by Adele Abbott
“I wasn’t going to mention it, but my sister and a neighbour had exactly that problem with your machines.”
“It’s terrible.” He shook his head. “Our reputation has taken a serious knock.”
“I’m not sure how I can help. Isn’t this a quality control issue?”
“If it was a QC problem, I would have solved it by now. I think this is sabotage.”
“Do you have any proof?”
“None. That’s why I need your help.”
“Biscuit, Archie?” Aunt Lucy arrived with the tea.
“Do you have any custard creams?” he said.
“I only have two left at the moment, but I’m sure Jill won’t mind if you have them, will you Jill?”
The last two? Couldn’t he have had a ginger nut or something?
“Of course I don’t mind.” I almost choked on the words.
I missed some of what Archie said next because I was too distracted by watching him eating my custard creams.
“Do you think you’ll be able to help me, Jill?” the custard cream thief said.
“Of course. I’ll need to take a look at your factory.”
“No problem. Here’s my card. Just give me a call, and I’ll make the necessary arrangements. I really do appreciate this.”
***
Brent was in the outer office when I arrived.
“Jill. How are you feeling after yesterday?”
Mrs V looked concerned. “What happened yesterday?”
“Nothing, I just overdid it a little, didn’t I, Brent?” I gave him a knowing look.
I didn’t want him to tell her about my faux pas on the treadmill. She would think I was some kind of brainless klutz.
What do you mean it’s a bit too late to worry about that?
“Err—yes, that’s right.” Brent looked a little confused, but thankfully, he played along. “Could I have a quick word, Jill?”
“Sure. Come through to my office.”
“What’s the cat doing?” Brent stared at Winky who was sitting on the window sill.
“He likes to look out of the window.”
“What’s that he’s holding? It looks like a radio.”
“That? It’s just a toy that Jules bought for him. Now, what can I do for you?”
“Those men are back again next door. I thought I’d pop around to tell you, but I’ll understand if you need some time to recover.”
I was still nursing several bruises, but I wasn’t about to let that stop me. “I’m fine. Give me two minutes, and I’ll be there.”
“Okay, thanks, Jill.”
“Hey, you!” I yelled at Winky, once Brent had left.
“No need to shout. I’m not deaf.”
“You can’t use that radio when I have visitors.”
“Roger that. Ten-four.”
I got changed in record time, and made my way into the gym. The same four men were congregated at the far end of the room. This time, I planned to do what I should have done the previous day. I would use the ‘listen’ spell to eavesdrop on their conversation. If they were doing anything dodgy, I’d report back to Brent who could cancel their membership, and throw them out. Vampires could sometimes be a little tetchy, but they were unlikely to make a scene in broad daylight in a busy gym.
“Hi, Jill.” The female voice distracted me.
“Maria?”
Luther’s girlfriend looked amazing in her leotard, and judging by the sweat on her brow, she’d been working out pretty hard.
“Are you a member here?” she asked.
“Yeah. My office is just along the corridor.”
“I joined yesterday.” She leaned in, and spoke in a hushed voice. “I thought if I was going to be spending more time in the human world, that I’d better find somewhere to work out.”
“Looks like you’ve had a hard session.”
“It’s the only way. We should work out together sometime.”
“Yeah. That would be great.” And would most likely be the death of me.
“I’ll see you around then, Jill.”
“Yeah. See you.”
I expected her to head towards the changing room, but she walked over to the four men I’d been watching. I cast the ‘listen’ spell just in time to hear one of the male vampires say, “Ten pounds for a pint.”
Maria reached inside the sports bag that she’d been carrying, and took out some cash, which she handed to him. In return, he gave her a bottle which Maria slipped into her bag. It didn’t take a genius to work out what was in it.
The changing rooms were busy, so I didn’t want to confront her in there. Instead I got changed and waited until Maria left. Then I followed her.
“Maria, wait!” I grabbed her arm as she was about to cross the road.
“Jill? What’s wrong?”
“The bottle in your bag is what’s wrong.”
“You saw?”
“I’ve been watching those four. I knew they were up to something, but I didn’t realise they were dealing in human blood. Have you started drinking it?”
“No, I promise. This is the first time I’ve ever bought any.”
“But why?”
“I had no idea it would be so difficult to spend this much time in the human world. Being in such close contact with humans has awakened a longing in me that I didn’t know existed. I was afraid I might do something stupid. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and particularly not Luther.”
“You’ve thought about biting Luther?”
“Yes. It’s terrible. A couple of times I’ve found myself staring at his neck.”
I was shocked, and didn’t know what to say.
“Maybe it would be better if I just called it quits and went back to Candlefield?”
“There must be something else you can do. I know Luther cares a lot about you.”
“Does he, really?”
“Yes. He told me so, but he is concerned that you won’t tell him where you live.”
“How can I?”
“You can’t—I understand that. But maybe, if you are serious about him, you should consider moving over here. If you’re with humans all the time, you may get used to it more quickly.”
“I suppose so.”
