Abby Stokes
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Your user name— Here’s where you access your account settings and sign out of LinkedIn. (Signing out is especially important if you’re using a shared or public computer to visit your account.)
Add Connections— LinkedIn offers many ways for you to cull connections, including seeing who in your e-mail address book might already be on the site.
Another way to think of LinkedIn is as an electronic résumé. Because of this, accuracy and honesty is of the utmost importance. Exaggerating may get you in the door, but lying will get you the boot and may damage your professional reputation.
Message Boards and Discussion Groups
Another marvel of the Internet is that you start or join conversations based on your interests and gain information and perspective from peers around the world. Interested in learning what other’s think about your favorite TV show? Head to a forum (like the ones on fansofrealitytv.com) where fans are discussing different shows. It’s a great way to gather information and share opinions, especially for those who can no longer drive at night or travel great distances. Online message boards, forums, and discussion groups offer an opportunity for groups of people who will likely never meet face-to-face to discuss subjects of mutual interest. That said, the quality of conversations taking place on the Internet is as varied as the number of topics discussed.
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“I thought social networking was a waste of time until I started to plan my trip to Guatemala. It was so helpful to be able to discuss accommodations and places to avoid with someone who has been there, even if it was done online rather than face-to-face.”
—Brigid
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Your alma mater’s site may allow for discussions among alumni. The website you visit to research a particular ailment or travel destination may have a message board for visitor comments. Or when researching used car prices, you may see a forum where people voice their opinions and personal experiences. Keep your eyes open for message board, chat, or forum on a site’s menu. If you’re feeling shy about your first foray, start with the message board at my website: abbyandme.com/message-board. It’s a great place to get your feet wet. Then check out the three general interest websites below for starters. The topics being discussed will vary with every visit, so if there’s nothing of interest on your first try, give the site a second chance.
• A “conversation” on a message board.
aarp.org/online_community/groups
forums.thirdage.com
grandparents.com.gp/groups
Below are some examples of sites specific to a community, topic, or task:
ravelry.com (for knitters and crocheters)
goodreads.com (for readers and book lovers)
bakespace.com (for people who enjoy baking and cooking)
tripadvisor.com (for travelers)
yelp.com (for reviews of restaurants, shops, art and entertainment venues, and much more)
takemefishing.org (for fishing and boating fans)
Don’t be put off if a website requires you to register in order to view its discussion groups. You will most likely be asked to establish an identity (ID) or user name. Keep in mind that anonymity is part of safe surfing on the Internet. So in some instances you may choose not to use your full name but instead a nickname of some sort. It’s possible for your registration to make you vulnerable to spam or junk e-mail, so it’s best not to use your primary e-mail address.
I encourage snooping before you join a conversation. Sign in to a forum or get on a message board and read what’s being discussed before you jump aboard. It may be that after a few minutes of eavesdropping, you decide this isn’t a place where you want to invest time or share your thoughts. It is the sharing that makes this entire experience unique—the ability to broaden your social circle and hear the thoughts and opinions of individuals you would otherwise never have encountered and share your own ideas. Remarkable, isn’t it?
Larry, who lives in Arizona, contacted me on my message board with a question after he read this book. Later he sent me an e-mail with a different question about a computer gift for his wife. He didn’t want to post the new question on my message board for fear that the surprise would be ruined. Since then we’ve e-mailed each other a few times. When my book tour plans took me to the Phoenix area, I let Larry know. Standing there to greet me, when my presentation was over, was Larry! He’d driven over 60 miles to have me sign his copy of “Is This Thing On?”! You may never meet the people you communicate with on a message board or forum face-to-face, but you could make a friend for life.
RECORD YOUR PASSWORD
Please write down your selected password before you even type it to be sure you have the exact password you want. Be precise about what letters are uppercase and lowercase.
Lift the Fog About Blogs
Blogging is another way to communicate and express yourself online. Originally known as a web log, a blog may read like a professional article written for a newspaper or magazine or like a personal journal entry that someone might once have kept under lock and key. Someone who writes a blog is called a blogger. A blogger can post his or her thoughts, observations, and opinions for millions, if the blog is popular, or for a few, if it isn’t. Blogs are usually updated daily, every few days, or weekly, and the majority offer readers an opportunity to post a reply. Often there is no editor, publisher, or filter for the information. So while freedom of speech prevails, the quality of writing and subject matter can vary widely.
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“Blogs have opened up my entire world. I can’t get around on my own, so reading blogs makes me feel like I’m in on a conversation even though we are miles apart.”
