by Andrew Elgin
Tarla was clearing the table. "There are all sorts of things people do. Some of us are better at some things than others. That's why we call them talents."
Paysa had left the table only to return with three bowls in her hand which she placed on the table between herself and Javin. They were covered with a piece of cloth. Tarla rejoined them.
"What talents are there, then?" Javin asked. "Tarla, what's your talent? What is it you do?"
Tarla blushed again, looking at the table. Paysa answered. "Actually, we don't normally ask people what their talents are. It's thought of as being a little rude. It's like asking something very personal, like, I don't know, like... asking if they've hurt someone, for instance. You let people tell you, if they want to, when they trust you. But you're new and we're trying to help so, in this case, it's fair to ask. I don't want you getting into trouble later, that's all.
"Tarla does have a talent, don't you? It's still growing, but it's hers. Why don't you tell him yourself? After all, this was your idea."
Tarla took a deep breath and seems to be plucking up courage. After a moment, she managed to look at Javin. The earlier excitement at his arrival and the rain of questions had slowly changed into a quieter phase. She rarely asked questions now but spent a lot of time staring at him. He had caught her sometimes with a look of yearning, sometimes with a sadness he did not understand. She was rarely at ease near him but liked being near him. Where her voice had, at first, been bright and eager and her smile open and ready always on her face, now her voice was smaller and had a nervous edge to it, as if she could not trust it. "I can... understand people." She shook her head, correcting herself. "No, not understand. That's not quite right. I can hear how people feel. I can sense them, like I can hear how they feel." She looked to her mother for support. Paysa nodded encouragingly. "It's like a sound I hear. I'm not really good at it yet, though"
Paysa put her hand on Tarla to stop her. "Tarla cannot see what you think. Can you, love?" Tarla was back to staring at the table again. She briefly shook her head. "Nobody can do that, as far as I know," she said with conviction.
"But Bellis said that it was possible. When I was at Landing. She was trying to teach me." Javin was confused.
"I have no idea what they can do at Landing, but I can tell that here, where we are, nobody I know can do that." Paysa frowned. "I think you think Tarla here can read your mind, don't you?" She gave Javin no opportunity to affirm or deny that. "Nobody can read your mind. Certainly not Tarla. All she said was about hearing people and how they felt." She reached for Tarla who looked even more uncomfortable. "This was her idea, so don't try and think anything bad of it." She patted Tarla reassuringly, never taking her eyes off Javin who had been completely surprised by what he'd heard.
In truth, Javin really hadn't got to thinking what Paysa had accused him of. Faced with her second-guessing his thoughts, he was astute enough to apologize. At the back of his mind was his promise to Hanlar about not involving the family. The situation seemed to come under that promise in some fashion. "I had no idea... I mean, I didn't think..." Javin gestured placatingly as he tried to speak. "I'm sorry! Tarla? I'm sorry." Another brief bob of her head. "And Paysa? I'm sorry." A slight inclination of her head showed her acknowledgment. "I never meant... Ah! This is impossible!" What had started as a way of keeping a promise to Hanlar had suddenly become something larger, something which served to show, again, how little he knew of anything here. He cradled his forehead in his hands. "I am sorry. I am also, part of me, not sorry. And that's because you're asking me to know things no-one has ever told me. And that's not fair." He looked up at them, feeling defiant but trying not show it. He needed to learn. He needed them to teach him. "But I am sorry for breaking the rules and for not understanding. I promised Hanlar I would not let my feelings interfere with the family. I apologize if I have broken that promise." He looked directly at Paysa now and took a deep breath. "I am grateful to you, and to Tarla, for this help."
Paysa had softened as he had been speaking. "You may be right, Javin. Maybe it was too much to take in straight away. There's so much we take for granted. It is my turn to apologize to you for forgetting that you are still very new here." She flashed a smile. "Like a newborn."
