Goodnight, Boy

by Nikki Sheehan

  He looks really sick.

  Boy, what if he dies?

  What would happen to us? No one knows we’re here.

  He’s unlocking the gate now. He keeps looking over here. It’s almost as if he’s scared of us.

  It’s taking him ages to open it, his hands are shaking so badly.

  He’s in now.

  He’s put the bag down, and he’s leaving, clicking the padlock shut behind him.

  Now he’s walking away.

  Oh, he’s being sick on the lawn.

  He’s gone inside, but he hasn’t shut the back door.

  Why would he do that?

  Is he coming back out?

  Do you think we should go for the bag? The open back door makes me nervous, Boy.

  Let’s leave it a while. Just until he shuts the door.

  I’m really hungry, Boy.

  Do you think there’s food in there?

  There must be. What else would he be bringing?

  I hope it’s not clothes again.

  It’s dark now.

  I don’t think he’s ever going to shut that door.

  I’m going out.

  Boy! Boy! Wake up!

  Open your eyes, Boy, please!

  Crackers, an apple and a can of dog food! The same brand Melanie used to buy!

  You carry on sleeping while I eat a few crackers. I’ll wake you when I’ve opened your dog food.

  They’ve stuck to the roof of my mouth.

  I’m going outside to see if there’s any water in the puddles.

  Bad news, the puddles are just mud now.

  But at least we have food.

  Can you wait while I eat the apple?

  Even the pips taste good, Boy.

  Excuse me. I ate too quickly.

  Wake up, Boy.

  I’m going to give you your food now.

  No-no-no-no-no-no!

  The can doesn’t have a ring pull!

  Dumb-useless can!

  How am I going to open it?

  Boy!

  BOY!

  You could at least open your dumb-useless eyes.

  It’s all right for you, lying up here on the shelf in my best shirt, while I have to figure out how to reach the dog mush with no can opener.

  You’re so selfish, you know that?

  I hate you, dog.

  I hate you.

  This isn’t real crying. It’s just frustration.

  Why is there nothing I can pierce metal with in this place?

  I tried that piece of stray wire that’s sticking out of the fence panel, but it just bends against the can.

  AAAGGGHHHHH!

  Yes, I screamed and threw your can of dog food.

  Why do you care? You haven’t woken in ages.

  Do you even want to live, Boy?

  Or do you want to leave me here alone while you go off to heaven and have fun with all the other dead dogs?

  Do you?

  You’re so selfish.

  Yes, I’m crying now.

  Who cares?

  Nobody can see me.

  Not even you.

  Your nose twitched! I saw it!

  Wait there –

  You smelled it! There’s a tiny crack in the can. It’s right near the lid.

  Here.

  Good, isn’t it?

  You opened your eyes!

  You’re back, Boy! You’re back!

  I was so worried I

  No! No, don’t shut them again!

  No, no, no, wake up!

  I’ll open them for you.

  Your eyes are a funny colour; the whites aren’t white anymore.

  You’ll be better once you’ve eaten. It’s hunger, that’s all.

  They say in my country

  An empty sack can’t stand up.

  I’m going to open the can a little more.

  Look, Boy! Look! I smashed it against everything hard I could find and in the end it worked!

  I’m going to scoop some out with a stone.

  Mmmm… Smell that.

  Good nose twitching.

  I’m going to put it in your mouth, so all you have to do is swallow.

  It really does smell good.

  Well done, Boy, you’re trying to lick it. It’s hard for you because your mouth is so dry. I’ll bring you water.

  I forgot. There is no water.

  Let’s try again.

  You swallowed! You did! I saw it!

  Now open your eyes. I think that will help. You can’t eat when you’re asleep.

  Boy! Open your eyes!

  Boy! Boy! Boy, Din-ner!

  You opened them! Good boy!

  It worked! It’s because I used the same voice that Melanie used.

  Listen again, Din-ner!

  NO!

  Boy, you knocked me onto the floor. That really hurt.

  I told you not to try and jump down. Now you’re stuck up there swinging like a hairy sack in a shirt. You look so funny!

  I’m sorry, I can’t help laughing, it’s just so f –

  Oh, no, the shirt’s ripping!

  I feel like I’ve just been hit by a car.

  I can’tbreatheIcan’tbreatheIcan’tbreatheIcan’t

  Thank you, Boy. Your licks made me breathe again.

  You saved me.

  Now, would you please move off?

  It’s dry enough for us to stay down here now.

  I’ll scrape some more food out for you.

  Here, take it, just a tiny piece at a time.

  Good Boy.

  You want to sleep?

  Me too.

  I can smell your dog food.

  It’s tempting, like spiced pork frying in the street.

  I couldn’t eat dog food. I don’t want to insult you, Boy, but I’m not a dog, so I wouldn’t eat your food.

  No matter how good it smells.

  But the paste that he spreads on his toast – pâté. It’s like this, isn’t it?

  If I just have a thin layer on a cracker I’m sure it won’t make me sick.

  I’ll try a tiny bit.

  It’s hard to spread it thinly.

  Mmm. Needs salt, but not bad, Boy.

