Her hand came up to his chest and she tried to push him away. “Don’t,” she hissed and sucked in air. She continued to push against his chest and shook her head.
He put his hand on her arm and was at a loss for how to help her. “Lark, what can I do?” He watched her as she tried to catch her breath and suddenly thought about sandwich bags.
“Just don’t.” She tried to pull away from his hand, but he wouldn’t release her arm.
He moved to her side. “Lark, bend over and try to relax,” he said and put his hand on the back of her neck.
****
Lark felt his hand on the back of her head. He tried to make her bend over and she heard his words, but everything from six months ago slammed into her. She could still hear the laughter and the voices from that night.
She found as much strength as she could muster and swung her hand up. She slapped his cheek with force. “Don’t touch me,” she hissed between breaths and ran toward the back door. She flung it open and went out to the driveway. She grabbed the front of her sweater and tried to get her breathing under control. Her chest burned and she wanted to claw a hole in her neck if it would help just to breathe. She moved to her Bronco and put her hands on the cold hood. The ice and snow on the SUV and around helped her cool off. She grabbed a handful of snow and put it up to her cheeks. The voices started to fade and then she heard footsteps behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw Charlie stop half way to her. He held her coat in his hands.
Lark turned around and leaned against her SUV. She continued to suck in air and still couldn’t talk. Charlie held the coat out to her and she grabbed it. She held it against her chest and wouldn’t take her eyes off him. As her throat tightened and tears welled in her eyes, she thought about the boy she used to know and care about. Was this him? Was it really her Charlie?
“Lark, I didn’t mean to scare...” he started.
“Don’t,” she said and waved her hand. She looked into his eyes and tried to find her voice. “We will never be friends, again, Charlie, if that’s even what we were. You said that in your letter. Just stay away from me and everything will be fine.” She moved quickly past him and went into the house. She locked the door and slid down to the floor and then buried her face in the coat and cried.
Chapter Eight
Charlie looked at the back door and wanted to go make sure Lark was okay. She’d said some very intense things to him that he was going to have to think about. All those months ago, when he’d decided to come back to Canon City, he knew he’d need to deal with hurt feelings, but he never expected anything like this.
He felt bad that she was so angry with him and hoped they could get past it, but he also felt that there was something else brewing just under the surface. Why was she so frightened? He knew from his own past experiences it could be hard for her to talk about. He stared at the back door for a long time and then decided to leave it alone for now.
Charlie turned up the drive to head back to his house, and shook his head. He didn’t know how to help ease her upset.
****
Lark cried her way up to her room then lay down on her bed. Her chest was on fire from her anxiety attack. She put her hands up on her head and wanted to scream. She’d just done something to Charlie that he wouldn’t understand.
After she accused him of withholding information about what she’d done to make him cut her off, she’d let what happened back in June effect her and she’d done the same to him. She rolled over onto her side and began to think it was unfair of her to do that to him, no matter how angry she let the past make her feel. Charlie had no way of knowing what her problems were and he would probably try to find out from Gran.
Lark couldn’t have that. Gran could not be told anything about that night. She felt so stupid back in June. The blame fell on her for that night. She’d wanted to trust Thomas, but couldn’t after she found out about his lies and indiscretions. Gran would never understand any of it and Lark didn’t want any of it to get out.
She got up off the bed and changed her work pants to a pair of flannel-lined jeans. She put on a heavier sweater and socks, too. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, she saw the puffy rings under her eyes and tried to cover them up a little. On her way out of her room, she stopped in the attic and grabbed Charlie’s letter.
At the back door, she put on her coat and boots. Once outside, she realized it was freezing cold, but at least the snow stopped. The sun set and she could see stars shine bright. She stomped through snow and found herself at Charlie’s front door. Raising her glove, she didn’t have the first clue what she would say to him, but she needed answers and knocked on the door.
Lark put her hands in her pockets and heard the dog woof. Then footfalls came to the door and the lock clicked. Charlie opened the door with his pants half way undone and a bare chest. They stared at each other for a moment.
“I need some answers,” she said and pushed past him into the front hall. The house was as she remembered. It was dark and looked sad and empty. “First of all, I want to apologize for freaking out on you.”
“Okay.” He closed the door and hit a switch on the wall that turned on the light. “I planned to take a shower, but I suppose it can wait.”
She looked at him again and her breath caught in her throat. She turned away and looked at the kitchen. “I came at a bad time. I can come back later,” she said.
He shook his head and frowned. “No, it’s okay.” He pointed toward the living room.
Embers glowed in the fireplace and she went over to it to get some warmth. On the mantel she saw what looked like a bunch of letters bound together with a rubber band. She turned back to him and saw Charlie bent over to pick a thermal shirt up from the floor. He pulled it over his head and buttoned his pants.
“Do you want a cup of coffee? I bought a microwave oven and can warm it up in no time.” He put his hands together and waited.
