Force of Nature

by Melissa Toppen

  “You were always the mushy one of the boys.” I play off the seriousness of his statement.

  “I am not mushy,” he argues.

  “Um, yes you are.”

  “You’re just trying to distract me from the truth you don’t want me to see.”

  “And what truth is that?” I look at him expectantly.

  “That you’re in love.”

  The sound that leaves my throat is a mix between a laugh and sob. I guess I couldn’t decide if I wanted to laugh at the ridiculousness of his statement or cry because deep down I know it’s true.

  “I’m not in love.” I roll my eyes like it’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.

  “You are,” he tells me matter of fact. “Which is why I felt like it was time for you to know the truth about Thad’s past.”

  “Well now I know.” I brush it off. “It still doesn’t change anything. I’m leaving, hopefully sooner rather than later, and this thing between me and Thad will be over once I do.”

  “Okay then.” He nods in acceptance, clearly deciding there’s no sense in arguing with me. I’m not the only one that’s easy to read.

  Chris trots off ahead of me but I choose to remain a few yards behind him, needing time to digest everything I’ve learned this afternoon and how exactly I feel about it.

  Thad is an addict, I repeat in my mind, trying to process the information. I would have guessed a lot of things about what landed Thad at the ranch, but drug addiction was not one of those things.

  He seems so strong. I can’t imagine him ever being that weak.

  I wish I could say the news made me like him a little less but I think it had the opposite effect. Knowing what he went through, what he overcame, the hell he must have lived in for years, it only makes me crave him more. I guess it’s true what they say, everyone is just looking for someone to save.

  Only Thad doesn’t need saving. Maybe a year ago he did, but now? I think a year of sobriety is more than enough proof that he is no longer just his addiction.

  Chris and I ride for several minutes in silence. Sensing that I’m in my head, he broaches a new topic. One that’s a hell of a lot easier to have.

  We talk about L.A. About Chris’s dating life – which is pretty non-existent despite the long line of women who would gladly step up into that role. That somehow gets us on the topic of Ben and Beth – which we both agree we never saw coming. And as we guide our horses back into the barn nearly an hour and a half later, we’re on the topic of the twins.

  I have to admit, despite how the ride started, I actually really enjoyed my time with Chris. When we were kids we were thick as thieves. There wasn’t a thing we didn’t talk about. And while it’s not so black and white now that we’re adults, it does feel good to know that we haven’t lost that connection between us.

  We’re just exiting the barn when Mom pops around the corner, jumping slightly when she catches sight of us.

  “Lord, you scared me.” She grabs her chest. “Dad and the twins went to town and Thad and Ben are out in the field. I didn’t know you two were back.”

  “Just got back.” Chris nods.

  “How was your ride?”

  “Really good.” I smile at my brother.

  “Good. Good.” My mom wipes her hands on her gardening apron. “Before I forget, Laken, a Wendy called for you. Said she needed you to call her back as soon as possible. I left her number by the phone in the kitchen.”

  My heart thuds violently in my chest and I barely get out a thank you before I take off, running toward the house.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  “You’re serious?” I squeal into the phone, happy tears pricking the back of my eyes.

  “You got it,” Wendy confirms. “Laken, you have officially been cast as Rose Donavan in the Blood Lust series. Well, after you sign the contract that is. I’ve got the lawyers reviewing it now. I’ll get it over to you by tomorrow so you can have time to review it and get it back to me before the end of the day. Think you can do that?”

  “Yes. Absolutely.”

  “Also, filming starts in a couple of weeks so make sure you pay important attention to the timeline so you can plan accordingly. You’ll primarily be shooting in Holland, North Carolina. Production will put you up in a hotel, but I highly suggest that if the show gets picked up for a second season you look at rentals. One, so you have an actual home to go to and two, because if this series does half as well as they think it will you will be shooting there for at least a few years. You’ll want something that feels more permanent. But that’s something you can decide when the time comes.”

  “So you’re telling me I’m essentially moving to North Carolina for the foreseeable future.”

  “Is that going to be okay for you?”

  “Are you kidding? Of course it is. Oh my god, Wendy, I cannot thank you enough for this.”

  “You did all the work,” she says even though we both know that isn’t true. If it weren’t for her pulling some strings I never would have gotten the audition for the supporting role, let alone have been considered for the lead. “I’ll have the contract to you by morning. Call me if you have any questions or something seems unclear.”

  “I will. Thank you so much.” I quickly end the call, dropping the phone onto the counter before letting out a loud squeal of excitement.

  The noise no more than leaves my mouth when I hear the back door open. I turn just in time to see my mom enter the room.

  “Everything okay, honey?” My mom pauses just inside the door, having clearly heard my little outburst.

  “I got it!” I announce. “I got the part. You are looking at the female lead for the Blood Lust series.” I bounce up and down on the balls of my feet, barely able to contain my excitement.

  “Oh honey, that’s so wonderful.” My mom is already across the room, her arms coming around me moments later. “Congratulations.” She gives me a good squeeze.

  “Thank you.” I smile as she steps back, her hands coming out to take both of mine.

