Only For You (Forever and Always, Book #1)

by E. L. Todd

  Ryan walked into the kitchen and yawned. “Good morning,” he said to me as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

  “Good morning,” I said from my stagnant spot in the kitchen. I realized I was standing there awkwardly, not doing anything, so I decided to make a bowl of cereal. They both sat at the kitchen table and ate quietly. Ryan read the paper while the girl played with her phone. My brother didn’t introduce me to the girl, and I assumed it was because I would never see her again anyway—what was the point?

  “What did you do last night?” Ryan asked.

  “Nothing,” I said quickly. I wasn’t going to mention Cortland. He would be mad—insanely mad.

  “Did you find any editing jobs?”

  “No.”

  “Do what Cortland said—make your own editing website. You have enough experience to operate solo.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said as I stirred my spoon around my bowl. “I don’t even know how to make a website.”

  “Well, it’s a good thing I have a friend that does,” he said. “I’ll call Cortland and ask him to help.”

  My heart started pounding in my chest. I didn’t think Ryan talking to Cortland right then was the best idea. “No,” I said. “I’ll think of something else.”

  “Scarlet, I need to push you,” he said. “I’ve let you mope around with your problems, but now I’ve got to help you get back on your feet. Cortland won’t mind helping you.”

  “Calling isn’t necessary,” I said with my hand outstretched. “I’ll just ask him later.”

  Ryan pressed the call button and held the phone to his ear. “Too late,” he said. “Hey, what the hell happened to you last night?”

  My heart wouldn’t stop pounding. That conversation could go in any direction.

  “Well, I’m glad you are feeling better.”

  I sighed in relief.

  “Can you help my sister out if you are up to it?” he asked. “She needs her website designed. Can you meet her today?” He paused as he listened to Cortland speak. “I’ll tell her,” he said. He hung up the phone and looked at me. “Cortland said he’ll meet you at Mega-Shake in an hour.”

  I sighed. “Okay.” After Cortland’s odd behavior and quick departure, I wasn’t sure what he would say. But since he agreed to meet me, I assumed he wasn’t too upset. Even though I was aggressive in persuading him to sleep with me, I hadn’t done anything wrong. Cortland was worried about my brother, but he had no reason to fear him—it was my personal life.

  I left the kitchen and got ready for the afternoon. I showered and styled my hair, and wore a long sweater dress with some tall boots. My brown hair curled down to my breasts and framed around my face. I packed my laptop in my bag before I hopped in a taxi to the restaurant. I was surprised that Ryan let me go by myself. He rarely let me do anything alone.

  When I walked into Mega-Shake, Cortland was sitting in the same booth as he was last night. The skin of his face looked stretched, like he was stressed about something, and his thin lips were pressed tightly together. His normally buoyant and happy personality was nonexistent. I didn’t realize how much I had damaged our friendship until then.

  “Hey,” I said.

  He leaned back in his chair and nodded to me but didn’t speak.

  I sat across from him, but he didn’t make eye contact. His gaze was in my direction, but he didn’t lock onto mine.

  I stared at him for a moment. “Tell me what’s bothering you, Cortland. I don’t expect anything from you, if that’s what you are worried about. I have no intention of telling Ryan anything—it’s none of his business.”

  Cortland leaned forward and dropped his face in his hands. He took a deep sigh before looking at me. “It’s not you, Scarlet. I’m not mad at you.”

  “Are you worried about Ryan, then?”

  “Yes,” he said. “But that isn’t why I’m upset.”

  “Then what’s the problem, Cortland?” I asked. “Last night was just a fuck—that’s it. I’m just depressed over Sean. There is no reason we should get emotional about it.”

  “It’s not that either, Scarlet.” He sighed. “I have to tell you something.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I have a girlfriend.”

  I stared at him for a moment, unsure of what he said. “You have a girlfriend?”

  He nodded.

  “And you cheated on her?”

  “And I enjoyed every moment of it.”

  “I feel horrible,” I said. “I had no idea.”

  “It isn’t your fault, Scar. It’s mine. I let this happen. I should have told you sooner.”

  “What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “Our relationship has been dead for a while. I just haven’t had the courage to end it, and she is just as pathetic as I am. We are both afraid to start over because we’ve invested so much time in this relationship—which isn’t an excuse. It doesn’t justify what I did, but it is a factor in my choice.”

  “Are you happy with her?”

  “Not anymore,” he whispered. “I don’t feel anything. I see other couples on the street and I wonder why we can’t be that way. We’ve discussed it before, but nothing has changed. I feel like we just fell out of love—it’s gone.”

  “Then I think you should end it, Cortland,” I said. “After you tell her what happened.”

  “I don’t know if I should,” he said. “I want to stay friends with her. I doubt that’s possible if she knows I cheated on her. We have a lot of mutual friends.”

  I leaned forward and grabbed his hand. “Cortland, I know you are a great guy—an annoying gentleman that likes to take care of a girl—and this isn’t like you. You need to do the right thing.” He stroked my fingers with his own. “You have to be honest with her.”

  “I know,” he said. “She deserves that, I guess. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s already cheated on me.”

