Hotel Andromeda

by Edited by Jack L. Chalker

  “Excuse me? The ‘choh-shah’? You keep talking about one. Who the hell is that?”

  “You have been referring to Nasu as Chaylaifa’s wife. She was not that. She was his chosha.”

  “Well, whatever. Why did she kill Chaylaifa?”

  “I do not know yet. My initial inspection of the scene suggests that Nasu was tired of being forced to indulge Chaylaifa in his sexual perversions.”

  “What? Chaylaifa was a pervert?”

  “It would seem so. I believe that the ambassador must have already thoroughly corrupted young Fehlorah, the thaka’thott—”

  “The what?”

  “The thaka’thott,” Hrock-Leff repeated, more slowly. “My good word, Mr. Jacobs. Did you really do so little research on the ways of the Rhuum before you took this assignment?”

  “Uh, wait a minute, there. My own chosha usually does that sort of thing; I’m the idea man. Lieutenant, we got this job at the very last minute. I learned all there was to know about the trade deal and what both sides expected from it. Our job was to bring the Rhuum and the Bloxx together, take care of the niggling details so that both sides wouldn’t have to worry about them, lead them to strike the deal they both wanted, and send them home happy and satisfied. I didn’t think I needed a quickie degree in xenoanthropology, too.”

  “Perhaps you did, Mr. Jacobs,” the lieutenant said, the sarcasm lost on him. “Sorting these things out can sometimes become impossibly complicated. A degree might help.”

  “You may have a point there, Lieutenant. Anyway, I thought there might be something weird going on between the old boy and the girl. Nasu knew all about it, I suppose.”

  Hrock-Leff blinked in surprise. “Well, Mr. Jacobs, I mean, really. What else would you expect?”

  Jacobs nodded wisely. “Of course. The wife—sorry, the chosha—is always the first to know, isn’t she? What a mess!”

  Hrock-Leff blinked. “I’m afraid you’ve lost me, sir. May we leave now?”

  “Sure. Let’s go.”

  Jacobs and the lieutenant left the sitting room and entered the second bedroom. The two Security people had left, and no one but Nasu and Fehlorah were in the room. The two were standing next to the bed. They were locked in an embrace. Fehlorah was naked; her robe was puddled around her feet.

  Nasu’s eyes were closed as Fehlorah’s small hand groped inside her opened robe, playing and stroking and touching, so she did not notice the presence of Jacobs and Hrock-Leff for several seconds. She squealed in surprise and fright when she did. Startled, Fehlorah whirled and, seeing them there, bolted for the bathroom. She slammed the door behind her.

  “I thought—thought you were all gone except for the Security persons posted outside,” Nasu stammered as she tied her robe closed. She was a little out of breath.

  “We most humbly beg your pardon,” Hrock-Leff said, bowing his head slightly. “We were talking in the other room and quite lost track of time. Our fault entirely. Mr. Jacobs? Let us leave, please.”

  “Uh, yes.” Jesus! thought Jacobs. They’re all crazy!

  “Honey?” came Trudy’s worried thought. I caught that. “What’s going on?”

  “You won’t believe it, honey. Later.” The lieutenant and Jacobs left the bedroom, passed through the room where Chaylaifa’s body still lay, and emerged into the foyer, where Trudy was waiting for them.

  “Hello, Miss Burke,” Hrock-Leff said. “You appear to be agitated, if I read the signs correctly.”

  “Hello, Lieutenant. Jonny Lee, we have to go to the office.”

  “We do?”

  “Now. Lieutenant? May I ask a favor?”

  “Of course you may Miss Burke.”

  “Would you please delay notifying the relevant parties of Chaylaifa’s death until I contact you? Including the rest of Chaylaifa’s entourage? I promise that it will not be a long delay.”

  Hrock-Leff cocked his head to one side. “I am afraid I cannot at all delay briefing my superiors in Security… but I can request that neither they nor the hotel contact anyone concerning this matter until I consent.”

  “Thank you. Lieutenant. That will do fine. We’re very grateful. We’ll talk to you again later—not much later.”

