Only For You (Forever and Always, Book #1)

by E. L. Todd

  “Well, if you have other things you need to do—”

  “I don’t,” he said. “And it wouldn’t matter if I did.”

  Cortland turned on the television and scrolled through the channels for a while. After finding nothing worthwhile, he turned to me. “Are you going to start looking for editing positions?”

  “I guess.” I sighed.

  “Why do you sound so unenthusiastic?”

  “I just—had a bad experience with my last boss. I really don’t want to work for someone else.”

  Cortland nodded. “Perhaps you should start your own business. Maybe you can create an editing company?”

  “That’d be cool,” I said.

  “You can do it,” he said. “Ryan started his business inside his apartment and it just grew. People liked his artwork so much that he opened up his own shop. You could do that, too.”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered.

  “Why not?”

  I shook my head. I was too depressed to think about my life ambition to start an editing company. My heart was still pulsing with pain, and I still felt broken. My greatest dream was to be with Sean, and that was never going to happen.

  “What’s wrong?” Cortland asked.

  “Excuse me?” His question caught me off guard. He could read me better than I thought. I just met the guy and he seemed to be in tune with my emotions. Perhaps my face was just a dead giveaway.

  “You seem sad,” he said. “Your eyes turned empty.”

  I didn’t know what to say. My forlorn expression and ghostly appearance wasn’t something I meant to show. It just happened. “I don’t want to discuss it.”

  “Did I do something?” he asked.

  “No, of course not.”

  He stared at me for a moment then finally looked away, dropping his questions and the conversation. We watched television without really paying attention. I stared at the wall straight ahead and thought about Sean, wondering what he was doing back at home. He probably realized that I had moved by now, but I didn’t know if he would ever figure out where I went. I could have just changed apartments. I wondered if he was still sleeping with Janice even though he loved Penelope. I wondered if he thought about me at all? Probably not. That night meant something to me and I could swear that it meant something to him, too. No one is that tender and loving when they are drunk. He touched me like I was his lover—not just a quick fuck. He said he didn’t love me, but I doubted those words. Perhaps when he moved on from Penelope, he would realize it, but I had a feeling he never would.

  Cortland turned off the television and leaned forward. “Do you have someone?” he asked.

  I stared at him, not understanding his meaning. “What?”

  “Do you have someone to talk to?” he asked. “Other than Ryan? I can see how depressed you are and I know something is bothering you—deeply.”

  I didn’t understand why this man that I just met was showing such an interest in me. It didn’t feel romantic or physical, but still intimate and close. “Why are you so interested?”

  He sighed. “I don’t mean to pry, but Ryan is a good guy and I consider him to be family. Therefore you are family, too.”

  I smiled at him. “That is very sweet, but I’m fine, Cortland. Thank you.”

  “Let me know if you change your mind.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  A moment later, Ryan knocked on the door and Cortland answered it.

  “How is it?” Cortland asked.

  “The shop is fine,” he said. “Nothing was taken. They just busted a window then left.”

  I walked over to Ryan and hugged him. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

  He didn’t return my embrace, letting his hands dangle at his sides. “You were just telling my friend that I was a douche.”

  I didn’t release my hold on him. The revelation that he had been held at gunpoint in the past made me frightened of losing him. “You still are,” I whispered.

  Ryan laughed. “Well, at least you are being honest.” When I pulled away, he reached out and shook Cortland’s hand. “Thanks for babysitting.”

  Cortland nodded. “You’re welcome.” He walked to the door then looked at me. “It was nice meeting you, Scarlet.”

  “You, too.” I smiled.

  Cortland left the apartment and Ryan locked the door behind him. “So how was your day?”

  “It was okay.”

  “You had fun,” he said. “Just admit it.”

  “It was okay.” I smiled.

  “What do you think of Cortland?”

  “I’m not interested in dating anyone.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not what I meant,” he said. “Do you like him? He is going to be around a lot so I want to make sure you don’t have a problem with him.”

  “I like him,” I said. “He’s a very nice guy.”

  “Good,” he said. Ryan’s phone rang and he answered it. “Hello?” His lips stretched into a smile as he listened. “As intrigued as I am, it’s going to have to wait a couple of days.” I wasn’t sure what he was talking about. “My sister is visiting and the timing just isn’t good. I’ll call you next week.” He hung up the phone with a smile on his face.

  “That sounded like a booty call.”

  “How would you know?” he teased.

  “You don’t have to stop having—friends—over because of me, Ryan.”

  “It’s fine,” he said. “Let’s get you settled before I introduce you to my personal life.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Whatever,” I said.

  “Besides, I’m sleeping with you and three is a crowd.”

  “Ryan, I’m fine.”

  “You were sobbing this morning,” he snapped. “Clearly you aren’t fine. And I don’t mind.”

  He walked into his bedroom and I walked into mine, changing into my pajamas before he came into the room with his running shorts and a plain shirt. He laid a sleeping bag on the floor then crawled inside of it while I got under the covers of my bed. Having Ryan near me calmed my nerves and slowed my heart, making me feel relaxed. I wondered if this was why Sean wanted me to sleep with him, but before I could think about it in more detail, I fell asleep.

