Songs Of Harmony

by Andrew Elgin

  Sometimes, on the edge of the blackness, he glimpsed faces. Faces he thought he might know if only he could think. And then, sometimes, there were views of places, of a city. A skyline. Tall buildings. And then some sounds which almost seemed familiar at times. They were confusing. And in and around these confusions a buzzing sound, like music but at a vast distance.

  Later, through gaps in the blackness, he opened his eyes to see a blurred face looking down at him, and sometimes just the ceiling with shadows on it above him. Then, he blinked hard to try to clear the blurriness. He tried to speak, but there was no sound. He swallowed hard to try and find his voice. He was rewarded with a sweet-tasting juice. He found that he could move an arm to his face. He was rewarded with her voice saying, "Well done! That's the way. You can do it fine." The bones of his cheeks and jaws were sharp under the questioning fingers and even the gentle touch made him wince.

  Probably a little later, her voice asked, "Would you like to try some broth?" Javin tried to open his eyes to see the owner. He blinked hard several times, rolling his head gently to try and see better. The cool hand rested on his brow to stop him. "Don't do that! That blow to your head near killed you. Just missed taking an eye out, and then you smacked your head on the floor as you bounced off the stool, as best as I can tell. Front and back got it. You might have blurry vision for a while, but I can't see any permanent damage there. Just bruising is left, as far as I can tell. I think it's about time you started getting some strength back."

  Javin licked his lips, trying to get some moisture to speak with. A cloth wiped his mouth and was squeezed gently to release a few drops on his tongue. "I'll get some water for you in a beaker when you can sit up a little more. Let's see if we can't get you started." And two arms came to lift him forward and up and place a pillow behind him.

  "Keep your eyes shut for now. It'll help."

  Javin nodded to show he had heard, but he also tried to see where he was. The two actions combined caused everything to swirl around and he vomited suddenly.

  "So much for doing as you're told," said the voice in exasperation, accompanied by the sounds of a cloth being used on the bedding. "Could have been worse. It's not like you've got much in you. Now, don't nod, but listen. Shut your eyes or I'll have to bind them shut for you. Just let yourself settle to sitting first. One thing at a time." More sounds of movement, but he had no idea what they represented and he had no wish to vomit again. He smelt something. Something which made his stomach yearn.

  "Now, I've got some broth here. Let me feed you, but keep your eyes shut!"

  Javin let himself be fed. It felt wonderful! Full of flavor and sensation. He was still enjoying it when, abruptly, he realized he was full and could not have any more. His stomach protested. Instead of shaking his head, with all the attendant problems that might bring, he lifted his hand up.

  "Ah! No more? I understand. You'll sleep well now. I'll leave you sitting. Less problem next time." He felt covers being drawn up to his chin and he let his head turn carefully to one side. He realized he was tired. Very tired. He slept.

  When he woke again, he drank a little water with some help. He cleared his throat a couple of times and was finally able to speak. "How long have I been here?" His voice, he was surprised to hear, was little more than a croak, a rasp. He coughed again.

  Della was sitting on the edge of the bed when he asked her. Her slightly lidded, light-grey eyes, with tired circles beneath them, scanned his face in a professional manner, looking for problems, for signs of healing. Satisfied with what she saw, she relaxed a little. "Before I answer that, can you please tell me your name? I have no idea who you are or where you came from. And you can tell me that later, or not, as you please. But it would be nicer if I could call you by your name."

  Javin introduced himself, his voice hoarse through disuse. He even made a vague attempt at touching his forehead with his fingers as he had seen other do it. "Well, Javin, you've been here, in this bed for ten days. And you'll need at least that much again before you're able to be of much use to anyone."

  As soon as she spoke, thoughts of Meldren flooded him and his eyes teared up. Della, misinterpreting, said, "But you'll be perfectly fine, I'm sure. The time will go quickly."

  But Javin waved away her words. "Meldren!" His voice was not much above a whisper. "I promised her I would find her. She'll think I've abandoned her. I have to find her. I have to!" He made feeble attempts to move the bedding aside, wincing at the dizziness as he did so before he was easily stopped by Della.

