Roller Coaster

by Karin Kallmaker

  Laura waved back, not sure if she should nod and give Julie the satisfaction. Fortunately, with an obvious rolling of the eyes, Helen dragged her daughter away.

  "Who was that?"

  "The family I work for."

  "The mother looked really familiar."

  "She likes this place too." Laura wasn't going to name names.

  "So...am I her? The one the girl was asking about?"

  Laura nodded. "She saw the phone number and was curious."

  "I'm not shy." Suzy wasn't blushing at all, but Laura thought for sure even her eyes had turned red.

  "No. I am... A little."

  "I'll keep that in mind."

  "Would you like to see a movie or something this afternoon?"

  "That sounds like fun." Suzy finished her apple bread and Laura drained her coffee while they discussed the possible choices.

  On leaving the café, they decided to leave Suzy's car and take Laura's. They were buckled in when Suzy said, "I think we should get something out of the way, even if you are shy."

  Laura glanced at her curiously, then butterflies fluttered against her throat. Warm, and so soft... She had forgotten the exquisite pleasure of another woman's lips on her own. She almost startled out of the kiss, but the faint scent of warm spices drew her in. She loved the silk of Suzy's hair against her face and kissed her with tender curiosity until she felt Suzy smiling.

  "Sorry if I shocked you."

  "Not in a bad way." Grinning helplessly, Laura started the car. This was going to be a very interesting date.

  "Cheese, glorious cheese," Helen sang over the stove. "Hot griddle and buh-ter-"

  "Mom! I can't hear my own music," Justin protested from the table.

  "While we're in the mood, cold carrots and honey mus-tard." For an answer she carried over a plate of carrot sticks, then popped the buds out of his ears when he was distracted with the prospect of food. "It's nearly dinner time. Go wash your hands."

  She continued singing as she flipped the sandwiches. Grilled cheese sandwiches were her specialty, pure comfort food, with thin slices of tomato and ham. Laura had left her some fresh dill and she'd decided to be gourmet and sprinkle a little on the tomato before assembling the sandwiches.

  It was an exceptional fall day. Their impromptu drive into town for the provolone and cheddar cheese that they all liked in the sandwiches had been perfect. She'd felt as if the cool crackle in the air was blowing away cobwebs. She finally felt that while everything was changing so quickly all around her, she had to look for the things that wouldn't. Like grilled cheese and the happy groans the kids made after the first bite.

  "That's practically a sin, that's so good," Helen pronounced of her sandwich.

  "Almost as good as pizza."

  "It's the cheese, the glorious cheese." She cleared her throat.

  In unison she got, "Mom!" drawn out to three full syllables.

  "Well, if you won't let me sing at the table I guess I should ask about homework."

  Julie launched into a diatribe about the unfairness of a chemistry assignment where just because a "bunch of slackers" turned it in late, the teacher had awarded amnesty, and no extra credit for those who turned it in on time. "And there are kids who are not there to learn. They get in the way all the time."

  Justin made his great-big-eyes face. "Are you even my sister? You're like an ugly Hermione Granger."

  "Hey!" Helen said sharply. "I let you bicker, but none of that. Say sorry."

  Justin muttered an apology while Julie scowled.

  "One of these days you're going to have a friend ask if your cute sister is dating anyone," Helen predicted.

  The very suggestion earned her a unison, "Gross!"

  "Laura's girlfriend is really cute," Julie said.

  "I didn't get a good look." It was the truth about the glance through the window, though she'd gotten a much better look when she'd run back to the cheese shop for the keys she'd left on their counter. The girlfriend was very pretty, all California blonde head-to-toe, and certainly young. "Laura has a life, and it's her business, sweetie."

  "I know that. I'm just saying."

  And what would Julie say if she'd seen what Helen had seen on her way from the cheese shop back to the car?

  Watching TV, later, her mind wandered back to the look on Laura's face when she'd realized she was about to get kissed. Wonder and excitement and...satisfaction? No, that wasn't it. Even as she continued to puzzle over exactly what she'd witnessed she told herself it was professional curiosity. She'd played in many love scenes, and watched many more. But she couldn't find a reference point for that singular look.