"Sometimes, it does feel that way," Javin agreed with a wry smile. "And I do need to learn. Like a child, I suppose. I'm not sure if this is going to be breaking any rules, and, I'm sorry if it is, but, Tarla, can you please tell me what I am feeling?" He looked to Paysa for her reaction. She nodded acceptance.
"You have to know something else, Javin," Paysa said. "Doing something like this, like Tarla can do, it can seem to be very, very much like spying. Like looking at things you're not meant to look at. So, when you asked if she could do it, that's being respectful of her and giving her permission. It's a good way of going about it."
"But what if I didn't give permission? What if Tarla, or someone like her, just wanted to look in my head just to see how I felt about something?"
Tarla looked to her mother. Paysa nodded her to speak. "It's not like I do this all the time. I know I'm only beginning to do this, but, I can't do it all the time, even if I wanted to. It's like mother and father always listening and talking to each other. Nothing would get done. Same for me. I have to live my life in my head. So I don't go around poking into others. I mean, it's simply not polite!" She looked shyly at Javin. "It's best if someone invites me to listen to them. Easiest, in fact." She paused slightly and her eyes lost focus. "As for what you are feeling now," she said, "it's like a mix. Nothing steady." She moved her hand round and round. "Everything is moving. I don't know how to describe it because I've not heard it before." Her mouth tightened as she sought the right words. Then a smile. "Confusion! That's what it feels like. Confusion." She brought her focus back to Javin and raised her eyebrows in a question.
Javin smiled in turn. "I would have to say that sounds pretty much perfectly like what's going on. Confused. I am most definitely feeling confused. Thank you."
She shrugged to indicate she was finished.
Paysa beamed a congratulatory smile at her daughter, and rubbed her hands together briskly, a signal to move on. "Now. Let's get you started, shall we, Javin? Let's see what your talent might be. Hanlar won't be back bothering us until I tell him." And she lifted the covers from two of the bowls. "In this one," she said as she pointed, "there are some small seeds. And in this one, I have got a little water."
"What's in the that bowl?"
"Let's leave that for a moment." Paysa tipped the tiny red seeds out and spread them out a little with a finger. They were small enough that, by pressing a fingertip into the pile, ten or twenty would stick to the skin.
Javin looked expectantly at her. "What is this?"
Still prodding at the seeds, Paysa said, "Some people can move things without touching them. These seeds are small. Maybe you can move them. Or just some of them."
"And I would do that... how?"
"I don't know. How do you do anything? How do I talk to Hanlar? I just decide and then it gets done." She smiled encouragingly as she motioned at Javin. "Just try. See if you can move even one small seed. Like this one, here." And she prodded out one from the rest with the blunt tip of a fingernail.
Javin stared at it, not knowing what to do. It was nothing like finding 'his' spot on the ground with Bellis. That was a feeling he was looking for. Here, he had no idea what he was meant to feel or do. Paysa and Tarla were both looking at him with eagerness, to see what he could do. He didn't want to let them down. Plus, he wanted some sign he was able to do something on his own; make his mark in some fashion. Even if it was moving a tiny red, shiny seed.
So he stared at it and dared it to move. Nothing. He imagined blowing on it and seeing if that would work. Still nothing. He shut his eyes tight and frowned and thought hard about what he wanted, and still nothing. Then he began to wonder what plant it was from. And how was it gathered. And then he knew that he had completely lost any focu
s he might have had.
He sat up with a sigh. "It's no good. I don't know what I'm doing here. I can't think of a way of doing this."
"Well, perhaps you need to stop thinking and let it happen instead," Paysa replied.
"How do I stop thinking about it? It's there in front of me! You've asked me to do something and then said, don't think about it. That makes no sense."
"Tarla, do you think about what you're doing when you hear people?" Paysa turned to bring her daughter into the conversation.
Tarla shook her head. "I started out that way, but I soon found out that I can just... I don't know... switch it on." She shook her head again. "I just do it, I suppose."
Paysa turned back to Javin, a triumphant smile on her face. "There you are! You see? You just do it. Like Tarla said."
