Stabenow, Dana - Liam Campbell 04 - Better To Rest

by Better To Rest(lit)

  “He worked for a couple of years, saving his money, and he was all set to go to school in Seattle when he fell in love.

  Her mother.

  “I have never seen any two people more in love in my life, Moses said, sounding almost judicial in tone. “They were crazy for each other, dancing the night away at the bars, necking in his truck out at the end of River Road, holding hands so they couldnt hardly get through a door when they needed to. He shook his head, and in the softest voice shed ever heard him use, said, “No. Thats not how I mean it to sound. Thats not how it was. They were in love, girl. Head-over-heels, fly-me-to-the-moon, I-only-wanna-be-with-you love. You understand?

  Her throat tight, she managed to say, “Yes.

  “Thought you might.

  She waited as long as she could. “What happened?

  He shrugged. “What usually happens when two people fall in love? They got married.

  “Was she pregnant?

  “What? No. They didnt have to get married; they wanted to. He told her all his plans, and she was all for it, so they were careful not to let anything happen to get in the way. They needed a place to live, though, so he used up his savings to buy them a little house, and he went back to work deckhanding, saving up enough to get the both of them Outside and him to school. She was miserable with him out on the water most of the time, but she handled it. Got herself a job down to the cannery on the slimer. Then she got herself an idea, and the next time he was in town and they had come up for air

  His dry tone made her smile involuntarily.

  “she tells him. They could apply for a loan. Theyd just opened up a local branch of an Anchorage bank, and he was a local boy with a good reputation. No reason somebody wouldnt lend him money. So they did.

  You really are a master of the dramatic pause, you miserable old son of a bitch, she thought, not a respectful way even to think of ones elder and teacher. She was determined this time not to ask, but she didnt last thirty seconds. “What happened? Did the bank turn them down?

  “No. He shook his head and laughed, not a nice laugh. “No, the bank didnt turn them down. It would have been better if they had.

  “Uncle! What happened?

  “The bank manager told them she would have to sign the loan because she was the responsible member of the marriage.

  She stared at him, again trying to make out his face in the dark. “Why?

  “She was white.

  “What?

  “She was white, Caucasian, Polish-German-Scotch-Irish-English. A round-eye. A gussuk. Daughter to the BIA teacher couple in Icky. Think they were from Indiana, or some such.

  Wy closed her eyes and bowed her head. “And he was native.

  “Yupik as you and me. More. Myself, I think that was the beginning of the end. Oh, they went out to Seattle, and he came back with his certificate, and he got on the big boats. I imagine most of the big boats had mostly white crews and they werent easy on him. He started drinking, and they started fighting. In the middle of all this, she gets pregnant.

  “With me.

  “With you. He ran off, Wy. Maybe he was just following the sterling example set by his own father. Maybe he just couldnt watch the world be mean to a child of his. I dont know. One day he was there; the next he was gone.

  “What did my mother do?

  “She had you and farmed you out to your fathers sister. Not the best thing she could have done, in the circumstances.

  Wy remembered what little she could of her first years on earth, and bile rose up in her throat. No. Not the best thing.

  “And then she left.

  “Do you know where she is?

  He hunched a shoulder.

  “What about my father? Do you know where he is?

  “Your fathers dead, Wy.

  She drew in a sharp breath.

  “He quit drinking and eventually moved up to master on the Alaska ferry system. He divorced your mom and remarried. He had three kids by his second wife.

  “I have half brothers and sisters?

  “Yeah.

  “Where are they?

  “Outside somewhere. I dont know exactly where.

  “Would someone in Icky know?

  “Probably. Whether theyll tell you... He shrugged.

  The red buoy at the mouth of the river winked on and off, on and off. Red right returning. On the very edge of the horizon she thought she could see the lights of a boat, too far away to see if it was coming up the river or passing it by. A meteor streaked across the sky. She took a long, shaky breath. “Thanks for telling me, uncle.

  He grunted.

