Goodnight, Boy

by Nikki Sheehan

  And I heard him roar.

  I was so surprised that, for a moment, I thought it was the dragon.

  ‘YOU!’

  He was standing over me, and he looked so big, Boy, so strong, so powerful.

  I hardly recognised his face

  all the white that was showing.

  His eyes were so wide that the brown pupils were floating in white circles, and his lips were pulled back over his teeth into what was almost looked a smile.

  The only sound he could make was fury and pain, and I’m ashamed to say I was so afraid that wet ran down inside my jeans.

  That’s when you appeared, remember? You must have rushed upstairs when you heard him shouting.

  ‘How dare you! How dare you be up here on my son’s computer!’

  He leaned closer and I could feel his breath, hot like a desert wind.

  ‘You’re a thief! You think you can take whatever you want? You won’t be happy until you’ve had everything and I have nothing!’

  His nostrils flared and I thought of the dragon.

  ‘But this is Jake’s, it’s not yours! I said no! I said no to you and I said no to Melanie.’

  He slumped a little, and then he hissed, ‘I wish she had never set eyes on you.’

  You were barking and growling, your hair was standing on end and your body was vibrating like a rattlesnake.

  I knew you were telling him that we were scared and he should calm down.

  You weren’t going to attack him, I know you weren’t.

  He should have known that too. He should have told you it was all right in a calm voice and then walked away. But instead he became bigger, angrier, crazier.

  ‘So now you’ve turned Boy against me!’ he yelled even louder than before. ‘Look at him! Just look at him! You’ve made him vicious! This is just perfect!’ He gave a fake laugh. ‘Did you teach my dog some kind of attack command in your language?’

  I tried to speak, but Boy, I was so scared.

  ‘Well, I’m in charge of my dog, not you!’

  He lunged at you then, his fist raised. He was about to hit you, but you rolled out of his way and onto your back.

  He lost his balance and stumbled against the desk.

  His hand came down on the mouse, and then we both heard it

  Da-dada-da-da-da-da!

  The fanfare

  the trumpets

  the cymbals

  cheering crowd

  the noises that Jakey1000 had never heard

  He had killed the dragon.

  He had beaten Jake’s score.

  His warrior had passed through into the next level.

  He did it

  not me

  Him.

  He

  not me.

  His expression, Boy.

  I had seen it before. On the faces of the people who had lost everything in the earthquake.

  Like he was dreaming. Like what he saw couldn’t be real.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said it in my language because I forgot English for a moment, and then he smiled and the smile stayed fixed, but it wasn’t a smile it was the grimace just before the next explosion.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I tried to say it again. In English this time.

  I didn’t say it wasn’t my fault.

  I just said, ‘I’msorryI’msorryI’msorry,’ and my heart was pounding so fast that I thought it was going to stop.

  I was going to die of fear.

  I was still lying on the floor where I had fallen, and so were you, still on your back, exposing your soft belly, and he began to kick you, Boy.

  His heavy boots moving into and out of your side, your body level with my eyes.

  Kick

  Kick

  Kick

  Your body jumping with every blow.

  You weren’t growling anymore, you were screaming, and I knew that it was me he should have been kicking.

  But it was you he was going to kill.

  You who had done nothing wrong.

  It was a hot day, so he was wearing shorts, and I watched the muscles in his legs flexing and bulging as he took aim for your head –

  And then it was me who exploded. I didn’t think. It was as if I had been detonated.

  The force blew my body, my head, my teeth toward him and I bit into his calf as it moved toward your body.

  I bit and then I bit down harder. Then I dragged my teeth through his tough flesh, and I bit harder still as I smelt the iron in his blood, like a fighting dog.

  Like the street kid that I am.

  I didn’t think, and I didn’t stop until he fell down next to me, clutching his leg to his chest and rolling and rolling and screaming and screaming.

  Boy, I thought that I had killed him.

  He lay so still that I asked him

  ‘Are you alive?’

  I didn’t say sorry about biting him because I wasn’t sorry. I’m still not sorry. I was saving you.

  I didn’t know that dogs can scream.

  It’s lucky that you stop being hungry after a few days with no food, isn’t it, Boy?

  How long has it been? Three days? Four?

  My head is clear, but my body feels like it’s floating.

  Like I’ve turned to steam.

  Maybe I’m evaporating?

  You should be angry with me, Boy.

  It’s my fault that Melanie isn’t here.

  Because I talked to Beth.

  Remember how she spoke to me when I was in the backyard? Well, she came back later that same day.

  I saw them arguing at the front door.

  He was screaming at her. She said that she knew about me and she wanted money.

  ‘You’re blackmailing me?’ he asked, then pulled her into the house.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Why should you have everything? You never could share.’

  Melanie’s voice was calm. ‘Your brother has always tried to help you, Beth. But just tell us, what do you need?’

  ‘Enough to buy a place to live,’ she said. Then she appeared to have another idea. ‘And a car.’