“No. No coffee.” She moved forward and felt something under her feet. She stood in the middle of his sleeping bag. His wolf, Breaker, sat by it looking up at her. “Charlie, please, tell me the truth. What happened? Why didn’t you get in touch with me?”
“You said it doesn’t make any difference anymore.” He scratched his jaw. “So it’s not important. You’ve moved on and I’m going to start college next fall. That’s all that matters now.” He reached for a wooden chair, the only piece of furniture in the room and set it by the fireplace. “Have a seat.” He sat down on the hearth and Breaker sat next to his feet.
Lark walked to the chair and sat. She’d said those words to him in the midst of her panic. She needed to calm down. “It is important. I was having an anxiety attack and blabbed the first things I thought. Charlie, I’ve carried a load of guilt on my shoulders for thirteen years and now I can get the answers. What happened?” She took off her gloves and looked at him. Charlie stared at his hands and seemed to be deep in thought.
He laughed. “When I was first put into detention, I got into a lot of fights. There were other boys there who got their jollies by picking fights. The new kid always got tested.” He looked at her and arched his eyebrow. “You know how I was back then. I didn’t take crap from anyone.”
“You were fearless,” she said.
“The second year I was in there a new therapist started working with those of us with anger issues. I got counseled the rest of the time I was in juvie. The last two years I met three times a week with this lady therapist and got a lot of my own guilt and fears worked out. My number one fear was that I’d turn into my dad. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier, Lark. I still have moments when I worry about being my dad.”
“I don’t think you need to worry about that. My reaction came from something else and wasn’t your fault.”
He nodded. “The crap that went on with my mom an
d dad wasn’t my fault, either, but for a long time I’d thought it was and since they were gone, I blamed you for everything that went wrong while I was in detention. I was pretty mixed up.”
“Blamed me for what? I don’t understand.”
He looked at her. “Did you go to the prom?” he asked.
“Yeah, I went. What of it?” Lark couldn’t figure out where this conversation was headed.
“With Zack Strom?”
“Yeah. What does that have to do with anything? It was twelve years ago.”
He shook his head. “Unbelievable. You go to the prom with the one dick I could never stand. He was an arrogant bully then and I suppose he still is now.”
Lark couldn’t stand the look in his eyes. It seemed to go from anger to confusion back to anger in less than a heartbeat. “So, I wasn’t supposed to go to the prom?”
Charlie stood up so fast from his seat he almost stumbled on the hearth. He went to the
other side of the room and crossed his arms. “You were supposed to wait for me. You promised to wait,” he shouted at her.
Lark stood up with her fists clenched. “How long was I supposed to wait, Charlie? Five years, ten? Christ, was I supposed to become Miss Havisham and wear my wedding dress until I died? How long, Charlie? I was only fifteen. When we were eighteen years old and you didn’t come back, what was I supposed to do?” She saw a new expression on his face. “Let me guess, you never read Great Expectations? Figures. I thought we’d be able to once and for all put the past away, but even though you were counseled it would seem you’re still angry. I’m still angry. I guess it would be better to wait until tomorrow.” She turned and started out of the living room.
Charlie followed behind her and in the hallway, grabbed her arm. She looked up at him, shocked. He spun her around and pushed her against the front door. They were both breathing hard and Lark could feel tears start to burn her eyes. She kept telling herself this was not June and Charlie wasn’t one of those men.
“Answer my question, Charlie. Why did you cut me off?” she whispered. “Gran and I tried to see you every month, but you refused to see us. Why?” She looked up as his brows creased.
“I was so pissed off at you,” he choked. “You were supposed to wait and now you’re engaged. I just can’t win. I came back here when I was released from juvie and Gran told me you were up in Boulder going to the university. I spent two weeks watching you on the campus and it was obvious you fit right in there. It was best for me to leave.”
She felt him press his pelvis against hers. A warm tingle began to work its way down her legs into her feet and thaw the ice that surrounded her heart. He still held her arms. “You didn’t answer my question, Charlie. Why did you cut me off?” She felt the grip lessen on her arms, as his bottom lip lightly trembled. She was able to bend her elbow and brought her hand up to his face. She lightly touched his lip and looked into his eyes.
“I was so fucking jealous of you, but you were my friend and I needed you,” he whispered.
Lark didn’t say anything. She felt there was more to spill and didn’t want to interrupt his train of thought. She moved her hand along his jawline and around his neck.
“The week you sent me the letter about going to the prom with Zack, my mom came to visit.” He let her arms go and backed to the other side of the hall. He leaned against the wall, but didn’t look at her. He laughed. “It’s so funny. I was in detention for saving her from my dad.” He glanced at Lark. “I never had the love you got from Gran. I always wished she was my Gran, too, but then that would have meant you and me were related. I had a terrible crush on you back then.” He ran his hand through his long hair and coughed. “Anyway, when Mom came to see me, she said she was very disappointed with me. She asked what was I thinking when I killed my father. I told her that I was trying to save her ass.” He shook his head and his voice began to fade. “She frowned at me and said your father never would have hurt me. Christ, he beat her all the time, why on earth would I think he was trying to kill her? He was drunk as shit and had a death grip around her neck.” He went silent and squeezed his eyes shut. “Then came the real kicker. She said, you know, I never wanted a baby. Your father was Catholic so I couldn’t have an abortion.”
