Butterflies swarmed my stomach, but I kept my voice even when I questioned, “Where are you takin’ me?”
“I would take you to my house, but Linc’s still up.” He shot me an odd look. “I hope you don’t mind. I’d rather have this conversation where we can’t be overheard. Teenagers can be nosey.”
I fought a laugh, saying, “I know I was when I was that age.”
“From what your father told me, you were a handful.”
That caught me by surprise. “He did?”
“Yep. Said you were a spitfire,” Ben elaborated, shooting me a smile.
I chewed on my lip, then admitted, “I kind a’ was. I thought I knew everythin’. Whatever Mom and Dad said not to do, I did it just to be a little shit.”
Ben chuckled. “Why do I believe every word of that?”
I shot him a coy look. “’Cause you know me.”
He tugged my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “That I do, Samantha…every inch.”
Did it just get really hot in here?
I suppressed the urge to fan myself and asked, “So, where are we goin’?”
“It’s a surprise.” He kissed my hand again and rested it on the shifter between us.
Instead of pressing the issue like I normally would, I peered out the window and enjoyed the cloudless night. “You know, one of the things I missed the most while I was in England was the stars. There’s nothin’ better than bein’ in Bliss and lookin’ up at the sky. It’s a world unto itself.”
“I know what you mean,” he murmured, his voice low over the sound of the engine. “I had this niggling doubt that I made Bliss grander than reality. When I drove into town, I was floored that my memories didn’t do it justice. This town is amazing, day or night. It’s rejuvenating…peaceful. There’s something in the air that calms the soul. Even I missed it while I was in London.”
My mind went in so many different directions with that one statement – I had tons of questions – but one thing stood out. “Wait.” I looked at him again, my brows raised in suspicion. “Were you in Bliss before I met you on the plane?”
He pressed his lips together to keep from answering…which was my answer.
“I thought you were from Arizona at first, but then you said you were from Portland. It never crossed my mind that you boarded at the same time as me in Charlotte.”
Ben stared at me in confusion. “Why do you say that?”
“I was one of the first ones on the plane.”
“Apparently not.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I was seated a whole minute before you asked me to move.”
I was at a loss. “You’re kind a’ hard to miss. How did I not see you before that?”
“No clue.” Something dawned on him because his face whipped towards me again. “If you thought I lived in Portland, why did you let me into your hotel room?”
Gulp.
“Can we come back to that question later?” I asked, scrunching up my face.
He laughed again, this time a full belly laugh. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I’d ever heard, and I could only watch it happen.
How am I sitting next to this beautiful man, with a killer laugh and smile, who just kissed me not even ten minutes ago?
“What?” he asked, eyeing me curiously. “You’ve gotten quiet all of a sudden.”
I glanced out the window again. “Nothin’…nothin’ at all.”
I was going to keep that tidbit to myself for a while.
∞
“The park…?”
“What’s wrong with the park?” Ben questioned, his tone defensive, but I recognized that playful twinkle in his eyes.
I stared out the windshield, taking in the dark and shadowed area. It was heavily crowded with trees and other foliage, making a great spot for the kids to play in the summertime. There was a small lake about a quarter of a mile away, which also made this area popular.
“I haven’t been here in… Well, I’m not sure.”
“See…it’s perfect,” Ben stated, opening his door. The dome light brightened the cabin as he reached behind my seat and pulled out a paper bag and a blanket. “But now it’s even more perfect.”
I rubbed my hands together, the movement odd with one strapped arm. “Now you’re talkin’. All you had to say was beer and I would have already been out of your Bronco.”
“A woman after my own heart,” he quipped and climbed out.
Okay…this is it.
I would get the answers to all my questions.
And yet, I just wanted to enjoy my time with Ben. He seemed so much more at ease with himself than he was in London. It was as if he found peace.
Maybe it was as he said – Bliss rejuvenated him somehow.
“Are you coming?” he asked as he knocked on my window.