  He laughed. ‘They took away your driver’s licence for ten years.’

  ‘Only six to go,’ she said.

  ‘Forget it, Beth.’ His voice was cold now. ‘Just go, you’re not having any more money from me. You can tell who you want. I’m done.’

  He pushed her out of the house and slammed the door.

  From where I sat, looking through the banisters, I could see Melanie’s anger. It was at him, not at Beth.

  Without a word she walked out through the front door.

  When she returned Melanie came to see me in my bedroom.

  She sat on my bed and said, ‘I know you heard all that, and I’m so sorry, JC. But you don’t need to worry, it’s all going to be OK. I’ve asked Beth to give us a few months, and meanwhile I’m going to your wonderful country to find your family.’

  My family. Can you imagine that, Boy?

  Melanie is going to find my family.

  I wonder if they even remember me?

  ‘I’ve called Mr Bodin from the agency,’ she said. ‘And he’s found out where your village is. He’s agreed to take me there and I’ll ask your family for permission to adopt you. I can’t guarantee that they’ll agree, JC. But one way or the other you’ll have a family who loves you, and Beth won’t be able to cause any more trouble.’

  I hate Beth.

  Boy, wake up. He’s opened the back door.

  He’s clutching the doorframe.

  He has something in his hand.

  A bag!

  Do you think it’s food?

  Boy, try to open your eyes. He might have something nice for you.

  Food or bones or a ball,

  or or a live squirrel!

  Boy, just wake up!

  Why is he waiting?

  He’s just standing there, swaying.

  He’s coming now, he’s coming!

  Not really walking, more like lunging, his bad l
eg crumpling every time he puts weight on it.

  Like he’s walking down a slope.

  He’s

  No!

  He fell like he was shot.

  He’s so close

  lying facing us

  but his eyes are shut.

  Is he asleep?

  Is he dead?

  What should I do?

  What should I do?

  It’s been five minutes and he’s still not moving.

  Can you smell death, Boy?

  Please, Boy. Please wake up and try.

  I have to do something. We have to do something.

  I can’t let him die

  Melanie wouldn’t

  Why don’t you wake up?

  I can’t let you die either, Boy

  I couldn’t

  I should call an ambulance. For both of you.

  911

  I will

  911

  I have to

  911

  What’s the number?

  I’ve forgotten the number!

  911

  I can do this.

  I need his cellphone, but he’s too far from the fence. I can’t reach it.

  Boy, you can help! You can dig a hole.

  A hole just big enough to crawl through.

  I’ll show you where. Just here, by the fence.

  Please!

  Please, wake up and dig!

  I need you, Boy!

  I need you!

  It’s your chance to save us all, and you’re asleep!

  I can’t do it by myself.

  Maybe I can

  Maybe I can break the lock. Stay here.

  It’s too tough.

  What can I do? WhatcanIdo? WhatcanIdo

  Please don’t die, Boy.

  Your breathing is so shallow.

  Am I imagining that you’re still alive?

  And him. Don’t let him die either.

  He’s grey. His skin is grey and dull like an elephant’s.

  You watch him for me while I

  WhatcanIdo?

  find help.

  911

  911

  911

  If I shout it will someone come?

  911! 911!

  No. No.

  Break a post.

  I’ll break a fence post.

  Boy, I’ll be like the wind. I have to. The wire won’t break. It’s specially hardened, but the wood might.

  I’m going to kick it. Watch me, Boy, I’ll kick it and it will break.

  It will.

  It will.

  It

  Boy, I can’t break it.

  I’m too weak. I don’t have any tools.

  He’s going to die.

  Melanie will be angry.

  You’ll die.

  If you die, Boy, I’ll be like the earthquake

  I’ll

  Maybe I can pull it out of the earth like a tooth!

  The wind couldn’t do that, remember? It snapped it with its anger.

  But I’m not strong like the earthquake either.

  WhatcanIdo?

  WhatcanIdo?

  WhatcanIdo?

  Oh, not again!

  Not now!

  Boy, stop jerking!

  Please, Boy. Please!

  STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP!

  Please stop.

  I will find help.

  You’re not going to die.

  He’s not going to die.

  I will do it.

  You won’t die.

  The ground will help me. The ground can push, like it did in the earthquake.

  I know it will.

  You believe me, don’t you?

  You won’t die.

  I can do it, Boy.

  I will

  I can’t do it.

  I can’t do it, Boy. It’s too tough.

  Boy, stop jerking!

  Boy! Boy!

  Your breathing is rasping like when

  This isn’t supposed to happen.

  Why are you dying?

  I hate you!

  You’re supposed to be my friend.

  You have to stay with me forever, Boy.

  You should be helping!

  Why are you doing this?

  You

  You

  You

  I…

  I’m

  I’m going to do it for you, Boy.

  I’m going to make myself stronger than the wind.

  Can you feel it too? It’s growing!

  It’s coming through the earth!

  It’s not like the wind. The wind is NOTHING.