—Claire
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For instance, most of the numerous blogs that appear on the Huffington Post website, which has over 25 million visitors a month, are written by professional bloggers and take on the tone of an article or op-ed piece. The Huffington Post editors approve each blog before it appears on the site. But anyone who wants to can set up a website and blog there. One blog I visit regularly is maintained by a very dear friend who battled breast cancer for the second time. She created her blog so we could be kept up-to-date on her health without her fielding phone calls all day. Now that she’s cancer free, she still maintains the blog, sharing what else is happening in her life. I love to read her updates. The movie Julie & Julia, starring Meryl Streep, was based on a blog that was adapted into a book before becoming a film. Most bloggers, even those written by professional writers, are not going to get book contracts or movie deals, but blogging is a great way for writers to get their words out there to be read.
Most blogs are conversational in tone and may contain videos, photographs, or other graphics, and links to other websites. Some may have more photos and videos than text. A blog may be used to promote a project, share experiences, voice opinions, or chronicle a journey. The possibilities are endless. To date, there are more than 156 million blogs on the Internet. (OMG!)
To get an initial sense of what a blog is, check out my blog at abbyandme.com. After you’ve gotten the feel of my blog, visit blogsearch.google.com. Type in a topic of interest to you and take a tour of the scores of blogs listed. Some of the most popular blogs are listed at www.technorati.com/pop/blogs. Or give any of these a try:
huffingtonpost.com
janefonda.com
getrichslowly.org/blog
smittenkitchen.com
mashable.com
Here are some samples:
• A variety of blogs.
If you’re considering creating a blog of your own, plenty of websites provide you with a free platform (i.e., a place to house it). Take a look at these three free blog sites:
blogger.com
livejournal.com
wordpress.com
Each of the these will walk you through creating your own blog step-by-step. Alternatively, visit google.com, search for “free blog,” and see what you find. Or when you visit a blog you like, see if i
t shows who powers or hosts it.
If you start a blog and few Internet travelers visit at the onset, remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day. It takes time for people to become aware of a blog and for you to establish an audience. Send a link to your blog, via e-mail, to all your friends, and post the link on your Facebook and Twitter pages. Comment on other blogs to introduce yourself, and invite people to visit your blog. Remember, it is socializing, so you have to reach out to people and engage them.
Again, be very careful not to send private information into cyberspace. The unfortunate reality is that scammers, hackers, or worse may be lurking to take advantage of your forthright exposure of who you are. Never give information on your blog revealing your home address or phone number. Also, avoid hanging other people’s dirty laundry out on your blog. You may be willing to tell all, but are your friends and family?
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED
Visit my blog at abbyandme.com. I await your feedback!
Affairs of the Heart
You can use the Internet to keep up-to-date with people you already know, but it’s also great for meeting new people. Some of the people you encounter online you may never want to meet face-to-face, but others may become great friends, or more. Wedding bells and engagement rings aren’t out of the question: The Internet plays matchmaker for thousands of couples who find each other online. I know a lovely older couple who met online and married a couple of years later. Even if you’re not in the market to get hitched, a dinner companion or an online flirtation might be just what the doctor ordered.
• You decide what type of person’s profile you want to see.
Online dating uses the same technology as the original computerized dating services in the 1960s. You answer a series of questions to create a profile. Most of the online dating sites then compare the qualities you describe in yourself and those you desire in another with the rest of the profiles on the site and, presto, matches are made. If you would rather not have a machine make your match for you, you can take your time to find and view profiles that you feel fit your criteria without anyone’s guidance. You can search the profiles listed, based on your own criteria, such as age, physical attributes, location, education, likes, dislikes, etc.
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“When I first started online dating I thought I wanted to get married again. Now I’m having so much fun dating, I don’t want to limit myself to one person.”
—Shelly
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A few of the leading online dating sites are:
match.com
okcupid.com
eharmony.com
plentyoffish.com
As you can see in the example, there is usually a photo of the prospective match. (I never bother to read a profile if the person isn’t willing to include a photo. It makes me wonder what they are hiding and why.) Most dating websites have their members answer standard questions about height, weight, body type, smoking and drinking habits, education, location, and so on. Then you have the option to list things like most recently read books, favorite musicians or songs, what five things you can’t live without, what kind of person you’re looking for, and what you have to offer. The specific questions asked may vary from dating site to dating site, but each site tries to gather as much information as possible to paint a detailed picture of who you are and whom you’re hoping to meet.
• A sample online dating profile.
