by J. L. Beck
“I don’t blame you, Gauge. You did what you had to do.” I sighed. I didn’t want to deal with the emotions swirling around in my head, the memories festering in my brain, never leaving. With each old and new memory, I knew just as much as I did from the last. Nothing.
“I didn’t think you would blame me.” He sounded like he knew me, like he understood how I would feel when I woke up. For some reason, it didn’t settle with me. I didn’t want to be close to anyone.
“Now, I did some talking with Jaxon. He told me about your behavior at the bar and with the woman. At first, I wanted her as far away from you as we could get her, but now we think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her.”
Talk to her? I was off the bed and pacing the floor in a second flat. Just like the fire burning in my veins at the simple thought of talking to her again.
“Talk to her?” I laughed like the evil fucking man I was. “I almost killed her. More than likely, I’ll do it again. I have a short temper, and I don’t do talking. Fucking. I can do that. Fighting. Beating the oblivion out of someone. Perfect... but talking, no fucking way.” I growled at Gauge.
The look on his face said he didn’t give a shit what I said, and chances were, he didn’t. He would do whatever he saw fit for our people. There was no official name for those who had been rescued or escaped, but Jaxon and I could only describe it as a colony. Society knew of us, the super-men. The people who helped protect others. At least that was what the corporation made them think we were made for.
They turned a blind eye to what the company did to us thinking it was for the better good of the people. If one person had to die for others to live, they didn’t see a problem with it. After all, most of us were going to die anyway.
“You will, or you won’t be allowed out of confinement.” Gauge narrowed his eyes at me. I had never asked him about his time with the corporation. We never knew the name of the company and he never told us. Thinking about it now, it was for the better. Had we known, we probably would’ve ambushed it by now. There would be no need for a safe haven like this—like Gauge had created.
“You can’t keep me in confinement. I’ll go insane.” I was losing it just thinking about it. My fists were clenched, my black t-shirt sticking to my chest. I felt like I was in a box already, and all he had done was mention it.
Gauge shook his head smiling. “Then I suppose you pick option number one?” I turned, shooting a dark look at him. Of course, he would feel smug about it. He had been bringing up talking since I got out. He wanted me to get in touch with my emotions. To learn to feel. Most of all, he wanted me to talk about them. The memories. He thought if I were more open to them, then I would understand them more.
“I don’t want to fucking do this…” There was pain in my words. I was trapped with no way out. I hated Gauge for putting me in this position, but I hated the corporation even more for doing this to me.
I should’ve died.
“Number one it is,” I growled slamming my body down onto the bed. I had to learn to overcome this shit, and Gauge knew it. His idea of doing so was taking it head on, but only time would tell if I could become more than just a man, genetically altered to kill.
eight
TWO DAYS LATER
MAGGIE
I COULD HARDLY answer the questions Gauge was shooting at me. The second I gave him the answer to one question, he was asking another.
They still hadn’t told me where I was or why I was still being kept here. It had been two days, two days of being held up in that room. There were no windows, no breeze, or sun. The rooms were nice, but they weren’t the same as having my own freedom. They brought me meals, made sure I had fresh towels, and Gauge had even sent someone to my place to grab some of my things, but every visit always lead to the inevitable. The questions. The accusing looks. I wondered if I would ever be able to leave…
Then again, after having just found Diesel, I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave. Unless he was leaving with me.
“I told you everything already,” I said for the third time or maybe it was the fourth. I couldn’t remember. All the questions started to blur into one. My voice was still very much hoarse and talking only made it worse.
“You work for PGI Corporation, yet you don’t know what they do there besides find cures for things such as cancer and other diseases?” Something in what he said caused me to tilt my head sideways at him. Either he didn’t believe me or he liked listening to me talk.
“That is exactly what I told you, what I have been telling you, and what I will continue to tell you. The company comes up with miracle drugs and shit. I don’t know what else they do. I’ve only been there six months. I was planning to work my way up into the curing sector.” Gauge watched me intently as if he thought he could catch me in a lie. His eyebrows rose and then came back down as he digested what I had said.
“Until what?” he questioned in an accusing tone as if he had found a hole in something I had said. I shook my head in astonishment. What the fuck was he talking about?
“What do you mean until what?” I ran a hand through my hair, fully intent on ripping it out. I didn’t understand what I had done wrong, and all his questions made me nervous. My stomach rolled in fear, and tension filled my muscles. Of course, I wanted to run. I didn’t understand what it was that I was doing wrong.
“I mean, you made it sound like there was going to be an ‘until’ or a ‘but’ somewhere in your sentence.” He was definitely trying to find me in a lie. I wanted to ignore him but couldn’t because he was standing right in front of me. Instead, my mind automatically turned to my thoughts on Diesel. How he was still alive. How I had taken that shit job just to get closer to doing something for him. Now he was alive, and I felt like finding a cure was the last thing I needed to do. He didn’t even know who I was or what it was that made us who we were.
“Until Diesel.” I let the name roll off my tongue like I hadn’t said or thought the name a million times over. As if it wasn’t him who made my heart beat.
