All I Want For Christmas

by Ann Roth

  Now, having finished lunch, G. G. was settled in her captain’s chair, which she claimed was the only comfortable seat in the house. “I need a pain pill,” she said, her tone thin and sharp.

  Though she’d spurned the pills only a few days ago, it felt as if it had been weeks. G. G.’ s pain seemed to be worsening, when it should have been diminishing, and since the potluck she’d taken to downing her painkillers regularly.

  From the adjacent sofa, Tina checked her watch. “It’s not time yet, not for another hour.”

  She didn’t like G. G.’ s sallow color or the dullness of her eyes. Side effects of the pills or something else? Concerned, she frowned. “Maybe I should call Dr. Dove.” One of the two physicians, both family practitioners, on the island.

  “Don’t you dare bother him! You know how busy he is on Saturdays. Besides, I don’t need a doctor, I need another pain pill.”

  “All right, I won’t call. But you have to wait an hour.”

  “You are such a taskmaster,” G. G. groused. An instant later, however, she attempted a smile. “But that’s why you’re the success you are today.”

  The way things were going lately, Tina didn’t feel successful. She felt frustrated and worried about her work. She wished she were in Seattle, and at the same time she dreaded going back. If that wasn’t confusing enough, she felt guilty either way. She glanced at G. G. “Do you feel like taking a nap?”

  “No, I do not.”

  “Well, you can’t just sit here. You need something to distract you from the pain. Would you like to listen to La Bohème?” Her all-time favorite opera. “While you listen, you can work on that sweater you’re knitting. Won’t that be nice?”

  For her suggestion, she earned a sour look. “Quit patronizing me. I don’t want music, and I don’t feel like knitting. If I can’t have my pill, I’ll have some tea. I’m cold, and the hot liquid will warm me up. But first, please open the drapes so I can look out. I can’t stand the gloom.”

  Fifteen minutes ago, she’d ordered them drawn. Tina suppressed a sigh and opened them. Weak autumn sunlight spilled into the room. The morning had been shrouded in fog, but at some point the sun had burned through. Halo Island had been named for the fog that hovered over the water, resembling a halo before it vanished, and both Tina and G. G. were used to this kind of weather.

  “That’s much better.” G. G. grimaced as she shifted ever so slightly in her chair.

  Alarmed all over again, Tina grabbed the two-tone green afghan that lay across the sofa back. “Why don’t you put this on your legs?”

  “What for? I’m not cold.”

  “But you said…”

  “Stop fussing over me, Tina. Just bring the TV tray over here, and make me some tea.”

  As Tina filled a mug with water and heated it in the microwave, her thoughts turned to Ryan and Maggie, whom she hadn’t seen in days—if you didn’t count peering through the crack in the drapes when the school bus stopped twice a day. Staring out the kitchen window into G. G.’ s big backyard, Tina wondered how they felt about the damp cold, and why Ryan’s fiancée and his nanny had left him and dear, sweet little Maggie.

  The trees had shed many of their leaves, and the yard needed raking. If she had time later today, she’d go out there and…

  A knock at the door put an end to her musing.

  “Answer the door, Tina,” G. G. hollered.

  I will, if you’ll give me half a chance. “That’s probably one of the neighbors, stopping by with a casserole or a pie,” Tina said in her brightest voice as she returned to the living room. Thanks to their generosity, she had yet to cook dinner.

  She opened the door to find Maggie on the stoop.

  Bundled in a parka, scarf and mittens, the five-year-old grinned up at her. “Hi.”

  Tina returned the smile. “Well, hello there.”

  Maggie poked her head through the door. “Hi, G. G. Can I come in?”

  G. G. brightened considerably. “Of course. I haven’t seen you since the potluck, and I’m so glad you’re here. Why don’t you give your coat and mittens to Tina and she’ll hang them up? Then drag the ottoman over and tell me what you’ve been doing. Tina, will you make cocoa and pull those snickerdoodles out of the cupboard? And bring me my tea.”

  Heartened by G. G.’ s more positive tone, Tina bustled into the kitchen. When she returned with the treats, Maggie was chattering away, her words lighting a smile on G. G.’ s face. Tina set the tea and two cookies on the TV tray. She set Maggie’s cocoa and a whole plate of cookies on the ottoman.

