“When I told you my reasonings for the trip, I wasn’t entirely truthful. It was a dream of mine once I finished school that I’d tour Europe – that wasn’t a lie. However, when I left, I had every intention of reconnecting with my son, to repair our relationship.”
“Which was why you wanted to go separate ways at the airport,” I realized, the pieces finally clicking together.
“Yes,” he murmured, linking our fingers again. “You completely blindsided me. I boarded that plane to get my son back, and then I met a gorgeous woman with a quick wit and the most magnetic eyes I’d ever seen. I wanted you then, with everything in me. I wanted your smile, your laugh, to just talk to you, to experience the way you embraced life…to possess you.” He ended on a whisper.
No one had ever said anything like that to me. I was stunned and delighted.
He cleared his voice, masking his emotions. “There were many occasions during the days afterward that I kept rehashing our meeting and wished that my situation was different. But I knew that I couldn’t have you. I needed to be with Linc.”
“And then you saw me again,” I deduced.
“Exactly.”
“And when you left the next mornin’?” I searched, still at a loss.
Did he even want to see me again? Were my initial beliefs correct?
“I planned on coming back. My night with you was the first taste of true bliss I’d had in a long time.” My heart did a strange flip-flop in my chest. “I knew you were from here, but not where. I thought we could continue to see each other once we got home. Well, that was my hope.
“I woke up when my cell rang. Maggie called looking for Linc.” He shot me an amused smirk. “By the way, it was like trying to wake the dead. I’ve never seen anything like it. I yelled and shook you, but you didn’t budge.”
I shrugged, having heard it all before. “It happens.”
He let out a soft chuckle and leaned in, kissing my temple. My lids fluttered, a sense of rightness enveloping me. Every instinct I had was telling me that this was real, that it was only the beginning. As Ben wrapped me in his arms, I rested my head on his shoulder, letting out a sigh of contentment.
Thank you, Clara, for helping me find the courage to do this.
“Since I couldn’t wake you, I left,” he continued to explain. “I wasn’t all that worried about Linc at first. I mean, I was…but I thought he’d come around eventually. As the day progressed and we still couldn’t find him, Mags, Lyric, and I went to every one of his friends’ houses. When that wasn’t fruitful, I started to get anxious.”
“And you had to miss our date,” I whispered, already figuring it out.
“I was heading there to explain, but one of his friends called and said he saw this girl Linc was dating. She was at a restaurant with other friends, so I rushed to find her. I called you while I was in the taxi to tell you.”
“I was already downstairs.”
“I figured that.” He kissed the top of my hair in a silent apology. “Well, she hadn’t seen him in weeks – they’d broken up. She couldn’t give us any insight as to his whereabouts. It was maddening.”
“I can only imagine. Being in a big city like that…”
“Yes, exactly. My mother just so happened to call right before she went to bed. I’d been up all night worried about him. She told me that Linc had landed safely and that she was so glad I agreed to let Linc live with them.”
Oh.
Shit.
“Your mother?” I whispered, floored.
“The night I saw you again, she told Linc he could live with them. When we were at the club, he called and told me about it.”
“Which is why-”
“No. I’ll get to that in a minute.” Ben heaved another long sigh. “Well, needless to say, I was irate. My father chartered a plane for Linc, all without my knowledge. He thought he could strong-arm me into staying in Portland. He’s been good at it in the past – take Gwen for example – and believed if he got Linc back home, I’d cave easily. I didn’t give him a chance. I made sure Linc met me at the airport, and we got on another flight to come here.”
“Jesus…” I breathed. “That’s like some Jerry Springer bullshit.”
Ben let out a loud bark of laughter. “Good description. Yes, it was bullshit…all of it.” He paused again, getting his words in order. “Anyway, I got on the first flight I could from London, which was why I forgot to call you. I’m sorry I did that. It wasn’t that I forgot you, per say; I was so furious and worried that my thoughts were all muddled. As soon as I landed in New York, I called your hotel, but you were gone. I couldn’t call other places because I didn’t know your last name. By the way, I felt like a dog for not knowing once I realized it.”
It was my turn to laugh. “I didn’t think about that.”
“Since I didn’t have your name, as soon as I got Linc settled here, I started calling every bed and breakfast in the area asking for an owner named Samantha.”
“You didn’t?!” I cried, laughing.
“I did. Ask your buddy, Adam. When he cornered me to give me the what-for, I showed him the list. He thought it was pretty entertaining.”
“Wait.” Peeved, I sat up and leveled him with a glare. “He did what?”
“Don’t worry about it. I set him straight,” Ben soothed me.
I deflated slightly, resting against him again, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t give Adam a piece of my mind.
“I got a lot of hang-ups, by the way,” Ben joked, trying to distract me. It worked. “People thought I was some crazy stalker looking for a poor, innocent woman.”
I laughed again, only imagining it. “I bet.”
“I had to talk to you, though. I needed you to know what happened. I felt like the biggest asshole alive. But then, for some miraculous reason, you showed up in my clinic.”
“All bloody and bruised,” I finished in a whisper. “You couldn’t make up a story like ours.”