“You need to make sure you have a good supply of synthetic blood at all times.”
“You won’t say anything to Luther, will you?”
“What would I tell him? That you’re a vampire and I’m a witch?”
She managed a smile. “Thanks for being so understanding. I’m going to have to give this a lot of thought.” She reached into her bag, and took out the bottle. “Here, you take this so I can’t be tempted to drink it.”
I took it from her, and then watched as she hurried away.
Poor Maria. This was going to be very difficult for her.
“Hi, Jill.”
“Betty? I didn’t see you there.”
“What’s in the bottle?”
“Which bottle?”
“The one in your hand.”
“Oh, this bottle? It’s—err—from The Final Straw. I got it ‘to go’.”
“What flavours did you choose?”
“Raspberry Revelation, Cherry Berry and Blackberry Blood.”
“I’ve never heard of that last one.”
“I think it’s new.”
“Can I have a taste?”
“Sorry.” I moved it behind my back. “I have cold sores. I wouldn’t want to pass them on to you.”
“Oh? Okay. I’m glad I bumped into you, Jill. I have exciting news.”
“Really?” I seriously doubted that.
“You’ll never guess what. Norman is going to get his own premises. I’ll have my shop back again, so it can go back to its original name. Isn’t that fantastic?”
“Why is Norman moving out?”
“Two reasons, really. His sales are through the roof – much higher than he anticipated. He needs more room than is available in our little shop.”
“Is
n’t it a bit risky to move to another shop so soon? Sales might not always stay at that level.”
“You’re right, and he probably wouldn’t have made the move so quickly if it wasn’t for reason number two.”
“Which is?”
“His allergy has been playing up something rotten.”
“Allergy to what?”
“Don’t you remember? Norman is allergic to crustaceans. He thought the cream might help, but it hasn’t. He spends all day scratching.”
“Poor thing.”
“So you see, he really didn’t have any choice. He had to put some distance between himself and my crabs.”
“Right. Well, tell him good luck from me.”
“Will do.”
“I’d better dash.”
“Okay. I hope they get better soon, Jill.”
“Sorry?”
“Your cold sores.”
“Oh, yeah. Right. Bye.”
***
Despite my best efforts to persuade him that we should give it a miss, Jack had dragged me to the talk at PAW. I’d even put on my sexiest nightie, and suggested we should have a night in, but he’d said we couldn’t let Mrs Rollo and Marco down.
Men? I’d never understand them.
PAW held their meetings in an old church hall on the west side of Washbridge Park. Mrs Rollo had gone on ahead with Marco. By the time Jack and I arrived there, it was standing room only.
“It’s too crowded,” I said. “We’ll never see anything. Let’s go home.”
“It’s okay, look.” Jack pointed. “Mrs Rollo has saved us some seats. We’re on the front row.”
“Great.” I had hoped that I might be able to nod off without anyone noticing, but there was no chance of that now we were at the front.
The atmosphere in the room was electric. Everyone seemed excited for the upcoming talk. Everyone except me.
“Have you seen any?” The old man sitting next to me tapped my arm.
“Sorry? Any what?”
“Ghosts? Or vampires?”
“No, I don’t really believe in —”
“I saw a werewolf once.”
“Really?” I turned to Jack, and whispered, “Swap places.”
“I can’t. I’m talking to Mrs Rollo.”
“He was emptying the bins,” the crazy old man continued.
“Who was?”
“The werewolf.”
“How could you tell he was a werewolf?”
“By the way he picked up the bins. Two at a time.”
“Maybe he just worked out?”
“No. He was definitely a werewolf. You can’t fool old Joey. That’s me. Nice to meet you.” He offered me his hand.
“Jill Gooder.” I smiled, but passed on the hand shake. His fingernails could have cultivated a nice crop of potatoes.
“Ladies and gentlemen.” A young man was now standing at the front of the room. “Welcome to Paranormal Activity Watch. I’m Greg Lewis. It’s quite a turnout we have today. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen so many people here. Tonight, we’re honoured to have with us one of the leading paranormal activity experts from Australia. Fresh from his travels, I give you Marco Rollo.”
I laughed. Fortunately, only Jack heard me because everyone else was too busy clapping.
“What’s wrong with you, Jill?” He gave me one of his disapproving looks.
“Marco Rollo? Fresh from his travels?” I laughed again. “Come on, that’s funny!”
“I don’t get it?” Jack shook his head.
Sheesh! What was wrong with people?
“Thank you, Greg.” Marco took centre stage. “I’m honoured to have been asked here today.”
And with that, he launched into a two hour bore-athon on all things paranormal. It wouldn’t have been so bad if he hadn’t insisted on churning out so many statistics. Did we know that Washbridge had precisely six point-three times the mean number of paranormal activity reports? Surely, the more pertinent question would have been, did anyone care? Needless to say, my response would have been a resounding ‘No’. But, I would have been in a minority of one. Everyone else in that room hung on every word that spewed out of Marco’s mouth. Me? I was playing paranormal-cliché bingo. Not that anyone cared.