  I won’t have another one though – it’s your food, and you need it more than I do.

  It’s just that crackers and an apple aren’t very filling.

  I can’t sleep.

  I think my nose is becoming like yours because the meaty smell won’t leave me alone.

  I’ll just have one more.

  Sorry, it’s nearly all gone.

  Ouch, I keep cutting myself on the can.

  I have to finish this last bit. It has my blood mixed in with it, and it would be strange if you ate my blood.

  I’m sorry.

  You’re awake! You’re standing up, Boy!

  Where are you going?

  I’ll come with you.

  Here, let me kick some dirt over that.

  You’re not very steady on your feet, Boy. Let’s go back inside now. Let’s sleep.

  I’m exhausted.

  Do you remember the day we went to Grandma’s house? I’d almost forgotten you came. But of course you were there, because she had asked for you to come, even though the nephews are allergic to you. You had to behave really well and not jump up at them, which is really hard for you.

  I had only been here a few weeks. I didn’t really understand what was happening, but Melanie was excited as she checked that I had brushed my teeth and my hair.

  He fiddled with his car keys.

  ‘Relax,’ she told him, though she wasn’t relaxed. ‘They’ll love him.’ She touched my cheek. ‘Who wouldn’t?’

  He sighed, ‘Let’s just get it over with.’

  We drove for an hour, and I was just starting to feel sleepy, when we turned into a small private road.

  ‘Look, JC. Look what they’ve done!’ Melanie was laughing as she spoke. ‘I thought they were joking!’

  The grandparents’ home was huge, even bigg
er than this house. It was painted white, with flowers growing over the front, and there was a large yard, almost the size of a carpark, where children were chasing each other.

  Two people with grey hair were sitting at a little round table just by the front door with coloured drinks in their hands.

  He groaned at the sight, and I wasn’t sure what it was that he didn’t like at first.

  ‘It’s a lovely gesture,’ Melanie said, then she turned to me. ‘Can you read what it says?’

  Hanging in the trees, surrounded by multicoloured flags, was a banner.

  WLCEMEO TO OUR NEW GNDSRAON!

  Melanie looked so happy as she read it out to me, ‘Welcome to our new grandson!’

  But his face was like thunder and wind.

  He banged his hand on the dashboard, ‘I told them they had to keep it quiet until he’s official. They knew! This could get us into trouble. Do they want me in prison? Is that what they want?’

  She sighed, ‘Of course not, honey. But we’re a long way from home, and it’s not like anyone’s going to report us. Trust me, it will be OK. Try to relax.’

  ‘If you want me to relax,’ he said. ‘Perhaps you could all stop trying to get us arrested.’

  Melanie opened her mouth to speak. Then closed it again, and he parked the car and turned off the engine.

  We climbed out and Grandma came running over, although she’s really old, and without saying a word she gave me a big hug. She’s tall, nearly as tall as me, and strong. But her hair is silver in long braids, and the lines from smiling on her tan face are deep as if every single day of her life has been a happy one.

  Imagine that.

  So, after we climbed out of the car she rushed over, oh, I already said that, but I like that part so I’m gonna say it all again. She rushed over and she hugged me.

  She’s a lot like him, but all the good parts of him.

  I know what you’re thinking, and I haven’t forgotten that he hurt you, but he does have some good parts. I just can’t remember them right now.

  Grandpa didn’t come over. He stayed where he was, and I saw him continue to sip his coloured drink as he stared at me.

  Grandpa has his eyes, Boy. I noticed that later. Deep and dark. Maybe Grandpa has his soul too.

  Grandma took my hand and she led me down a red-brick path to the house.

  Melanie was opening the trunk to let you out and you were barking impatiently.

  You were excited because you don’t go to other people’s houses very often. In a way you’re like I used to be. Stuck in the same place all the time. So then we went round to the backyard and she introduced me to everyone. She called me her grandson, and she pronounced my name properly, even better than Melanie.

  She never called me JC. She must have practised it because the sounds are hard for foreigners.

  I’m going to move you over here, Boy, so we can keep each other warm.

  That’s better.

  I’ll put your paw here, over my chest.

  Should I continue? Yes?

  So Grandma introduced me to everyone there, the uncle and my new cousins, and they all shook my hand. Then one of the nephews, the boy called Chaz, said, ‘Why isn’t JC a baby?’ and everyone laughed.

  Melanie told him that usually when children come into a family they’re babies, but sometimes they’re big boys and girls. Then Chaz stopped looking confused and said, ‘Oh, he’s from the thrift store!’ And I didn’t understand what that meant, and everyone’s faces froze for a moment, then he laughed really loud, like it was the funniest joke ever, and then everyone else, apart from me and Chaz, laughed too, and Grandma smiled and said, ‘I think that’s my cue to bring out the food.’

  The food, Boy!

  There was so much that I thought the tables would collapse.

  Sandwiches and salads and cooked meats and even some dishes from my country that Grandma had made from recipes on the internet: chicken and cashew nuts, and fried fish and patties stuffed with beef. She really is the kindest person in the world.

  Apart from Melanie.