  “Why now? she said. “Why didnt you tell me all this when I first moved back to Newenham? You must have known from the beginning who I was, and who my father was. You knew I wanted to know. Why didnt you tell me?

  Another long silence, during which she got the impression, unusual in the extreme, that Moses was picking out the right words to use. “I hoped I wouldnt have to, he said finally.

  She stared at him, trying to decipher his expression in the dark. “Wouldnt have to? I dont understand.

  “Remember last month, when you launched that two-bit kite into a gale-force wind to come after that boy of yours?

  Now she was angry. “Dont try to change the subject, old man. And then she added, “And sixty-eight Kilo isnt a kite.

  “Im not changing the subject, he said, his voice flat. “Do you remember?

  “Of course I remember. I nearly wrecked the plane, which would have taken out half my equipment inventory. And Liam had been with her.

  “What made you do it, girl? He sounded only curious, but she knew him well enough to know that, for Moses, curiosity alone was never a reason to do anything. “Gale-force winds, abrupt temperature changes, snow changing to sleet changing to hail changing to rain. It wasnt VFR; hell, it wasnt even good enough to be IFR. It was a National Weather Service wet dream. So what made you do it?

  “I... She tried to think. “Jim and Jo had figured out that somebody was leaving bodies in a line leading to Old Man Creek. I knew Tim was there. I knew you and Bill and Amelia were there. I didnt think about it much, I just

  He was inexorable. “Why did you come, Wy?

  “I guess... I couldnt not come, Moses.

  There was a brief silence before he sighed and shifted, the rough nap of the army blanket catching at the shoulder of her parka. When he spoke again, his voice, a deep, raspy husk to begin with, sounded like gravel being ground together. “Something tell you to?

  Wy stiffened. “I beg your pardon?

  “Did something tell you to come to Old Man? Call it instinct, intuition, a gut feeling.

  “A voice? she said.

  He was surprised into a snort of laughter. “Yeah. A voice.

  She was almost amused. “I dont do voices, Moses. Thats your line of work.

  He was silent for a while. “Its hereditary.

  “What is?

  “Hearing the voices. Its passed down, generation to generation.

  She felt a pricking at the back of her neck. A flash caught her eye, and she looked up to see another meteor, a second, a third. It seemed to be a long time before she could form her next question, and when it came it was a weak “So?

  “So sometimes it skips a generation or two, according to the stories. Sometimes they just take a while to make themselves heard.

  “Moses

  “I was the man who ran out on your father, Wy.

  “What?

  “Im your grandfather. Me, Moses Alakuyak. You, born Wyanet Kukaktlik, to Eleanor Murphy and Doug Kukaktlik, adopted by Mary Anne and Joseph Chouinard. You are my granddaughter. Mine by blood and bone, if not by my presence in your life, up till three years ago.

  The meteors were raining down on them now; every time one painted a streak across the horizon, a second burned into existence before the firsts tail had faded. She said the only thing she could think of saying. “My fathers name was Kukaktlik?

  “I didnt marr
y his mother.

  She had wondered about the marital status of her parents. There had been hints here and there, a look from an Ickyite now and then. Icky was a notoriously upright village, and they wouldnt take kindly to illegitimate children. And she had wondered about the families they had come from. It wasnt as if she hadnt already suspected the truth, but last summer Moses himself had refused to answer the direct question.

  And now he was volunteering information like there was no tomorrow. “You are my grandfather, she said, testing the sound of it on the night air. The stars did not alter in their courses. The meteor shower seemed to have tapered off. Everything seemed much as it was before she had said the words out loud.

  And yet everything was changed.

  “Yes, he said. “I wasnt going to tell you.

  “Why? she said in quick protest. “Why not? You knew I wanted to know who my family was, that one of the reasons I decided to come back to Newenham was to find out.

  He sighed, a sound she had never before heard him make. “I got as drunk as I could before I came out here.

  “Why?

  “Same reason as anybody looking for the courage to do the right thing.