Startled, I threw him an annoyed look. “Never rush a woman.”
“Duly noted. Now come on, slow poke.” He turned and started walking off, going God knows where.
I opened the door, calling out, “Hey, wait for me! I’m injured, here!”
“Then move that cute ass of yours,” he shouted over his shoulder.
If it weren’t dark, I’d be checking out his cute ass.
Anyhoo…
I hopped out of his Bronco and ran after him, glad that I was wearing tennis shoes. I didn’t need another trip to the clinic tonight.
“What’s the hurry?” I panted when I finally caught up with him, my stitches stinging a little.
“Nothing. You’re just taking forever,” he teased, throwing an arm around my shoulders and guiding me to his side as we walked.
I pushed against him, peering up at him, and grinned. “You’re mean.”
“Me? Never,” he jested.
We’d walked another few yards before I said, “Uh, when you said the park, I thought swings…but you’re heading to the dock.”
“I thought we could put our feet in the water and drink a couple of beers while we talked.”
I bit my lip, wanting to say something sassy, but I decided not to ruin the moment. “Sounds good.”
“No getting a wild hair and jumping in,” he warned. “You don’t want to get that tear in your arm infected.”
“It’s more of a cut,” I fibbed.
“Do you forget who your doctor is, Miss Raiden? I watched you rip a garden fork through your skin.” He shuddered. “I had nightmares about it.”
I laughed, but when I realized he wasn’t laughing with me, I peeked up at him and found his face completely solemn. “You’re serious?”
“Deadly. Not only that, you came into my clinic covered in blood. Once I realized it was you, everything stopped. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
Holy shit.
There wasn’t a trace of humor anywhere.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered as we stepped onto the dock. “It all kind a’ happened really fast.”
He let out a deep breath. “I know.”
When we stopped at the end of the dock, Ben held up a hand, signaling for me to wait, and unfolded the blanket. Since I could only use one hand, he offered an arm for support as I lowered myself to the wood planks. He crouched down next to me and slowly took off my shoes and socks. It was a rather intimate action, but it was comforting also.
I slipped my feet into the cool water while he took off his shoes. “That feels amazin’,” I groaned, looking up at the sky. The moon was full and the stars were bright, making it easy to see everything around us. Even Ben’s face was as clear as day.
Ben shivered a little when he dipped his feet into the water. He pulled two beers from the bag and handed me one. “It’s a little chilly.”
I took a sip, letting out another sigh of content. “No, it’s perfect.”
We remained silent for a few minutes as we enjoyed the sounds of nature going off all around us and each other’s presence.
It was perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
“So…” Ben whispe
red finally.
“So…” I repeated, not wanting to break the spell.
“I know you have questions.”
I exhaled through my nose, then admitted, “I do.”
“Before we begin, I need to say I’m sorry again. You have no idea how much I regret leaving while you were asleep. If I only waited and explained-”
“Ben,” I stopped him. “Don’t do that. We can’t go back and change things. You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”
He cupped my jaw and leaned forward, close enough that I felt his breath on my skin. “You’ve forgiven me too easily, sweetheart. I feel like I should be doing more.”
“And you’re a dad, Ben. A dad.” I reached up and brushed some unruly locks of hair from his eyes. “That’s important…more important than me.”
His eyes changed, going from soft to intense and brimming with emotion. “Samantha…”
But I wasn’t done.
“Your responsibility is raising a human being and making sure they are safe and cared after. Your actions will shape Linc into who he’s supposed to be…and will be one day. And every action has a consequence. If you don’t put him first…” I wasn’t making sense or phrasing what I wanted to say correctly. “What I mean is, to me, Linc is your priority. His wellbeing is more important than me. I don’t need apologies or what if’s or I wish’s after knowing you left for him.”
