my current digs are slightly nicer than the apartment I used to rent over in South Dallas, I’m not sure she’ll notice. Still, I’m not going to leave her here to cry by herself. “We’ll go home.”

  “Really?” Charlie sounds so eager I feel bad for even thinking about abandoning her.

  “Yeah, come on. Cass is sleeping, obviously. I don’t have a two-bedroom, but I can offer you a couch.” It seems ridiculous to invite her to stay over because I’m certain that she has a room in one of the swank hotels overlooking the river, but her face lights up.

  “I can’t wait to see my best girl.” A true smile spreads across the woman’s face.

  A pang of joy vibrates inside my chest at Charlie’s eagerness to see Cass. It’s been lonely here for me in San Antonio. Just like in Dallas, caring for Cass and making enough money to pay the bills took up all my time. There weren’t people like Nick and Charlie down here that bulldozed their way into my lives and forced me into friendship. I missed that…and them.

  I cash out quick with the bartender while Charlie looks on silently. She’s not crying anymore, which is a plus.

  “You did get a better job,” she says in surprise as we approach my Honda CRV.

  “Yeah.” I spent a part of Chip’s money on a car and a deposit on a decent apartment. The rest went into a savings account for Cass. I read up on the internet and a site said if I let that money sit there until she turned twenty-one, there’d be enough to send her to college. I hit the keyfob and gesture toward the passenger door.

  “Who watches Cass?” she asks

  “I have a babysitter. It’s a grandma who needs it for extra cash. Her daughter’s a single mom, too, so she knows how it is.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “It is.”

  We fall silent, the two years stretching between us like a big canyon. Charlie’s got questions and I…I don’t know if I’m ready to give any answers. The big bad wolf has moved out of Texas. He got injured mid-season. Nick took over and led the team to a Super Bowl. Chip got traded to Seattle and then to Cleveland. After the third trade, he decided he was done and retired. I’m not sure where he is, but from the occasional call home, I know he hasn’t returned to Texas, much to his mother’s dismay. I’ve breathed a lot easier since his departure.

  “I miss you.” Charlie breaks the silence first.

  “I miss you, too.”

  “Can you tell me why you left?”

  I stare at the pavement in front of me. The lights of oncoming cars bounce in the dark night. The street lights prevent the darkness from fully encompassing us. Life is like that, I think. It’s dark, but there are spotlights or beams of brightness. Cass is a beam. Charlie is a beam. Nick was a beam. Those three filled my life and drove the shadows into the corners. I think I owe Charlie an explanation.

  “There was someone in my life that made it difficult to stay.”

  “Did he hurt you? Charlie’s dad, that is?” She guesses it right away.

  I shift in my seat. I know that we’re in a car and Chip can’t hear a thing, but he still scares the shit out of me, so I hedge. “He…he felt dangerous and not in the sexy, brooding kind of way.”

  “I see.” We listen to the drone of the engine before she speaks again. “But you’re safe here?”

  “Yes.”

  “And Dallas is unsafe?”

  “It was.”

  “Was, as in past tense?”

  I nod.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything more, but I have a proposal for you.”

  “Yeah? What’s that?”

  “I need help. I have a new business.”

  “Really? Doing what?” Charlie didn’t work back in the day. Nick once told me she was fragile. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I didn’t pry. I figured she would tell me if she wanted to. Maybe she would have if I’d stuck around.

  “I do things for players.”

  I can’t keep the shock out of my eyes.

  “Oh, not sexual things.” She laughs. “I run their errands. I find apartments for them. I buy gifts. Little stuff that are bothersome but take up a lot of time. I did that for Nick—” She pauses and shoots me a glance. “Is it okay if I bring him up?”

  I swallow the lump in my throat at the mention of his name. “Of course, why wouldn’t it be okay?” I croak out.

  “I thought…maybe you had a thing for him and that is why you left.”

  “No.” Not a singular thing. Many things. Many naughty, sexy things. Nick Jackson has featured in every masturbato
ry session I’ve had since I left Dallas. Not that I plan to reveal this to anyone, particularly not his best bud, Charlotte. Happily, we arrive at my apartment complex and I use that to avoid any more Nick related questions.

  Charlotte and I take the stairs to the second floor and she inspects my apartment while I pay the babysitter. After checking on Cassidy, I place a kettle on the stove. “Want some tea?”

  “Sure. That sounds good.”

  “Watch the water for me while I grab some sheets.”

  By the time I get back with the bedding, Charlie has two cups of hot water with tea bags steeping. Next to her mug is her oversized purse that is bulging at the seams. I wonder what she totes in that massive thing.

  “Come here and let me explain what’s going on. Remember that first year when Nick and I moved to town?”

  I nod. The memory of Nick appearing like an angel in the middle of the Stacks parking lot isn’t something I’ll ever forget. It was the first random act of kindness I’d experienced. My throat gets tight every time it pops into my head. I take a sip of my tea to cover up my sudden onslaught of emotions.

  “I took care of everything for Nick so he wouldn’t have any distractions from the game. I found his condo, I took care of his laundry”—that explains why he was so bad at folding, I muse silently—“I stocked his fridge, paid his bills, and basically made it so all he had to do was play the game. And I kept doing it. Last year after he won the Super Bowl, he credited me with part of his success, so teammates of his came to me and then word spread to other Texas athletes. Now, I’m swamped with work. I don’t have enough time in the day to do all the research I need. I can spend a week calling up schools, interviewing neighborhoods to find the exact right fit for my clients, the best dry cleaner, the best dog walkers, and then I have to fly there to visit. If I had a more established business, then it would be easier, but…”