Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  ‘I will.’

  ‘Tell your parents I said hello.’ I reach into the car and run the back of my hand down the side of her face. I’m finding it hard to walk away.

  ‘Come on, you two,’ Carter calls out. ‘There’s plenty of time for that on your honeymoon.’

  ‘Remind me why I’m friends with him again.’

  ‘Because you’re like long lost twins.’ She laughs.

  She’s right, we are.

  ‘I can’t wait to become Mrs Jaxson Albright tomorrow.’ Christ I love the sound of that.

  In my heart she’s always been mine, but tomorrow it becomes official.

  ‘I know it’s none of my business,’ Carter says on the drive to the hotel, ‘but I’m glad you’re finally doing the right thing. You know … before this kid is born.’

  ‘Things aren’t like they used to be, Carter. I know you had a hard time growing up without your father around, but lots of people have kids out of wedlock these days. The stigma doesn’t really exist anymore.’

  ‘I guess, but I’m still glad you’re getting married. You’re doing the right thing for Candice, Maddie and the baby. My life was shit because of my circumstances. I’d hate for any child to go through what I did.’

  ‘In my defence though, Maddie was almost three before I even knew she was my daughter.’

  ‘I know, but she’s what … fucking twelve now?’

  There’s not much I can say to that, except Candice and I were always content with how things were. All we cared about was being together, and being great parents to our daughter. But things changed when we found out Candice was pregnant with our son. I can’t even put it into words, but something shifted inside me that day, and I knew then and there I wanted more. We did everything arse-about with Maddie, and this was our chance to do it right.

  When I dropped Candice back at work that morning, I headed straight to a jeweller to buy her an engagement ring. That night, the three of us went out to dinner to celebrate the news about the baby. Maddie was over the moon that she was going to get a little brother or sister.

  Candice had no idea what I had planned, so I had no clue how she would react. I was a bundle of nerves when I got down on one knee and proposed to her in front of the entire restaurant. To my relief she didn’t hesitate with her answer, launching herself into my arms with a very confident yes.

  ‘You’ve made your point, cock. You can shut up now,’ I say to Carter.

  ‘I always knew you were a bit slow,’ he retorts, punching me in the arm.

  ‘Fuck off.’ I rub my arm. I’d punch him back, but he’s driving. ‘My family means everything to me.’

  ‘Mine too,’ he says, smiling. ‘I don’t know where I’d be without them.’

  I chuckle as I shake my head. ‘Would you listen to us two, we sound like chicks. When did we become such pussies?’

  ‘Speak for yourself, arsehole.’

  After Carter and I check in at the Harbour View Hotel in North Sydney, we take our bags to our room. We chose to stay here because it’s close to Luna Park. After much debate, Candice and I decided on a theme park wedding instead of the conventional church one. Our trip to Luna Park for Maddie’s fifth birthday was the first time the three of us went out together, officially as a family, so it made perfect sense for us to get married there. We may not have realised it at the time, but that day planted a seed in us both: it reminded us of the importance of family and togetherness. Every major event that we spent together with Maddie after that day only helped to mend what had been broken for so long.

  I can’t help but smile when I think about how wonderful my life is now. My only regret is that we waited so long to be together. We let our minds rule, even though our hearts knew what they wanted from day one.

  Carter and I take a seat at the bar on the ground floor of our hotel. When the bartender approaches us, I order two beers, the good imported shit. We have plenty to celebrate. It’s been a while since we’ve had a quiet drink together, and I’m looking forward to spending the evening unwinding, in preparation for one of the most important days of my life—the day I say ‘I do’ to the only girl who’s ever held my heart. My soulmate.

  ‘We found out last week that the baby’s a boy,’ I say to Carter after taking a long pull of my beer.

  ‘A son, hey?’ He lifts his bottle, clinking it with mine. His smile tells me he’s genuinely happy about my news. ‘Congratulations. My boys can be terrors, but they’re great fun.’ He’s a fantastic dad. It just proves you don’t necessarily need a positive male role model in your life to be a good father. I’m proof of that as well. I strive to be nothing like that cocksucker who raised me.

  ‘Candice and I were talking,’ I say, picking at the label on my beer bottle. ‘We want to name him Carter.’