“You probably could, but no one would believe it,” he murmured, kissing my hair again. “I meant what I said, Samantha – being with you is the first taste of real happiness I’ve had in a long time. I want to see where this goes.”
I nuzzled my face against his neck. “Me too. I…” I puffed out my cheeks and blew out a breath. “This is all surreal and scary,” I admitted, though it was like showing him my belly. “The connection I feel to you is potent.”
Ben placed a finger under my chin and lifted my gaze to his, his scintillating with sincerity and emotions. “I know. I feel it every time I’m around you. It’s as if I’m aware of your very presence. I’ve never felt anything like it.”
“So what do we do?” I questioned.
“We do what we’re doing now – spend time together, get to know one another better. I’m not going anywhere.”
I loved his answer.
However…
“Ben, you’re just gettin’ out of a bad marriage. I don’t want-”
“I’ll stop you right there,” he interjected, his voice grave. “Don’t even think like that. My life has been on pause for the last sixteen years, baby girl. This is me pushing play, starting again…but with you. Like I said, you make me happy. And it’s about time I experience a little bit of happiness.”
Chapter 21
Ben
“Are you going out again tonight?” Lincoln inquired as we walked out the door.
It was still somewhat dark outside, the morning sun barely cresting over the horizon. We’d awoken early so that I could get Lincoln to the Raiden’s in time. Plus, I wanted to see Samantha for a few minutes before I needed to be at the clinic. Last night’s kiss goodbye wasn’t enough.
“Not sure. I haven’t decided yet,” I replied, giving him a sideways glance. “Why?”
“No reason,” he mumbled, avoiding my searching gaze.
Lincoln was a smart kid, so he’d put two and two together and figured out that Samantha was the woman from London. He’d mentioned it before we
went to dinner at the Raiden’s last night. I couldn’t lie to him or try to dissuade him. I gave him the bare minimum and explained how I liked her and wanted to see what happened between us. He seemed on board with the idea at the time.
Now, I wasn’t sure.
I clutched his arm and stopped him. “Are you positive you’re okay with Samantha?”
This was new for both of us, but I needed him on board with this before I could proceed. He was still my priority.
“She seems nice,” he muttered.
“Look at me, Linc,” I demanded, my brows furrowing. “I need an honest answer from you. I like her…a lot…but I need you to be comfortable with me dating her.”
Linc’s chest puffed out as he inhaled deeply, and then his words came out in a long tangent. “It’s just different and weird to imagine you with someone other than Mom, and I’m not sure how I feel about it.” He inhaled again and continued more slowly. “I’m not against it, Dad. This happens when your parents split – and I want you to be happy for once. I might’ve been mad at you for a long time, but I saw how miserable you were with Mom. I thought it was because of me…”
Not this again.
“Linc-”
“I guess…what I’m worried about is…is the future. It made me realize that…that,” he stammered, fighting to get the words out. He rolled his neck and peered up at the sky, unable to look at me. “If you find someone else, what happens when you get married again?” It hurt him to get that question out, and it hurt me that he had to ask. “You’re still young. Whoever you’ll marry will be, too. You might have more kids one day. Are you gonna forget about me? Will you love them m-”
“Stop.” I took two steps closer and clutched the side of his head, forcing him to face me. “I don’t want to hear you say anything like that ever again, Linc. No matter what happens in the future, you’re still my son.”
“But mom tricked you-”
“Get that out of your head,” I ordered, my tone cutting. This was one of the reasons I never wanted him to know about Gwen and me. He shouldn’t have to question his standing in my life. “I love you no matter what. I cannot say with sincerity that I’ll get married or have more children – no one knows what the future holds. But I can honestly say that I love you more than life itself. That will never change.”
“But-”
“There’s no buts, Linc. That’s a fact. Don’t doubt it.” I paused, letting that sink in. “However, if I get married again or have more children, it only means that our family, your family, is growing. You’ll be a part of it…the center of it. You’ll have brothers or sisters that will beg for all of your attention and adore you, and hopefully, you’ll gain a stepmother that loves you. I never want you to feel like an outsider. Never.
“We still have a long way to go before any of that happens. Samantha and I are still very new. Yes, I care for her, but you and I have a lot of time to make up for too. If you’re feeling like I’m not spending enough time with you or that I’m putting Samantha first, you need to tell me. I’ll do my best not to let that happen, but I’m in unchartered territory with all of this. I will need your help.”
He flashed me a wry smile. “We’re having a lot of hearts-to-hearts these days, aren’t we?”
I pushed his head away, laughing. “Smart ass.”
“Language, Dad,” he taunted.
“Who’s the adult here?”
He chuckled and continued around my Bronco.
I let out a relieved breath, thankful I dodged any landmines. That could have gone a different way.
After I’d arrived home last night, I stayed up for a long while afterward contemplating my relationship with Samantha, mainly her presence in Lincoln’s life. He was receptive towards her during dinner with her family, so I didn’t think it would be an issue. However, because this was new ground for me and Linc, I wasn’t sure if I was doing right by him, no matter how much I wanted Samantha for myself.