Javin did not feel at all confident that Paysa's advice was particularly easy to follow. Instead, he pointed at the bowl with the water. "And what talent would involve this, then?"
Paysa sat back in her chair, folding her arms across her stomach. "Some people can make things hot or cold, or they can see if something's hot or cold. I'm not quite sure what it is, but I know Hanlar knew someone who could make water hot by holding it in his hands. You could try some of those things with this."
Javin was definitely unsure about this experiment. "I'm not even going to ask what I should do, or how I should do it. But, if you say it can be done... ," And he leaned closer. At first, he tried looking at it hard to see if he could see anything new about it. Then he tried holding the bowl in his hands. He put it down and place his hands over it for a while. In fact, he tried anything which came to mind, including stirring the water with a finger. But nothing happened.
He sat back in his chair. "Sorry. I don't seem to have any talent for that. Maybe I just don't have a talent."
"Nonsense," said Paysa, pushing the last bowl, still covered, in front of Javin. "Try this one."
"What is in the bowl?"
Tarla smiled. She was not at all disappointed that Javin had not succeeded at the earlier tasks. It seemed she was looking forward to this one. "Mother put something in there. But you might be able to see it."
"See it? How?"
Paysa sat back again. "There are people we call 'eyes'. They can see things which are not in front of them. They can see things in other rooms, for example." She frowned. "Truth is, Javin, 'eyes' are not always liked. Some people really do not like them. They can hate them, in fact." She looked up at him. "It's not fair, I know. Tarla here can hear how people feel and that's fine. But, if you knew that she could see what you were doing in another place, it would be like there would be no privacy. Tarla has to be near the person. An eye can be nowhere near. Hanlar and I can be a long, long away from each other and our speaking still works. But, people often don't think of it in the same way. An eye can be a very lonely person if they let others know that's their talent. It's not fair, but it's how it is here."
"And you want me to see if I'm an 'eye'?"
"Of course! If we know that, we can help you. Plus, it's not that common."
"You wouldn't know it if it was, though. Would you? Not if people won't admit to being one."
"True. But here it's safe to find out. Safe to practice." And she motioned at the bowl. "See if you can see inside. It's near and you can even hold the bowl if that will help. Might be you need that if you're starting out. You're a newborn, remember?" Her grin was infectious.
Javin did everything he could think of; closing his eyes, holding his breath, holding the bowl up to his head. Finally, he put the bowl down and shook his head sadly. "Maybe there's nothing in it, and that's why I get nothing?"
"Mother?" Tarla asked.
Paysa reached out and gently removed the cloth to reveal another helping of the fruit drenched with the sauce. She pushed the bowl toward him. "Sorry, Javin. You're obviously not an eye. But maybe that's for the good. Even if you're not an eye, you can still eat that up." She handed him a spoon and smiled and patted his arm as he took it. "Don't worry, Javin. Everyone has a talent. It will just take time. That's all."
Tarla's face also dimpled into a quiet smile as Javin happily took up his spoon again.
Chapter Six
Tarla, perhaps emboldened by spending time with Javin and being able to talk with him, went back to asking Javin questions about his previous life on Haven. Instead of a stream of questions, now it was just one or two at a time. She was interested in his kidnapping and journey through space. And another question, slipped in, about a girlfriend. How was he captured? Did he fight? What was it like in space? He could provide few details. He had been rounded up by police and taken away in a vehicle. But he had been drugged with a spray and had virtually no memories of anything until his arrival.
The lack of details was not such a let down for her, but it did serve to remind Javin how ragged his memory really was.
One day, after a particularly hard morning, trying to move a herd of belligerent animals into a new pasture, Javin and Hanlar were taking a break in the shade of a bush.
"What are those things we were just wrestling with called?" asked Javin.
"Gomars."
"I think I have another name for them."
Hanlar smiled in sympathy. "Probably better you keep it out here. I heard a few words you were using and, although I am not really sure what they meant, I got the idea of what you were saying."
