Force of Nature

by Melissa Toppen

  “I am not obsessive,” I argue, not sure why she would say that.

  “Sorry, Lake, but you really are. You get something in your head and you obsess over it. Whether that be a role, a job, a boy.” She looks at me pointedly. “You obsess until something else comes along and then it shifts somewhere else.”

  “Whatever.” I push off the bed and cross into the kitchen, snagging a water out of the mini fridge before re-entering the room.

  “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.” Whitney holds her hands up in front of herself, her long dark hair falling in waves around her shoulders.

  “Kinda feels that way.” I twist the cap off the water and take a long pull before reclaiming my seat on the edge of the bed.

  “Have you talked to him at all?” She switches gears, leaning forward to rest her elbows on her knees.

  “Nope. Last I heard he moved out and got a place of his own. I haven’t asked since then. He doesn’t care enough to call and see how I’m doing. Why should I do that for him?”

  “Because you care how he’s doing.”

  “That may be so but it doesn’t change anything. That was our downfall after all. I cared too much and he didn’t care enough.” I let out a long sigh. “God, I don’t know why that still bothers me so much.”

  “Because you fell for him.”

  “Hard,” I admit.

  “Which is exactly why I think you should explore the chemistry between you and Branch. I mean, seriously, Lake. He’s hot, talented, and totally into you. Maybe having a distraction isn’t the worst thing in the world when that distraction might help you move on, and isn’t that what you want? To move on?”

  “I have moved on. It’s been over two months, Whit. Two months was how long I was home. I’ve already been away longer than I was there.”

  “Time has nothing to do with it. Someone can change you in the matter of hours. The point is you fell for him and those feelings don’t just disappear. But they will lessen and getting back out there might help that happen a little faster.”

  “I’m just not ready yet. Besides, I like where I am right now. Do I still think about Thad? Of course I do. But most days I’m just here, living my dream. And right now that’s all I really want to be doing. Well, that and having a celebratory drink with my bestie. We still haven’t celebrated you being here.”

  “You say drink and I say why are we still sitting here?” She laughs, pushing into a stand.

  “First you have to braid my hair,” I tell her, not wanting to go to the bar with wet hair but also having no desire to dry it either.

  “Fine, but you’re buying the first round.”

  “Deal.” I smile.

  —-

  “Laken.” I hear a tap on my trailer door seconds before it swings open and Heather, one of the assistants on set, steps inside the small space. “There’s a guy at security gate A asking for you. Says he’s your brother.”

  “What?” I question, my confusion evident.

  “His name is Chris,” she says, checking the message on her phone.

  “Chris is here?” I question, excitement bubbling in my chest. “I’ll take care of it, Heather. Thank you.” I smile, quickly stripping out of the outfit I wore for filming today the instant Heather exits the trailer.

  Slipping on a pair of jeans and a black top, I layer it with a casual plaid button down and quickly roll the sleeves to my elbows before sliding into my flip flops next to the door.

  Grabbing my cell phone off the small table against the wall, I slide it into my back pocket before stepping out into the beautiful sunny afternoon. It’s rare that I rap this early. Being the lead, I’m usually on set longer than most but today was a short day for me.

  Smiling to myself, I quickly weave around some of the set trailers and then take the sidewalk that leads to gate A, following the perimeter set up to keep anyone not directly related to filming off the set.

  Gate A is all the way on the other side of the massive set location where filming is taking place today and as such it takes me over ten minutes to finally get there.

  As I approach, I spot Chris talking casually with one of the security guys working the gate, and my heart instantly swells. I didn’t realize how much I was missing him until this very moment. But the thought instantly becomes overshadowed when I glance to Chris’s left and my entire world comes to a screeching halt.

  Thad...

  He’s leaning to the side, hip pressed against the gate, hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans as he watches me walk toward them. My heart thuds violently in my chest and my knees feel like they’re suddenly made of a gelatin substance rather than flesh and bone.

  God, he looks even better than I remembered. His brown hair is shoved beneath his usual backward ball cap. A light blue shirt clings to his thick biceps and toned chest reminding me of the incredible body I spent countless nights memorizing.

  Not able to hold his gaze, I flip my eyes back toward my brother who seems to catch sight of me at that very moment.

  “There she is.” Chris straightens, a wide smile crossing his face.

  “What the hell?” I question, stopping on the other side of the gate.

  “Sorry, Miss Roth. We needed your go ahead before letting them on set.”

  “They’re good, Tom.” I smile, waiting until the guard opens the gate before throwing my arms around my brother’s neck.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I question, pulling back to look up at him.

  “Thought I’d surprise you. See what you’ve been up to the past couple of months.” He grins.

  “And you?” I turn toward Thad as I step out of Chris’s embrace, determined not to let this be weird.

  “He’s a stowaway.” Chris chuckles.

  “It’s true.” Thad shrugs innocently. “He said he was coming to see you and I hid in the trunk.”

  “You guys drove here?” I look back at Chris in disbelief.

  “Twenty-six hours,” he confirms.

  “You realize it’s only like a three hour flight, right? Why the hell would you drive?”

  “Because this one doesn’t fly.” He hitches his thumb toward Thad.

