by Lisa Kessler
…
My stomach growled the second we opened the door. The pot roast in the slow cooker had the whole place smelling like heaven. Sasha took her dress upstairs while I boiled some water on the stove. When the water bubbled, I tore the top off of one of the bags of powdered mashed potatoes. I didn’t have the patience to wait for real ones.
I stirred the pot slowly. The potatoes thickened and my vision tunneled. A furnace lit somewhere inside of me as I dropped onto a chair and lowered my head to my knees to keep from passing out. Sweat ran down my forehead. I lifted my sleeve—the injection site was still a little red, but the swelling had vanished.
So what was wrong?
Sasha came in and rushed to my side. “Nadya? Are you okay?”
“Not sure.” I gasped for another breath. “Can’t breathe.”
My pulse raced erratically, but the second she reached for my shirt sleeve, I caught her wrist in a tight grip.
The tone of my voice lowered. Threatening. “Don’t.”
Sasha resisted, pushing toward my shoulder, but I didn’t give an inch. Instead, I shoved her a couple steps backward. Surprise and worry crawled up my over-stimulated skin. I bit back the urge to scream.
“Call Jason.” I hardly recognized my own voice.
She nodded and ran for her cell phone while I struggled to cage whatever seemed to have come unleashed. Opening and closing my hands, the joints popped. Pain mixed with panic as I stared at them.
Please, no. Stop. Please.
My head throbbed like my skull was being crushed by a vise, cracking a little more with each turn. I closed my eyes, trying to slow my heartbeat and calm my breathing. Suddenly I saw Gareth’s dark eyes. He touched my cheek and leaned in to kiss my lips. I clung to the vision, losing myself in the alternate reality.
“Jason’s on his way.” Sasha’s voice was distant. “I have some cool water here. He thought fluids might help.”
In Gareth’s arms, I nuzzled into his neck, his scent soothing the anger and fear inside of me. His kisses traced my shoulder, his voice humming against my skin. “Mine.”
I surrendered to my mate, giving myself to him instead of the poison in my veins. He ran his strong hand over my hair, holding me close. My breathing slowed, my body temperature leveled, and gradually I noticed the pain subside.
When I opened my eyes, it was Sasha stroking my hair. Not Gareth. Not my mate. Disappointment hovered around the edges of my consciousness, but it was no match for the relief that swamped me as I noticed my hands were not paws.
Stretching out my fingers, I tried to speak, but a whisper was all my throat could muster. “I’m all right now.”
Sasha stepped back, her panic battering my raw nerves. “Jason should be here any minute.”
Jason wasn’t who I wanted. “Good.” I swallowed hard and lifted my gaze to her face. “I need a minute. Can you wait for him in the other room?”
She sighed. “I’m trying to calm down.”
“Yeah, I can tell.”
“But I’m doing a piss poor job?” Her lips curved, almost smiling.
“It’s not you.” Sometimes I wished the others could walk a mile in my shoes just so they’d understand how powerful their emotions were when they assaulted me. “I’m having a hard time blocking your emotions right now while my own are riding so high.”
She bent to kiss the top of my head. “Give me a shout if you need anything.”
Jason arrived ten minutes later. Thankfully, his calm medical practitioner demeanor was firmly in place. He knelt beside my chair, opening his medical bag. “Sorry I wasn’t here. You were sleeping…”
“Nothing to apologize for.” I watched my hands like they belonged to someone else. “It hurt so bad that I might’ve overreacted when I told Sash to call you.”
He pumped the blood pressure cup. “We’re a team here. I need to know if you have an episode, and then we can adjust the treatment.”
“I slept for four hours straight, so that’s something, right?”
He released the pressure on the cuff, silent while he listened to my pulse. When he yanked the Velcro, he nodded. “Four hours of sleep is a big step in the right direction for sure.” He punched some notes into his iPad. “Sasha told me you were in pain, your hands again?”