  “Moses, I dont know what you mean.

  He heaved himself to his feet and stood looking across the river at Bulge, the three-house village on the opposite shore, away to the south at the lights of an approaching boat, anywhere but at her. “I hear voices. Its a hereditary curse, according to legend. Youre my granddaughter.

  When she got it, she only wondered why it had taken so long. “Are you saying Im going to start hearing voices? Her voice scaled up.

  “Im saying I think you already do.

  She searched frantically for something to say in reply to that, and came up empty.

  “Its why I started teaching you tai chi in the first place.

  She blinked, confused. “What? I thought... What are you talking about? You showed up on my doorstep one day and bullied me into horse stance and you wouldnt leave until I got it right, and then you left me standing in it until I actually fell over! I thought it was some kind of initiation, that you did it to everyone who moves to Newenham, and so I went along with it because I wanted to make friends.

  “I was hoping, he said, ignoring her interruption, “that if and when they started in on you, the discipline would give you some peace. Be nice if you didnt have to start boozing it up. Boozings hell on the liver, and youve got a kid to raise.

  She was on her feet without knowing how she got there. She was so angry she stuttered. “You Im This is bullshit, Moses. This is just total bullshit. Voices. Nobody hears voices; sometimes I think you dont even hear voices.

  “Yeah, thats your mother talking through your mouth, girl.

  “Nobody talks through my mouth but me! She pulled herself together and said tightly, “You know, Moses, youre going to have to make up your mind. Either the voices are talking or my mom is.

  His voice was quiet and a little sad. “I knew youd be pissed.

  “Pissed? She almost lost it, and only by an effort of iron will kept control. “Im not pissed. Youre just confused, Moses, is all. You said yourself youve had too much to drink tonight. Im grateful to you for telling me about my parents, and... She softened, touched his shoulder, wary of offering an embrace. “You, she said. “I have family now.

  “Not a family you can take much pride in, he muttered.

  “Stop that, she said. “I am proud of you. A lot of people are. Liam cares for you, Bill loves you with everything shes got, even Tim

  “Theyll come, Wy. Theyll come when you least expect them, at the most inconvenient, inopportune times.

  “Moses

  “Theyll come whether you want them to or not. I wish to God Hell. He turned and walked away.

  “Moses? she said, coming down the steps after him. “Do you want me to drive you home?

  “Im fine, girl. Track down that man of yours and take him to that itty-bitty thing you call a bed. Hell wipe the voices right out of your mind.

  He disappeared around the corner of the house, and she probably imagined what she heard next.

  “At least for a while.

  The boat was closer to the mouth of the river, and she wondered in a detached sort of way where it was going, and why it had left the voyage upriver so late in the year. More meteors fell, but fewer and farther between, until at last they seemed to stop altogether.

  Inside, the monitor was still flying through space. She shut the computer down and went to bed.

  Liam never did come home.

  TEN

  Bill was curious about that coin.

  She couldnt say why exactly. She didnt think it was because it was a gold coin. Maybe it was because shed never seen any kind of a coin roll out of a dead mans hand before, but then that had to be a pretty rare experience for everyone privileged enough to witness it.

  Diana Prince had left the coin with Bill, in the custody of the local officer of the court. Bill, after a hard days work at magistrates court, didnt want to deal with it, and so had left a blistering message on Liams phone mail, with as yet no response.

  The coin was in a plastic bag inside her desk drawer. She drew it out now and scrabbled around for a pair of reading glasses. Maybe it was the way her eyes, blue and intense and thickly lashed, looked out over the tops of them, measuring, challenging, their expression somewhere between a dare and an invitation. The man standing in the doorway, for one of the few times in his life feeling every one of his years, knew a sudden, excessive need for comfort, for satisfaction, for forgetfulness.

