Thirteen (The Two Moons of Rehnor, Book 13)

by J. Naomi Ay

  “Fine. Take them there,” Petya grumbled. “Although, I was planning to use that suite for myself. Instead, I’ll have to take Shika’s until after the trial.”

  “What trial?” I demanded, rising to my feet as the nerve endings in my limbs were now restored. Four of the Rossorians jumped at me, but I just held up my hands and conceded.

  “The one where I, as King of Rehnor, will declare you guilty of treason, high misdemeanors and other crimes. After which, you’ll be executed by a firing squad.”

  “This from my once best friend,” I mumbled.

  “Actually, technically, you’re the one who’s guilty of treason,” my brother said.

  “Yes, but right now, I’m sitting in this chair. Take them away!” Petya waved his arm. “The rest of you make a decision to stay or go, but I warn you, you’ll suffer their same fate.”

  “Would you mind if I placed a call first?” Taner asked.

  “No!” Petya snapped.

  “So much for Zork, and Mom’s rescue,” I muttered as Rent, Taner, and I were hustled out. Kinar and the rest remained at the table. Traitors, every one of them. So much for their years of loyalty to my dad. I’d give them another chance, though. We’d see where they stood after Rent and I managed to escape. We’d see whose side they were on when the de Kudisha’s took over once again.

  Chapter 8

  Zork

  I was in a bar at a spacebase near the edge of the Black Eye Galaxy when I lost Candy. I didn’t remember much about it on account of I was drunk out of my gourd. I do recall thinking I had three aces and two kings, but I guess, when I slapped those cards down on the table, one of those dudes was a bitch. Go figure. That was one ugly looking queen.

  Unfortunately, that was an all or nothing pot, and I ended up with nothing except for the shirt on my back and the pants on my butt, which nobody in their right mind would have wanted.

  Actually, at this point, I was relieved to part with my ship. Business had been bad as of late, and I was running on empty. Half the systems on the ship were broken, and the other half on their last legs. I had probably set a new record when it came to deferred maintenance.

  Maintenance on myself was pretty much deferred too, due to the water maker aboard Candy calling it quits. All sorts of weird outerspace creatures were swimming around in my tank, which meant no way, no how was I going to bathe. My smell may have permeated Candy’s air because the cabin stunk like the meat table at an Andorian buffet. It was something I could live with, but even the rats were scared off.

  “Do you mind if I go say goodbye to her?” I asked, handing over the keys to Candy’s new boss.

  He mumbled something in whatever language he spoke. Five new cards dropped in front of him, which he promptly picked up with two fingers from one of his seven hands. That made me realize there was no way I could compete against a guy who had more hands than cards, and more fingers than chips.

  Heading down to the bay, where Candy had been parked for more than a month, I considered that she’d probably have been impounded anyway. I hadn’t paid the docking fees, so I guess, the last laugh was mine, as the seven-handed dude was going to be stuck with a month’s worth of moorage.

  "Candy," I hollered, boarding my former ship and heading to my cabin where I packed up my measly belongings in a kit bag.

  "Yes Zorkie?" Candy replied, appearing on the vid above my bed.

  It, like all the other vids aboard, was half-broken. Candy's face was slightly askew making her look like a Rogarian Conduit Dweller instead of the hot, blonde human babe she had originally been programmed to be. The color diodes had burnt out, so Candy appeared only in black and white, and there was a horizontal bar which moved vertically across the screen.

  "You're looking sad, Candy," I remarked, tossing my toothbrush and razor into my bag.

  Although, I hadn't used either in about a year, I figured they might come in handy. I packed my last pair of socks, undershorts, and a tee. After a lifetime freighting in space, that's all I had.

  "You're looking pretty sad too, Zorkie," Candy sniffed, raising her pixelated chin in the air. "At least I can be repaired, unlike you."

  "Goodbye darling. I'll miss you. Give my regards to your sisters, Andy, Mandy, and Sandy. Tell them, I'll think of you all, and remember the fun we had."

  "What are you going to do, Zorkie?" Candy wept, giant wet-looking tears falling from her eyes into the horizontal white bar that swept across her face. "What will become of you? Where will you go?"

