by Lori Foster
Olivia sighed and prayed she could direct Carly down the right path. So far, though, Carly was already one step ahead. She hadn’t fallen for a smooth-talking junkie, and she hadn’t become hooked on anything. And Olivia would do everything in her power to make sure Carly stayed clean and headed in the right direction.
As Olivia guided her Jeep through the downtown streets, she knew she really needed to go back to the office and get some work done, but she simply couldn’t. Seeing Colin again after twelve years had taken a major toll on every fiber of her being.
How could the man look even better than before? His once thick, wavy dark hair was now military short, completely taking away that boy-next-door look. Nearly everything with Colin’s physical looks had changed. Now he appeared harder, tougher. His chest and shoulders were broader. His arms filled out his dress shirt, and his chiseled face looked more like a man than the boy who’d walked away.
But those eyes. Those navy blue eyes were just the same. Just as potent and capable of turning her insides to a quivering, jumbled mess.
What had he been up to all this time? Had he lived an entire lifetime in the last twelve years like she had?
Olivia turned into her drive, hit the button for her garage door, and pulled into her two-story cottage. She loved this house. Loved the lake she shared with only a few other scattered homes. But most of all, she loved the innocence this house represented.
This was her haven. The home she’d grown up in. The home she’d dreamed in.
The very same home she’d once run away from when she’d been lost.
And that was precisely why talking with Colin could and would be detrimental. She’d been in his presence for all of ten minutes, and already those feelings that were always right there at the surface threatened to explode with volcanic proportions. Why couldn’t the past just stay buried? And why did every single detail come back with a vengeance? Each moment of that dark period stabbed at her, forcing her to choke back a sob.
Swallowing the lump and tears clogged in her throat, she closed the garage door, grabbed her messenger bag and purse, and went inside her empty home. She needed a dog. Or a cat. She was much more a dog person, but with all the crazy hours she worked, a cat would be more compatible. Maybe she would hit the local shelter next time she was going by just to see what they had.
Yeah, right. Like she could just go in and not pick out a pet. All her life, she’d wanted to save things, people. First her parents’ failing marriage when she’d been only ten, then her relationship with Colin.
Too bad she hadn’t put forth any effort to save her child.
Olivia set her bags and keys on the center island in her kitchen. The pain was always there, always waiting for the moment in her life when she least expected to be slapped in the face with reality. Some days the ache lessened, but some days it consumed every second of the day, every fiber of her being.
Actually, ache wasn’t quite accurate. An ache would be a welcome feeling to the sharp jabs she often felt when dwelling on all the ways she’d ruined any chance of having a family of her own. But she had the shelter, and every person who came through that door was like a brother or sister. They were her family, and they were a close-knit unit.
No one, however, knew the details of her past. She tried not to dwell on it in public. Putting up a strong attitude and a let’s-move-forward persona was the only way to assist others in making the proper decisions.
The knock at her front door jolted her from venturing too far into her morose past.
Olivia tried to peer out the sidelight as she walked through the narrow foyer. Even with her porch light on, she couldn’t make out who stood on the other side of the door. She guessed the visitor to be a man from the size of the one bulky shoulder she saw.
But one quick glance through her peephole and Olivia froze.
Colin.
How on earth? She’d just run into him less than an hour ago, and he was on her doorstep already? He must’ve left not long after her.
As much as she wanted to ignore him and run upstairs and bury her head under the covers of her Queen Anne poster bed, she had to be mature about this. They were adults now, nothing could change what went on years ago. She was over the initial blow of seeing him, so another encounter shouldn’t have her so flustered.
With a deep breath and a hand to her churning stomach, Olivia opened the door and pasted on a smile.
“Colin, how did you know I’d be living in my mom’s house?” Realization dawned on her, and she held up a hand. “Never mind. You looked me up in the system. Right?”
That cocky, yet charming grin she’d always loved spread across his face, and it still made her knees weaken. “Guilty. Can I come in? Unless you have plans or are in the middle of something.”
Her hand gripped the doorknob. “Uh … sure. Come on in.”
She stepped back and gestured him through. Now what? Did he really want to talk? Catch up on old times? Olivia knew they had absolutely nothing in common … not anymore.
“I just got home,” she told him as she led him to her cozy living room. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“No. I’m fine.”
Colin Parker was in her house, her living room. He seemed to dominate the entire space with his height, his muscular frame. His questioning gaze.
“How is your mom?”
Olivia swallowed. “Actually, she passed away when I was twenty-three.”
Colin took a step forward, as if to comfort her, then stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets. “I hate to hear that, Livie. I’m so sorry.”
“She had a brain tumor,” she offered. “She didn’t suffer, though. Once the doctors found it, she only lived another month. I’m sorry you didn’t know. I know how much you loved her.”
His sultry eyes leveled with hers. “I loved you, too, Livie. I would’ve been there for you if I’d known.”
Okay. Awkward and most definitely not a topic she wanted to cover. No way could she just jump straight into how they did or didn’t truly love each other.