  Her long, strong fingers digging into his arm, she told him, "You are in no fit state to go anywhere. Not yet. You can't even get out of this bed. This Meldren person? She'll have to wait. You will have to wait as well." Her voice gentled a little, became more soothing, more tender. "It must be very difficult to be apart. But, if I know anything, then it's that if two people are really meant to be together, they will be. And if that's how you feel about you and her, then you will be together again. But not just yet. You must heal first. Get your strength back. I am sure she will wait and she will understand." She cocked her head to look more closely at him. "Now, I will do my very best to help you get strong enough to find her. But, if I am to do that, you must help me. And that means doing as you are told. You must rest and get your strength back and let your head heal. Is that clear?" She waited for Javin. "Is that clear, Javin?"

  Eventually, he gave a slow, grudging sweep of his hand in response. "Yes. I will help you heal me."

  In her turn, Della nodded acknowledgment of the agreement. She had a wide, clear forehead, a narrow, long nose leading to a wide-lipped mouth which creased easily into a smile and a narrow chin which matched and balanced her nose. She looked tired. At first, Javin thought that was because of looking after him. He came to learn that she always looked tired, but hardly ever acted it. She was perhaps the same age as Paysa. But there the similarity ended. Where Paysa had been a ball of bustling energy, Della was more... quiet? He wasn't sure how to word it. If Paysa had been of the earth, then Della was more of the water; flowing, gliding, smooth but always with a goal, an end in sight.

  Her fingers, surprisingly strong and sharp, as he came to learn, were always moving over his face and head, checking and adjusting, her head held to one side and her eyes half-focused. At such times, he felt a strange heat coming from her hands and a feeling of ease from his body where they rested. Although he saw her eat, admittedly hurriedly at times, she remained thin. Her brown hair streaked with occasional lighter strands, was piled on top of her head and held in place, precariously, by a varying number of long pins of some kind of wood. Sometimes, the pins failed and strands of dark brown hair tumbled haphazardly around her head and shoulders until she remembered to pile them back up again. Occasionally, she braided the more intrusive tresses and tied those back separately so that he never saw her with the same hairstyle twice.

  At first, after becoming aware of the length of time he had lost, he sank into a morose state from which it was difficult to move him. Della managed to brighten him somewhat by letting him sit in a chair by his bed. Progress, visible progress, helped him out of his depression. But it was never quick enough. The buzzing that he had heard in his sleep slowly changed into something else, something with more nuance; as if it was the same music, still distant but a little clearer. Slowly, he began to sleep well again. The faces he had glimpsed earlier no longer bothered him. Instead. he found that he was able to sleep peacefully and awaken tired but feeling rested. There was a clear distinction between sleep and wakefulness now. But he could not forget the faces and the vague emotions about them. They bothered him, but at a level he couldn't really connect with. Whatever it was, it was some place he couldn't find with his eyes open and his mind working. The thought of Meldren believing him to have abandoned her was a constant sharpness as well.

  It surprised and disconcerted him to discover just how vulnerable and weak he felt. He found it difficult to concentrate on anything for very long. Ev
en keeping a thought was tiring. But he could eat a little more and was able to move his head slowly without severe problems. One thing was always floating around in his head, beyond the pain and dizziness and the tiredness, and that was he was determined to leave as quickly as possible.

  As he progressed he was able to slowly explore his surroundings. Della, he found, lived alone. His bed, or presumably it had been her bed, was off to one side of the larger of two rooms. She apparently was sleeping on a sort of couch on the opposite wall. He felt guilty at taking her bed. The other room he only glimpsed through the doorway. But what he could see from the bed was that her entire place was filled with plants hanging from the beams in the ceiling, growing in pots on the floor and by windows, dried in pots, seeds in cloth packets, something that looked like clay in heaps on a plate, and other things he couldn't give names to in piles, poking from clay pots, or simply resting on a handy surface. He found out that Della had collected most of this herself over time. Some had been brought to her, some she had bought, from Torrint he discovered, and it all made up her dispensary, her collection of medicaments. Speaking of Torrint gave him the opportunity to tell her of his arrival on Harmony; a story she quite obviously enjoyed for its newness, its strangeness. He had meant to add about his memory loss, but Della was called out by someone who wanted her skills for an accident elsewhere. By the time she had returned, he was asleep.