“Both hands this time and…” I hesitated, bracing myself for his emotional reaction. “…and my voice changed or something. I was stronger. When Sasha tried to touch me, I grabbed her.” I wet my lips as his concern swelled. “For some reason it made me angry that she reached for me. I have no idea why, but while my hands tried to shift, my aggression rose until I told her to call you.”
He took a deep breath, struggling to keep his bedside manner in place. “There are plenty of reasons for agitation. You’re still sleep-deprived, and pain can give anyone a short fuse. This doesn’t necessarily mean your condition is deteriorating.”
I wished I could buy into his diagnosis, but his concern betrayed his words. The sudden aggression was a symptom of my new body chemistry. The elevated adrenaline would continue to hammer at me until my control over my emotions started slipping.
“Should we tell Dr. Granger?”
“Probably. We can let him know you slept, but had another episode when you woke up.”
While Jason checked my eyes, ears, and throat, my mind wandered back to the vision I’d had. Gareth. His arms had comforted me. It seemed so real. His scent filled my lungs. I hadn’t imagined it.
But no other explanation made sense.
Was this the insanity of my mutated DNA?
“Nadya?” Jason took my hand. “Feeling okay?”
I blinked and nodded, jerked out of my thoughts. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“I’ll contact Dr. Granger and bring him up to speed. Once we have some treatment decisions, I’ll give you a call.”
“Sounds good.” I stood up and the room tilted for a second.
Jason steadied me, his arm tight around my waist. My wolf growled, but I sensed its weariness. We’d both been through the wringer tonight.
I straightened, shifting away from Jason. “No more treatments until after Sasha’s wedding on Saturday. I can’t risk getting any worse.”
He took my hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’m right here if you need me.”
My chest tightened. Jason wasn’t the man I needed.
…
From the Journal of Dr. M. Granger – Journal Entry 528
I had a late phone call from Dr. Ayers. Ms. Dalca had another episode tonight. The serum appears to be working. Both hands were affected in an attempt at concentrated shifting, but the transformation still did not reach completion. Perhaps with another injection she will be able to complete the transformation.
Dr. Ayers reported that the subject slept for four consecutive hours. Both he and the subject were encouraged by her restful slumber. The sedative I added to the serum provided the desired effect. With larger doses of the sedative, I should be able to blind them with hope until her body finally achieves the change without the power of the full moon.
While the subject did experience aggression, she did not harm anyone or herself. Perhaps her psychic ability will strengthen her mind against the paranoia and rage we experienced with the non-psychic male werewolves during Project Moonlight.
Our next injection will take place on Sunday.
Chapter Twelve
Gareth
I bolted out of bed and hit the carpeted hotel floor ready for a fight. My body still ached as I glanced around the room. Empty. Adrenaline arced through my muscles, my fingers twitching with unused power.
Inside the bathroom I turned on the light, surprised to see sweat running down my face. Staring into my own eyes, I gripped the sides of the sink basin, struggling to remember the dream.
Nadya.
She’d been terrified, angry, and in pain. So much pain. I’d taken some into myself, shared it, to give her relief. Impossible, and yet…I looked down at my arms. I held her, her bod
y against mine. I smelled her damned hair. It seemed so real. What the hell was happening?
My wolf stirred, recognizing the concern for our mate. The red numbers on the clock read 1:20 a.m. Too late to call someone about a nightmare. By now, the whole Pack probably knew I’d left for good. A few of them might even be aware I ran out on my mate. Pretty safe to say none of them would be thrilled to hear from me.
My gaze landed on the garment bag still draped over the table. I wasn’t seriously contemplating going back to Reno for the wedding. Bad idea.
But it would make Aren happy, and I could check on Nadya. Even if she wanted nothing to do with me, at least I’d be sure she was safe. Maybe then I’d be able to grab this new life with both hands without looking back over my shoulder.
The bed tempted me closer, but after the crazy dream, no way would I be willing to sleep again anytime soon. I opted for a shower instead. If I got on the road before daybreak, I could make the trip to Reno in time for the wedding on Saturday, and be back in Colorado by Monday.