  "I don't know, doll face. I'll just ride the space winds to wherever they blow me."

  "What about me? Who will look after me without you here?"

  "You'll have a new boss, sugar plum. It'll be good for you, probably. Maybe he'll upgrade your software and replace all your burnt chips."

  "Really?" Candy gasped. "Oh Zorkie, that would be awesome. Too bad you're human, and can't regenerate like a droid."

  "Yep, bad luck for me." I tossed my bag over my shoulder, and prepared to debark my freightplane for the last time. "Well, sayonara, girlfriend. Live long and prosper, and may the Force be with you."

  "You too, Zorkie. We'll always love you best."

  I shut the door on my old life, and began a new one.

  Four days later, while sitting in their jail for the crime of loitering, I was given a choice by the spacebase cops: vacate the station on my own, or take a free trip in their garbage truck. As I didn't have two nickels to rub together, much less any other funds to purchase a spaceplane seat, I ended up jettisoned out into the wild blue yonder atop a pile of composted crap, recycled metals, and a few other things I'd rather not name.

  "You'll be fine," the cops told me, while strapping me into the pilot's seat. "The truck is preprogrammed to land on the nearest planet and once there, disperse its contents into the ground. Your best bet is to jump out when the landfill doors open up."

  No problemo, I thought. I was relaxed and ready for the ride. The nearest planet was about half a parsec away, so this would only take a few days at most.

  However, as usual, Lady Luck wasn't on my side. In fact, she preferred to spit in my face. I got caught in a freak and random geomagnetic storm, the ionic vomit of a nearby star. The next thing I knew, my garbage scow were tumbling across the boundaries of the Milky Way. We flew straight into the clutches of the Black Eye Galaxy, a place I had never been, and never wanted to go.

  Sometime after that, I couldn't tell exactly how long, I crashed on a planet near a dying red dwarf star. As I crawled out of my chair, and stepped onto a dusty and windswept plain, I realized this planet was pretty fucked up.

  It never got dark there, and the wind never stopped blowing. There was also totally nothing to eat.

  After all my years of traveling across the galaxy, ending up here was probably the last punch on my ticket. I wasn't upset though. I had lived long enough. I had been happy enough. Everyone had to check out at some point, and maybe, right now was the time for this old Zorkie to say goodbye.

  So, I climbed back inside the truck to get out of the dust and wind, and sat there waiting. The truck, as it had been programmed, dumped its contents on the ground. Dirt and sand covered my windows, until I couldn't see out, and so I waited for the storm to end, which was boring as hell.

  After a while, I considered that I might already be dead. Maybe, my lifetime pass had already expired while I was rolling around in the ionic storm. Could it be this old Zork had crashed his truck in Purgatory, and I was just waiting on some dude with wings to come tell me where to haul my bag?

  My back started to hurt from all the sitting I was doing. On top of that, I was getting pretty hungry, and there wasn't anything but protein bars to eat. This pod was also getting hot, and starting to smell a lot like Candy. That didn't mean it wasn't Purgatory, though. Weren't all the things you disliked in life supposed to follow you to the next bus stop?

  On the other hand, there were a lot of other things I hated that weren’t here. For instance, I really h
ated light beer. And, sitcoms. And, reality shows. I totally despised that show that took place on that island.

  Once I was in a bar when that show came on, and I threw a bottle at it, almost breaking the vid.

  “What in the hell are you doing?” the bartender had asked, snatching the bottle from the air. Coincidentally, he also had seven hands.

  “I hate that show. I hate that smiling, smug, asshole dude who is the host.”

  “That guy? The one who looks like the Imperial Princes?”

  “What princes? Hey," I pointed, swiping back my bottle and taking another swig, "That fat chick rappelling down from the treehouse there, she’s okay.”

  “You’re drunk, buddy,” the bartender said, now wiping the counter in front of me. “Nobody likes Princess Angelica, although somehow, she never gets voted off.”

  After that, I may have passed out on the counter, as I didn’t remember any more of the conversation. I woke up the next morning in an alley with a bunch of Altarian Goo Slugs crawling all over me.