  “I know we haven’t always been the most supportive family in the world, but that’s because selfishly we want you here with us. But I want you to know how important it is to me that you get everything you want out of this life. I’m so proud of you for fighting for what you want.”

  “Thank you, Mom.” I pull my hands back and quickly swipe under my eyes, fighting back the urge to cry.

  “What the heck is going on in here?” Ben comes strolling into the kitchen with Thad following behind him.

  “Your sister got the lead role in a television series,” my mom informs Ben before I have a chance to say anything.

  My eyes immediately dart to Thad who doesn’t look up as he heads to the sink to wash his hands. An instant knot forms in my stomach and for the first time since learning about the role, the smile on my lips fades.

  “No shit.” Ben half snorts.

  “Language,” Mom scolds, waging her finger at him.

  “That’s amazing, Lake.” He ignores my mom, stepping around her to pull me into a tight hug. “Congrats,” he says, pulling back. “When do you start?”

  “Filming starts in two weeks.”

  “Two weeks.” My mom gapes at me, clearly having not realized it would be so soon.

  “If there are any hot girls on set you’ll be sure to let me visit, right?” Ben jokes, sliding in front of the sink just as Thad steps away from it.

  “I thought you were taken.” I keep my focus on my brother instead of looking at Thad like I really want to.

  “I could be untaken for a hot actress.” He shrugs non-committal.

  “In that case, no,” I deadpan. “You cannot come visit me.”

  “Harsh.” He laughs.

  “So two weeks?” Mom interrupts, clearly still hung up on the time frame.

  “Yes. I don’t know the specific date yet. Wendy is emailing over the contract in the morning and I’ll know more. Filming will be in North Carolina and that’s where I’ll b
e staying for the foreseeable future.”

  “In a hotel?” Mom asks.

  “For now, yes. I’ll look into rentals if the situation becomes more long term. Right now they’ve only been signed for one season. It will depend on how the first does to determine how many will follow.”

  “Congratulations, Laken. That’s awesome news.” Thad’s voice has my eyes pulling up to where he’s standing next to the back door.

  “Thanks, Thad.” I smile, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten further when he nods once before disappearing back outside.

  I don’t know if it’s me making something out of nothing but something tells me he wasn’t nearly as happy to hear the news as I was. On one hand I love that he doesn’t want me to leave – if that’s what it actually is. But on the other, I wish he didn’t care at all so leaving wouldn’t feel quite as impossible as it suddenly does in this very moment.

  “I’m gonna go find Chris and tell him the news. We can talk more later,” I tell my mom, waiting until she nods before sliding past her. Throwing my younger brother a wave, I push my way through the back door.

  While I really do plan to find Chris and tell him, I need to talk to Thad. So, instead of heading toward the garage where I know Chris is, I jog toward the camper, gently rapping on the door the moment I reach it.

  Seconds later the door swings open and Thad comes bounding out, causing me to step backward off the stairs to get out of his way.

  “Hey.” I grab at his bicep as he walks past me without so much as a word.

  He stops the instant the contact is made, his eyes darting to my hand on his arm and then to my face.

  “We need to talk,” I say almost pleading.

  “I don’t think we do.” He pulls his arm away.

  “Are you upset with me?” I call after him as he once again starts to walk away.

  “Why the fuck would I be upset?” He spins back around, this time standing a few feet from where I am.

  “I don’t know, but clearly you are.” I gesture toward him.

  “I’m not upset that you got the part, Laken. In fact, I’m actually really happy for you.”

  “Yeah, I can tell,” I snap back.

  “You know, not everything is about you. But I’m glad you think you mean that much.” With that he turns and takes off toward the barn.

  I’m not sure how long I stand there, shock and confusion blanketing me like a weight I can’t seem to shake.

  Angry, hurt tears sting the back of my eyes and I have to take several deep breaths to keep them at bay. I will not cry. I will not cry.

  This is a day I have looked forward to nearly my entire life; I won’t let it be ruined by anyone, especially a man who would rather tear me down than celebrate in my victory.

  Spinning on my heel, I march toward the garage to share my news with someone who might actually be happy for me.

  —-

  “So what do you say, sis, you in?” Ben says from his place beside me on the back porch where he, Chris, and I have been hanging out since after dinner.

  Unfortunately because my mind has been a million miles away, I have no idea what the boys were talking about or what Ben is asking if I’m in for.

  “In for what?” I turn my face toward him, not surprised when he rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

  “Lord, do you ever listen?”

  “No,” I answer honestly, causing Chris to snort out a laugh.

  “I was asking if you wanted to come to a bonfire at the Perkins’ farm with us. Johnson told me to make sure I invite you. He hasn’t seen you since before you left for L.A.”

  “When is it?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Sounds fun.” I nod, knowing I certainly don’t have anything better to do.

  After Thad acted the way he did the other day, I’ve pretty much avoided him like the plague. In truth, it’s made knowing I’m leaving easier. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Honestly I don’t want to be the one to extend the olive branch and I don’t feel like I should have to. I didn’t do anything wrong.