I stared out onto the lake, watching the water ripple as fish jumped here and there. “But I shouldn’t need an apology either. We were in another country, far away from home – how could we know we’d end up here? I knew I would be disappointed when we parted ways, but I had to take that chance on you.” I peered up at him and motioned between us. “Do you feel this? Am I the only one? Because it was somethin’ I never imagined, and I couldn’t not have it, even if it was only for one night.”
“You need to learn to shut up when you’re ahead,” Ben commented, his mouth descending.
“And you need to learn to stop tellin’ me to shut up,” I teased, swaying closer.
Stopping short of kissing me, he whispered, “Do you mean that?”
I had no idea what he was talking about. All I could focus on were his lips. “Mean what?”
“About Linc. About putting him first.”
That caused me to jerk back and frown at him. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“He hasn’t had a lot of that. I haven’t been the best dad, Samantha.” Ben’s face filled with agony. “Hell, he hasn’t had the best parents, period.”
“Is this one of the things you need to tell me?” I questioned, hoping I wasn’t biting off more than I could chew.
“Yes.”
Making my choice, I reached forward and took his hand. I leaned in more, touching my lips to his. “Then tell me.”
“I have no idea where to start.” Ben turned his head and stared out over the lake.
“How about the beginning,” I suggested, giving his strong thigh a reassuring squeeze. “You were young when Linc was born, weren’t you?”
He offered me a wry smile. “That’s obvious, Samantha.”
“Tell me about that…about him.”
He sighed wearily, as if talking about this caused him a deep physical pain.
Maybe I was prying. I didn’t want to ask too much of him.
Ben began, “I didn’t love Linc’s mother. On a good day, I tolerated her…but that’s it.” He took a large pull from his beer and set it aside. “I didn’t have a choice in marrying her – our parents made us. They refused to let a bastard child remain in their family line. My dad held my dreams, my future over my head. If I didn’t marry her, I’d be kicked out and, in my parent’s words, all chances of becoming a doctor were nonexistent when you’re a teenaged father.”
Not meeting my eyes, he rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, hanging his head in shame. “Not only that, her dad was a judge. Our parents said they would put Linc up for adoption if we didn’t do as we were told. I was in a no-win situation that I was too young to be involved in. They even made sure it was impossible for me to go to Pops for help. I couldn’t have known they were bullshitting me and couldn’t do that legally.”
I couldn’t peel my jaw off my lap if I tried. I wasn’t expecting anything remotely like that.
“Needless to say, my entire marriage to Gwen was a sham.” He let out a dark laugh and sat up. “Actually, everything was a sham. I was dating her twin sister at the time…thought I loved her and everything. I got drunk at my sixteenth birthday party and had sex with my girlfriend…only, it wasn’t my girlfriend. Gwen acted like her sister, wanting to break us up. She didn’t even flinch when I called her by her sister’s name…just went right along with it.”
“Hold up,” I interrupted him, dumbfounded. All that is true? “She conned you, and you still married her?”
Ben leveled me with a look that took my breath away. There was so much anger and resentment inside him, simmering under the surface, ready to be unleashed.
“Okay…” I held up my hands. “I get it. Bad question.”
Ben hung his head again, letting out a long, rugged breath. “Sorry. I…it’s still a sore subject.”
“I can imagine.” I had so many questions, but where did I start? This was fucked up on epic proportions. “How did you and your girlfriend deal with that? Obviously, you broke up, and you married her sister – I bet family dinners were tense. I don’t see how your ex could be forgiving…or even understanding.”
“You’d be surprised. She dealt with her sister’s spoiled and self-entitled tantrums all her life, so she wasn’t as mad at me as she should’ve been – she understood I was tricked. It was rough at first, but we stayed together until after Linc was born. That’s when the demands that Gwen and I should marry came into play.”
“Ouch,” I murmured, my heart going out to him and his ex-girlfriend. I couldn’t imagine the turmoil they experienced for nine solid months.