  "So we're agreed the movie was not all that good." Suzy pointed at the next stop sign. "If you turn here and double-back on the next block, you'll come right up behind my car."

  "Parts were interesting, but it was such a clichéd story."

  "White boy finds out he's magical, has a cranky old mentor and saves the world."

  "I've seen that story before." Laura followed Suzy's directions. "Done better."

  "I still had a great time. And thank you for dinner."

  "It was a place I'd been wanting to try, so thank you for joining me in the experiment."

  She glided to a stop behind the Saturn sedan that Suzy pointed out. At this point on a fall Sunday evening, the stores were all closed and the streets deserted.

  She said, "I'd love to see you again. My appointment on Tuesday evening is brief, so we could have dinner."

  "If I suggested breakfast tomorrow would that be moving too fast for you?"

  Laura tried to find a way to say yes to the question without saying no to the idea. "I could probably be persuaded."

  "But you hesitated." Suzy smiled at her across the car. "I'm very instinctual and tend to leap without looking."

  "Does that work for you?"

  "It would if I had perfect instincts. Let's say Tuesday night."

  "At six?" Laura let out a little sigh of relief. It wasn't that she didn't find Suzy attractive, it was that she was so out of practice and so used to being cautious. If something happened Tuesday night that would still be a record for her. She had nothing to prove to anyone so she didn't need to jump headlong now.

  "Six would be perfect. I'll be teaching classes in Menlo Park all afternoon."

  "Then we can meet over there."

  Her mind was calculating logistics of their meet-up as Suzy unbuckled her seat belt. Remembering their earlier kiss, she turned her head, expecting-and hoping-for another.

  Suzy was leaning away, however, her shoulders against her door. She caught Laura's intent, however, and answered it with a low, "If you want a kiss, you're going to have to come and get it."

  She whapped her knee on the center console but it was easy to ignore the shooting pain because Suzy's lips were every bit as soft and tender as they had been earlier in the day. Laura braced herself against the door to keep from falling onto Suzy, who was arching into the kiss with a supple lift to her shoulders that brought their breasts into contact.

  She groaned when she felt Suzy's hands on her stomach, not moving, but warm and firm through her blouse. Imagining those hands on her bare skin set off an anticipatory shiver in her thighs. Their mouths parted, but Suzy bit hungrily at her lower lip and they merged again.

  Suzy's hands moved slightly, edging toward Laura's breasts. She wanted to move down, encourage that tantalizing touch, but she had no room to maneuver. Her arms shivered slightly and another shiver, low in her gut, answered. She was ready for the ride, at least physically. Her aching knee was still protesting, but if she managed to get the other one set more comfortably she could shift and encourage the movement of Suzy's hands.

  The thought was formed but instead of a yielding glow of anticipated pleasure she felt instead of a shockwave of cold sweat abruptly beading down her back. Her heart was racing. She broke the kiss and gasped for breath. The world didn't steady.

  "Are you all right?"

 
She shook her head and scrambled back into her seat. She tried to not gulp for air, but there was no controlling it.

  Suzy said sharply, "Open your door, get some fresh air."

  She managed, gasping. A panic attack. Stupid, childish reaction-a panic attack. "I'll be fine in a minute."

  Suzy fumbled in her purse, a miniature backpack, and came up with tissues. Laura gratefully swabbed at her streaming forehead. "Tell me if you need to go the ER. We can be at one in about fifteen minutes."

  "I'll be fine. It was a panic attack." She tried to smile. "How stupid is that?"

  "Seems like that was pretty severe. Am I that scary?"

  Great, she'd screwed her chances with a new woman. "No. It's not you."

  "We're over twenty-one. We both would enjoy it, I'm pretty sure."

  "There's no question in my mind that we will."

  "So why..?"

  "I don't know. Believe me, up until then I was getting green lights from all systems."

  "Something threw a master switch, though."