  It was a weeknight, and the bar had closed at midnight. He closed the door behind him. When she heard the lock snick home, she looked up. “Well, she said, and sat back. She knew that look. Her heart skipped a beat. Twenty years, more, and her heart still skipped a beat, her nipples still hardened, the warm rush of feeling began between her thighs. Damned if shed show it.

  “Take your clothes off.

  She stood up. “Make me.

  He came around the desk at her and she kicked the chair out of the way before they fell on it. There wasnt time to get to her house, there wasnt time even to make it to the couch. He ripped her shirt open, buttons flying everywhere, and pulled her jeans down her legs, where they caught on the one shoe she hadnt been able to get off in time. He didnt kiss her or caress her, he pulled her legs apart and plunged in. She gasped and arched up, digging her nails into his bucking, heaving back. He bellowed out his pleasure and relief and collapsed on top of her, almost insensible.

  They lay together, speechless, for a time. He stirred at last. “Christ. He raised his head. “May I come in?

  Her laugh was a bare thread of sound. “Depends. Who wants in, my man or the old crank whos been hanging out in my bar for the last month?

  “Both, I think. He propped himself on an elbow and smoothed the long strands of thick white hair back from her face. “Im sorry.

  She gave her hips an experimental flex. “You going to make it up to me?

  He laughed, burying his face in her hair. “You bet.

  They dozed a little, impervious to the fact that they were half-dressed, on the floor, and that one of the wheels of the desk chair had rolled over a lock of Bills hair.

  “I told her, he said after a while.

  “Finally got up the nerve?

  “Finally got enough beer in me.

  She hesitated. “Moses?

  “What?

  “Are you sure?

  He nuzzled her breast. “I wish I wasnt.

  So did she. “What do you think shell do?

  “Get a lobotomy.

  “Seriously.

  He sighed and rolled to his back, swearing when he cracked his head on the couch. “I dont know. Up to her. Ive prepared her as much as I can. Ive delivered the bad news. She didnt believe it, but shes been told.

  She rolled toward him, winced, and pulled her hair free from the caster. “Will it be as bad for her as it is for you?
/>
  He shook his head. “No way to tell. Mine came to me young. They say my mother had them before me, but I dont remember her. And I havent asked a lot of questions.

  She knew why. Half the Bay thought he was God. The other half thought he was the devil. Bill had seen people turn away, step aside, retreat when they saw Moses coming, even though he never gave advice unsolicited. Everybody was afraid he might, though, and that this time it would be something they couldnt ignore.

  “Man. He raised his head. “This is just pitiful. Lying under the desk, clothes half-off.

  “I was ravished, she said primly.

  He laughed, a wholehearted, rollicking sound that few had heard. “Yeah, right, thats why you didnt have any panties on underneath them jeans.

  “What are you saying, sir?

  “Im saying, maam, that I was honey-trapped. I didnt have a chance. He pulled her to her feet. “Im hungry. Feed me.

  They raided the kitchen, half-naked and giggling like a couple of kids, and brought their spoils back to the office and curled up on the couch. They fed each other olives green and black and pickles sweet and dill and pieces of cheddar cheese, washed down with enormous drafts of ice-cold beer. When they were done she licked his fingers clean, which led to other, more interesting places. This time it was long and slow and oh so sweet.

  “This is all wrong, you know, she said drowsily, a little later.

  “What is? he said, facedown, body limp.

  “Were too old to be enjoying sex.

  “Who says?

  She ran one fingernail from his nape to the cleft of his buttocks, and was rewarded by a responsive groan. “Everyone under fifty.

  “Everyone under fifty is wrong.

  She smiled, closing her eyes and snuggling in for the duration. “They sure are.

  The next morning as she was getting dressed and he was hindering her, he saw the gold coin on the desk. “Whats that?

  “Remember that arm, and the coin that fell out of its hand?

  “Oh. He picked it up and looked at it, couldnt read the writing, and looked for the half glasses that had sidetracked him earlier. “Twenty dollars. And Lady Liberty in all her glory. He looked at her over the tops of the glasses. “This is gold.