Lark’s heart was being ripped apart in her chest. A tear rolled down her cheek and she was unable to move or say anything. It was all she could do just to breathe. She couldn’t believe the hell Charlie lived through.
“She stayed about ten minutes and when she left she said she didn’t expect to see me ever
again. Great family, right? Gran told me she died a few years ago. So much for mending that fence.” He brought his eyes up to Lark’s and stared at her. “You are so beautiful and I see it. Crazy me, back then I thought we had a tight connection, but I got that letter the same day she visited. You were out here living life to the fullest and there I was unable to move anywhere without being watched. I did hate you and knew if I saw you I’d be a dick about what the cards dealt. I would have said something mean and would have hurt you worse. I cared for you too much to do that.”
It was all she could do to keep from crying her eyes out. She moved up to him and put her hands up on his shoulders and then pulled him into a tight hug. She put her head on his chest and didn’t say anything. She felt his hands move around her waist and he tightened his hold.
After a moment, she looked up at him again and touched his face. She pushed up on her toes bringing her lips to his and brushed them gently. “I’m sorry. I never knew, Charlie. I never meant to hurt you,” she whispered.
He picked her up and lowered his head. She felt his lips and tongue graze against her mouth and she pulled to him tight. It was the kiss she remembered from so long ago and it warmed her, but the guilt in her heart stabbed at her. Tears continued to roll down her cheeks as they gently kissed.
He brushed his hand through her hair. “Don’t cry Lark. It’s in the past. I know it.” He let her back down, but left his hand in her hair and massaged her neck. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I was too young and it was easier to run away.” He sniffed and chuckled. “You know what’s funny?” She shook her head. “At least we know what to do with our tongues now.”
She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her sweater and laughed. She looked back up at him. “If it’s any consolation, prom sucked. Zack got stoned with his buddies and I rode home with Jay Hager and his date.” She backed away and sniffed. “Talk about being a third wheel. I think it was all they could do to keep their hands off one another. I think they talked about getting married, but broke up after graduation. Zack works for his dad at the savings and loan and, yes, he’s still a jerk.” She leaned against the opposite wall and smiled at him. “We still have a lot of past to go through, Ducky. We both have a lot to forgive.”
“And you’re supposed to be getting married New Year’s Eve, Lou.”
Lark had an Oh right moment, but felt so elated they’d both used the nicknames from their childhood. “Feel like having an all night talk session? I’ll bring the tissues and vodka or maybe Gran’s hot chocolate.”
“I don’t drink and I better get some more wood for the fire. It’s chilly in here,” Charlie said, grinning. “Aren’t you tired? You’ve had an upsetting evening so far.”
“I think I’m getting a second wind. I’ll go get the chocolate, you get the fire roaring. I’ll be right back.”
As she walked back to her home, she thought about that kiss. It surprised her how warm and tingly it made her feel. She thought about Thomas, and how he hadn’t made her feel that way for a very long time.
She ran the rest of the way home and found the special chocolate powder her grandmother mixed. She left it on the counter and ran up the stairs to her room. She pulled open her closet door and hunted around for a particular box. Finding the one she wanted, she took it out of the clo
set and set it on the corner of her bed. She rummaged through it and found exactly what she wanted. She stuffed it in her pocket with the letter and went back down the stairs. She remembered her Gran was still out with her friends. She stopped at the table and turned the note over. She wanted Gran to know where she was and not worry. She grabbed the can of powder and a jug of milk from the refrigerator and then turned off the light and went back out the door.
Chapter Nine
Charlie got the fire blazing and heard his microwave turn on. He must have been outside when Lark came back. He stood up and went into the kitchen. She was at the counter putting spoonfuls of powder into his two cups. She’d taken her coat off and wore a fuzzy, soft looking sweater and tight straight-legged jeans. Her blonde hair caught the light from the stove top and seemed to glow. He liked the view and felt his blood start to warm. She looked over her shoulder at him and smiled.
“Lou, I don’t know if this sounds crude, but you have a great ass,” he said and smiled.
“Thanks for the compliment.” She left a spoon in one of the cups and walked over to her coat, which hung on the back door knob. She pulled something out of a pocket and flipped it to him.
He caught the yellow, rubber duck and was surprised. “Hey, where did this come from?”
“I was on a walk to somewhere one day when your mom still lived here. It was garbage day and her cans were on the curb, loaded with a ton of stuff. I saw Mr. Ducky on one of the piles and had to grab it.” She turned back to the microwave as the ringer went off.
“You’ve turned into a garbage picker?” He grinned and looked at one of the few things, besides Lark, his horse and his bike, that ever meant anything to him. It was given to him as a birthday present when he turned five.
Love's Embers (Canon City Series) Page 6