Who the hell was I fooling? I’d never be able to walk away from Nadya for a second time.
…
Even the brisk wind on my face couldn’t keep me alert. I needed a nap.
After rolling past the Salt Lake City limits, I found a motel. The place had seen better days, but shit, so had I. I wouldn’t be there long, anyway.
I parked the Harley and went inside to pay for the room. With a key in hand, I retrieved the garment bag before heading to my temporary sleeping quarters.
Sleep. The past few hours I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The dream kept playing in my head. Feeling Nadya in my arms, her scent filling my lungs, made my whole body and soul ache for her. And at the same time, concern laced my bloodstream. If the dream held any truth, then Nadya had been in pain. In fact, pain didn’t cover the depth of agony I’d experienced with her.
Was the dream a premonition? It couldn’t have been real.
I braced myself for the onslaught of scents that assaulted me the second I opened the door. The faded bedspread draped over the double bed matched the blackout drapes on the window. I noticed a tear at the bottom corner, but no stains. It would work. I just needed a few hours of sleep. After peeling back the blankets, I collapsed on the lumpy mattress. My feet dangled off the end, and a chuckle rumbled past my lips. I couldn’t remember the last time I slept in such a tiny bed.
Closing my eyes, I saw Nadya. She walked down the barn aisle at Adam’s ranch as the horses pawed, nickering at her. She carried Adam’s children, one on each hip, while the little ones stretched their hands toward the horses. Nadya went over to Bubbles’s stall. The bay mare came forward, resting her head over the stall door. Malcolm and Madeleine squealed with joy as the horse lowered her head so they could touch her.
Nadya pressed a tender kiss to the mare’s forehead. “Good to see you too, Bubbles.”
The sound of her voice pierced my heart. I hadn’t even been gone a week yet, but I missed her. In the dream, I struggled to see where I stood. Maybe I’d be able to touch her somehow like I had last night.
But she didn’t see me. I couldn’t tell if any of this was real. It all had to be in my head. Dreams, nothing more.
She set the toddlers down and Madeleine sat while her brother wobbled off toward a wheelbarrow. I didn’t know the little guys were walking yet. They were only about eight months old, but because of our shifter genes we matured from infancy at an accelerated rate. They’d level out around three years old. But until then it was great that Nadya was around to help Lana watch them. It wasn’t like they could go to daycare. Human babies didn’t walk and start to talk before they were a year old.
I guess I’d be missing a lot more once I got settled in Colorado.
It shouldn’t bother me.
Nadya watched them as she patted Bubbles’s neck. Adam came around the corner and smiled. He clasped Nadya’s forearms before pulling her into a hug. “Good to see you. Aren told me you weren’t feeling well last night.”
Nadya nodded. “Yeah, my hands hurt like they were changing, but something happened. The pain eased up somehow, enough for me to focus and repress the change.”
Adam sobered. “That’s a good sign, right? If you can control it, you can beat this thing.”
“I don’t know what to think.” She paused. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” He scratched the other side of Bubbles’s neck until her upper lip started to quiver. “What is it?”
“Can you find Lana from a long distance?”
“I’m assuming you mean without a cell phone, right?”
“Yeah.” She smiled and nodded. “Like if Lana was in trouble, could you sense it?”
“As the Alpha, I can usually tell when any Pack member is in danger, but it’s a general unease, not an exact location or anything really helpful.”
I sat up in bed, wide awake, the connection broken. I glanced at the clock. I only slept three hours, but the exhaustion was gone. My senses were on high alert.
Nadya had noticed me near her. This went beyond a werewolf mate connection. What the hell was happening to me?
With the garment bag in hand, I left the room. I needed to talk to Chloe.