Some online dating services are free, but the majority charge a fee. Fees vary and usually cover a period of time or the number of contacts made. Most sites allow a free trial or limited use before you need to give credit card information. I highly recommend that you take advantage of a sneak peek before you commit yourself financially to a site. Just as individuals have personalities, so do dating websites. Some are based on age, religion, race, or sexual preference—jdate.com, gay.com, and seniorfriendfinder.com are some examples of dating websites that cater to specific groups. jdate.com is the leading Jewish singles networking site; gay.com is a dating site for gays and lesbians; and seniorfriendfinder.com is a site where seniors can create new relationships. Some sites are racier than others. Here in Manhattan, match.com is considered a bit tamer than nerve.com. Ask around to see if you know anyone who has taken the plunge to look for companionship or more on the Internet. If you find someone, ask about his or her experiences.
PLAY = HANKY PANKY
You might be asked what you are “looking for”: Friendship, Dating, Marriage, or Play. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Choosing “Play” means an interest in fooling around and not much else. I chose it once on a dating site and proceeded to receive graphic photos from the men who were interested! Silly me; I thought “Play” meant have fun, not “have sex.”
Here are some simple guidelines to online dating:
• Never divulge your last name or home address before meeting face-to-face.
• If you choose to chat by phone, give a cell phone number so your home address cannot be traced.
• When arranging a meeting, agree to make it brief (a cup of coffee), in a public place, and make sure a friend knows what you’re doing, when, and where.
• Under no circumstances should you get into a car with this person or meet in an isolated place.
• Listen to your gut and your head. Your heart doesn’t have eyes and ears.
Statistically, profiles with a photograph are viewed more often than those without a photo. In the previous chapter, we talked about how to get photographs onto the computer. Once your picture is on your computer, you can copy (or upload) it to a website. Please use a photograph that’s flattering but honestly represents what you look like now. You’ll do yourself a disservice if you post a twenty-year-younger or twenty-pound-lighter photo. If someone shows interest and you would like to meet, imagine his or her disappointment at realizing you’ve posted a misleading photo. Your suitor will feel lied to and justifiably so. You would feel the same way if the person you met didn’t look like the person you’d taken a shine to in the photos. Have more faith in yourself than that. Put the true you online for potential matches to see.
WHILE AWAY
Don’t limit yourself to meeting people only in your hometown. The website you’ve listed your profile on may have members from all over the country (maybe even the world). So if you’re traveling, check out the profiles of people near your destination. It might be nice to arrange a meeting for coffee when you arrive to kick off your time away.
If you find a profile of interest, there are usually two routes you can take to make contact. You can send an e-mail through an anonymous e-mail account that is set up through the dating website. The person won’t know your real name, and you won’t know hers or his, until you both decide to reveal them.
Some sites let you send a person a “wink.” This is an unwritten message to notify the other party of your interest. Based on your profile, he or she can then decide to make contact or not.
You have no obligation to respond to everyone who contacts you, and vice versa. Try not to be hurt if you don’t hear back from someone. You may not be her type, or he may have already found someone and forgotten to take his profile off the website. If you’d rather be the date shopper and not have your profile window-shopped by others, you can also make your profile private. Then if, and only if, you find someone of interest you can allow him or her to see your profile.
Caution should prevail, however, when you venture into online dating. A broken heart heals, but a fraud that results in your retirement savings being swindled out from under you by a cunning Romeo or Juliet requires a much longer recovery. Have fun. Date and be merry. But think long and hard about what you really know about your new friend before you make any legal arrangements or lend money. Tragic stories of people marrying before actually meeting sound improbable, but it happens. Bask in the attention, but let your head and not your heart guide your decisions.
• You can decide to reveal or hide your profile from others.
I’ve taken all the romance out of it, haven’t I? Not at all! Online dating is a wonderful way to make friends, develop relationships, and possibly find love. I want you to have a good, even great, experience. However, as is true with any affair of the heart, you shouldn’t be reckless. The cyber world of the Internet has just as many Gallants as it does Goofuses. Take advantage of the varied ways in which the computer and the Internet can connect you to a world few of us could imagine even twenty years ago. Just exercise a bit of caution until you’re more familiar with the ways of this new world.
What Will the Future Bring?
Even as I type this sentence, new social networking sites are being designed and launched. My crystal ball is a bit foggy about what might happen in the future, but the instructions you followed in this chapter can still guide you in figuring out the features of the new sites and customizing them to meet your specific needs. I have faith that you can go with the flow as new ideas and ways to communicate come down the pipeline. And, hey, keep in touch!
Too Many to Name
There are many social networking sites not mentioned in this chapter—Google+, Bebo, etc. For a comprehensive list of sites, visit wikipedia.com and type “social networking” in the search box.
Q:Why would someone participate in a blog under a false identity?
A: Some people who write a blog want to remain anonymous for the sake of privacy, but their input is valid and well intended. Others contribute false information to a blog for no other reason than a desire to screw around with people. Remember that kid from grammar school who put the frog down your shirt? Some people never change. So be discriminating when you read something on the Internet. Not everything you read is true.