“So, you show up ten months early, buy a house and get in good with the neighbors. Why are you really back?” She leveled her eyes at him.
“That’s why I’m really back. I’m starting school in the fall. What do you want me to say? I’m sorry I hurt you. Okay, I said it.” He realized his feet moved, on their own accord, straight toward her. “Do you want me to say I was an idiot, and I was too stupid to realize I’d hurt the people I loved the most? Does that help ease your hurt? Does that make it better for you?”
He found himself standing in front of her and shouted in her face. He could feel her hot breath on his chin and suddenly wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let go. She closed her eyes and he could tell she was scared. “I screwed up Lark,” he said, quieter. “I got help, but found out when I got released from detention that it was too late. Does that make it better?”
Lark looked up at him with tears pooled in her eyes and then took a step back from him. “Yeah, all better,” she said in a sarcastic voice. She turned away and started down the riverbed. She then turned back to him. “I only have one question, Charlie. What did I do to you that made you send that letter? How did I screw up?”
He looked at her and found his tongue wouldn’t budge. He watched her turn and start away again.
“Great, no answer.” She stopped and faced him, again. “When you grow a pair and can speak again, let me know. That’s all I want to know Charlie. How did I screw up our friendship?” She started down the river and passed the stump they’d once sat on. Breaker whined and woofed and stood back up. Charlie could tell the wolf wanted to follow her and so did he.
***
Lark followed the riverbed for two hours and then stopped in her tracks. The cold penetrated her thermal tights under her jeans and her gloves. She jammed her hands into her pockets and turned back. She didn’t think it would be good to be found frozen on the river bank. It surprised her when she looked at her watch and it was after ten o’clock.
When she got back, Gran had already turned in for the night. She quietly made her way up to her room, put on her fleece pajama’s and crawled under her warm comforter. She lay with her eyes open and remembered she needed to brush her teeth. She got up and noticed her cell phone blinked. She put in her code and listened to the message. It was from Thomas.
“Hi, babe. I just wanted to make sure you are okay. You didn’t sound like yourself earlier and I just want to hear that you really are fine. I’ll be out tonight, but I’ll have my phone. Call me when you get the chance. Love you.”
Lark hit the memory button with his number and listened to his answering message. When the buzz came she started, “Hey Thomas. I’m sorry I missed your call. I’m just in work mode too much, but all is well. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” She cut it off and threw the phone onto her bed.
When she’d first started to go out with Thomas, he seemed like a nice man. He was five years older than she and when he gave her advice about starting a new business, he acted as though he cared for her. After six months, things changed. Thomas’s weird tastes began to rear up. His bedroom games were sort of fun at first, but then he wanted to handcuff her to the bed or behind her back and strange sex toys began to appear. It interested her at first. She’d only slept with one other guy when she was in college, so she didn’t have much experience.
One evening, he’d started talking about going out to sex clubs, and that was when she put her foot down. She didn’t want to experience anything with a bunch of strangers standing around and watching. He’d let it go for a while, but the subject came up from time to time.
As the last year started, Lark felt more and more uncomfortable with his antics and started making excuses to not see him when she’d travel to Denver. When he’d proposed marriage, she was happy, but always felt a nagging pain in her head that said this wasn’t a good idea. They’d been engaged for two years and finally agreed to have the wedding on New Year’s Eve.
In June, she’d experienced the most horrible night of her life. It haunted her dreams and she’d withdrawn into herself around her grandmother and friends. She knew she couldn’t marry that man, but now felt scared of him and how he might react.
After she brushed her teeth, she crawled back under the covers and tried to settle down. She thought about the evening’s events. She felt, logically, that Charlie’s apology should be accepted and she should let the past go. She should be able to let all the old feelings go and think about how she was going to deal with Thomas. She found she couldn’t bring herself to move on, though and didn’t know how to let go of the hurt she’d felt for so long. She just wanted her question answered. What had she done to make him write that hateful letter?
Lark was the type of person who wanted all the details from start to finish. Charlie didn’t say what the problem was back then and that became a needle that stabbed her in the neck. She wanted him to explain what happened and make it clear to her, but she found it hard to consider being in the same room with him long enough for any explanations. When she looked at him all she wanted to do was cry over the lost time.
Around two in the morning, Lark woke up from a terrible nightmare. She found herself upright in her bed with tears rolling down her cheeks. She’d had these dreams off and on over the last six months, but not like this one. Charlie appeared in the dream and he laughed at her and said something, but she couldn’t remember what came from his lips. It was impossible for him to be in these dreams, he wasn’t here in June. She gave up the notion of getting any sleep and got up. She felt exhausted, but couldn’t get her brain to shut off.
She went down to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove to warm water for tea. She got a decaffeinated bag out of a cupboard and waited to catch the kettle before the whistle blew. Her stomach rumbled and she remembered she didn’t eat dinner. She opened the refrigerator and pulled out the cheddar cheese. She put it on a plate and found some crackers in the cupboard.