There was still a lot I didn’t tell Samantha about my past, painful memories and things in which I wasn’t proud took place. Would she walk away when she found out what a spineless fool I was back then or decide not to be associated with such a fucked up family as mine?
It probably wasn’t my best decision, and by waiting to tell her, I could have doomed our relationship before it truly began. Nevertheless, after seeing the horror on her face when I told her about Gwen and Maggie, I couldn’t add to that yet. It was only the tip of the iceberg in a long line of secrecy and manipulation.
Moreover, besides how combustible we were together, there was still so much we didn’t know about one another. If we weren’t compatible, I couldn’t afford my past repeated to the entire town. I’d experienced my fair share of vindictive women, and there was a lot Lincoln didn’t know. I had to protect him at all costs, even though every fiber of my being told me Samantha was different.
On top of that, when it came down to it, what I felt for Samantha scared the bejesus out of me. She had the power to really and truly damage me, more so than Gwen…or even Maggie. From the start, my feelings for her were consuming, but now they’d grown into something out of my control. I couldn’t walk away if I tried.
Take it one day at a time, Ben.
Clearing my mind, I joined Lincoln in the Bronco. Before I could change the subject or say anything at all – I hadn’t even started the car yet – he stated, “I was right.”
“And what were you right about?” I questioned, bemused, and turned the ignition.
“Sam is, like, mega-hot…way passed smokin’ hot.”
Taken off guard, I pulled my foot off the clutch, stalling the engine, as I hollered, “Lincoln!”
“What? I’m not blind. She’s hot, Dad.”
“We’re not going there.”
“Guys at school used to say Mom was pretty…but she doesn’t have anything on Sam. Holy crap, Dad. I hope I’m as lucky as you one day.”
I shifted the Bronco back into neutral and turned the engine again, exasperated. “You didn’t just say that.”
“Sure did,” he replied, shameless.
“First off…” I stopped short. “You know what? I’m not going to say anything towards that. I can’t.” I threw my Bronco into reverse and looked behind me, gunning it. “I’m not having this discussion with you.”
“I’m not innocent, Dad,” he argued.
To be safe, I waited until I was on the road before I asked, “Not innocent?”
Linc’s face filled with amusement at my curiosity. He repeated, “Not innocent.”
I blew out a breath, unnerved. “Jesus, Linc. Don’t spring this on me while I’m driving. I’m gonna wreck!”
“What?”
“Not innocent – does that mean what I think it means?” I questioned, not ready for this conversations.
Annoyed, Lincoln eyed me. “Dad, don’t be a hypocrite.”
“Jesus!” I wanted to add a lot more expletives, but I couldn’t with him next to me. We’d already had a talk about his cursing; he’d say I was a hypocrite about that, too. “You and I are gonna sit down and have a long discussion about this. Linc, you’re too young.”
“Coming from a man that got a girl pregnant when he was my age,” Lincoln stated dryly.
“Exactly!” Wasn’t that proof enough? “Damn it, Linc. Don’t you see…?” I wanted to pound reason into his head. “I’ve told you before: I would never take back having you in my life. You’re a blessing. However, the responsibility is a lot to take on. All it takes is one mishap, one oops, and bam, you’re a dad. Do you want to be a father? Are you ready to change dirty diapers and give up your social life?”
“Chill, Dad. I’ve always worn a rubber,” he returned, defensive.
I gaped at him – I couldn’t even formulate words.
“It’s only happened a few times, Dad. Everything’s cool,” he tried to placate me.
Not happening.
I think I was having a heart attack.
Are thos
e heart palpitations?
“I can’t do this now,” I mumbled, running my fingers through my hair.
Lincoln laughed, finding my discomfort highly amusing.
“This isn’t funny,” I remarked, perturbed.
“Yes, it is.”
“I wanna go back to the time where you didn’t talk to me.”
Knowing I was joking, Lincoln laughed harder.
∞
My hand was up, ready to knock, as Emma threw open the door and greeted Lincoln and me with a warm smile. “Hey, you two.” She stepped back from the doorway and motioned us inside. “Come in. Do you have time for a cup of coffee, Ben? Sam’s in the kitchen.”
By her knowing expression, Samantha and I were discovered, not that it would take much.
“Sure,” I replied, fighting a grin. “We’re a little early.”
“Hungry, Linc?” Emma questioned, guiding us through the house.
I replied, “When isn’t he hungry?” as Lincoln said, “I could eat.”
Emma laughed, meandering through the kitchen door. “My guys can still pack it in. I make extra all the time.”
In a short amount of time, I’d come to enjoy Emma’s company. She was open and loving, so far from what I was accustomed to while growing up in my parents’ house. You knew where you stood with her, and she gave her affection freely. She barely knew Lincoln or me, and she acted as if she’d known us our entire lives.
For the millionth time, I wished my mother was like that.
As we entered the kitchen, I immediately honed in on Samantha. Her hair was a rat’s nest, sticking out all over the place. There were indentions on her cheeks from the sheets. Mid-yawn, her large nightshirt hiked up her long legs, flashing a dangerous amount of thigh, as she arched her back and extended her arms over her head.
I almost swallowed my tongue.
Fated Bliss (The Bliss Series Book 2) Page 23