  If this was really Purgatory, I figured, there ought to be Altarian Goo Slugs everywhere. Alternatively, some of the other people I hated, besides that dude on that show, ought to be here waiting with me. There were a few people I had genuinely disliked in my life. Not many, but a few I could count on my hands.

  One was that guy, Dave Northgate, a jerk-off from my days back at the Spaceforce Academy.

  From the first moment we met, I had wanted to choke him every time he took a nasally, snorting breath. If he laughed, I felt compelled to put my fist down his throat. But, that wasn’t the worst of it. Once he started talking, man, I was ready to off myself. In this entire universe, I didn’t think I had ever met a more boring guy.

  If I had a choice between sitting here, waiting for a winged dude to show up, aching, hungry, and cold, I'd take it over spending five minutes with Dave Northgate anywhere else. Even if Dave was in a hot tub. With a cold beer. And a plate of hot wings with ranch. And a hot babe sitting on my lap. If Dave Northgate was there, unequivocally, I’d rather stay here.

  Something was knocking on the side of the truck. It was a steady, pounding rhythm that couldn’t have been the wind. It was also loud, so loud it woke me up from the dream of a hot babe, and a hot tub, and a cold beer.

  “Who’s out there?” I yelled, wondering if the winged dude would have bothered to knock.

  Probably not. Winged dudes could go anywhere. He wouldn’t have stood outside the truck and waited either.

  Someone responded. I heard a muffled yelling sound, and more frantic knocking. Then, someone was wiping away the dirt on my window.

  “Argh!!!” I screamed.

  In fact, I shrieked so loudly it shook the truck. I was in Purgatory after all. No. I was already in Hell. There could be no other reason that Dave Northgate was outside. Whatever I had done in this life, I had obviously blown it to the max.

  “Let us in!” Dave pounded on the windshield, leaving fist prints in the dust.

  "No!" I shook my head. "You're on your own."

  Then, out of the corner of my eye, I spied another head. Somebody was with Dave. Somebody blonde. Somebody female.

  “Goldie!” I shrieked again, thrusting open the cockpit door. Maybe, I had made it to Heaven after all.

  “Scott Black?” Goldie gasped, climbing into the cabin. She opened her arms as if she was going to hug me, but on second thought, she pulled away. “Eww. What is that stink?”

  “This is a garbage scow.” I reached for her. “Sorry, if I smell a bit ripe.”

  “Let me in,” Dave hollered, trying to shove his way in also, while letting in a whole bunch of wind and dirt, and a toxic metallic smell.

  It was tight in there with the three of us, the truck rocking as the wind howled outside. To make things more comfortable, I pulled Goldie onto my lap.

  "I can't believe this," Dave muttered, blinking rapidly as he stared at me. "What an amazing coincidence that we found Zork on Zork."

  "I don't believe in coincidences," Goldie replied, pulling away. "We're all here for a reason. We just don't know what it is. Do you think this thing can fly, Scott?"

  "It’s Zork, and I don't know. It got me here just fine, but my direction was mostly down. So, you don't think we're in Purgatory?"

  "Why would you think that?" Katie climbed under the console and pushed a button. The truck belched and shook, but an engine started with a roar. Then, it stopped. "We can't fly out of here until the wind dies down. There's too much dirt, and dust." She climbed back out, and brushed her hands together. "Have you got anything to eat, Scott? Dave and I are starving."

  "It’s Zork,” I said again. “I changed my name officially years ago, and I’ve got protein bars, and garbage."

  I tossed a bar to Dave. He missed it, of course, and it fell between his legs. Just as he bent down to pick it up, the wind came up again. The truck lurched and knocked Dave off his feet. In fact, he ended up sprawled down on the floor beneath the co-pilot's chair, his smelly feet sticking practically in my face.

  "I wonder how far we are from the galactic divide?" Katie murmured, inhaling her own protein bar, and taking the seat above Dave's head. She placed her hands across the controls as if to test them out.

  "Not far," Dave said, his voice muffled by the console’s hood. "I estimate four point two three parsecs, or less, based on our time of travel in both the spaceplane and the escape pod."