  “Awesome. I have to pick up Beth on the way there, but you can ride with me to get her. Chris will meet us over there.”

  “Or you can go with me instead of having to ride all the way to Beth’s house,” Chris suggests.

  “Let’s do that,” I agree. I’d rather go ten minutes down the road then have to drive twenty minutes to turn around and come all the way back.

  I straighten my back and stretch my hands over my head as I let out a slow yawn. I haven’t slept well the last couple of nights and it’s definitely starting to catch up with me.

  Deciding to call it a night despite how early it still is, I hug Ben and then Chris, telling them I’ll see them tomorrow before heading inside.

  I walk through the house and straight up the stairs without stopping in the living room to say anything to my parents who are both still awake. It’s not even nine o’clock and yet somehow it feels so much later to me.

  At the top of the stairs I turn, stopping dead in my tracks when I nearly run face first into Thad who’s sporting damp hair and smells like a million dollars.

  “Shit. Sorry.” I make a move to step around him but he spreads his stance, essentially blocking my path.

  “Look at me.” His voice is a low plead that has my gaze instantly turning upward. “I’m sorry about the other day.” He clasps my chin in between his thumb and index finger, holding my face in place.

  “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I shake off the fog he seems to cast over me and take a full step back, pushing his hand away. “You said your peace and you’re right, not everything is about me.” I force a smile before pushing past him.

  I duck into my room as quickly as I can and shut the door behind me. Maybe it wasn’t the most mature reaction to have, but I refuse to let him talk to me the way he did. Make me feel the way he did. Then turn around and sweet talk me like it’s okay. It isn’t okay.

  I’m only feet inside my bedroom when the door swings open and Thad steps inside, clicking the lock in place before he stalks toward me

  “What the hell are you doing?” I barely manage to get out before he’s got me backed against the dresser, caging me in with his arms.

  “Apologizing,” he growls, his mouth crashing down on mine.

  At first I try to resist him but that resistance fails before it even takes flight. It’s only seconds before my body is melting against his and every single ounce of anger drains away.

  I feel weak, pathetic even, bending the instant he touches me, but I can’t help it. It’s like he has this power over me that I simply cannot explain.

  Which is why I don’t stop him when he pulls my shirt over my head. Or why instead of pushing him away, I whimper as he slides off my shorts and panties in one quick tug. And when he drops to his knees on the floor in front of me I swear I don’t know how I’m still standing, especially when the warm heat of his tongue slides along my seam seconds later.

  —-

  “Oh my god.” I bury my head into Thad’s neck as he thrusts inside of me two more times and then stills, both of us fighting to catch our breath.

  Because my parents are downstairs we had to be quiet and controlled which somehow made the whole experience that much more intense. I swear every time I’m with Thad he shows me something more, another layer to himself. Whether that be physically or emotionally, I feel like I walk away from him each time understanding him a little more.

  “I should go.” Thad slides out of me abruptly and rolls to the side.

  “Already?” I sit up, pulling the sheet up over my chest as he climbs from the bed.

  “It’s late. I don’t want your parents to catch me up here.”

  “The longer you stay the less likely they’ll catch you,” I assure him, glancing at the clock to see it’s just after ten. “My father is probably still up.”

  “So I’ll tell them I was taking a shower.” He slides his jeans on and does up th
e buckle before snagging his shirt from the floor.

  “Why not just stay for a while?” I ask, trying not to let my emotions run away. It’s hard not to think the worst after you made love the way we did and now he can’t seem to get out of here fast enough.

  “I shouldn’t.” He tugs on his shirt and heads straight for the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” He waits for me to nod before cautiously exiting the room, looking both ways before stepping into the hallway.

  Without looking in my direction again, he closes the door, disappearing from view.

  My heart pounds heavy in my chest, the slow ache starting in my stomach and working its way upward until I feel the crushing weight of it settling over my entire body. I have never had a man so desperate for me one minute and then running away from me the next. It makes me feel cheap and used and yet oddly enough it’s exactly what I offered him.

  Sex. Without strings. No attachment. No expectations. That is precisely what he gave me. Only it’s not what I want anymore. It has never been what I truly wanted. I wanted him, and I wanted him anyway I could get him. He told me he couldn’t give me more and I accepted that. But then he gave me more anyway, whether he meant to or not. And now that I know what more feels like I can’t settle for less. And this is less. So much less.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  “You okay?” Chris asks, shoving the car into park just to the right of Johnson’s gravel driveway where a line of cars are already parked.

  “Yeah.” I shrug, not really wanting to be here but wanting to be home even less.

  Thad officially avoided me all day today and the cold lonely feeling that’s plagued me since last night has only grown more intense as the day has gone on. It was either sit at home and obsess over how he’s acting or come out with my brothers and try to salvage the little over a week I have left before I relocate to North Carolina.

  “I take it things with Thad have taken a turn since you found out you got the role?” He phrases it like a question but clearly already knows the answer. “Sometimes keeping things casual is easier said than done. Most people aren’t built that way. It’s hard not to get attached when you’re sharing yourself so intimately with another person.”