…
I rode over the rise to Pyramid Lake just as the sun dipped below the mountaintops. The painted sky reflected on the smooth surface of the water, as if one masterpiece wasn’t enough. The wash of colors made it tough to keep my eyes on the highway. I headed for the Stone Mother first. Since the tribe had found some graffiti on the sacred stone, they closed the road to the public, but the tribe often visited.
No sign of her Jeep.
Dropping my foot, I pivoted the Harley back toward the highway. I’d try her house next. Again, I caught myself wishing I could get her to use a cell phone. She had one, but it was never on. She treated it like a one-way walkie-talkie. Unless she needed to call you, that sucker might as well have been a useless brick in her purse.
I rolled up the dirt drive to her two-bedroom cottage, breathing a sigh of relief when I noticed her car in the driveway. I turned off the engine, pulled my helmet and gloves free, and made my way to her porch. She opened the screen before I could knock.
“Osa!” She peered around me and frowned. “Where is your lady?”
“She’s not mine.” I tipped my head toward her living room. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” She moved to the side, welcoming me inside. “You didn’t chase her off, did you? She was worth keeping.”
“It’s me who’s not worthy.”
She rolled her eyes. “Pshhh…”
“I need to ask you something.” I sat on her loveseat.
She took the armchair. “All right.”
“Has anyone in our tribe ever had dreams connected to other people?”
She crossed her legs. “We all dream about others, Osa, especially those we care about.”
“Not like a normal dream, but actually connecting with someone. I think she noticed me there, too.”
She leaned forward. “Like a Dream Walker?”
I frowned. “What’s that?”
“Dream Walkers were able to journey while they dreamed. They were healers.”
“How so?”
“First…” She raised a brow. “My turn to ask something.”
Shit. I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Nadya is special. I saw how you watched over her. Why do you insist on being alone? This is not what your parents or your brother would want for you.”
“May not be what they wanted, but it’s what I need.” I bit back a wave of emotion and stared at her ceiling. “Nadya is very special.” Chloe called me “little wolf” because she recognized my connection to the spirit of the wolf, but my parents never told the tribe about my father’s genetics. They didn’t know werewolves existed and it wasn’t my place to change that.
With my emotions bottled up tight, I met her dark eyes, forcing the words out. “She’s dyi
ng, Chloe.”
She pressed her lips together and sighed. “We all are, Osa.”
“Really? You’re going to toss that at me? You are one of the few people who know how close I came to losing my mind when I lost Gabe.” I got up, raking my hair back in frustration. “I can’t let myself care about someone and watch them die. Not again.” I glared in her direction. “I won’t.”
“Then you’re a fool.”
I started for her door, tempted to blast right out of it. But I needed to know about the Dream Walkers.
Before I could ask again, Chloe went on, her voice softening. “Look at me.”
As an elder of the tribe, I couldn’t refuse her request, but I took my time, rebuilding what remained of the battered wall around the rising tide of emotions. Slowly, I turned her way.
“Our Stone Mother shed enough tears to fill a lake for her lost children.” She stood up and placed a bony hand on my forearm. “If she awoke today with the choice to go back in time knowing she would lose them, do you think for one minute she would choose not to have children at all?”
I pondered her question and shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“You are as stubborn as a mule.” She groaned. “She would give them life all over again, because never loving them is worse than loving and losing them. We don’t know how much time one spirit will spend in our lives, but love is too precious to hide from it. A chance at real love is worth the risk.”
“That sounds noble, but the reality is she’ll cross over, and I’ll be left behind, alone, only this time I might not be able to claw my way out of the pit.” I sat down again. “Fate has a vicious sense of humor.”
Chloe came and settled beside me. “Fate gave you a gift by placing this woman in your path. Even if you won’t get the chance to grow old together, not everyone finds the one who will make them whole. Feeling complete, even for a short time, is worth treasuring.”
“Why are you so convinced Nadya is the one to make me whole?”
She took my hand, her expression softening. “Because you brought her to the Stone Mother. You let her believe she invited herself, but she doesn’t know you as well as I do. No one on earth could convince you to share this place. You wanted her to see it.”