  “That doesn’t matter,” I said. “You aren’t sleazy like that.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “For making me feel better even though I’m an asshole.”

  “How long have you been unhappy?” I asked.

  “At least a year,” he said.

  “That’s a long time.”

  “I know,” he said. “I wasted a lot of time with her. I want to find someone that makes my heart beat, you know?”

  “Well, look for her. I am sure you’ll find her. You are a great catch, Cortland. Plus, you are amazing in bed.”

  Cortland finally smiled. “You really know how to compliment a guy,” he said.

  “When are you going to tell her?” I asked.

  “Soon,” he said. “Then I have to tell Ryan.”

  “Why do we have to tell him at all?”

  “He is my best friend, Scar,” he said. “I can’t hide something like that from him.”

  “It’s none of his business,” I snapped.

  “If you weren’t so depressed then I might agree with you,” he said. “But I have to tell him the truth—that I took advantage of you. I’m not sure if he will forgive me.”

  “You didn’t take advantage of me,” I said. “I wanted it, Cortland—bad. When I’m with you, I don’t think about Sean. If anything, I’m using you. Please don’t tell him, Cortland. All you’re going to do is cause unnecessary drama.”

  “I’ll think about it,” he said.

  I leaned back. “Thank you.”

  “So, you need some help making a website?” he asked. “I’m glad you are pursuing this editing company. I think it’s a great idea.”

  I shrugged. “I guess.”

  “Do you want to do this at my apartment?” he asked. “I like Mega-Shake, but I think I need to eat something store-bought. I’m a little sick of eating out.”

  “Sure,” I said. “It won’t be so noisy there either.”

  “Okay, let’s go,” he said.

  Cortland drove us to hi
s apartment on the other side of town, near Ryan’s shop. We walked to the third floor of his building and he opened the door for me. It was a small apartment, about the size of Ryan’s, but it was decorated with modern art. The place was dimly lit and had a romantic feel to it.

  “You have a nice place,” I said as I sat at the kitchen table.

  “Thank you,” he said as he opened his Mac and sat beside me. “So, let’s get started. Having a professional-looking and legitimate website will really get people to notice you and take you, and your qualifications for the job, seriously.” I nodded to him. “How about I just start playing around with the design and as I go along, you tell me what you like and don’t like?”

  “That sounds good.”

  “Well, what’s the name going to be? I need to make a web address for it.”

  I thought for a moment but couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head. “I haven’t decided,” I said.

  “That’s okay,” he said as he typed on his computer. “We’ll change it later.” I saw him type Miss Scarlet’s Quick Edits, and I liked the name he chose. Cortland added different colors on the screen and changed the font a few times until I had a professional webpage that could compete with a multi-billion dollar business. I was very impressed by his abilities.

  He and I worked on the website for several hours until he deemed it to be perfect. I was very happy with the end product. He set up an email account for me that was connected to the website so I would be notified of interested clients immediately.

  “Let me know when you want to change the name,” he said. “Just call me and I’ll change it from my computer.”

  “Actually, I’m going to keep the name.”

  He smiled. “Good. I like it, too.”

  Cortland turned off his computer and closed the screen. “So, what would you like for lunch? I can serve a mean fettuccini alfredo.” He smiled at me and I felt attracted to him again. I knew it couldn’t happen again because he had a girlfriend, even if he was going to break up with her, so I looked away.

  “Isn’t that just sauce and noodles?” I teased.

  “Yes,” he said. “What’s your point?”

  “That sounds lovely.”

  “Good,” he said as he rose from his seat. He started working in the kitchen and I decided to help him. Even if he was a good cook, I was certain that I was better. He boiled the water and I heated the sauce in the pan, adding cheese, spices, and a little bit of milk for some flavor. After a few minutes, we were eating at the table while we drank glasses of water. Last time we had alcohol, things got a little out of hand.

  “I’m not sure if you do any writing,” he said after he wiped his mouth. “But I have a friend that runs a local magazine here in Seattle that offers insights on public attractions and nightlife here in the city. I know it isn’t exactly every writer’s dream, but you can make some extra cash by writing a good article. I could call in a favor.”

  I smiled at him. “That is very sweet, Cortland. You’re right. It’s not really something that I would want to do long term, but at this point, I’ll take anything. Now that I’m starting my own editing company, I have to get my name out there.”

  He nodded. “I’ll call him up then. Where did you used to work?”

  “R and R Publishing.”

  “Okay,” he said. “We’ll also need to get a business license for the company as well as a company logo.”

  “And how much is that?” I asked.

  “Well, the business license will probably be around three hundred dollars and I’m not sure about the logo—that could be anything.”

  “Can’t we just skip that?”

  He smiled at me. “The government would fine you and shut down your business if they found out you were making revenue without paying them first,” he said. “It’s only a few hundred dollars.”

  “For you,” I snapped.

  He stared at me and I felt bad for attacking him, especially since he was just trying to help me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to get angry.”

  “Do you need money, Scar?” he asked. “I am more than willing to give you what you need.”