  18

  “Get up,” Ryan said as he shook me.

  “No,” I said in a raspy voice. I pulled the blankets over my head, wanting to block out his voice. “There is nowhere for me to go.”

  Ryan pulled down the covers and I practically shriveled up like a snail covered in salt. “Where are we going?” I asked as I finally opened my eyes.

  “To work,” he said. “You know—my source of income to support me and my freeloading sister.”

  I groaned. “I don’t want to,” I whined. “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Well, you aren’t staying in bed all day, so get your ass up.”

  “Fine,” I said as I sat up.

  I went into the bathroom and showered then got ready for the day. By the time I walked into the living room, Ryan was already out the door. “We are going to be late,” he said as he walked outside of the apartment.

  “Well, you don’t have to wait for me,” I said as I walked behind him.

  “If I left you alone, you would just crawl back in bed and try to disappear.”

  “You know me too well.”

  We took a cab to his shop right off the strip of Main Street. He unlocked the door and we went inside. It was a small place with only a few chairs and limited rooms for the piercings and tattoos. I started looking at the navel rings on the stand and wondered how much that type of piercing would hurt. People immediately began entering the shop, mostly younger guys that were already covered in tattoos. Ryan’s shop was obviously very popular.

  “Hey, Mark!” my brother said as they shook hands. “Back again?”

  “I was wondering if you could add some to my back piece. I have an idea of what I want to do.”

  “Sure thing,” Ryan said. He turned to me. “Mark, this is my sister, Scarlet.
” We shook hands and I smiled at him. He smiled back and nodded. Ryan gestured to the other man. “And this is Tony.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you both.”

  “I can see the resemblance between you two,” Mark said. “Are you an artist as well?” he asked me.

  “No,” I said quickly.

  “Actually,” Ryan interjected, “she is, but she isn’t a tattoo artist. She’s a writer.”

  “Very cool,” Mark said as he nodded his head.

  These men weren’t what I was expecting. As soon as I saw men in tattoos, I immediately put up my guard, but neither of these guys stared at my chest, nor did they flirt with me. For the first time, I felt respected. Perhaps it was because my brother was standing next to me, but I still appreciated the behavior either way.

  Ryan ushered Mark into a seat as the man explained what he wanted. Ryan drew a quick sketch then he began to work on Mark. I watched my brother, fascinated by his unwavering hands as they etched the needle into the skin, drawing a perfect serpent across the man’s back. I had no idea how talented Ryan was. When he originally told me he wanted to be a tattoo artist, I thought it was stupid. But as I watched him concentrate on his work, I could see how much he loved his profession. The look on his face alone showed how passionate he was about his art. He wasn’t smiling, but his eyes were narrowed as he watched his hands and his mind was focused on nothing but the task before him. It reminded me of myself when I edited a manuscript.

  I sat in a nearby chair and watched Ryan work for the day. Even though I wasn’t doing anything, I was interested in what he was doing and never felt bored. Most importantly, it kept my mind off Sean.

  The door opened and I looked to see who came into the shop. Cortland smiled at me as he walked over. He was wearing jeans and a gray shirt that fit loosely around him, making him appear tight and fit.

  “Hey,” he said as he stood next to me and watched my brother work. “He’s got some talent, huh?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “He really does.”

  “Why do you sound so surprised, Scar?” Ryan asked.

  “I’m not,” I said. “I've just never seen you in action before.”

  Ryan finished the last portion of the image then put down his needle. “What’s up?” he asked Cortland.

  Cortland looked at his watch. “I came to see if you wanted to get something to eat,” he said. “It’s lunchtime.”

  Ryan looked around the parlor and saw all the people waiting for their turn to get their artwork or piercing done. “I’m sorry, man. I can’t today.”

  Cortland nodded. “I understand,” he said. “We can go tomorrow.”

  “How about you take my sister?” Ryan asked. “Entertain her while I’m at work.”

  He was really starting to piss me off. “Stop treating me like a child, Ryan.”

  “Then stop acting like one,” he snapped. He turned back to Cortland. “So, are you willing?”

  “Of course,” Cortland said. “I would love to.”

  Ryan looked at me. “Come with me, Scarlet.” He led me to the back of the parlor and opened his safe. He pulled out several hundred dollar bills and handed me three of them. “Make it last,” he said.

  “I can’t accept this,” I said uncomfortably. I didn’t mind him buying my stuff, but I didn’t want to take money from him.

  “Don’t be annoying, Scarlet. Just take it. It’s not a big deal. I don’t want you walking around without any money.”

  Ashamed, I took the money and put it in my wallet. “I’ll pay you back.”

  “I don’t care if you do or don’t.”

  “Thank you,” I said.

  “You’re welcome.”

  We walked back to the front and Ryan shook hands with Cortland. “You can drop her off at the apartment when you’re done. I am going to be busy here.”

  Cortland nodded. “Will do.” He turned to me. “Shall we?”

  I nodded and we walked out the door and to the street. Cortland walked over to an Infiniti Q60, which was pearl white, and he opened the door for me.