  Suzy knew nothing about her. How could she think anything but that Laura was way more complicated than any sane woman would want to deal with on a first date? She glanced at Suzy, but Suzy was staring out her window. "I'm really-really, I am out of practice. I think that's all this is. Some part of me is scared and another part of me wants to let things marinate before we cook."

  Thankfully Suzy laughed. "Okay, okay. I'll still have dinner with you on Tuesday. I'm willing to give it another try."

  "I'm sorry to be, well, slow to boil." She hung her head in mock shame. "I am such a cooking geek."

  "Well, I guess you could be worth waiting for. Time will tell. Are you sure you're okay?"

  She wasn't going to admit that she was drenched under her clothes and that she could feel perspiration running from her scalp, making her hair itch. Her heart had calmed the moment it was clear that she and Suzy weren't going any further for now. "I really am okay."

  Suzy opened her door and fumbled for her car keys in her purse. "I did have a great time tonight."

  She watched Suzy's taillights disappear into the night and couldn't come up with a reason to have said no to what would have probably been a night to remember. What was wrong with her? She'd never had a lot of offers but when they'd come along, and she'd been similarly interested, the last thing she'd been was scared. She'd always been able to handle sex, laughs, a little more sex and then the other woman would be transferred, or she would be.

  She made her way to her hotel, feeling grimy on the outside and numb on the inside. She'd had panic attacks before, but they had always been related to cocaine. Seeing it being used had set her off twice. She'd had a panic attack at the job she'd just left, and that was when she'd realized how the stress of thoroughly hating the idea of going to work every day was eating at her. She'd been walking across the grounds to the restaurant and listing in her mind the personnel she passed that she knew were dealing to the guests. She'd felt it coming-blind panic. Fear of the monster.

  Suzy was not a monster. But it was the same terror.

  Scrubbing herself in the shower she realized she wasn't finding any answers. There was only one thing to do: cook. She done it before and she'd do it again-cook until she found answers. She'd always been safe in her own kitchen.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  "So I won't see you next Tuesday. I think I'll be in Costa Maya. Would you be able to fix dinner while I'm gone? That's Sunday, Monday and Tuesday, then the usual days. I fly back from Miami to New York in time for the Friday evening performance, so things will go back to normal. Certainly, if Grace could finish something you left that would be fine." Helen knew she was no match for Laura when it came to speed with a knife, but she finished the jobs of dicing cold boiled potatoes and slicing mushrooms even though Laura's focus on her was making her self-conscious.

  "I can easily make sure something's available every night. Really, it's no problem. As you say, I'll either be here in person or there will be something simple to finish." Laura set a mug of tea in front of Helen, the only culinary task she would let Laura do.

  She smiled a thank you and paused long enough to take an appreciative sip. "Do you have any advice for me eating food in the region?"

  "You can't go wrong with seafood. Spiny lobster is sustainable, definitely try it if offered. Conch is something I think you'd like. I'm fond of conch in cornmeal batter." She scooted up onto one of the bar stools. "Marlin, shark... Tilapia freshly caught in Caribbean waters is nothing like what you're usually served here."

  "I knew you'd know. Given that I fly six thousand miles a week, you'd think I would be better traveled, but other than London and Paris and a hiking trip in Ireland the kids still haven't forgiven me for, we've not gone much farther than California and New York." She checked the temperature of her skillet and dumped in the white mushrooms.

  "They didn't like Ireland?"

  "They didn't like Ireland on foot. Big difference. I thought it was a great way to get in shape."

  "Well, I'll have to make them haggis for old time's sake. Are you sure I can't help?"

  "No, you can't. And you're welcome to stay. Mushroom hash with fried eggs. Some asparagus and Justin made applesauce-oatmeal cookies last night."

  "I have plans, otherwise I'd love to."

  Helen gave Laura a quick glance, but she looked as serene as always. A date with the willowy blonde? She was wearing a beautiful sweater that looked new, in leaves of gold and bronze that brought out the milk chocolate tones in her skin and clung in all the right places. If it was a date it was none of her business. "Thank you for Justin's cooking lessons, by the way. It's not in your job description."