She carried the plate and crackers to the kitchen table and saw the photo album that her Gran put together. After she put hot water in her cup, she carried it to the table and sat in front of the book.
She debated about looking at it and finally opened to the first pictures. She huffed and thought Where on earth did Gran get a baby picture of Charlie? She looked at the page with her and Charlie’s baby pictures side by side. Gran had pasted their names and birthdates under the pictures.
As Lark flipped through the pictures, and found Gran took more of them than she remembered. Some of the shots she could remember and others, she couldn’t place. Gran marked the days on the pages to help remind her of the reason for the picture. She turned to the back of the album and the final pictures were taken on that great and terrible day.
Charlie was celebrating the fact he was finally taller than Lark. He’d had a growth spurt over the summer. It was a week before their freshman year in high school started and they were both fifteen years old.
They’d ridden their bikes out to Hirsh Ranch where Charlie’s horse, Fox, was kept. Lark packed a picnic lunch and they were going to ride Fox into the foothills to their favorite pasture and have a fun day. They’d brought a small, travel-size checkerboard with them and a deck of cards.
Fox was a beautiful, big black horse that Charlie won as a prize when he was thirteen.
He’d worked very hard throughout the year to be the best newspaper delivery boy on the planet. His customers on his route felt he’d done an outstanding job and the newspaper gave him the prize of a young, black colt. Charlie found the Hirsh Ranch to stable his horse and in trade, did work for them, cleaning stalls, grooming horses and making sure the horses got enough food. It was then that he decided to be a large animal veterinarian.
They rode Fox into the mountains all the time, but this would be the last weekday they’d be able to do it until spring. Gran didn’t like
for them to ride during the winter. She was afraid they’d get lost in the mountains and freeze to death.
After eating lunch, they played a long game of War that seemed to go on and on. They laughed and threw cards at each other and then watched quietly as Fox made his way around the field finding grasses to munch on.
Charlie leaned on Lark. “You know, I’m worried about starting ninth grade.”
“Why?” Lark asked as she pulled apart an Aspen Daisy.
“We’re going to be in different classes. There will be new people at the school from around the county.”
“That doesn’t matter. We still have the same lunch hour and I’ll need your help with algebra. And, we live next door to each other. It’s not like you’ll never see me.” She threw the stem aside and looked down at him. “What’s going on, Ducky?”
He brought his head up and looked her in the eye. “Lou, have you ever kissed a boy?”
“What? No. Why?” She frowned and moved away from him. She remembered seeing something in his eyes and for the first time since they’d been friends, she found him cute. “Ducky, do you want to kiss me?”
The color on his cheeks started to get rosy and he nodded. “I mean, if it’s okay with you. I just thought...we’ve been friends for so long and...We did talk about being boyfriend-girlfriend once. It’s just I think you’re pretty and you’ve always been right there...” he went silent and continued to watch her.
“What kind of kiss do you mean?” she asked and saw a confused look on his face. “You know, like we see on TV? Do you want just a quick kiss, like you’re the husband leaving for work or one of those open mouth things we saw in that movie when the man and woman on the beach started kissing?”
Charlie’s brow folded. “I don’t know. Which do you think would be best?”
Lark thought for a minute. “We could do like Gran says and ‘play it by ear’.”
“So, you wouldn’t mind?”
She tilted her head and pursed her lips. “No, I think I’d like for you to be my first kiss ever. Have you ever kissed a girl?”
Charlie shook his head and turned to face her. He took her hands and looked her in the eye. He started to lean toward her and put his lips lightly to hers. After a few seconds, he sat up straight and they both opened their eyes. “Huh,” he said. “Maybe we should try the other way.”
“Okay,” she answered. “But, what do we do with our mouths open?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged and leaned toward her with his lips parted.
She closed her eyes and felt his mouth close on hers. She let her lips open and his tongue moved around the front of her teeth. She started to grin and moved her tongue to meet his.
They’d continued kissing for a while and on the ride back to the Hirsh Ranch decided maybe they should consider being boyfriend and girlfriend. When they got back home, they’d spent a little time giggling in the driveway and made plans to go down to the river the next day to give kissing another go.
That night Lark saw red lights flash in her bedroom window. She jumped out of bed and looked out. She saw police cars at Charlie’s house and an ambulance and a van with Coroner written on the side. She put on her tennis shoes and ran down the stairs. In the driveway, she found her Gran watching and went up to her. Gran wrapped her arms around Lark.
After a bit, the policemen came out with Charlie in handcuffs. They didn’t find out until the next day what happened.
Lark slammed the photo album closed and stood up. “Damn, damn, damn,” she mumbled and went up to her room. She crawled under the comforter to get warm and closed her eyes, but it took a long time for sleep to come to her.