  Kneeling, the little girl took a generous sip of cocoa. Wearing a chocolate moustache, she bit into a cookie and made a sound of sheer pleasure. Then she swiveled her head toward Tina.

  “Want a cookie?”

  “I do, thank you.”

  “Only one week ’til Sam’s birthday party!”

  Tina had never seen anyone bounce on her knees, but Maggie seemed quite good at it. While they ate, the small girl issued a steady stream of conversation, pausing only to swallow or sip her cocoa.

  “Have you bought Sam’s gift?” G. G. asked.

  “Daddy says we’ll get it on Monday, ’cause it’s Veterans Day and I don’t have school. His bank is closed, too.”

  “That sounds fun,” G. G. said. “Tina and I are also invited to the party.”

  “You are?” Maggie threw out her arms, as if to hug the entire room. “Goody!”

  Tina laughed. “Someone in this room likes birthday parties.”

  “Me! Me!” Midbounce, Maggie angled her head in Tina’s direction. “Why don’t you live with G. G. forever?”

  “Because I have my own apartment and a job in Seattle. After Thanksgiving, I’ll be going back.”

  “Oh.” Maggie went silent, but only for a moment. “We cleaned the house today. I got to sweep the kitchen floor and empty my wastebasket. And separate the dark clothes from the light in the laundry. Sometimes our laundry stinks.” She held her nose. “Then we cleaned Eggwhite’s cage. That’s our hamster, and I love her soooo much. Do you want to come over and play with her on Monday, Tina?”

  For some reason seeing the inside of the house where Ryan and Maggie lived interested Tina. Telling herself she just wanted to find out whether they’d painted over Mrs. Booker’s dingy pink walls, she nodded. “If your daddy doesn’t mind, that’d be fun.”

  “I don’t think he will. He’s drivin’ me bats,” she said, sounding so adult that Tina smiled and G. G. chuckled—only to end up wincing with pain a moment later.

  “Is that right?” G. G. said. “How so?”

  “After we cleaned, I was tired. But Daddy wanted to play. We played with my dollhouse. Then we did puzzles. We played catch with my Nerf ball. Then Daddy read from my Amelia Bedelia chapter book.”

  “All that? My goodness.” G. G. shook her head. “That sounds wonderful.”

  Instead of agreeing, Maggie heaved a sigh, leaned her elbow on the ottoman and rested her cheek on her fist. “Daddy always wants to play with me. He doesn’t have anybody else to play with.”

  She looked so forlorn—and so adorable. Tina bit back a smile. “I think maybe you should be grateful. My father worked long hours. We didn’t get much time together.”

  “My daddy used to work all the time. But then we moved here, and now he doesn’t.” She sat down on the rug, crossing her legs Indian style. “Sometimes I want to play with Sam and Gina, but I’m scared that if I do, he’ll be sad.”

  Tina understood, because she had felt just as responsible for her own father’s happiness. Apparently Maggie was headed down the same road. Tina felt for the little girl.

  G. G. murmured her understanding. “I’m sure he doesn’t know how you feel, honey. You should talk to him.”

  “No.” Maggie shook her head. “My daddy needs me.” G. G.’ s expression was weighted with concern. “You’re a very special little girl, and he’s so lucky to have you.”

  True, but Tina was sure he’d be upset if
he knew Maggie was staying away from her friends so that her daddy wouldn’t be lonely. Someone ought to tell him. She made up her mind to do that herself—today. The thought of seeing Ryan made her happier than it should have.

  “Does he know you’re here?” she asked.

  Looking guilty, Maggie shook her head. “He said I could play outside.”

  “Better call him, so he doesn’t worry.” G. G. nodded at the phone on the end table.

  “Do you know your phone number?” Tina asked.

  The little girl scrambled up and shot her an incredulous look. “Of course I do.” She moved to the phone, dialed and then listened. “Hi, Daddy. I’m at G. G.’ s.”

  “Ask him if he wants to come for dinner,” G. G. said.

  What? Wondering what she was up to, Tina eyed her. Suddenly busy with her tea bag, G. G. refused to look up.

  Actually, dinner wasn’t a bad idea. It would give Tina the chance to tell Ryan what Maggie had said—provided they could talk out of his daughter’s earshot. And maybe she’d also gain some insight into why he was alone.