  ‘Really?’ His face lights up. ‘You don’t have to do that, but I’d be honoured if you did.’

  ‘I know you named Jaxson after me, but that’s not why I’m doing this. You mean a lot to me. You’re like the brother I always wanted.’

  Carter goes quiet as his eyes move down to the bottle in his hand. ‘Same,’ he whispers, his voice slightly cracking.

  ‘You’re not getting all emotional on me, are you?’ I say, punching him in the arm.

  ‘Fuck off,’ he grumbles. ‘My sinuses are playing up.’

  I laugh when he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand.

  ‘Well, I’m glad I didn’t tell you I loved you or anything. You’d probably be sobbing your heart out right now.’

  ‘Whatever, cock, I’m not a pussy.’

  We both laugh briefly, before an awkward silence falls over us. He clears his throat.

  ‘If you did say that,’ he finally adds, ‘I’d probably say I feel the same way about you.’

  My gaze darts around the bar in a slight panic. I hope nobody can hear what we’re saying. The fact that we’re sharing a room tonight only makes our conversation sound even dodgier.

  ‘Yeah, well, lucky I didn’t say that then.’

  ‘Who are you kidding?’ He chuckles. ‘You love me.’

  ‘Less talking and more drinking,’ I mumble as I sit up straighter in my seat. ‘I already feel like I’ve lost a piece of my manhood this afternoon.’

  Carter releases a boisterous laugh. ‘I hear ya, man. I think we’ve broken every damn man code there is.’

  ‘Candice and Indiana have a lot to answer for,’ I say, shaking my head.

  ‘They’ve made us soft.’

  ‘Speak for yourself, arsehole.’ I laugh.

  Carter raises his beer. ‘To brotherhood.’

  I smile and I clink my bottle with his. ‘To brotherhood.’

  CANDICE

  Butterflies churn in my stomach as Mum zips up my wedding gown. I can’t believe it’s finally happening. Today I become Mrs Jaxson Albright. I feel like I’ve waited an eternity for this day. Even though I’ve been content with Jax and me just living together, in my heart I’ve always yearned to become his wife.

  I’ve learnt over the years that life isn’t always the fairy tale we wish for, and not everyone gets a happy ending. I’m one of the lucky ones though. The path Jax and I took to get to where we are was bumpy to say the least, but I not only got my Prince Charming, I got the husband too. That’s all that matters.

  ‘Look at you,’ Mum says as she turns me to face her and pulls me into her arms. ‘I can’t believe my baby is getting married today.’

  ‘I’m not a baby anymore, Mum.’ I laugh.

  ‘You’ll always be my baby,’ she says, drawing back and running her hand affectionately down the side of my face.

  When I notice the tears brimming in her eyes, I have to look away. If I don’t, she’s gonna make me cry as well, and it’ll ruin my makeup.

  ‘I know you and Jax have been living together for years now, but believe me when I say that actually being married will make a difference.’

  ‘I know. I can’t wait,’ I reply. ‘He says it’s just a piece
of paper, but to me it’s so much more. I’ve wanted to be his wife for as long as I can remember.’

  When my own eyes cloud with tears, she hugs me tighter. ‘A wise person once told me good things come to those who wait.’

  I let out a small laugh as I wipe a stray tear from my cheek. I said those exact words to her before she married Brendan.

  Our moment is broken when Maddie comes bounding into the room. ‘Look how cute Snoopy looks, Mum,’ she says with excitement in her voice. ‘Poppy helped me put his bowtie on.’

  I take a few seconds to admire my beautiful girl. She’s growing up before my eyes and it scares me to think that not too far in the future, I’ll be helping her prepare for her own wedding day. I’m not sure how Jax will cope with that. He almost hyperventilates if I mention the possibility of Maddie dating one day.

  ‘Here’re my three favourite girls,’ my dad says as he enters the room. I adore this man so much. Not only for the way he treats my mum, but for loving Maddie and me like we’re his own flesh and blood. ‘The limo has just arrived downstairs.’