  "Fair enough," Katie nodded. "We should be able to go at least that far in this. Do you have an issue with that, Scott? After all, it's your truck. I imagine you're here on this planet for a reason."

  "It's not mine." I launched into a shortened, and somewhat heroic version of how I had arrived, adding the caveat that it was solely for the purpose of rescuing her.

  Dave frowned and sniffed loudly. “That was my job,” he muttered. “I was specifically assigned to this task.”

  “By who?” I demanded.

  “I can rescue myself, thank you very much,” Katie snapped. “Zork, is this scow programmed to return back to its base?”

  "Probably,” I shrugged, “But, I don’t really want to go back there.”

  "I suspect the ionic storm wiped out its memory anyway. Chances are we can take it wherever we need to go.” Katie activated some lights on the dash, checking the fuel load, and oxygen regeneration system.

  "Another fortunate coincidence," Dave agreed. “Zork, a truck, and the absence of a preprogrammed destination. Too bad you couldn’t have arrived in a truck that seated three.”

  “I guess we’ll have to leave you here, Dave,” I replied.

  "We’ll take turns sitting under the console, Scott,” Katie decided. “Whoever is down there can take the opportunity to sleep. We leave no man behind. And, I told you, I don't believe in coincidences.”

  “Alright,” I conceded, and smiled my best grin, which used to knock the ladies dead. I suppose now, after not having brushed my teeth in a year or more, my breath would do that instead.

  “You take the first shift down there, Dave,” Katie said. “Since you’re already down there anyway. See that large red button? That’s for engine activation. As soon as the wind quiets, I’ll tell you to push it.”

  “Yes, Captain, my captain,” Dave sang, causing me to inadvertently twitch my foot.

  “Ow! Zork!”

  “Stop it!” Katie snapped, just as a pounding started on the side of the truck.

  "Who’s that?" I asked. “More friends of yours? Sorry, but I have to draw the line here. This hotel is completely sold out.”

  "No," Dave called, his voice trembling a bit. “It’s the armadillo people.”

  “The who?”

  The pounding grew louder. Someone had jumped on to the scow’s roof. A long green hand with scales and spikes was busily wiping our windshield.

  “That’s nice of them,” I said.

  "I don't think so," Katie replied as an ugly mug appeared in the window.

  "Armadillos!" I shrieked,
as the truck began to shake.

  "Dave, let’s go," Katie ordered. "We can’t wait on the wind. We're going to have to leave now before they knock us off the landing legs."

  “Aye aye, Captain,” Dave whimpered as the engine shuddered awake, and a bunch more armadillo aliens pounded on the front glass.

  “Come on, Zork,” Katie snapped. “Put your hands on the controls.”

  Five minutes later, after a rocky and harrowing ride, when twice the engine threatened to choke, we had cleared the planet’s thermosphere, and were sailing into outerspace, clinging armadillo dudes exploding before our eyes.

  “Where to?” I asked.

  “Back to the Milky Way,” Dave replied. “I think I left a light on in my camper.”

  “What about you, Goldie? Where in the universe do you want to go?”

  “I don’t care,” she replied.

  “Then, let’s go to Earth,” I decided. “Back to our old stomping ground. Back to where we all began.”

  “Alright,” Dave agreed.

  At first, Goldie didn’t respond. Then, she nodded slightly.

  “Okay, guys. Earth it is.”

  Chapter 9

  Eva

  There was a murder on the street out in front of our building. It happened during one of the coldest nights of the year, when the city had shut down, and everyone who had a home was huddled inside.

  Our building was old, ancient really, and neither Reggie nor his aunt before him had taken out the old steam boiler and the radiators, so while we covered ourselves in blankets, our breath billowing in steamy wisps above our beds, we were warmer than most.

  Before the collapse of the Empire, Reggie had purchased power from the grid. There had always been an endless supply of electricity produced by fermium generators, and it had always been so inexpensive, we treated it as if it were free. We had grown accustomed to setting the temperatures to whatever pleased us, to leaving things on even when we weren’t home. Now, the fermium generators were shut down, and we were back to burning wood or coal if we could get it. It was like the old days, Reggie had said. It was as if the clock had ticked backward and we were once again in the time of his youth.