  She wouldn’t think about her attraction to him or anything else.

  “Please?” Maggie pleaded into the receiver. With a stricken look she hung her head. “Daddy says it’s too much trouble. He says no, thank you.”

  “Give me that phone.” G. G. held out her hand. “It’s no extra work at all,” she told Ryan. “We have a lovely chicken casserole, courtesy of Linda Sewell, so there isn’t much to do. Tina doesn’t mind making a bigger salad or setting the table for two more people, do you, dear?”

  Tina shook her head.

  “She says it’s fine,” G. G. said. “Why don’t you come at six-thirty. Yes, we’d love another pan of those brownies. Yes, I’ll tell her.”

  When she hung up, her face was pale and pinched. “Your dad says to come home soon for a nap.”

  “But I’m not tired. Can I stay a teensy while longer? Pretty please, with raisins and brown sugar?”

  Torn between concern for G. G. and wanting to spend a little more time with Maggie, Tina fiddled with the spikes in her hair. “G. G.’ s tired, Maggie. Maybe you should go home now.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine after I take my pain pill and lie down. Just help me to the bathroom first.”

  “While you rest, I’ll rake the backyard,” Tina said.

  “Can I help?”

  Maggie’s round eyes and eager expression were hard to resist. Tina nodded. “For a little while. Why not?”

  THE RAKE HANDLE was nearly a foot taller than Maggie, yet she managed to gather a small load of leaves. As she carried them to the pile Tina had started to make, they fluttered away until only a few that had caught on the rake tines remained. Maggie didn’t seem to notice. She shook the rake clean, then glanced anxiously at Tina.

  The afternoon temperature had climbed to a balmy fifty, and the sun and fresh air felt good. Tina smiled. “You did great.”

  Maggie beamed. “Daddy says I’m the best helper ever.”

  “I have to agree.” One of Maggie’s pigtails was coming down, and strands of hair kept getting in her eyes. Tina beckoned her close. “Let me fix your hair.”

  The little girl trotted over. Holding still, she let Tina finger comb her hair and refasten the pigtail.

  “Your hair smells good,” Tina said, sniffing. “Is that cherry shampoo?”

  “Uh-huh. Can I smell yours?” Tina bent down and Maggie sniffed. “Coconut.”

  “That’s right.”

  “This is bunches more fun than playing with Daddy.”

  “How so?”

  “’Cause we’re both girls.”

  “That we are.”

  With her own rake, Tina swept the remaining leaves into the pile. It was time to scoop them into black plastic trash bags, then put the rakes away until the rest of the leaves fell. But not just yet.

  A crazy idea grabbed her. “When I was your age one of my favorite fall activities was jumping in leaves just like these,” she said. “Have you ever done that?”

  “No.” Maggie giggled.

  “Want to try it with me?”

  “Yes!” Clapping her hands she jumped up and down.

  “Come on, then.” Tina moved back ten feet, Maggie following.

  “We’re going to run toward the pile. Just before we reach it, we’ll jump in.” Feeling silly, but ridiculously happy, she took hold of Maggie’s hand. The tiny fingers held hers tightly, and a sweet feeling warmed her. “Ready?”

  “Set, go!”

  Laughing, they ran for the leaf pile. Just before they reached it, Tina let go of her hand. Giggling, the little girl jumped in, Tina right behind her.

  They came up sputtering and laughing and covered with leaves.

  “That was fun!” Maggie said. “Can we do it again?”

  Tina glanced up to find Ryan watching them.

  “Maggie helped me rake leaves.” She looked at the mess they’d made and laughed. “Looks like I’ll be raking them all over again.”

  His stern expression was not what she expected.

  “Time for a rest, Sunshine,” he said, all brusque and hard-faced.

  Tina frowned. “If I’ve somehow offended…”

  “Later.” He jerked his chin toward Maggie. “Let’s go home.”

  “Tonight, then,” Tina said.

  “We can’t make it, after all.”

  “But you said we could come.” The joy drained from Maggie’s expression. “I’m sorry, Daddy.” Her face crumpled.