  “I await the moment with pleasure. Good night, Mr. Jacobs, Miss Burke.”

  Lieutenant Hrock-Leff watched as the two facilitators left, the determined female almost literally dragging the arguing male away. How like Terrans, he thought with amusement. No doubt she has figured things out. And about time, too.

  Jacobs and Trudy were back in her grandmother’s garden.

  “Nice and peaceful here,” Jacobs said. “Can’t we stay for, like, a year?”

  “Don’t I wish,” Trudy said, seating herself on the ground. “Look, Jonny Lee, I’m the one who’s supposed to handle the niggling details, and I didn’t this time. What’s happened is mostly my fault—no, don’t stop me. This was a quickie contract, we thought, and so I treated it that way. I let myself be rushed into this. Well, I’ll never do that again.”

  Jacobs dropped down beside her. “Why are you beating yourself up, Trude?”

  “I’m not. Just listen to me for a minute. If we put our heads together, we can still fix it”

  “We can fix it?” Jacobs asked. “The Bloxx emissary is about to go home in disgrace, and he’s set to commit ritual suicide as soon as he gets within three feet of King Boppo. Our favorite couple from Rhuum turns out to be a pair of child molesters—incestuous child molesters! At least now there’s one fewer of ‘em than there used to be, thanks to the victim’s wife—sorry, I mean his chosha.”

  “Get a grip, Jonny Lee.”

  “Why should I? Everything’s gone to hell. Bannister will fire our butts for sure, and they’ll be real public about it because they’ll have to be in order to save their own butts. Our reputation is going to take a heavy hit. We have no hope of salvaging anything here—and you’re saying we can actually fix this mess?”

  “I think we can,” Trudy said, offering her husband a small bowl. “By the way, stop assuming you know what you’re talking about. You don’t.”

  “I don’t?” Jacobs said, taking the bowl and sniffing at it.

  “Hey, is this salsa?”

  “Lightly spiced with relevant detail. This is the technical material neither of us could handle before Kethrommon got here. I’ve worked it over some. Here’s a spoon.”

  Jacobs took it and began eating. “It’s good,” he said, chewing a little and swallowing.

  “I whomped it up while you were in the other room of Chaylaifa’s suite, talking to the lieutenant,” Trudy said. “There was something about what was going on that just didn’t ring true. I didn’t have much else to do while I was waiting, so I accessed the net to do some of the background research I damn well should have done in the first place.”

  “There’s some tough bits in this, but it’s fine.” Jacobs began to absorb tiny fragments of detail.

  “No, don’t savor it,” Trudy said. “Just eat it up and think about it later. We’re in a hurry, you know.” She produced a bag of corn chips. “By the way, here’s what we didn’t already know about the Bloxx. Take it all in, love.”

  “Yep.” He ate quickly and, in a few minutes, he finished.

  “Well?” Trudy asked.

  “Give me a second and let me start digesting all this—oh, Jesus!”

  Trudy grinned. “You found the biggie, didn’t you? Wife and daughter, indeed! Never mind; I’m just as guilty. They acted like wife and daughter to Chaylaifa, but they were actually the second and third members of a male-dominated trisexual relationship.”

  Jacobs wiped a hand over his face. “I must have looked like a fool in front of Lieutenant Hrock-Leff,” he said. It was almost a groan. “Chaylaifa—the sha—was the seed carrier.

  He plants it in Fehlorah, the thaka’thott; if he has sex with Nasu, it’s only in fun or to excite himself further, the old dog.

  Fehlorah is a natural hermaphrodite who’s just
past puberty. All thaka’thotts are. Fehlorah contributes her egg and incubates the fertilized ovum for a day or two. When the time comes, she passes her egg through intercourse to Nasu, a true female—the chosha—who goes through pregnancy and bears the youngling. The way I just saw Fehlorah cozying up to Nasu, Fehlorah is probably carrying a fertilized egg right now. After two to five fertilizations, Fehlorah’s body will tell her whether she’s going to mature into a sha or chosha. Damn!”

  “It’s an atypical case, Jonny Lee,” Trudy said. “Don’t blame yourself. The Rhuum are unique. We don’t know of any other viviparous trisexual races.”