Chapter Seven
The next week crawled by slowly for Charlie, and it was a mess. The furnace man came over the weekend and said the furnace couldn’t be turned on until they got the air-ducts blown out. He had crawled around under the house and repaired some holes caused by varmints, but said Charlie had families of mice living in the ducts. If they didn’t blow the pipes, he’d have baked mouse odor in the house and it would be a health hazard. Unfortunately, the furnace man couldn’t make another appointment until the following week.
Then Charlie dealt with the plumber. He got the water running to the downstairs bathroom, but the pipes in the kitchen had frozen at some point and would have to be replaced. Charlie felt relieved to be able to shower and not have to run upstairs every time he needed to use the restroom, and it had become a pain in his backside to have to carry water downstairs just to make coffee. Now that water was downstairs again, even though it came from the sink in the bathroom, he wouldn’t have to bring it from the upstairs anymore.
He also, wanted to get his truck over to Pueblo and get it sold. He needed something smaller just to go to the grocery store, but with all the workers coming in and going out, he didn’t want to leave during the day, just yet.
****
Lark’s week at work was busy. The Mile High email got inundated with orders for the holidays. It was good for the business, but hard work to get the orders packed and out to UPS for delivery. About half way through every day, she’d think they were getting caught up, when a whole new batch of orders would print off the web-site. There’d been a few hiccups with the folks that delivered their stock, but so far, everything was going smooth.
Lark left work at five or six o’clock in the evening, exhausted, and came home to a warm dinner and bath, and then she crawled under the sheets and sleep straight through the night.
On Friday afternoon, she decided to leave at four and headed home. When she walked into the house, she realized there were no heavenly smells coming from the kitchen.
“Gran, I’m home,” she said and took off her coat. There was no response to her greeting. She frowned. Her grandmother’s car was in the drive. “Gran?”
She hung up her coat and went into the kitchen. On the table she saw a note in her grandmother’s handwriting. It said that she’d been invited out to dinner with some friends and there were lots of leftovers in the refrigerator.
Lark put the note down and tried to decide if she was hungry. She went to the door, took her boots off and put on her slippers. She started for the refrigerator when she heard a knock on the back door. She turned back and saw Charlie stood out on the steps. He smiled and waved through the glass.
“What?” she asked and opened the door part way.
“Is Gran around? I have a question for her,” he said.
Lark saw he held a whisk in his hand. “She went out with some friends. What’s your question?”
“I found this in the house.” He held up the whisk. “What does it do and do I really need it?”
Lark looked at the device. “It’s for scrambling things like eggs. It looks rusty, so unless you want lock jaw, I wouldn’t use it.” She started to shut the door.
Charlie put his gloved hand on the door frame to stop it. “Lark, could we talk for a minute?”
She looked at him and began to feel on edge. “I don’t know that we have all that much to talk about, Charlie.”
“I think we do. If we’re going to be neighbors, I’d rather not be uncomfortable to just say hi to you.”
She let him in the door and crossed her arms over her chest as he went past. “I asked you a question the other night and you didn’t have the balls to answer. Now, all of a sudden, you’re ready to talk?” She closed the door and turned into the kitchen. She moved to the counter and looked across the room at him. She didn’t feel relaxed at the moment.
“God Lark, when did you become such a heartless bitch?” He looked at her and she saw anger in his eyes.
She stared at him and couldn’t believe the words that just came out of his mouth. “I’m heartless? You were the one who cut me off all those years ago with no explanation.
You’re the one who let me devour myself with guilt for years. So if you’re going to point fingers, you’d better go look in the mirror.” She felt anger build in her neck and realized she was furious.
Charlie took a breath. “You did nothing wrong, Lark. I was young and immature. I never meant to hurt you.”
She saw he tried not to shout at her and softened his voice, but it just made her more angry and she knew exactly where it came from. “You did hurt me and that was thirteen years ago. I’m glad you finally have the nerve to admit it, but it doesn’t really make any difference.”
She walked into the hallway and then turned around again. “You need to remember something. You were the one who wrote to me one time only. It was the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me and I can quote it verbatim. Dear Lark, I don’t want you to come back here anymore. I hate you and we are not friends. You must remember stabbing me in the heart with that letter. You obviously didn’t give a crap about me. You never explained what I’d done to cause such a response. What was I supposed to think?”
Charlie moved closer to her and looked down at her. Lark saw his cheeks were red and his teeth clenched. He slammed his hand against the hallway wall next to her.
Every fear she’d felt over the last couple of months bubbled to the surface and she couldn’t look at him. She closed her eyes. The fear she’d kept tightly sealed away spilled into her gut and she found it hard to breathe. She could hear those men laughing at her.
“Enough, Lark! I know I fucked up. You’d laugh if you knew how many times I’ve kicked myself over the years,” he said through his clenched teeth.
****
Charlie’s anger started to build, and it was something he’d fought for many years. It reminded him too much of his father. He suddenly hit a brick wall when he looked at her and realized she was hyperventilating. “God, Lark, what...” He started to bring his hand up to her, but saw her flinch back flat against the wall.
Love's Embers (Canon City Series) Page 5