Ben’s eyes softened as he smiled at me. “Surprisingly, it worked out the way it should have. She’s happily married to a man that treats her as if she walks on water, and she adores her nephew.” He looked out at the lake again and kicked his feet in the water. “Looking back, it probably wouldn’t have worked between us. Maybe it was Linc and the circumstances, but the feelings changed, developed into something different. She’s family…that’s it. I don’t love her like that anymore.”
That was a relief, but I wasn’t going to say that to him.
“So…Gwen. If it was all a sham, as you said, why’d you stay with her? That’s a long time to stay with someone you don’t love.”
“When you’re used to being miserable, it’s hard to see how unhappy you truly are. You grow accustomed to it and don’t expect more.”
That sounded too simple, but I couldn’t expect him to spill all his secrets. Maybe one day…if we ever got to that point. Right now, he needed to explain what happened in London.
Before I could say this, Ben continued, knocking me on my ass again. “Gwen believed I’d grow to love her.” How is that possible after everything she did? “She thought time was on her side, and I’d eventually get over what she’d done to me.”
“Gwen sounds delusional,” I interjected, appalled.
“She’s that.” He laughed, but it faded quickly, and he sobered again. “She was the adoring wife for the first few years – catering to my every demand, unflinching when I was angry. She bent over backwards for me. This started to get to me as time went on. I started doubting myself, wondering if I should forgive her. She finally laid it out for me, telling me she loved me and that Linc deserved two parents, not two roommates who seldom spoke. She was very convincing.”
If I were in his shoes, I would’ve said, “Don’t let the door hit you where the good Lord split you,” before kicking her ass to the curb.
Ben let out a sad sound in the back of his throat. “After that, I decided to give our marriage a shot. It was difficult at fir
st, but then we started to work somewhat. I was doing well in med school, and Linc was blossoming into an amazing child. It wasn’t a love-filled marriage by any means, and I wasn’t happy per say, but we were becoming friends and I was losing my resentment towards her. I thought that was enough.”
How he coped was beyond me. I’d be doing life for murder.
“You can ignore a lot of things when you’re just trying to keep your head above water. I won’t go into all the specifics, but I was a coward during my entire marriage. I should have put my foot down and divorced her when Linc was still little. Giving in to her was the worst mistake of my life.
“Gwen has a way of turning things on you, of making you second-guess yourself. She worked on me for years. Years and years she made me believe all of her wrong doings were my own, that I was to blame. Instead of facing all of it, I left Linc with her and went to school. My goals caused me to leave my son with a woman that toyed with his head.”
He met my eyes again and the self-hatred I saw there broke my heart.
“She turned him on me, put a huge rift into our relationship. Instead of being the kid that loved his father, he turned into a teenager that despised me. I thought it was hormones at first, but it got worse and worse. I dug my head into the sand deeper, believing that once I was done with my residency and we moved here, everything would be okay again. Then that dream kept getting pushed back because of her…” He trailed off then, not elaborating, and turned inward, reflecting on something.
Again, there was more to the story that he wasn’t mentioning, but I thought this was worth saying.
“In all that, I don’t see how you’ve failed Linc, Ben. To me, it sounds as if you’ve sacrificed a great deal for him…your happiness included.” Hoping I wasn’t crossing a line, I asked, “What made you finally decide to leave her?”
“Don’t ask me to tell you exactly – I’m still trying to sort it out myself – but I couldn’t go on ignoring things after last year,” Ben answered, giving me pleading eyes.
Whatever happened still pained him greatly, so I placed that aside for another time.
“It was my last straw with Gwen, and I decided enough was enough. I sent Linc to Maggie and Paul’s in London to get him away from her. I thought it was best until the divorce was finalized and I could iron out all the details of our move. Linc hated me for it. He didn’t want to leave his friends or his mother…his grandparents that spoiled him. He barely spoke to me the entire time he was gone. It was awful. I second-guessed myself again and again, wondering if I was doing right by him.
Fated Bliss (The Bliss Series Book 2) Page 22
