Dear Dumb Diary #11: Okay, So Maybe I Do Have Superpowers

by Jim Benton

  couldn’t take his eyes off Isabella. Who could blame

  him? She’s a wonderful human being and is probably

  the only one in the school that could keep her finger

  in his mouth for a full minute.

  And Hudson and I had a lot of fun, too, even

  though I kept feeling dumb that I had thought

  superpowers were real.

  They’re not.

  Or are they? I mean, how does Angeline just

  make people feel comfortable around her? And why

  does everybody like Emmily, no matter how goofy

  she is? She uncooled Chip and cured Mrs. Maple.

  Maybe I don’t always know what boys

  are feeling, but lots of times I know what they’re

  feeling. And ants. And aunts, too.

  I mean, I did knock down two bottles, once I

  understood what my way was. And in a time of

  dire emergency, I heroically touched antenna-like

  finger toes. I am good at observing things, and I

  guess I can naturally speak the male language.

  Okay, so maybe I do have

  superpowers.

  Maybe we all do.

  We just have to find them.

  Thanks for listening, Dumb Diary,

  P.S. Oh, one more thing — Isabella’s

  superpower. Remember how Isabella has a soft spot

  for Emmily? And since it turns out that Chip is not

  better at those games than I am, Isabella gave

  Emmily the koala bear she won at the bottle toss.

  And the unicorn she won at the ring toss.

  And the alligator she won at the basket throw.

  Isabella gave emmily all twelve of the

  prizes she won.

  You probably think that Isabella’s superpower

  is winning games, but it’s not.

  Isabella just walked up to each game and

  introduced herself as Jamie Kelly.

  That may sound like her superpower is her

  cleverness, and that’s part of it, but when you think

  about it, Isabella’s real superpower is that she’s

  friends with me.

  What’s YOUR Superpower?

  Check off all that apply!

  Glitterizing

  Observing

  Winning games

  Listening

  Flying

  Making people laugh

  Not getting grossed

  out by super-gross

  things

  Invisibility

  Extreme coolness

  Understanding

  others

  Leaping tall

  buildings

  Excessive cuteness

  Inner beauty

  Genius brain

  Superspeed

  Homework-finishing

  Being awesome is only half the battle.

  Dear Dumb Diary,

  A long time ago, I wrote a letter to the president about the

  space program and how it would be a good idea for ME to

  select the people who should be shot into space.

  I made a lot of very good points about who should

  be selected, such as weight, ease of stuffi ng into a bag and

  tossing into a rocket, unnatural blondness of hair, and how

  much happier our Earth would be as a result. I was much

  younger when I wrote it, and I understand that my ideas

  would not have been seriously considered.

  But that was six months ago, and now I think I am

  qualified to choose.

  About Jim Benton

  Jim Benton is not a middle-school girl, but do

  not hold that against him. He has managed to

  make a living out of being funny, anyway.

  He is the creator of many licensed properties,

  some for big kids, some for little kids, and some

  for grown-ups who, frankly, are probably behaving

  like little kids.

  You may already know his properties: It’s

  Happy Bunny™ or Catwad™, and of course you

  already know about Dear Dumb Diary.

  He’s created a kids’ TV series, designed

  clothing, and written books.

  Jim Benton lives in Michigan with his spectac-

  ular wife and kids. They do not have a dog, and

  they especially do not have a vengeful beagle.

  This is his first series for Scholastic.

  Jamie Kelly has no idea that Jim Benton, or

  you, or anybody is reading her diaries. So, please,

  please, please don’t tell her.