  Not at all happy at this turn of events, Tina placed her hand on the child’s narrow shoulder and stared Ryan in the eyes. “Your daddy’s way off base, sweetie. You were a big help to me. You didn’t do anything wrong. If anyone’s at fault here, it’s me for not sending you home.”

  Ryan actually grimaced. His eyes revealed uncertainty and confusion. “Tina’s right. You did fine.” He shook his head, as if to clear it. “All right, we’ll come to dinner.”

  Maggie sniffled and nodded.

  “Will you wait for me in the front yard?”

  “’Kay.”

  He didn’t speak again until his daughter rounded the corner. Then he gestured Tina closer. “We need to talk,” he said.

  WITH HIS DAUGHTER in the front yard, this wasn’t the ideal time to say what needed to be said, but that didn’t matter. Ryan’s job was to protect Maggie, and he would set Tina straight.

  “Why are you so upset?” she asked, her arms hugging her waist.

  Fresh air, laughter and irritation with him had put a pink blush on her cheeks. Several leaves clung to her hair and her coat.

  Resisting the urge to brush them away, Ryan stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and tried to explain. “Maggie’s been disappointed a lot.”

  “All we did was rake leaves and have fun. She needs to laugh, Ryan.”

  As if he didn’t know that. “But she doesn’t need to get hurt.”

  Two tiny lines appeared between Tina’s eyebrows. “I’d never hurt her.”

  She stared straight into his eyes. Hers were big and blue-gray, with sooty lashes—beyond beautiful. For a moment, Ryan lost himself in them. From out of nowhere the urge to kiss her took hold of him, so strong it stunned him.

  Her pupils enlarged and he knew she, too, felt something. At the same time, they backed away from each other.

  “If she gets too attached to you, she will,” he said in a gruff voice.

  “Will…?” She looked confused, as if she’d forgotten what they were talking about.

  “Get hurt.”

  Tina nodded. “Don’t worry. She knows I’m only here through Thanksgiving. We talked about it.”

  “That doesn’t mean she won’t be upset when you go.” Leaving him to pick up the pieces. No, he would not allow his daughter to suffer.

  “But I’ll be back at Christmas.”

  Which was more than he could say for any of the other females in Maggie’s life. Ryan let out a cynical laugh. �
��That’s something, I guess.”

  “May I ask you a question?”

  Ryan shrugged. “Shoot.”

  “I know about your wife. But what happened with your fiancée and the nanny?”

  “You heard about that, did you?”

  There weren’t many secrets in a small town, but Ryan was clueless as to how she’d found out something he rarely mentioned. He didn’t want to explain, but she’d asked…

  “Christy—my ex-fiancée—decided she’d rather take a job promotion and move to Texas than get married. Mrs. Miumi—that’s the nanny—has a daughter with a drug problem. She moved to Virginia to raise her grandson. She’d been with us since Maggie was a few weeks old.”

  Either Tina looked relieved by this information, or Ryan was blind. Why was anybody’s guess.

  “I’m so sorry.” She laid her hand on his forearm.

  Even through his denim sleeve he felt her warmth. It burned into him. “I don’t want your pity,” he said, removing her hand. “I just want to protect my daughter.”

  “And she wants to protect you.”

  Uncertain he’d heard right, he squinted. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Maggie feels responsible for your happiness. At least, that’s what she said.”

  This shocked him. And cut deep. Ryan swore. “What the hell am I supposed to do about that?”

  “Well, you…” Tina glanced past him. Her eyes widened. “Hello, Maggie.”

  How much had she heard? Ryan spun toward her, his gaze combing her face. “What is it, Sunshine?”

  “I’m tired of waiting, Daddy.”

  He saw no sign that she’d heard or understood. Relief poured through him. It was time to take his daughter home. Even if this conversation with Tina wasn’t over.

  “Why don’t we talk more tonight?” she said.

  He nodded. “Tonight.”

  Chapter Four

  After a not-so-relaxed dinner, Ryan helped Tina clean up the kitchen. They didn’t talk much, which was okay by him and not all that different from their meal.

  Tina had tried to keep the conversation going, when she wasn’t casting anxious glances at G. G. The older woman looked as if she’d aged a decade, her face gray and taut, and her occasional comments clipped. Good thing his daughter liked to talk, because without her constant chatter things would’ve been downright uncomfortable.