  “Really?” I quirk an eyebrow at him, having not known this before now.

  “I have this thing with heights,” he admits, a shy grin pulling up one side of his mouth. My heart instantly flips in my chest and the familiar rush of butterflies takes over my stomach.

  “I see.” I bite my bottom lip to keep myself from smiling like a damn idiot.

  How quickly I almost forgot how he treated me our last week together. How cold he was. How distant. That Thad may seem like a distant memory in comparison to the man standing in front of me but it doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten.

  “Seriously though, I can’t believe you’re here.” I turn back toward Chris. “How long are you staying?”

  “Just tonight.”

  “Only one night?” I question, looking between the two guys. “Mom told me what hotel you were staying at and we were able to book a room there for the night,” he says, not giving any explanation to their short stay.

  “You guys are staying together?” I question.

  “It’s a two room suite. Made more sense than paying for two separate rooms,” Chris explains.

  “Gotcha.” I nod slowly. “Well you came on a good day. I just finished for the day and was getting ready to go grab a bite to eat. You guys hungry?”

  “Starving,” they answer in unison.

  “Well alright then. We have to go get Whit first. She’s coming with,” I tell them, nodding back in the direction I just came. “Come on, I’ll show you around a little on the way over.”

  “Before you go, let me give you these,” Tom interrupts, handing them both visitor badges. “Just make sure you return them on your way back through.”

  “Will do, Tom. Thank you.” I throw him a wave as I turn and walk away, Chris and Thad both following closely behind.

  I walk them throu
gh the “town” portion of the set which is a small strip of road peppered with shops and restaurants. It’s actually part of the town we’re shooting in that they shut down for days at a time for us to film.

  I walk them across the street, pointing out different filming spots and explaining what each is primarily used for. Various crew members pass by on our tour, some waving, others too lost in whatever they’re doing to even look up.

  I take them to the far side of the set where there’s a street lined with houses on both sides.

  “This is my house.” I stop in front of an old Victorian style home that’s been completely renovated. “Well, Rose’s house,” I clarify. “They are shooting a scene inside between Rose’s aunt and sister so I can’t take you in right now but it’s incredible.”

  “Lake,” Whit calls and I turn, spotting her a few feet to my left. “I was starting to think you bailed on me,” she says, her gaze going to the two guys behind me.

  “Sorry. I had some unexpected visitors show up.” I grin, turning toward my brother and Thad. “Whit, this is my older brother, Chris,” I say, not missing the way Whit’s smile widens as she shakes my brothers hand or at the way he reciprocates the smile.

  “Nice to meet you, Chris.” She hesitates before pulling her hand away.

  “And this is...”

  “Thad,” she interrupts, reaching out to shake his hand next. “Mark Knox, yep. I totally see it.” She glances in my direction and then back toward Thad.

  “Mark Knox?” Thad questions, releasing her hand.

  “Never mind.” She smiles sweetly.

  “Anyway, I was going to come get you but I wanted to show them around for a few. I wasn’t sure if you were done yet.”

  “You’re an actress too?” Chris interrupts, his eyes having not left Whit since the moment he caught sight of her. Not that I can blame him. She’s only the prettiest person I’ve ever seen close up.

  “I am.” She nods. “I’m only a temporary here. I’ve only got about another week on set before they kill my character off.”

  “Well that sucks.” Chris chuckles.

  “Yeah, but at least my character gets one hell of a death scene.”

  “So are you all set?” I interrupt, my gaze on Whitney.

  “Yes, just finished.”

  “Okay with you if the guys join us for dinner?”

  “Of course.” Her gaze once again darts to my brother. “So Chris, you work on the family ranch, right?” She steps past me and next to my brother, the two taking off without waiting to find out if Thad and I are behind them.

  I’m not sure if it’s Whitney’s way of giving me time to talk to Thad or if it’s because she has the hots for my brother. Whit has never been one to hide her attraction toward the opposite sex.

  “I hope it’s okay I came.” Thad pulls my attention to him as we follow side by side behind Whit and Chris.

  “Of course.” I plaster on a smile, feeling nerves settle into the pit of my stomach. “Though I gotta admit, I’m a little surprised to see you here.”

  “I know. I’m a little surprised to be here.” He grins.

  “Why are you here, Thad?” I hate to sound so blunt but there’s no dancing around it. He came here for a reason and I want to know why.

  “I was hoping we could talk somewhere a little more private. Maybe after dinner. Give me a chance to explain.”

  “You can’t explain now?” I say, my impatience showing through.

  “I have some things I needed to say.” He shrugs, his gaze going to where Chris and Whit are now far enough ahead that we can’t be overheard. “I was dealing with some stuff when all that went down between us. No excuse, I know, but I took my shit out on you and you didn’t deserve it. I just wanted the chance to apologize face to face.”

  “We all have our moments.” I tuck my hands into the pockets of my jeans, not sure what else to do with them.

  “We do,” he agrees. “But it still doesn’t make it right. There’s a lot I haven’t told you, Laken. Things about myself I’m not proud of. I think if given the chance to explain myself you might understand why I acted the way I did.”