“Have a seat.”
Taking the lead, she eased down onto the butter yellow sofa and grabbed a bright red throw pillow to clutch on her lap. She needed a prop to hide her shaky hands.
He sat on the opposite end, rested his elbows on his knees, and sighed. “I’m sorry for just popping in unannounced like this, but seeing you … well, it was nice, and if I didn’t stop by now, I never would’ve gotten the nerve to do so.”
“Nerve?”
The Colin she remembered never feared a thing. Just one more way they’d grown in opposite directions. But she had to admit, he hadn’t lost that sexy, slow Southern drawl. That smooth talk could still melt any coolness she felt toward him.
He glanced over. “I haven’t seen you in twelve years, Livie. I wasn’t sure you’d even want to talk. Not after how I left things.”
Olivia swallowed, pulled her legs up beneath her, and toyed with the decorative beading on the edge of the pillow. “It was a long time ago, Colin. We’ve moved on.”
“Still … I didn’t know if you’d welcome me.” He eased back onto the sofa and smiled. “I’m glad, though. When I accepted this transfer, I wondered if I’d run into you.”
“Really?” He’d actually thought about her?
She tried to hold her eyes on his but found it too hard. Glancing away, she could only pray he hadn’t heard what a mess she’d made of her life. But all he’d have to do was ask around, and he’d know every sordid detail.
Olivia gathered courage from deep down and brought her eyes back to his. “How long have you been back?”
“About six months. I bought a house out on Hutton Lane, and I’ve been renovating it in my spare time. It’s a small bungalow built in the thirties, so it needs quite a few updates.”
Six months? “I’ve been in the station in the last six months. I can’t believe I haven’t run into you.”
“I work crazy hours. Perhaps I was there and just
back in my office.” His thick dark brows drew together. “Do you often have to come in and bail out your friends?”
Olivia tilted her chin in both defiance and pride. “Actually, I don’t have to come in that often, and the people I come to bail out have no one else to call.”
“Why is that?”
Surprised, and a bit relieved, she asked, “You mean no one told you?”
Colin crossed his ankle over his knee and shook his head. “I didn’t ask anyone about you. I just went into my office, looked up your name on my computer, and found your address. I try not to share my personal life with my coworkers.”
The fact that he’d just lumped her into his personal life concerned her, but she’d have to address that later. Or avoid it at all costs.
“I own a shelter,” she told him. “Well, it’s more than a shelter. I started it as a shelter for pregnant drug addicts.”
His mouth dropped, and his brows rose. “No kidding? That’s great, Livie. How long ago?”
“Almost nine years.” She forced herself to trudge on and not think about the reasons behind her motivation. Colin didn’t need to know what kept her moving forward every day. “We’ve actually grown, and I’ve been able to take on more staff. Now we work with runaways, pregnant teens, whether they’re drug abusers or not. We also assist in finding jobs and housing for young adults looking to get off the street.
“Basically, we want to help anyone who took a wrong turn in life.”
For a moment Colin just sat there, his dark eyes never wavering from her face. She wanted to know what he was thinking, but she didn’t dare ask. She also didn’t want to get lost in that mesmerizing gaze. Colin always had the ability to hypnotize her with those intense, sexy eyes.
After a moment of utter silence, which was only a wee bit awkward, Olivia could practically see the wheels in his head turning.
Please, God, don’t let him ask what prompted my choice of careers.
“Livie, that’s … wow.” He shook his head as a smile spread across his handsome, chiseled face. “That’s amazing. And this is your job, right? Not volunteer work?”
“I have volunteers, but this is my only job.” My life.
He drew a knee up onto the couch and eased one long, tanned arm across the back, as if reaching for her. “But how do you get paid? How do you keep things running?”
“By the grace of God and the generous donations that keep coming in.”
Speechless again. Olivia was pleased to know that she’d impressed Colin to the point of silence, but if not for her careless actions after he’d left town so long ago, she wouldn’t have the business and she certainly wouldn’t be helping people.
And this was one of those times where she was thankful she could help others, but she’d much rather go back in time, redo the period in her life from the ages of eighteen to twenty-two. She wanted to go back to that innocent love she and Colin had, the dreams they’d shared.
She wanted to go back to the time before she got caught up in a world she didn’t understand, a world nobody, especially a young adult, should have to encounter. A world full of lies, evil, and deceit. Maybe then she wouldn’t have nightmares about burying a baby she barely remembered conceiving, barely remembered holding.
two
Colin couldn’t believe he was sitting in Olivia’s family room. The same family room he’d sat in and told her he didn’t think they were right for each other after three years of dating and talk of an engagement.
He didn’t know what amazed him more, the fact that she was the owner of this remarkable shelter that gave so much or the fact that she was even more beautiful than he’d remembered. He wasn’t surprised, though, that she was in the business of helping others. But this was quite a leap from what she’d always intended.
“What happened to your dreams of becoming a nurse?” he asked.
Her pale green gaze leveled his. “Dreams die.”
Ouch. “Guess I deserved that,” he murmured.