  The wind is just a nothing that moves around so fast that you think it’s something important. But it’s not.

  It has no muscles. It can’t feel anything.

  No pain, or love or fear.

  But I’m stronger than the wind because I know what love and losing someone feels like and I’m STILL HERE

  I’m not scared, Boy!

  I CAN DO IT

  I’M STRONGER THAN HIM

  I’M AN EARTHQUAKE

  I’LL SHAKE THE EARTH AND BREAK IT OPEN TO SAVE YOU

  TO GET US OUT OF HERE

  I CAN REACH DOWN THROUGH MY LEGS AND FEEL THE POWER COMING FROM THE FIRE AT THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH

  I CAN MOVE THIS

  I CAN DO IT

  I CAN DO IT

  I CAN SAVE US

  Why did we build this place so well?

  Look at him lying there, Boy.

  What would Melanie say? What would she do? She’s not weak, she wouldn’t give up.

  Boy! Stop moving like that!

  Boy, I need you here to help me!

  BOY!

  BOY!

  HELP ME SOMEONE! HELP ME!

  ‘YOU! Lying there on the grass, if you can hear me, WAKE UP!

  I can’t do this alone!’

  I’m going to try once more, Boy.

  For you.

  For me.

  For Melanie because she loves you both.

  AAAAGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

  I DID IT!

  I DID IT!

  I PULLED OUT THE POST!

  IDIDITIDIDITIDIDITIDIDITIDIDITIDIDIT!

  I have his cellphone.

  It won’t work! I don’t know the code.

  No, it’s OK, I can make an emergency call without it.

  Boy, I’m calling 911.

  911911911911911911911

  ‘Yes, I need an ambulance. It’s for a man and Boy.

  I don’t know. They’re sick, really sick. Please hurry.

  He’s in the backyard.

  My name?

  My name is…

  I’m… Me and Boy were waiting here and he…

  Just please come!’

  The ambulance will be here soon. I’ve brought you back into the doghouse. We’ll stay here and wait quietly.

  I’ve called Grandma. She’s coming. She said the hospital won’t treat dogs so she’s taking you to the veterinarian.

  But I’ll be with you. I won’t leave you for a moment.

  I can hear a siren.

  And there, a flashing light.

  They’re here now, Boy, they’re knocking at the door.

  Don’t whine. Don’t even breathe.

  They’re looking for me, but they aren’t going to search the place.

  They won’t look in here. Why would they?

  People don’t live in doghouses.

  They’ve put him on a stretcher and they’re carrying him out of the backyard.

  They’re going now. They’ve put the siren on.

  They’ve taken him away.

  He’s gone.

  We’re all alone now.

  Don’t die, Boy.

  You’re so still, Boy.

  It’s been too long since you opened your eyes, but those tubes are feeding you, so you’re not hungry anymore.

  The veterinarian said you’re old and worn out and your liver isn’t working very well. He wanted to put you to sleep.

>   He meant a forever sleep.

  ‘It would be kinder to put the old fella out of his misery,’ he said. ‘It won’t hurt. You’ll just say a last goodnight to him, and he’ll be gone.’

  In my country they say

  If you want to kill a dog, say it’s crazy.

  But here you just have to say it’s sick and they’re ready with their death medicine. To me that’s the crazy thing.

  Melanie’s lips pressed together and she took a deep breath.

  ‘I’m a doctor,’ she said. ‘So I can administer any treatment Boy needs. He won’t be miserable at home with me and Jean Caleb.’

  The man didn’t want to let you go home with all these tubes. He said it wasn’t usually allowed, but her face was like stone, and he gave in.

  Once we were in the car again it broke and she began to cry.

  Melanie has cried a lot since she came back.

  She still smiles at me though. Sometimes.

  It’s hard on her.

  When you wake up I’m going to show you the photos that Melanie took in my country.

  She travelled hundreds of miles on bumpy, broken roads to eleven villages called Riverbed, and she showed my photograph and spoke my name to everyone she met.

  After a few weeks she found the right village, but my family had gone.

  So she went to the nearest towns and she spoke my name to hundreds more people.

  That’s why she was away so long, Boy.

  In my country searching for a family that has lost their son is like looking for a seed you have dropped on a beach.

  But she did it.

  She did it for me.

  When you open your eyes I’ll show you my mother, father and brothers and sister. She even has photos of my little brother, James, the one who was taken at the same time as me. He was there too.

  They’re all the same and different to how I remember them.

  My father has my face.

  Melanie told me that my family wants me to be happy, then she cried and said sorry a million times.

  Sorry for bringing me into this situation.

  Sorry for letting me down.

  Sorry for what he did.

  Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

  Sorry.

  After she had drained her tears, she asked, ‘What do you want, Jean Caleb? Your father has signed the papers, so we can have your official status arranged and you can stay here with me and Boy.’

  Then she held my face and looked into my eyes. ‘But I’m ready to take you back if that’s what you want. You know you have a family in your country.’