  “Where do you want to go?” he asked when he sat in the driver’s seat. “Mega-shake two days in a row?”

  “Well, it would be three for me.”

  “How about Bottega Italiana in Pike’s Market?” he asked as he drove onto the street.

  “I love Italian food.”

  “That makes two of us.”

  Cortland drove across town until we found a parking spot off the road. As we walked through the market towards the restaurant, we passed tables covered in food and jewelry. I couldn’t help but slow down to admire the merchandise. I had money to spend, but I couldn’t allow myself to use it unless it was something that I really needed. I hated taking Ryan’s money. It made me feel useless, like I couldn’t support myself.

  When we reached the restaurant, Cortland opened the door for me, and the hostess sat us at a table in the back.

  “Is this where you and Ryan come often?” I asked as I looked at the menu.

  “No,” he said as he drank his water. “He usually doesn’t have a lot of time, so we’ll go somewhere quick. I just thought it would be fun to come here.”

  I smiled. “It’s very nice.”

  “Have you been here before?”

  “Yes,” I said. “I came here for dinner for my high school prom.”

  He smiled. “I forget that you used to live here. I think of you as such a foreigner.”

  I laughed. “I suppose I am a foreigner. I’ve been living on the east coast for ten years—that’s a long time.”

  “Which do you prefer?”

  “Right now, the west coast, obviously, but the east coast is pretty fabulous.”

  “Why is that obvious?” he asked as he set down his menu, ready to order.

  “Well, I just mean because I’m here.”

  The waiter came and took our orders. Cortland ordered the chicken parmesan and I ordered the raviolis.

  Cortland nodded. “I miss Boston sometimes, but I missed my family too much when I was there.”

  “That’s reasonable.”

  “It doesn’t seem like you and Ryan are close to your family. He comes over to my parents’ place for a lot of the holidays, and lately he has been spending them alone.”

  I felt my heart fall. “I didn’t know that.”

  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  I shook my head. “You didn’t,” I assured him. “I just didn’t know that he spent the holidays with you.”

  “My family loves him—he’s always welcome.”

  I sighed. “I should have spent more time with him.”

  “Isn’t that why you came here?” he asked.

  “No,” I admitted. “I came here for a selfish reason.”

  Cortland stared at me, but didn’t press further. I liked that Cortland understood when it was acceptable to ask questions and when it was time to back off.

  “I left New York for—a lot of reasons. My boss at work was a sleezeball and treated me like shit then my friend betrayed me, and then the man that I love rejected me.”

  Cortland said nothing for a moment. “That sounds like enough to make anyone run away. After a while, you just can’t fight any more. You have to rejuvenate before you return to battle.”

  “Are you suggesting that the fight isn’t over?”

  “Well, you just said your boss mistreated you. I think that man deserves to be reprimanded for his offenses. I’m assuming you never told anyone about the unpleasant work environment?”

  The waiter brought our food and set the dishes in front of us. I suddenly lost my appetite, but I poked at my raviolis with a fork. I felt bad for downplaying the truth of what really happened, but I just met the guy. I didn’t think it was wise to dump all my personal stuff on him. Ryan already seemed upset as it was. “No,” I answered.

  “I think you should.”

  “I don’t have any proof.”

  “You can always get it,” he said. “What exactly
did this man do to you? Threaten you?”

  I felt my body sweat in anxiety as I relived the moment of my assault. I drank from my water and dabbed my brow with my napkin. “I’m done talking about it. It really wasn’t a big deal. I apologize for bringing it up.”

  “I’m sorry that I upset you,” he said as he cut his chicken.

  “There is nothing to apologize for.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you certain that this man doesn’t love you?”

  The personal question caught me by surprise. “Yes. Why?”

  “I just find that hard to believe,” he said. He put down his fork and looked at me. “You are beautiful and funny—great to be around. I find it unlikely that this guy just rejected you. Perhaps there was a misunderstanding.”

  “No,” I said. “There was no misunderstanding—his intentions were clear.”

  “Then that’s his loss.”

  I smiled at him. “Thank you.”

  “Is he responsible for your depression?”

  “Yes,” I sighed. “We got into a huge fight and we decided to break things off. That’s when I decided to run away.”

  “Break things off? Does that mean you were together?”

  I smiled. “No. He and I were just very close—best friends. We went out to a charity event and when we got home—things happened. The next day he slept with my friend, and I felt betrayed. He assumed that we were just a friendly fuck, but I assumed it was something more.”

  “That sounds reasonable.”

  “To be fair, he just got out of a long-term relationship. He claims I should have understood that the moment we shared was purely physical and nothing more.”

  “Do you guys hook up often?”

  “No, that was the first.” I wasn’t sure why I was telling him everything, but I didn’t mind being open with him. Cortland wasn’t judging me, but listening to me passively, like a friend that I had known forever.

  “I think you are justified in being upset, but I think this is a gray area. Maybe you should try to work it out with him.”

  I looked down. “I don’t want to.”

  “Do you miss him?”

  I sighed. “More than anything.”

  “Then work it out with him.” Cortland pushed his empty plate away.