  “You don’t need to say anything else, Thad. Truthfully, I’m the one that owes you an apology. We agreed to keep things casual and I couldn’t follow through. You told me up front what you could give me and I accepted it knowing there was a good chance I was going to fall for you. And I did. So I guess really I’m the one to blame.”

  “Laken, I...”

  “Are you two coming or what?” Whit interrupts, her and Chris at the gate, waiting for us to catch up.

  I was so lost in my conversation with Thad I didn’t even realize we had walked so far. It feels like only seconds ago that we were at Rose’s house and now we’re already on the opposite side of the set.

  “You still good with Mexican?” Whit asks when we reach her and my brother.

  “Yeah, is that okay with you guys?” I look at Chris and then to Thad.

  “Good with me,” Chris answers first.

  “I’m good with whatever.”

  “Awesome. There’s this little authentic place a couple blocks from here. I swear they have the best chimichangas I’ve ever had in my life.” Whit practically moans. “I’ve only been here a week and already I’ve eaten there twice.”

  “They really are pretty spectacular,” I agree. With Whit leading the way, the four of us veer right on Allen Street.

  Thad and I don’t speak again on the walk over. In fact, we say very little to each other again for the rest of the afternoon. I mean sure, we talked while we ate but it was all fluff – nothing of any real importance. But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t definitely some vibes being given off.

  Like when Thad and I both reached in the chip basket at the same time and our hands touched. Or how he held my gaze after his leg had brushed against mine under the table. It’s the same chemistry we’ve always shared only now there’s a heaviness to it I can’t quite explain.

  By the time we make it back to the hotel nearly three hours after Chris and Thad showed up, I feel so tense and anxious I swear everyone around me can feel it to.

  Whit, being able to read me so well, suggested her and Chris grab a drink in the hotel lobby giving me the time I need to hopefully get some answers and figure out the real reason why Thad is here.

  Which leads us to now, where Thad and I are sitting on opposite sides of my hotel room like we’re afraid the other might bite. Staring at each other but neither really sure where to start.

  “Can I ask you a question?” I ask after what feels like way too much time has passed. He’s facing away from me, staring out the window, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

  He looks up and meets my gaze in the reflection of the window, giving me a slow nod before turning toward me.

  “Why did you really come here? You said you came to apologize. You don’t drive twenty-six hours to apologize to someone you were only fucking for a few short weeks.” I cringe slightly at my choice of words and I can tell he’s not a fan of how I phrased it either.

  “We weren’t just fucking,” he disagrees, his voice low.

  “No? Because you made it pretty clear that’s what it was for you.”

  “I panicked,” he admits, taking a couple steps closer before turning and leaning back against the desk opposite to where I’m sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “You panicked?” I question when he makes no attempt to explain.

  “I’m in love with you, Laken,” he rushes, not giving me a chance to even process his words before he continues, “I’ve been in love with you since the first moment I saw you walk into your parents’ kitchen. Hell, maybe even before then. Maybe it dates all the way back from when we were kids. Maybe I pushed you off that swing set because I liked you and that’s how kids show their affection, by being mean to the person they like. All I know is when I saw you it was like my entire world came back into color. I had been living my life in black and whit
e. Everything looked and felt dull, lifeless, and then here you come with that incredible laugh and a smile that damn near melts me, and your fucking optimism and I swear it was like a light switch being flipped on. You brought me back into the light, Laken, and you didn’t do anything but walk into a fucking room.”

  “Thad, I...”

  But he quickly cuts me off. “When you came onto me that night of the party I nearly lost it. It took everything in me to be the good guy, to do the right thing. When all I wanted to do was take what I so desperately wanted from you. What you were so willing to give me. I promised myself that I’d get you home safe and you’d wake the next day having forgotten all about your proposition. But then we kissed and I knew from that moment on there was no going back for me. But still I tried. I tried to avoid you. I tried to stay away. I didn’t even last a day. I wanted you too badly. It was like you were a fucking drug luring me in with the promise of a high I wouldn’t ever have to come down from. From that point on you became my addiction.” He pushes away from the desk, dropping down into the chair in front of it so that we’re eye level.

  “I craved you, Laken. I craved you in a way I had only craved one other thing in my entire life.”

  “Drugs.” The word slips past my lips unintentionally and I can tell by the look on his face that I’ve caught him off guard.

  “You know?” He studies me for a long moment, his face void of any real emotion.

  “I’ve known for a while,” I admit.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” He sits back in the chair.

  “Because it didn’t change the way I felt about you.”

  “But it did change the way I let myself feel about you,” he counters.

  “I wanted you to tell me when you were ready to tell me.”

  “I see.” He thinks on that for a long moment and I can tell he’s not sure how he feels about me knowing and not saying anything. “I craved you in the same way I craved drugs,” he pushes forward, getting back to the point he was trying to make earlier. “And like with my drug addiction, I convinced myself that I was in control. That I only needed a little more. Just enough to get my fix. But it was never enough. I found myself needing you more and more until it got to the point that I felt like I couldn’t breathe when you weren’t around. I had replaced one addiction with another and I felt myself spiraling out of control all over again.”