by Adele Abbott
“Hey, hold on!” Winky called after me.
“Can’t stop. I’m on a case.”
“What about my salmon?”
I hurried past the I-Sweat reception, and into the changing room. When I came out, Brent was waiting for me just inside the gym.
“Over there, in the far corner,” he whispered.
“Okay. I’m on it.”
It occurred to me that the last time I’d been in there was when Gavin had tried to kill me. If it hadn’t been for Winky I would have been a goner. That made me feel guilty for not having given him any salmon before I rushed out.
The four men were all huddled together, talking in low voices. One thing struck me immediately—they were all vampires. Brent had told me he suspected they might be dealing steroids. I wasn’t so sure, but the only way to find out was to listen in on their conversation, and to watch if anything was passed between them.
If I got too close, I might arouse their suspicions, so I picked a treadmill a little distance from where they were standing. Trust me to pick one of the new models. It was different to the ones I’d used before. I pressed the button for what I thought was ‘jog’ mode.
Wham! I shot off the treadmill, and hit the floor with a thud.
“Ouch!”
“Jill, are you okay?” Brent was standing over me.
“What happened?” My elbows and knees had taken most of the impact.
“You switched the speed to max.”
“I did?”
“Can you stand up?” He helped me to my feet. The four vampires had disappeared.
“I’m alright. Sorry, Brent, I rather messed that up.”
“It’s okay. I’m just glad you’re not hurt.”
“I don’t think they’re dealing steroids.”
“What are they up to, then?”
“I’m not sure yet, but I’ll stay on the case until I find out.”
I changed, and hobbled back to my office.
“Are you okay, Jill?” Jules sounded concerned.
“Fine. Just a tough workout.”
“I’m getting really worried about Gilbert. He’s acting stranger and stranger.”
“Would you like me to check if there’s something going on with him?”
“Would you mind? That would be great.”
“Leave it with me.”
“What happened to you?” Winky grinned. “You look like you’ve been run over by a steamroller.”
“I’ve been next door for a workout.”
“It obviously did you a power of good. Now about that salmon.”
I was still nursing my bruises when Winky lapped up the last of his milk.
“Just what the doctor ordered.” He licked his lips, and then jumped onto the sofa. “So, how’s Barry?”
“I’ve taken him back. He was missing the park.”
“Who takes a canary to the park?”
Oh bum! I was so distracted by my injuries that I’d totally forgotten I’d told Winky that Barry was a canary.
“He finds the cage a little claustrophobic, so I take him to the park so he can fly around.”
“In the park? Doesn’t he fly away?”
“I tie a cord to his foot.”
“That’s cruel.”
“It’s a very long cord, and it’s made of a soft material.”
“And you do this in the park?”
“Yeah, like I said.”
“Don’t you get some strange looks?”
“A few.”
Chapter 11
“What do you think of canaries?” I asked Jack over breakfast.
“Canaries? Why?”
“Oh, no reason. I was dreaming about them.”
“I’m looking forward to the talk at PAW tonight, aren’t you?”
“Not really. You do realise that every nutjob in Washbridge will be there, don’t you?”
“You shouldn’t be so ready to dismiss things you don’t understand. “
“I do not do that! Take your obsession with ugly bowling shirts. I don’t understand that at all, but I don’t dismiss it.”
“Why can’t you accept that there may be other creatures living among us?”
“You could be right. Maybe Mrs Rollo is actually an alien. Or Mr Hosey? Come to think of it, I could definitely believe that Mr Hosey is from a different planet. And Mr Ivers.”
“I’m not talking about aliens. I mean things like ghosts or werewolves.”
I laughed. “You’ve been watching too many bad movies.”
“We’ll see. Maybe you’ll change your mind after Marco’s talk.”
Not long after Jack had left for work, Kathy rang.
“Do you and Jack want to come over tonight? We’re celebrating.”
“Sorry, we can’t make it tonight. What’s the occasion?”
“Pete has landed the Washbridge House contract.”
“That’s brilliant. Well done him.”
“It was down to your neighbour that he got it.”
“Megan? How come?”
“Pete knew he was down to the last two. He was invited to the house to make his case in front of the owner and his son. When he got there, Megan was the other candidate. She obviously hadn’t realised she was up against Pete. When it was time for them to make their pitches, Megan said she was withdrawing her bid. She thanked them for the opportunity, but said she didn’t feel she had enough experience or sufficient resources to take on the contract. The owner had no choice but to award the contract to Pete.”
“Maybe Megan had realised it was too big a job for her to take on?”
“I don’t think so. According to Pete, she’d brought lots of material to help with her presentation. She only decided to withdraw when she realised that if she won, Pete would lose out.”
“Sounds to me like you may have misjudged her.”
“I know. I feel terrible about some of the things I’ve said and done.”
“Like painting over her van?”
“Thanks, Jill. I don’t need you to rub it in. I suggested to Pete that we might ask her and her boyfriend out for a meal.”
“You’re too late. She’s dumped him. It turns out that he was dating both her and Mad at the same time.”
“The two-timing pig.”