  "I'm grateful for his help, and I try to make sure his coursework is finished. He's quite patient, which is a gift for a chef."

  "I've noticed. I've never seen him so attentive to detail-speak of the devil. Dinner isn't ready yet."

  "Can I do something?" He looked at the pile of chopped vegetables and Helen heard his stomach rumble.

  "I hope you have better luck asking than I did," Laura said.

  "Some of the asparagus are on the large side, which means they'll be woody. So peel those and trim the ends off them all." Helen moved the mushrooms around in the skillet and tried to use her chin to gesture at the drawer where the peeler was kept.

  "I'll show him." Laura was up in a flash. "Wash your hands."

  She watched in amazement as he not only washed his hands, but rinsed up his forearms as well. His attitude toward germs had always been if they didn't kill him they must be good for him.

  Laura's instructions were concise. She demonstrated with a single stalk, then watched him do two, then left him to finish with, "You have done well, my young apprentice." She had obviously taught unskilled helpers many, many times.

  "You're making hash," Justin suddenly said. "Cool. Can I have two eggs?"

  "Have I ever made you less than two eggs?"

  "No, but I want to be sure." He lined up the bottoms of the asparagus stalks and then picked out the small chef's knife to trim them. "I want to have the proper expectations."

  He didn't appear to be about to cut off his fingertips, so she turned to Laura. "Did we finish talking about plans? I won't see you next Tuesday, but I think everything is going swimmingly."

  "I'm glad to hear it. It's nice to create something and connect with those who get to enjoy it. Plus I get to enjoy it too." She relaxed into one of her easy-goes-it smiles. "I'm liking the area a lot."

  If they'd been alone, Helen would have asked her about her date. She felt comfortable enough to ask, woman-to-woman, whereas she hardly felt comfortable asking Grace about her personal life. Laura was just easier to know.

  They chatted a few more minutes and Laura took her leave. She watched the Volvo disappear down the driveway and realized she was going to be sorry to miss their chat next week.

  Suzy had texted the name of a bistro in Palo Alto, near the Stanford campus, that special
ized in Cajun food. The conversation with Helen had run only a little bit longer than expected, but she didn't think she'd be late.

  She had given the encounter on Sunday night a lot of thought. She had spent the best part of Monday prepping and sautéing the first day of two-day coq au vin. Tomorrow she'd bake it at the Baynors', and if the kids seemed to like that kind of casserole, she'd plan something like that for Grace to finish for them next week. She was annoyed that her distraction had made her forget to ask Helen about using her name to get the attention of a real estate broker. She would have to call before Helen got on that cruise ship on Friday.

  Somewhere between frying chicken and peeling pearl onions she had thought she'd hit on a reasonable explanation for her freak-out. She didn't really want to open up her psyche for Suzy's examination-not at this stage-but she owed Suzy an explanation. If she didn't like parts of it then better to know and they'd both move on.

  Arriving first, she asked for their table. She'd barely sat down when Suzy showed up.

  "What a beautiful sweater," Suzy said. "It suits you."

  "Thank you. You look lovely." It was easy to say, being the truth. She thought the dress was called a wrap, and it liked every lean muscle in Suzy's body. The topaz and blue pattern highlighted both Suzy's eyes and hair. One brief liaison in her past had been with the recreation manager from Kenya who had been devoted to yoga. Perhaps that was what had her so entranced with Suzy-she already knew the possibilities of such a fluid, flexible body. And remembering those encounters was not necessarily going to help her composure, she told herself.

  They ordered wine as they studied the menu. The waitress was quick, returning with a chardonnay and a merlot.

  "We're here for the pickle chips," Suzy told the waitress. She glanced at Laura. "You trust me, right?"

  "I do, and I was definitely intrigued. I've had pickles every way except fried."

  "They're a revelation." Suzy gave her a twinkling smile.

  They decided to share fried green tomatoes and a jambalaya wrap. Laura could tell Suzy was trying not to appear anxious, but her overly casual manner betrayed her.

  "I think I know what happened on Sunday," Laura said. She paused to sip her merlot. "This is really very good. Thank you for picking it."