  The next day, after he had eaten some stew, he was determined to stay in his chair longer and not give in and go to sleep in the bed. So, he asked how she knew what to use and when. She cocked her head and raised her eyebrows.

  "I assume you do have a talent? If so, can you explain to me how it works, so that you can do whatever it is that you do? I doubt it. And yet you ask me how I know?" She puffed her cheeks in exasperation.

  Javin thought carefully, ignoring the sarcasm. "I'm not sure how long I've been here, but I suppose I've been on this planet about... I don't know how long it is because I don't even know if your year is the same as the year of my home. I don't think I've lived through a winter yet. That's why I was coming to find you. I wanted your help. Before I hit my head. I was coming here with Torrint to find a healer. I didn't know it was you. And then we left quickly after telling about Blackeye and," he shrugged. "I ended up doing other things. But I did mean to find you." He yawned.

  Della's gaze sharpened. "Why? Why did you want to find me? I can't see anything wrong with you. Not since you've been here. Just the blow to the head."

  "I can't remember."

  Della's surprise was obvious. "What? You can't remember why you wanted to find me?"

  Javin suddenly felt more tired bringing this back to the surface. It felt as though it was another barrier to his return to Meldren. "No. Not that. I can remember arriving here, on Harmony. But not my childhood. Not my parents."

  "When did you realize this?" Della was suddenly urgent, probing. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

  He smiled weakly, pointing at his head. "Other things happened." He yawned again, massively this time, his eyes watering.

  Della asked again, "When did this happen? When did you know?"

  Javin tried to think when he really wanted to slip into sleep. "I don't know. Back near where I first learned about this planet. Tarla. I was talking with Tarla."

  "Tarla?"

  "Mmm." It was hard just keeping his eyes open. Thinking was even harder.

  Della shook his leg a little. "You remember arriving here on Harmony, but later on, you found out that your early memories were gone? Is that right, Javin? Is it?" She placed her hand on his head. "I need to know if I'm to help you. Javin?"

  He was asleep.

  Della lifted him to the bed with ease and laid him out, gently stroking the hair from his face. "I think I need to look a little deeper, Javin," she murmured, before hooking the chair with her leg and sitting down close to the bed. "I should have seen this. I should have looked better," her voice reflecting her irritation at herself. She breathed deeply once or twice to calm herself and then reached out gently with her hands to rest the fingertips on his temple. "Let's see what we can see, if I really try looking this time."

  There was a pause for a while, not a sound in the room, as she bowed her head in concentration. After a while she sat up straight, flexed her fingers and rolled her head around, easing any tension in her shoulders. She muttered softly to herself. "Della, it's time you actually tried to be what you set out to be. So why not shut up and look? Forget what you were told about how things are supposed to be and just look!"

  She made herself comfortable, sat back in the chair, folded her arms, bowed her head, closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. She remained like that for a long time.

  Chapter Twenty

  When Javin woke next, he found his vision had cleared up greatly. But, better than that, his mind felt clear: the first time for a long time. Thoughts were no longer those blurry things which swam just out of reach. He could, he realized, pick and choose what to focus on. He lay there, gazing at the ceiling, still weak and empty, but able to think back to Meldren. The memories were sharp and painful, but he held on to them this time. Tears trickled down and formed small, cold pools in his ears as he sought to control his breathing. Sharp regret, aching guilt, gripping fear: he forced himself to feel each of them, and with each he promised himself to find her, to be with her.