“Hmm….” Gauge scratched at his chin, allowing silence to fall between us before speaking again. “I want you to know you aren’t going to be leaving this place for a while.” He paused, a dark look showing in his green eyes. “And when you do end up leaving here, it will be to do a few things for us.” It was as if he was warning me, but about what? What was their plan, and where did I fit into it.
A film of sweat formed on my hands, and I wiped them off on my jeans. My saliva felt like sludge sliding down my throat as I swallowed. I could do this. Right?
It was then I realized what he had said and anger shot through me like it never had.
“What do you mean I can’t leave? I have a right to leave. I’m a human. I’m a US citizen. I have rights, damn it.” I tried to keep my voice strong, attempting to get my point across. Gauge pushed out of his chair away from the table only to lean on it. His body was pure muscle. His face a mask of anger.
“Well, your rights are now useless. Your rights are gone. The fact that you work for the very company that put these men here takes those rights away. You deserve nothing from us,” he hissed. Long gone was the negotiating.
“I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.” I stuttered over my words, confused as to what PGI had to do with me being held wherever it was they were holding me. Things were failing to line up correctly, and I was starting to wonder if they even have a legit reason to keep me here.
Anger zinged through the air. “Let me put this as easily as I can. The company you work for transformed young men into genetically altered beings.” My breath stilled in my chest—it couldn’t be true. It had to be a lie, a ploy to get me to stay here.
“They wiped their memories away, except for the ones they wanted them to remember. Trained some of them to be lethal killing machines, forcing them to kill day in and day out. Others were turned into lab rats. Injections were forced upon them. Some were used for genetic changing drugs while others were cures
for cancer. Plain and simple, they were experimental monkeys. The cure for AIDS you hear so much about…” My eyes grew wide, and I couldn’t help the hand that flew up to my mouth as he paused mid-sentence. It couldn’t be—there was no way society had allowed such a thing to take place.
“Yeah, sweetie, your people forced that on my people. That drug didn’t come about from just thin air. It was used on MY people. Processed until there was an exact cure for that disease.”
Tears formed in my eyes. How could they do that? Immediately, I wondered if Roger knew. If that was what all his secrecy was about.
“It can’t be…” The words escaped my lips. I was astonished. A tear slipped from my eye, trickling down my cheek. I watched Gauge’s eyes follow my tear. There was no compassion in his eyes, and I understood why. It was true—everything he had said was true. My heart ached, and the contents in my stomach threatened to come up.
“It is. Your tears mean nothing to us. We aren’t looking for sympathy or understanding. All we want is retribution. Which we will get in due time. For now, we will settle for what we can get. I will keep this tidbit of information between you and me as long as you do as I say.” His voice held authority and caused shivers to run down my spine. Was I being blackmailed?
“What do you want me to do?” I asked hesitantly unsure if I wanted to agree to anything he had to say. Diesel was a lethal monster now, a man I no longer knew. A smile formed on his face, and I should’ve taken it as a warning.
“I want you to work with Killer.” My jaw all but hit the floor. He wanted me to work with Killer. Killer who was technically Diesel.
“I don’t—”I didn’t get a chance to finish what I was saying because Gauge cut off my words. The table before me went flying with one swipe of his hand. With brutal force, it hit the far wall with a loud thud, and then he was right in my face like a raging bull.
“You will do whatever the fuck I tell you to do. If that little secret doesn’t help keep you in line, then the fact that I know who Killer is to you will,” he seethed. My arms went slack falling to the sides of my body. My chest heaved with every breath. How had he figured that out? How had he discovered anything about my job, about whatever it was that PGI did?
“He—”I mumbled. “He tried to kill me. He wrapped his hands around my neck until I couldn’t breathe. He isn’t the same person I knew. He doesn’t recognize me, and he doesn’t care. He was going to kill me. I saw the look in his eyes.” I sounded hysterical as I shook my head back and forth. I had once loved Diesel. But the man who almost forced the life out of me wasn’t Diesel. He was a monster, one on a mission for death.
Gauge stopped my head from shaking with a hard grip to my chin causing me to come face to face with him. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face. Terror grew deep within me. He looked like he was about to shake me to death.
“It doesn’t matter. We won’t tell him who you are until his memories allow him to remember you. That’s what you will be doing. You will be working through his emotions with him, his memories of the two of you. He won’t hurt you. He has promised not to.”
I wanted to snort. This man had a very trustworthy heart if he thought Killer wouldn’t try to take my life again if he got the chance. He had almost killed me without cause—what would he do with a cause?
“Oh, yeah, because that is so believable. In fact, almost everything you’re saying is hard to believe. Impossible even,” I said straight into his face, unable to turn away from him. His grip on my chin tightened to an almost unbearable state.
“Once you get out there and you start interacting with Killer—once you hear all he has gone through, once you spend one night listening to his screams, you will know all I have said to you is true. It’s only impossible to believe because you haven’t seen it yet.” His voice was right next to my ear, his words being forced into my mind causing me to think, making me feel.