  A smile explodes onto Mum’s face as she looks at him. She does that a lot these days. Married life certainly agrees with her. She and Dad are going to look after Maddie while Jax whisks me away for a week-long romantic honeymoon at the Four Seasons Resort at Bora Bora. We’re staying in a water bungalow. We were going to wait until after the baby was born, but we knew it would probably never happen if we did.

  ‘You ready?’ Mum asks me.

  ‘Yes,’ I answer with a smile, as I run my hand over my stomach. I’m so ready I think my heart might burst.

  ‘Come help me carry the bouquets to the car, Maddie,’ Mum says as she leaves the room, giving me a moment alone with Dad.

  ‘You look beautiful, sweetheart,’ he says as he closes the distance between us.

  ‘Thanks, Dad.’ Saying that will never get old.

  ‘I’m honoured that you asked me to give you away today. You have no idea what it means to me.’ Tears fill my eyes when I hear his voice crack.

  ‘I’m honoured that you accepted. There’s nobody else I’d rather have walk me down the aisle.’

  No more words are exchanged as he pulls me into his arms. I savour this feeling. Growing up with Sophia was always enough, but I’m so blessed I now have him as well.

  ‘I love you, Dad,’ I whisper.

  ‘I love you too, sweetheart.’

  JAX

  ‘Do your parents know you’re getting married today?’ Carter asks as we arrive at Luna Park.

  Maybe it’s the big kid inside me, but I fucking love that we’re getting married here. It wasn’t cheap to hire out the entire park for the morning, but you can’t put a price on what today means to Candice and me. After we tie the knot, we’re going to change clothes to let loose and have fun. We have the rides to ourselves until midday, before the park opens to the public. Then we’re heading to Watsons Bay for a beautiful lunch overlooking the water.

  ‘Nope. They wouldn’t give a shit anyway.’ I didn’t even bother asking them. I knew they wouldn’t come, and there was no way I was gonna set myself up for another rejection. It kinda sucks that I don’t have any of my family here, but I have Carter. He’s family.

  ‘How’s all that shit going with your brother?’

  I shrug. ‘No idea. I don’t have anything to do with them.’ Last year my brother’s name was splashed on the front page of every newspaper, not for the reasons he’d hoped for either. He was embroiled in some kind of sex scandal with his secretary and another politician’s wife, and subsequently forced to step down from his position in parliament. Even though Brent was the golden child in my parent’s eyes, I know them well enough to realise they would’ve distanced themselves from him after that—possibly even disowned him, like they did me. Even Brent’s wife left him after a few other women came forward—one even claimed to be carrying his child. I felt bad for him, but you reap what you sow. Karma’s a bitch.

  ‘Can we change the subject?’ I ask. Today is my wedding day, and I refuse to let those fuckers put a dampener on it.

  I didn’t anticipate feeling this nervous. I shake out my hands as I try to calm the hell down. I need a damn cigarette, but I promised Candice I wouldn’t smoke anymore. The night I planned on proposing to her, I was a mess. While Candice and Maddie were inside getting ready for our dinner date, I snuck out the back to have a quick smoke. I needed something to take the edge off. She wasn’t angry when she busted me, just upset. She asked me to stop, and I haven’t had one since. She’s never been one to tell me what to do, but her reasons made perfect sense: she wants me around for her and the kids.

  I tug at the bowtie around my neck. ‘I feel like a fucking penguin in this get-up.’

  ‘You look like one too,’ Carter chuckles. Does he not realise he’s also wearing a tux? Dickhead.

  ‘Jax,’ I hear someone say from behind me. Without even looking I know who it is. It’s been a while, but I’d recognise that voice anywhere.

  ‘Brian,’ I say as I spin around. I can’t believe he’s here. How?

  I guess the look on my face says it all. ‘Your little lady called me.’ Of course she did. My pink-haired angel.

  Brian looks great, nothing like the man I remember. Words can’t convey how happy I am to see him again. I’ve missed him.

  ‘I’m so glad you’ve come.’

  He ignores my extended hand, opting to pull me into a hug instead.

  ‘I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, son.’

  A lump rises in my throat. Why would I need my family here? Everyone who’s important to me is present. This is all the family I’ll ever need.

  As we stand there and chat, a pretty blonde approaches. She’s short even in her sky-high heels.