  As he lay there, the buzzing music formed a backdrop, a soundscape, swelling and dipping with his emotions. As he let himself feel again, he also realized that the tapestry of music sounded familiar. With a sudden intake of breath, he was back in the canyon, being taken away by the music. And what he was hearing right now was a part of it, sister to it in a way he knew but could never explain. Hearing it now, even dimmed as it was, lifted his spirits, made him feel that, again, there was more to him than just this weak body. There was hope in the music. And there was help, if only he could understand how to accept it.

  Held in this realization, he was not aware that Della was watching him from the chair, a strange look on her face; part question, part wonderment, part tenderness. "Are you ready to eat, yet?"

  Her question surprised him and dragged him back to the present. He turned his head and smiled at her. "I am hungry. But what did you do?"

  Della rose quickly. "Food first. Feed the body and then the mind." She returned with a tray bearing some juice and some fruit already cut up. There was also a sliver of plain bread. She placed the tray where he could reach it easily and then took her place on the chair by the bed, plucking a piece of fruit as she did so.

  Javin had carefully hoisted himself up a little and thanked her with a slow, very careful bow of his head. She moved to help him, but he motioned her back gently, before applying himself to the contents of the tray, surprising himself at the amount he was able to eat. As he ate, so Della sat watching him intently, nibbling on the fruit slice.

  When he slowed, Della popped the last of the fruit into her mouth, wiped her fingers on her skirts and rubbed them together to check for any sticky residue before answering. She scratched her head with one long finger and a tumble of hair fell which she ignored. Finally, she sighed loudly. "I would like to be able to say that I know exactly what I did. Truth is, I don't fully know." Having started, she felt more able to relax and let her body slump into the chair more comfortably. Her gaze was up and off to the side, into the past, not at Javin. "I spent a long time, a looooong time, learning about people and what would help them heal." She waved vaguely around at the contents of her home. "All these here were part of what I learned. How much of this plant to give when you have an ache in your shoulder, or what to avoid if you have stomach cramps. Or where to place my hands to help heal wounds inside, or how to see what's the real problem with a twisted knee." She smiled and closed her eyes to hold the memories closer. Opening them reluctantly, the smile remained. "I should be able to tell you exactly what I did. Or, better yet, because I know you are going to ask this, I should be able t
o show you what was wrong with you. Healer's pride!" The smile became wry. "But I can't. And, do you know something else? I want to thank you."

  "Thank me? What for? For being sick?"

  "No! Well, in a way, yes. If it hadn't been for you, and you telling me that you had no memory, I probably would never have done what I did, whatever it was. You see, I tried to go inside your head and see what was wrong, or where it was wrong." She made a small, dismissive gesture at the look on Javin's face. "I mean that I am able to look inside people and see what is the problem. Same as some people can see things far away, but I see inside of the person in front of me, that's all. Anyway, what I did with you was different. Never did that before." Her smile returned to her eyes. "What I did was the purest thing I could do. It was what I have always wanted to do; really let the healing take place without thought, without plants or medicines of any kind. It's what I always dreamed I would do when I became a healer, when I first started out. I would just somehow...," she waved her hands vaguely as she searched for the words. "I don't know what it was. I just know that I actually did something right, just by letting it happen."

  "But what was wrong with me?"

  "Remember, I just said I can't tell you? Not in any way that makes sense, anyway. I was in there and I saw things and I felt things but they were what I saw and felt and not you." Seeing his frustration she scratched at her temple with that same delicate, long finger before continuing. "I've been trying to put it into words while you slept. The best I can do is tell you that there was a part of you, not a part of your brain, but a part of you, hidden away somehow." She grasped two folds of her skirt to illustrate what she was trying to say. She folded one over the other, bunching the cloth up. "It was like this in a way. It was folded in on itself, tiny on the outside but big on the inside." She drew back the top hand and stretched the material out. "I wouldn't even have seen it before if you hadn't said about your memory. But I... I sort of... it...." She puffed her cheeks in frustration and let her hands fall, releasing her skirt. "I think that somehow, it unfolded itself and that act of unfolding balanced your brain. Made it even again? Smooth? I don't know the words, just that I know you felt different before it and that you didn't feel the same afterward."