As soon as he was done talking, he released me. I wanted to reach up and rub away the pain that had formed in my jaw, but I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
“Report to the arena in ten minutes time. Be prepared to see him. He knows you’ll be there.” Those had been Gauge’s final words to me before he left what I now considered to be the interrogation room with a slam of the door.
The sound vibrating throughout the room shook me to the core. Diesel was alive. He was Killer. His humanity completely gone as he cared for no one but himself, and the others who were like him, but… he was alive. That was one constant in all those things, one thing that mattered above all.
I wanted to cry… to hate him for not knowing that it was me. After all this time, after all my praying, and dreams of hoping he was alive…
“I wish I was dead…”
I recall the moment he said those words to me. It was days before he actually died. Well, died a fake death. None of this made much sense to me. What I did know was when I leave this place, if what Gauge had said was true, I would do anything and everything I could to bring PGI to its knees.
Ten minutes passed faster than I thought it would. I took a deep breath as I stood. I was scared. Beyond scared. Yet butterflies filled my stomach. I had a need to see Killer even if it wasn’t meant to be. Even if he didn’t want to see me.
I walked the hallway, keeping my eyes trained on the white tiles lining the floor. The walls were painted an off-white color, which lead me to believe they painted them that color to not make it look overly clean.
I could hear the pounding of fists against a punching bag. Laughter and voices filled my ears. I wondered if they have other women here. The way Gauge talked made it sound like PGI only used men as experimental monkeys.
I stopped just shy of two doors that reminded me of a high school gymnasium’s entrance. There was a small piece of glass cut out that allowed me to peek through and look inside. On the other side of the doors was literally the biggest sports complex I had ever seen in my life. A boxing ring was centered in the middle of the room. There were mats everywhere you looked. Doors that lead to locker rooms. Men of all shapes, sizes, and ethnic colors were inside working off whatever aggression they had.
A throat cleared behind me, causing me to turn around with a shriek.
“You going in, sweetheart?” My cheeks grew red in embarrassment. I had been caught gawking. The man before me stared hard, his gray eyes darkening with every second that passed.
“Uhh…” was all I said, all I was able to get out. He was shirtless, his abs and, well, everything else on display. He gave me a dimpled grin. As he smelled the air, his nostrils flared. Then, without warning, he pushed the door behind me open drawing attention to us.
I guessed it was do or die. Turning around, I walked into the arena. Attention turned to me, and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. Eyes drifted upward as I stepped further into the room.
“Welcome, Maggie,” the man who had forced me to come in said. I gave him a small smile. “Oh, and just in case you need something, my name is Jaxon.”
My stomach clenched when he turned to face me, throwing a wink my way before walking away, heading into the locker rooms.
“Maggie.” I could hear my name being called by Gauge, and I almost didn’t want to recognize him. After all, with him came Killer. The man I had once loved. Hell, who was I kidding? The man I still did love. My knees shook, my hands were sweating, and something inside of me said I needed to get moving.
With my face casted down toward the floor, I crossed the mats, trying to keep out of the way of those who seemed to be doing something. Once I was directly in front of them, my eyes lifted to a pair of blue eyes that had caused so many different feelings to form within me. I had lived and loved through those eyes. They were a portal to our past. A pair I knew all too well. Or used to know at the very least.
How I looked at him without feeling fear, I didn’t know. All I knew was I wanted to wrap my arms around him and beg him to remember me, to force him to see the love inside of me, the feeling
s I had for him. Yet even though I knew he wouldn’t, and even when he did… I didn’t know if he would look at me the same after all of this.
I didn’t know if I could pull the Killer out of him without being killed myself.
nine
KILLER
SHE LOOKED AT me like she was sorry, like I was the beaten down dog—as if I wanted her fucking sympathy or something.
“Maggie. Killer. Killer. Maggie.” Gauge introduced us even though he didn’t need to. I had already had my hands wrapped around her neck. I was positive we were past introductions.
I tipped my chin up acknowledging her all while watching the way her facial expressions changed. They went from shocked to sad and then to neutral as if to hide her real feelings. I wasn’t sure I wanted to talk to her—to bring up my past. The looks that shadowed her face told me I was going to get emotions I wasn’t comfortable with.
Calm.
No words were said by either of us, which caused the tension to pull taut like a rubber band. Her eyes bled into mine. The brown was a softness that reminded me of coffee and chocolate. Her hair was messy and had a small curl at the ends of it.
“Killer.” As she said my name, I almost groaned. Her full lips had spewed questions I didn’t want to answer just days ago. Now, with her lips saying my name, I was ready to cut the shit and do whatever I wanted with her. Fuck her. Make her bleed.
“Killer agreed to behave with you. Your first few sessions will be in here with the rest of the men just to make sure all is okay between the two of you. Then, once things die down a bit, you can have some alone time.” Gauge talked to us as if we were children.
“That’s fine with me,” Maggie said. Maggie. As I rolled her name off my tongue a number of times in my mind, I realized I had heard that name before.
I cracked my knuckles watching her eyes grow wide. Was she scared of me? She should be. I was worse than any monster she had ever heard about.