  ‘Hi,’ she says, coming to a stop in front of us.

  ‘Hi.’ I have no clue who she is.

  ‘Which one of you is Jax?’

  She has an English accent, but all I can think is, how the fuck does she know my name? I have a mini freak-out, and my eyes dart to Carter. He better not have ordered me a damn stripper on my wedding day. I’ll knock him out if he did. The blonde doesn’t really look like a stripper, but she has that sexy secretary/librarian thing going on.

  ‘My name is Michelle … Michelle McGinty.’ Her greens eyes sparkle as her gaze moves from me to Carter. It only seems to heighten my concerns. ‘I’m the marriage celebrant.’

  ‘Oh.’ Relief floods through me. Of course that’s who she is. ‘I’m Jax,’ I say, shaking her hand. I’m not up to speed on every detail of today—I only played a part in choosing the venue. The rest of the details were left to Candice and Sophia.

  ‘And I’m Carter, the best man,’ Carter says, as he winks at her. I shake my head. He’s such an idiot.

  Carter leaves us when Indi and the kids arrive, and Michelle spends the next fifteen minutes going over the details of the service with me. She’s already discussed it at length with Candice when they met. I couldn’t make it, because I had some issues at work. Candice did give me a run-down when I got home from work that night, but I’m pretty sure I tuned out after a few minutes. The only words that were important to me were the ‘I do’s.

  ‘Hey, boss.’

  I spin around when someone clasps my shoulder. ‘Gus,’ I say, smiling. I’m glad he’s here. He’s the only guest we invited, other than our family.

  ‘This is Gina.’ He puts his arm proudly around a brunette, puffing out his chest. ‘Gina, this is my boss, Jax.’

  He brought a date? Wow.

  ‘Hi,’ she says.

  ‘Hey. It’s nice to meet you,’ I reply.

  When I shake Gus’s hand, I lean my body in. ‘How much did you pay her to be your date today?’ I whisper.

  ‘Very funny.’ He chuckles, playfully punching my arm. ‘She’s my girlfriend. Pinkie set us up.’

  ‘Really?’ How come I didn’t know anything about that?

  When the time comes, Carter, M
ichelle and I move into place. I rub my sweaty palms down the front of my trousers as the nerves kick in.

  A red carpet has been laid out for the girls to walk down. A few chairs have been placed either side for our handful of guests: Sophia, Brendan, Carter, Indi and the kids, Brian, Gus and his date, Gina.

  There’s a small piano set up left of the chairs, with a woman sitting in front of it. I guess she’s in charge of the music. As soon as she starts playing, Maddie comes into view. Candice is right behind her. My girls. A lump rises in my throat. I hate to think of how miserable my life would be without them by my side. When our son finally arrives, our family will be complete. I can’t wait to experience all the things I missed with Maddie.

  I’m smiling as Maddie makes her way down the aisle towards us. She has Snoopy on a leash, and I chuckle when I see the bowtie he’s wearing around his neck. I can’t even put into words how much I adore my little girl. She looks so grown up in her long pink gown. Her blonde curls are piled up on top of her head, and there’s a touch of makeup on her face—she looks so beautiful. She reminds me so much of Candice when we first met all those years ago. It won’t be long before the boys come knocking. I think I’ll need to invest in a shotgun when that happens.

  ‘I love you, Daddy,’ she murmurs as she comes to stand with me and Carter under the iconic smiling mouth of Luna Park. Candice and I chose this exact spot to exchange our vows because that’s all we seem to do these days—smile.

  ‘I love you too.’

  The moment I see Candice in all her glory, I swear all the air leaves my body; she still takes my breath away after all this time. Her stepfather stands proudly beside her, ready to give her away.

  My eyes drink her in, as I try to imprint this image in my mind forever. It’s a moment I don’t want to ever forget. Once upon a time it was something I only dreamt about. Never in my wildest dreams did I think one day this would be my reality. Her small belly is visible in the elegant white strapless gown she’s wearing, which only makes her look even more gorgeous to me. I can’t tell you what an amazing feeling it is to go through this pregnancy with her. Attending all the doctor’s appointments, seeing the first ultrasound of our son. Soon I’ll be able to feel him moving inside her.