"Hmmmph." Javin was on his back staring up through the fronds above him. "They have the attention span of a child and the strength of... of something much bigger." He winced as he rubbed gently at his side. "Those things, the gomars, they really like head butting, don't they? What do you do with them? It'd better be worth it, whatever it is."
"We pluck the hair once a year when it gets long. When treated with the right plants, which we don't have here, it apparently changes color. The color depends on the weather. I haven't seen it, but Torrint told me about it. We sell to him and he sells to the ones who can make it change color." Hanlar shrugged. "I suppose it would be pretty."
"You haven't seen it, then?"
Hanlar shook his head. "Probably couldn't afford it, either. Apparently it's quite popular in other places, but what would we do with it here?"
Javin did not know how to answer that. "Wouldn't it be easier," he said, "to ride them instead of trying to poke them in the direction you want to go?" He stretched to try to ease the muscles in his side.
"See those big, round dark leaves? Just to your left? Pick one of them, crush it and rub it on the bruise."
Javin did so. "Oooooh! That feels good." He grabbed another leaf. "What's this stuff called?"
"It's minnit," said Hanlar. "And that herding we just did? That was the easiest it's ever been. Thanks to you."
"You mean you do that on your own?" said Javin, amazed at the thought and impressed at Hanlar at the same time.
Hanlar nodded. "Here, let's have our lunch now before getting on."
"Not more gomars, please!"
"No," Hanlar smiled as he broke some dried meat off and handed it over. They both chewed in silence for a moment.
"Do you still hate it here as much?"
"I'm not sure. Swearing at those animals helped a little." Javin smiled a little. "Let off steam, I think." He thought little more. "Maybe I don't hate it as much. But that might be because I'm a little more used to it. One thing I am sure of is that this is not the life for me. I know that much." He shrugged. "I'm sorry. I know I need to learn, and I will. And I'm grateful for you teaching me. But..."
Hanlar nodded his understanding. He chewed a little more before changing the subject. "Is Tarla bothering you? She seems to be always asking questions."
"No. It's only a problem if I can't answer." Javin shook his head. "That's the real problem, Hanlar. Not her. There's too much I don't know. And there's a whole lot more I can't remember."
"Still no more memories?"
"No. It's like there's a wall in my head." Javin built an im
aginary wall in front of him with both hands. "On this side," he motioned with his right hand, "there's everything I've done for, I think, maybe three to four years. Maybe more, maybe less. The journey is still a blank, but I know I was drugged for that. And on the other side," using his left hand, "there's a whole empty space. I don't know anything about that. I don't know my parents. I can't remember anything about my childhood. Nothing. It's a blank!
"The one thing I am sure of is the memories I have since I arrived here. Those I know are real. I think all the other memories are real. But I don't know."
"That must be hard for you, the not knowing. And I hear that finding your talent hasn't exactly been easy, either."
Javin smiled ruefully. "I don't seem to be able to do anything."
Hanlar took a round piece of fruit and expertly twisted the top of it off. Then he peeled the rest of the skin away with his thumbnail, eating half of it and offering the rest to Javin. Javin found it to be delightfully juicy and refreshing and nodded his appreciation.
Hanlar wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and let out a contented sigh. "So I suppose that you haven't had much luck with hearing Harmony, either?"
"I would think I'd know it if I did, so, no." Javin wiped his hands on the ground to get rid of the stickiness. "To be honest, I have no idea what any of that means, Hanlar. Not one small clue."
Hanlar pursed his lips as he thought about how to explain it. "I'm not sure how to tell it right, or even if it is the same for everyone. But as far as I know, to me, anyway, it's a bit like hearing a song, or sometimes it's like something that you just feel is right and everything sort of fits together. Like, you have a connection with what's happening around you." He paused and Javin could see him scouring his memory for better ways of saying what he instinctively felt and knew. "It's like the difference between looking at, say, that piece of land over there," and he pointed as he spoke, "and really knowing what the land was growing now and what it was capable of growing."