  “I know, I know—but there I was, calling them child molesters and perverts.”

  “But you were half-right, hon. Chaylaifa, at least, was a pervert.”

  “Huh? How so? The records say the Rhuum usually have threesomes.”

  “Go on, Jonny Lee. Think about it some more.”

  Jacobs did. Suddenly, he blinked. “What, for that! Shoot! With all that other stuff going on, who’da thunk it? Who’da paid attention?”

  “We should have,” Trudy replied. “We’re supposed to be good at this. Face it, love, we’re racial chauvinists.”

  “I guess we must be.”

  “This particular taboo is hardly unique—although, in its most severe form, it never lasts very long in the history of a particular civilization. Or so it says here.”

  “I’m beginning to have an idea,” Jacobs said.

  “I was hoping you would. Now think about the Bloxx.”

  “I have been. That one’s harder. The insult to Kethrommon’s dignity was substantial.” Jacobs thought some more about it. “No. No apology is possible. I don’t see any way out of the situation—not directly, at any rate.”

  “I don’t know what to do, either,” Trudy said.

  “It’ll be okay, Trude,” Jacobs said, and there was a certain familiar light in his eyes- “For the first time since we fell into this pile of sawdust, I’m beginning to get the feeling that we’re gonna win. Let’s go talk to Lieutenant Hrock-Leff.”

  Trudy, Jacobs and Hrock-Leff had returned to Chaylaifa’s suite. “I must talk to you now, Nasu,” the lieutenant said. “Do you want these others to leave us?”

  “No,” Nasu said. “Mr. Jacobs is the nearest thing to a representative I—we—have aboard the hotel, I would like him to stay. I have a feeling we might need him.”

  “I’ll do what I can for you, Nasu.”

  “I know. Please go ahead. Lieutenant. I hope you need not involve Fehlorah in this. She’s still a youngling in so many ways.”

  Hrock-Leff nodded. “I do not believe there is a need to involve her. Let us begin. You killed Ambassador Chaylaifa, did you not?”

  “Yes,” Nasu said. She went to one of the bedside tables, opened a drawer and retrieved a small knife. It was still stained with Chaylaifa’s blood. “I took this from the… cart… this evening and placed it under my pillow in the other bedroom,” Nasu said, handing it to the lieutenant. “When Chaylaifa began making his, his demands, I… I just could not acquiesce again.” She began shaking. “I did it. I killed him. I am not sorry. I could not suffer another night of Chaylaifa’s… aberrations.”

  “Tell me about them, Nasu,” the lieutenant said.

  Nasu’s icy composure was slipping; she was beginning to weep. “I can barely bring myself to speak of them,” she whispered.

  “You must.”

  “He… he corrupted the poor thaka‘thott. He… he… consumed nourishment right in front of us. He left crumbs in bed! He was proud of it!” She sobbed. “What else could I do?”

  “Jesus, Trudy,” came Jacobs’s thought.

  “Shhh,” Trudy returned. “Hrock-Leff’s working up to the pitch.”

  “Nasu, what of Fehlorah?” asked the lieutenant. “What was her role in this killing?”

  “She watched throughout.” Nasu paused to collect herself and, after a moment, she continued. “She thanked me afterward. We made quick love, right there at his side, in his blood. It was wonderful. Then we washed together, and it was just then that the medicos and the security people arrived, summoned automatically by the sha’s sudden death. I am ready to be arrested now.” She bowed her head.

  “I am not going to arrest you, Nasu.”

  “You are not?” She seemed puzzled.

  “No. I have no authority to do so. You are—were—the mate of a diplomat; I cannot take you into custody, even for the killing of that selfsame diplomat. You are answerable to your own people for your actions here, but you are not answerable to us. I will provide a full report to your ministry of justice, and the hotel management will ask you to leave the premises as soon as possible.”