“Don’t worry. He got his comeuppance.”
“If she’s single again, maybe the dinner isn’t such a good idea. What else could I do?”
“How about being civil with her? That would be a start.”
“You’re right. I’m going to be extra nice to her from now on. Anyway, how come you two can’t make it tonight? It’s not like you ever go anywhere.”
“Jack has roped me into going to some stupid talk at PAW.”
“What’s that? Some kind of animal charity?”
“No. It stands for Paranormal Activity Watch.”
She laughed. “You’re kidding?”
“I wish I was. Our neighbour’s brother is over from Australia. He’s the one giving the talk.”
“Ghosts and stuff?”
“Yeah. That kind of thing.”
“I’m surprised Jack wants to go. He seems too level-headed for that kind of nonsense.”
“Don’t you believe it. He’s dead keen.”
“It might be a laugh.”
“I doubt it. Anyway, I’d better get going.”
“Hang on. I’m meant to remind you about the sponsorship money you owe Mikey.”
“I thought it was Jack who had sponsored him?”
“No, it’s definitely your name on the form. Twenty-six pounds. Don’t make me send the debt-collectors after you.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll let you have it. How’s Lizzie doing? The ghost tour was a bit of a damp squib. Has that put her off them?”
“I wish. She’s as keen as ever. In fact, just this morning, she asked me to cancel her subscription to Girly Girl comic, and get her one to Spooky Monthly instead.”
“Oh, well, I’m sure she’ll grow out of it eventually. By the wa
y, I need a word with Grandma. Do you know if she’ll be in Ever today?”
“She’s probably there already. She told me yesterday that she’d be in early. Something about tweaking the settings on Wi-Fi Needles.”
***
“Jill, you made me jump.” Grandma sat up on the sun lounger. She was wearing a swimming costume and sunglasses.
“I can see you’re busy tweaking settings,” I said.
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing. Do you have a moment?”
“I had hoped to top up my tan before the shop opened. Is it urgent?”
“It might be. Do you know anyone by the name of Madam Frumaker?”
“I know a Dorothy Frumaker.”
“Does she have a—err.” I touched my finger to my nose. “On her—err—”
“A what on her what?”
Oh bum! “Never mind. How do you know Frumaker?”
“She has something of a reputation in Candlefield.” Grandma applied more sun cream. “I’m surprised you haven’t heard about her.”
“I can’t say I have.”
“She concocted what was meant to be the ultimate beauty potion. For a short while, it looked as though it might make her fortune.”
“What went wrong?”
“It did what it said on the tin. It made people beautiful, but the effects only lasted for twenty-four hours. And then ‘bam’, I was back to where I was before.”
“You? You used it?”
“Me? No, of course not. What would I need with a beauty potion? I’m beautiful enough, aren’t I?”
“Err—yes, of course. So, it didn’t work?”
“Not for any length of time. When word got out, no one would buy it. Come to think of it, I haven’t heard anything of Frumaker for some time. Why did you ask about her?”
“It looks as though she’s now selling her potion here in the human world. At least, I think she might be, but she’s marketing it as acne cream.”
“She’s got some nerve. I hope it’s more effective on acne than it was as a beauty treatment.”
“It isn’t. It seems to suffer from the same issues. It’s only effective for a short period of time.”
“How come you know so much about this?”
“My PA’s boyfriend is selling the stuff.”
“I’d hardly call Annabel’s gentleman friend a ‘boyfriend’. And anyway, I thought he was a lawyer.”
“Not Mrs V. My other PA, Jules. Her boyfriend, Gilbert, is doing promotions for Frumaker’s company, Magical Skincare.”
“You should tell him to pack it in.”
“It’s gone beyond that. I took a look inside the industrial unit where she’s brewing the stuff. It was horrible. They dipped Gilbert’s head into a cauldron full of some awful gooey stuff.”
“Oh dear. That isn’t good.”
“What do you mean?”
“The effectiveness of Frumaker’s potion got less and less the more often it was used. It sounds like your PA’s boyfriend is so resistant to it now, that he’s being dipped into the undiluted potion.”
“Are you suggesting the stuff they sell in the bottles has been diluted?”
“By a factor of at least fifty, I’d guess. The potion in that cauldron will be extremely powerful.”
“Could it have side effects?”
“I wouldn’t be surprised. Why? Has he grown another head?”
“Nothing like that, but he is acting strangely. A bit like a zombie.”
“That’ll be the potion, and it’ll only get worse.”
“Thanks, Grandma. I think it’s time I paid a visit to Madam Frumaker.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got this one.”
***
Before I could put a stop to Frumaker and her acne potion, I had a funeral to attend. I hadn’t been invited to Dale Thomas’s funeral, but I figured it might help my investigation if I could see all the interested parties in one place. I planned to make myself invisible. That way, I should be able to get close enough to listen in on the conversations of the mourners.