  “No, I’m fine,” I said. “So, when are you going to call the guy?”

  “I can call him now if you want.” He laughed.

  I smiled at him.

  “Now it is,” he said. He pulled out his phone and walked away, talking in the other room. The living room had one coffee table in front of the television, and his tables were covered in pictures of his family and friends. One picture was of Cortland and his mom, or an older woman that I assumed was his mom. I wondered if he had any pictures of his girlfriend, but I decided not to be nosey.

  Cortland’s footsteps could be heard against the floorboards. “You’re welcome.” He smiled. “He said he’ll email you the specifics of what he wants. I gave him the email that is connected to your website.”

  I jumped up and hugged him tightly, wrapping my arms around his neck. Cortland held me for a moment and I felt the static in the air, the sexual tension that seemed to spring up from nowhere. I knew Cortland didn’t want to repeat the rendezvous we had the night before since he was still in a relationship, so I lowered my arms and pulled away. Cortland didn’t release his hold around my waist and I felt his lips on mine, kissing me gently. I returned the embrace without thinking. I never thought about Sean when I was with Cortland, and it was an easy way out, an easy way to feel better.

  I ran my hands through his hair as he pulled me closer to him. His hand slid under my shirt and grazed the small of my back as he moved up towards my breasts and under my bra. Cortland was making me feel weak and confused as he touched me. I wanted this to end, but not as much as I wanted it to continue. It was something that I needed, something that eased the pain. Cortland guided me towards his bedroom and I stripped off his clothes as we walked, yanking off his shirt then his pants. Cortland lifted up my dress then pulled it from my body as he laid me on the bed. The bedroom was dark and cold and his sheets were soft to the touch. I felt my body relax as I sunk into the mattress. Cortland pulled down my panties then pulled my feet to his chest as he leaned over me.

  “I love fucking you,” he said to me. “I can’t stop.”

  “I know,” I said as I pulled him toward me. “I want you inside me.”

  “You’re so gorgeous. I can’t wait to feel you.”

  “Yeah.” I moaned.

  Cortland inserted himself within me and we moved in sync. Cortland gripped my shoulders as he pushed his girth all the way inside. I ran my hands through his hair as I stared at him while he fucked me. My tits shook as he pounded into me and he just stared at them.

  “I love your tits, Scarlet.”

  “And I love your cock, Cortland.”

  He moaned. “Yeah, baby.” He increased his thrusts and I tightened around him. He was as far as he could go and I started to shake. It felt so good that I couldn’t even feel guilty for what I was doing.

  “Yeah, Cortland. Oh god, yes.” I found my orgasm quickly, screaming his name while I came, and Cortland thrust himself inside of me hard and fast until he got off. It was the most aggressive sex I’d ever had. I listened to Cortland moan like an animal as he lifted my hips from the bed and pounded into me. The sweat dripped from his chest and made my feet slip as he rocked into me. Cortland started to moan my name as he came inside of me, making his final thrusts as he found his pleasure. He leaned over for a moment as he rode the high until the sensation was done.

  It was over as soon as it began. Cortland lay beside me, covered in his own sweat, as he caught his breath. The room was suddenly very quiet, and I felt the guilt run through my body as I thought about what just happened. It wasn’t just the fact that Cortland had a girlfriend, but I knew that I was lying to Ryan by sleeping with his best friend, and possibly messing up their friendship just because I was depressed. I was being so selfish to risk their friendship. Cortland was there for Ryan when I shoul
d have been. I screwed over both of my friends. And even though Sean and I weren’t together anymore, I was sleeping with the first guy that I found attractive, betraying him in a way. Cortland had become one of my closest friends and I had risked that as well. I was becoming someone I didn’t recognize.

  I turned over and faced Cortland. “This needs to stop.”

  He didn’t meet my gaze. “I know.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m—I’m just as lonely as you are.”

  I rubbed his chest with my hand. “It’s still inexcusable. We are both wrong here.”

  “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” He stared up at the ceiling and said nothing for a moment. “I need to tell Elizabeth the truth and end our relationship. Then I should try to find someone that actually makes me happy.”

  “And I need to stop filling the void of Sean with you. It feels good at the time—amazing—but it isn’t right. I just feel hollow and empty afterwards. In the end, it’s just making me feel worse. And I can’t do this to Ryan—ruin his friendship with you.”

  “I have to tell him too.” He sighed.

  “Please let me do it,” I said. “I want to make it clear that I pursued this—not you. I think it will increase the likelihood that your friendship will be unaffected.”

  “How about we do it together?” he asked.

  “That’s fair.”

  He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “I have an idea that might work.”

  I moved closer to him and wrapped my arm around his waist. “And what is that?”

  “What if we help each other get through this—without the sex?”

  “But that’s the best part.” I laughed.

  “You got that right.” He smiled. “But we’ll have to deal without it.”

  “I think that’s a great idea. We will be each other’s life coaches.”

  “I like it,” he said. “And thank you, Scar.”

  “What did I do?”

  “I never would have realized how empty my relationship was if you hadn’t brought the life back into me. It’s because of you that I am doing what I should have done a long time ago.”