Livie closed her eyes and sighed. “No, you didn’t. It’s just seeing you, I’m forced to face all those memories.”
Now that he understood. “Want me to go?”
Her lids lifted. “No. No. I’m just tired, and that’s no excuse for being rude. I apologize.” She smiled once again. “I see you did exactly what you said you’d do.”
Colin nodded, thankful they were on a somewhat safer topic. “Yeah. After five years in the marines, I took a job with the Atlanta PD. I stayed there up until six months ago when I found out about the opening here. I’d always intended to come back home.”
If she didn’t quit toying with that beaded pillow, the thing would fall apart. Did he really make her that nervous? He was used to intimidating suspects, but this was the one person in the world he wanted to feel safe.
She glanced back to him, still worrying the colorful beading. “Not much has changed since you’ve been gone.”
“You have.”
Her deep brown eyes widened; her fingers stilled. “Me?”
“You’ve gotten prettier, something I didn’t think possible.”
Those wide eyes lowered to her unsteady hands. She looked so adorable tucked in the corner of her sofa, especially now that her cheeks were pink from his compliment. With her soft golden curls hanging around her face, she looked the picture of innocence. But he had a feeling there were secrets lurking behind this façade. Oh, everyone had a secret or two, but something about the worry and panic in her eyes when he’d brought up her career and her dreams had him wondering what she kept hidden.
Occupational hazard to always want to dig into people’s minds and see the reasons behind their actions.
“Sorry,” he told her. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you.”
She cleared her throat. “Did you ever marry?”
“No. I was so busy with work.” Honesty, he had to be honest. “I also never found anyone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. What about you?”
She shook her head, still looking down to the pillow. “No.”
Okay, that was simple. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know everything. Mostly, he wanted to keep her talking so he had a reason to stay. He didn’t want this moment to get any more awkward than it already was.
What did she do when her mother died? Did she have anyone to turn to during that rough time?
“So, what did you get your degree in? You were working on nursing when I—”
Left.
“I, um, didn’t finish college,” she told him. “I dropped out after you enlisted.”
That shocked him. Dreams and reaching goals had been Olivia’s number one priority. Besides, she’d been the class valedictorian and the one person Colin would’ve bet money on would not only get that BSN, but also go on to get her PhD.
“What happened?”
Livie tossed the pillow down, came to her feet, and crossed the room to the window overlooking the lake. He thought she was going to tell him, but when she wrapped her arms around her waist and dropped her head, he realized he’d asked the wrong question.
Obviously those secrets he’d feared hidden behind her sweet smile and girl-next-door persona were bubbling to the surface. Damn. He was so used to badgering witnesses and suspects, he hadn’t meant to probe an innocent woman.
He, too, came to his feet and moved to stand behind her. “I’m sorry, Livie.”
Something terrible had happened after he’d left. His gut told him she was both humiliated and fearful of this secret.
Before he could say anything else, her shoulders shook and she sniffed. Oh, God.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and turned her. “Liv.”
She held up a hand and stopped him from pulling her into his arms. “No. Don’t. I can’t talk about the past. I … just … can’t.”
Taking a step back, he nodded. “Fair enough. I’m sorry I upset you.”
He couldn’t stand it, that lone tear track on her face. He took her face in his hands and swiped th
e dampness with his thumb. Those doe eyes staring up at him made him damn glad he’d found the courage to come to see her, but at the same time, she wouldn’t be crying if he’d stayed away.
“Colin,” she whispered.
Everything about her drew him in. Her sweet, floral scent, her soft, smooth skin beneath his palms, her vulnerability—a vulnerability he shouldn’t take advantage of. He could no more stop his actions than he could stop her hurt. But maybe, just maybe, he could make her forget for a moment.
He eased forward, ever so slowly, giving her ample time to stop him. Just one taste, that’s all he needed to see if the sparks were still there.
With his hands still framing her face, his lips touched hers. When she parted her lips, he nearly sighed with relief at her acceptance.
He was both right and wrong. Yes, the sparks were still there, but he’d need more than one taste. She was just as intoxicating as he’d remembered. Just as potent.
Her soft, gentle hands cautiously slid up his forearms, gripped his elbows. That small, simple gesture was the only thing keeping Colin from stepping back. She hadn’t leaned into the kiss as most women did, nor had she offered more than he was taking.
But now she was. The kiss wasn’t fast, wasn’t aggressive, but he’d lost control just the same the second she’d touched him.
He knew she was in a difficult place in her mind, and wherever that lonely, depressing place was, Colin wanted to take her somewhere else. And selfishly, he wanted it more than his next breath.
Before he frightened her completely, Colin released her lips, but not her face. He didn’t want to lose that connection, no matter how small. That silky skin beneath his rough palms should’ve proven to him just how different they were now. But he didn’t care about the differences. He cared about Livie.
“I can’t apologize, Livie. I’d be lying.”
Her lids fluttered, and when she looked into his eyes, she immediately dropped her hands. “No, this isn’t happening.”