I didn’t bother to attend the church service. Instead, I waited by the side of the open grave. There was a bigger turnout than I’d expected—a mix of friends, relatives and work colleagues. Lesley Thomas was front and centre at the graveside. She was being comforted by a woman, whose facial features suggested she was probably Lesley’s sister. Dale’s son, Shane, was there too, but he was standing some distance from his stepmother. There was no sign of Shane’s bubble-gum blowing friend. Alan Carver was standing next to Shane. Robert Lane, who I recognised from the photograph I’d seen, was standing next to a woman who I took to be his wife. Although they didn’t actually speak, it was obvious from their body language that there was some kind of tension between them—as though they’d had an argument earlier.
“You?” Lesley Thomas spat the word.
I followed her gaze to a woman, dressed in black, who was approaching from my right. It was obvious that the woman, whoever she was, had not been in the church.
“I don’t want you here!” Lesley took a step towards her.
Everyone stared at the woman, and I overheard a number of whispered comments that made it clear this was Lucy Hannah, Dale Thomas’s secretary. The woman hesitated for a moment, but then turned and walked away without a word.
The rest of the ceremony went without incident.
I waited until everyone had left, and then reversed the ‘invisible’ spell. I hated funerals, but it had been worthwhile attending just to see Lesley Thomas’s reaction to Lucy Hannah. Perhaps the Thomas’s marriage hadn’t been as perfect as Lesley had painted it? I would have to speak to Lucy Hannah to try to get to the bottom of this.
***
The three witches were cackling inside the building. I was standing outside Magical Skincare, trying to decide how best to approach the situation. I could have used any number of spells to ‘magic’ myself inside, but why bother? Sometimes, the direct approach is best.
I pressed the buzzer on the front door, and the cackling stopped. I gave it a minute, and then pressed the buzzer again. This time I heard footsteps.
It was Giant Feet who answered the door. She wasn’t wearing her witch garb. Instead, she was in heels and a grey suit, and looked every inch the receptionist.
“Can I help you?” She looked me up and down.
“Hiya.” I engaged my ditzy, dumb blonde voice.
What do you mean? No, that isn’t my normal voice. Cheek!
“Can I help you, young lady?”
“I’m here for the cream.”
“Sorry?”
“The spot cream. I’m here for it.”
“I’m sorry, but you’ve had a wasted journey. This is where Magical Skincare is manufactured, but we don’t actually sell it from here. You’ll need to buy it from a shop. There’s a special offer on at The Central Mall today.”
“Is that the one with the shark?”
“What shark?”
“Never mind. The cream they’re selling there isn’t strong enough. The spots keep coming back. I want some of the strong stuff.”
“Sorry? I don’t know what you mean.”
“The stuff you keep in the cauldron. I thought I could dip my head in there.”
“Who are you?”
“Your worst nightmare.” I dropped the ditzy voice. “Out of my way.” I pushed past her, and made my way into the room where The Wart and Tiny Witch were stirring the potion.
“Who are you?” The Wart turned on me.
“She just barged in,” Giant Feet said.
“I’m Jill Gooder, and I’m here to tell you that if you don’t shut down this operation by close of business today, I’ll have a word with my good friend Daisy Flowers. You may know her as Daze.”
“You’re Mirabel’s granddaughter, aren’t you? You’re that level seven witch?”
“That’s me.”
“Look, let’s be reaso
nable. I’ve got a lot invested here. Maybe we could reach some kind of compromise? How about I cut you in for ten per cent?”
“Unbelievable.”
“Okay, twenty then.”
“I don’t want your money. You’re putting people’s lives at risk with this stuff.”
“Why do you care? They’re only humans.”
“Guess I’d better call Daze, then.” I took out my phone.
“Wait! There’s no need for that.”
“Shut this lot down by close of business, or you’ll get a visit from the rogue retrievers.”
“Alright. I never did like the Milbright family. Too smart for their own good, all of them.”
Chapter 12
I was all set to call in at the office when Aunt Lucy phoned, and asked me to go over there.
“Jill, can I introduce you to an old friend of mine. This is Archie.”
The elf standing next to Aunt Lucy was dressed in a smart pin-stripe suit.
“Nice to meet you, Jill.” He offered his hand. “Archie Bald.”
“Archibald?”
“Actually, it’s Archibald Bald, but all my friends call me Archie. Your aunt has told me a lot of good things about you. Or perhaps I should say ‘gooder’ things.”
I managed a smile. If only I had a pound for every time I’d heard that.
“Archie is having a spot of bother, Jill.” Aunt Lucy switched on the kettle. “I said you might be able to help. Why don’t you two go through to the lounge while I make us all a nice cup of tea?”
“What seems to be the problem?” I asked, while Archie and I waited for Aunt Lucy to join us.
“I own a factory on Candlefield Industrial Estate: Elf Washing Machines. You may have heard of it?”
“I’ve come across washing machines with that name, but that was in Washbridge.”
“They would be ours. We supply to both the sup and human worlds.”
I didn’t like to tell him that the only reason I’d heard of them was because both Kathy and Jen were having problems with leaks.
“My father started the business,” Archie continued. “I took over a few years ago. Things were going from strength to strength until a couple of months back. Suddenly, we started to get lots of returns—a problem with leaks.”