  “I understand, Lieutenant,” Nasu said, “and I accept the necessity.” She sighed. “The scandal that arises from this will ruin our family—oh, not because of the actions I have taken tonight, no, but because of what the sha has done. Chaylaifa was a figure of respect, but he had grown very old, and in his great age he had also grown… foul. The whispers concerning his aberrant conduct will become shouts, once this incident is made known.” She closed her eyes. “Certainly everything will be taken from us by those who… protect… our code of morality, but I care not. Fehlorah and I will manage.”

  “I am certain you will,” Lieutenant Hrock-Leff agreed. “I can see that there is a great strength between you—and, if I am not mistaken,” he said, sniffing the air, “there is something even more important between you now.”

  “I think so, too,” Nasu said, smiling for the first time.

  “Fehlorah will soon give me her egg. It will be our first.”

  “All the more reason you should listen to Mr. Jacobs,” Hrock-Leff said. “He has a plan.”

  A few hours later, there was a knock at the door of Kethrommon’s suite. “Package, Sir Kethrommon,” came a robot voice.

  Kethrommon was sitting in the dark, utterly alone. “Just leave it there,” he said, “and go away.”

  “Sorry, m’lord, but I need your thumbprint as proof of delivery.”

  “No.”

  “It is very important. I am told to say it concerns your mission.”

  “What mission?” Kethrommon asked miserably. “I have none—oh, never mind. All right. I will take the delivery.” As he rose from his chair, the lights went on. He crossed the room in three steps and opened the door to find a delivery robot standing there, a small package set atop its flat head.

  “This is the thing?” Kethrommon asked.

  “Yes, m’lord. Your thumbprint, please, on the glass plate next to the tray… thank you. Good night, m’lord.”

  “Good night,” Kethrommon said as he closed the door. He looked at the package. It was a not very large box sealed in plastic, and the only thing written on it was his own name—in an ornate hand, to be sure. It was moderately heavy. He held the package up to his ear and rattled it, and something inside thumped.

  “Well, I wonder,” Kethrommon muttered. He picked at the easy-open tab with a fingernail, and the plastic promptly fell apart along its pre-stressed seams. He opened the box and stopped for a moment, shocked and speechless. Then he smiled for the first time in many hours.

  Things in Chaylaifa’s suite were getting busy.

  “That was Sir Kethrommon, via the net,” Trudy said. “He sends his personal regards to us, and he says he will be pleased to attend an early-morning meeting of the principals, as long as it is over before the time of his ship’s scheduled departure. He will not change that.”

  “I didn’t expect him to,” Jacobs said, pleased. “I knew Kethrommon would give us some wiggle room if we gave him any excuse at all. Good boy!”

  “You saw something in the files I didn’t notice,” Trudy said.

  “Just a detail. Kethrommon could not lake Chaylaifa’s life in payment for the insult to him—not in the context of negotiations with a foreign government, anyhow. However, Chaylaifa could offer his life—which he did by sending Kethrommon h
is very own blaster. It’s the same weapon he pulled on him at the meeting yesterday. Fraught with symbolism.”

  “I see,” Lieutenant Hrock-Leff said. “So, at the meeting this morning, Kethrommon will fire into Chaylaifa’s already dead body, honor will be served, and that will be the end of it.”

  “Oh, heaven forbid,” Jacobs said. “That would cause more problems later. I can’t have the Bloxx trade rep appear to kill the Rhuum ambassador—and I still want the two sides to strike a deal.”

  “A deal? With one of the parties dead?”

  “You bet. Lieutenant. C’mon. I want to see how they’re doing with Chaylaifa.” They walked into the main bedroom. “Hi, fellas.”

  “Hello, Mr. Jacobs,” said the chief cosmetologist, his rodent teeth chattering. The others nodded to Jacobs and continued to scurry around Chaylaifa’s bulky form, combing and cleaning and straightening. “How d’you think he’s looking?”

  “Pretty good, Osroqui, pretty good. I knew your team could do it if anybody could.”

  “Thanks, Mr. Jacobs. Hey, this fur of his is a real problem, what with the blood and all. Kinks and gunk all over the place. Hell, he was still leaking when we got here. How covered up is the old kark going to be?”

  “He’ll have a ceremonial robe on, like that one over on the chair. He can also wear a big hat, if you need him to. His face is going to be the important thing. How about his eyes?”