I laughed again. Much louder this time. Everyone stared at me.
“What’s wrong with you?” Jack said under his breath. He was clearly embarrassed to be seated next to such a childish idiot.
“Look at that graph!” I pointed.
Marco had helpfully illustrated his talk with a series of graphs. This particular line chart reminded me of something.
“It looks like a witch’s hat. Look, there’s the point.”
“Grow up, Jill,” Jack scolded.
That had told me. I sat in silence for the next two millennia. When Marco finally brought the torture to an end, I clapped louder than anyone. The relief was so great.
I was just about to stand up when Greg took the floor again.
“Thank you, Marco. That was fascinating. And now, before we call it a day, there’s just one other item on the agenda.”
Great!
“Today, I took delivery of the CZ 651.” He lifted a small machine onto the table in front of him. “This is the last word in paranormal activity meters.”
There was a collective ‘oooh’ in the room, but not from me. I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of this. Not one bit.
“With this little beauty,” he continued, “I’ll be able to pick up even the lowest levels of paranormal activity.”
“Give us a demonstration,” someone shouted.
No, don’t.
“Yeah, give us a demonstration, Greg,” Marco said. “Maybe there’s a ghost in this room right now.”
“Okay.” Greg was obviously dying to play with his new toy. “Just a quick one, though.”
I began to cough, and grabbed my throat.
“Are you okay?” Jack looked concerned.
I coughed louder. It was another Oscar worthy performance from Jill Gooder.
“Jill? Are you alright?”
I got up from my seat, and hurried to the exit door. Jack followed.
Once outside, I kept up the act for a couple of minutes, and then took a deep breath. “I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?” Jack put his arm around me. “What happened?”
“No idea. I’m alright now. Sorry about that.”
Just then, the crowd started to pile out of the building.
“Are you okay, Jill?” Mrs Rollo was standing next to me.
“Fine thanks. I was just choking. Did we miss anything?”
“Yes, actually. Greg said he’d detected some activity, but it was very weak.”
“How strange.”
Chapter 13
Jack was eating muesli.
Yuk! Does anyone actually like that horrible stuff?
What? You do? Freak!
I was on my second slice of toast. The night before, I’d hidden the bread in the crockery cupboard, just in case Jack decided to steal it for a suppertime sandwich.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were a witch?” he said.
I almost choked. How had he found out? What should I do now?
“Why else would you have sneaked out of PAW last night?” He laughed. “Or maybe, you’re a vampire.”
“You got me. I’m a vampire. Oh, and thanks for the sympathy. I did almost choke to death last night.”
“Sorry. I thought that gizmo that he had was incredible.”
“You don’t seriously believe that thing actually works, do you?”
“Why not? In fact, I found the whole evening fascinating. I might start to go to the PAW meetings.”
“Please tell me you’re joking. Surely one sad hobby is enough for anyone?”
“There’s nothing sad about ten-pin bowling.”
“There is the way you play it.”
“What’s wrong with having interests and hobbies? All you ever do is work. You know what they
say about all work and no play, don’t you?”
“That it makes you a dull boy?”
Jack was ready to leave before I was.
“I might be late in tonight.” He gave me a peck on the lips.
“Ghost hunting?”
“Nothing so exciting. I have training for most of the day, so I’ll need to catch up on a few things afterwards. I’ll get my own dinner.”
“Okay. See you later.”
Although I’d made light of it, I wasn’t at all thrilled at the prospect of Jack joining PAW. It was already difficult enough living with a human.
When I left the house, Megan was just coming out of her door.
“Morning, Jill.”
“Morning.” I walked over to her. “I just wanted to say that was a really nice thing you did—withdrawing from the Washbridge House contract.”
“To tell you the truth, I’m glad I did. I’m not ready to take on something as big as that yet. Maybe in a couple of years.”
“You did it for Peter, though, didn’t you?”
“I was in two minds anyway, but when I realised it was Peter who I was up against, that made my decision for me.”
“He and Kathy are very grateful.”
“Does that mean she doesn’t hate me anymore?”
“Of course not. Are you over Harry?”
“Who?” She laughed. “If I tell you something, do you promise not to repeat it to anyone?”
“Of course. Discretion is my middle name.”
What? You were expecting that same joke again, weren’t you? Come on, I’m better than that.
“I’ve signed up with a dating agency.” Megan blushed a little.
“Really? I can’t believe you need to do that. You must have guys throwing themselves at you.”
“Yeah, but they’re all losers, like Harry. I want to find someone with the right personality, and I thought I might have a better chance this way. And besides, my accountant recommended this dating agency. He’s just found himself a lovely girlfriend through it.”
It couldn’t be, could it?
“Your accountant, what’s his name?”
“Luther Stone.”
“Small world. Luther’s my accountant too.”
“No way. He’s hot, isn’t he?”
“I can’t say I’ve ever noticed,” I lied.
“I had a thing for him when he first started doing my books back when I was just modelling, but he never showed any interest. He was dating someone who was into sea shells or something.”