  Then we played games. All of us, the adults too. We had a game of tug o’war. Both sides wanted me because I was the biggest kid there, but I chose to go with him and Melanie, because they had chosen me.

  You kept barking, d’you remember? You thought it was fun.

  I’ve never seen grown-ups laughing and falling over, and not angry about us wasting their time.

  We stayed until it was dusk and Grandma let me take the rest of the dishes from my country back with us.

  We put them in the refrigerator and I ate them for days.

  He said he didn’t think they were as good as the food at the hotel we had stayed in. But he was wrong because Grandma’s food was made for love, not money.

  I think Melanie could taste the difference too because she said that they were delicious and that his mother was an amazing woman.

  Clouds gathered in his eyes then, but he didn’t reply.

  Melanie was right. His mother is an amazing woman, and the cousins were amazing too because they loved me before they met me. Even when I was just an idea.

  Sometimes, in my country, people’s families arrange their marriage and, though they don’t know the person, they usually still fall in love. Well, I’m an arranged grandson. Grandma decided that she would love me, so she did.

  Grandpa didn’t say much, so I don’t really know how he felt. I think he’s waiting to decide.

  But I understand that.

  I still think I’m lucky.

  Do you think Grandma might come and visit him? If she did, would she tell him to let us out?

  Even if she knew about what happened?

  She looks like she would be forgiving.

  But it’s a lot to forgive.

  I hope she doesn’t come, Boy.

  No one had told me that he had a sister.

  That he had Beth.

  She came to the house one evening. He answered the door and I heard quiet talking, then raised voices. A few minutes later he called out, ‘Mel, where’s my wallet?’

  She found it for him and then I heard the front door click shut.

  He reappeared, his face tight and tired-looking.

  Melanie almost whispered, ‘Everything OK?’

  He shrugged, and walked out of the room.

  ‘Who was that?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s…’ she paused. ‘OK, I may as well tell you in case she comes again when we’re not here. It’s Beth, your dad’s sister.’

  ‘My aunt?’

  ‘No. Well, yes, but Beth has a few problems in her life and sometimes she comes to us for help.’

  I nodded. I understood this. Why wouldn’t you help someone who was in need? I knew that Melanie had helped me because I was poor and had nothing.

  ‘If she does come when we’re out you mustn’t let her in, JC.’

  ‘Why?’ I knew she didn’t want to say, but I had to ask.

  ‘Because…she’s not a safe person.’

  I nodded, expecting more. But it didn’t come.

  ‘Pizza tonight?’ she asked, and the conversation was finished.

  Beth didn’t come back straight away. It was a few weeks later, when the same thing happened. He gave her money and she left. But this time I ran upstairs and watched her from my bedroom window.

  She was tall, like Grandma, with golden skin and the glint of metal at the side of her nose. Though it was cold she was wearing shorts and a top that showed her belly, like a teenager. Her hair was in dreadlocks, bleached at the ends.

  As she reached the end of the driveway, Beth paused and turned around to look at the house.

  And she saw me.

  I wasn’t sure at first if she really had, but then she waved.

  That was a few days before he took me to play tennis. You could smell the ball on my hands when I came home. Do you remember?

  You’d love tennis, Boy. You could jump the net and catch the ball as it flies over.


  I expect that’s why he never took you.

  He only took me because Melanie insisted.

  She said that she was fed up with us both being around the house.

  She said that tennis was good exercise.

  She said that he could teach me, so it would be safe.

  But it wasn’t.

  He went to the sports club a few times a week when he had finished work. Or sometimes, if she asked him to do a chore he would pack his sports bag and say that he had a match at the club, and he’d told her that already, and that she never listened to a word he said.

  She knew it wasn’t true. She let him go anyway.

  But this time, when he picked up his bag she said, ‘Take JC. He can watch, then you can give him a quick lesson. He would love it.’

  He frowned. ‘What if my friend asks who he is? What do I say then?’

  She sighed. ‘Just say he’s your nephew from overseas.’

  He shook his head. ‘I’ll just have to cancel my game.’

  He looked at Melanie as if he expected her to give in. But she didn’t.

  ‘Could you?’ she said. She kissed him on the lips. ‘How did I end up with such a thoughtful and generous husband?’ and she kissed him again.

  When we arrived at the club a young woman was waiting.

  ‘Didn’t you get my message?’ he said. ‘I can’t play today. Gotta babysit my nephew.’ The woman frowned.

  ‘I’m sorry. Promise I’ll make it up to you,’ he said in a low voice, and she laughed.

  ‘You’d better, baby.’

  His eyes didn’t leave her as she walked away.

  ‘If you want to play with your friend I can watch,’ I said.

  He sighed. ‘Just put these on.’ He handed me his spare tennis shorts and a white T-shirt, and pushed me toward a stall.

  I looked at myself in the mirror as I changed. I realised that I was becoming someone I didn’t recognise; an American with a family who played tennis.

  I was so happy.

  Out on the court we stood on opposite sides of the net. He had all the balls and, without warning, he began to fire hard shots in my direction. I didn’t try to hit them back, they were too fast.