Hard loving man

by Lorraine Heath

  “Trust me. It is. I did the same thing when I was her age. I broke all the rules. Dared my mother to put her foot down. Hell, I would have welcomed a slap.”

  “You’re talking abuse now.”

  How could he explain what it was like to live with someone who didn’t care about anything? He hadn’t wanted his mother to beat him. But he’d wanted to force her into displaying some sort of reaction. Yelling, screaming, or cursing him out. Yeah, he wouldn’t even have minded a punch. Anything, anything at all, except for her vacantly staring out the window and her constant refrain: “I don’t know what to do with you, Jack.”

  “Not abuse. She’s scared, feeling lost. Her parents died, and she lost that secure wall. She’s pushing you because she wants you to set boundaries,” he said.

  “Which I do.”

  “Not firmly enough, obviously. I guarantee you, if I grounded Jason, he’d stay grounded. He wouldn’t be sneaking out, getting into mischief, and causing me grief.”

  “It’s different with teenagers.”

  “It’s not that different. Kids need boundaries. They need consistency. I set the boundary, and it stays put. Jason knows he can walk right up to the edge of it, but if he steps over it, he gets a time-out. Every time. No exception. He knows what my expectations are regarding his behavior, and he knows the penalty for not meeting those expectations. Didn’t you ever rebel against your parents’ authority?”

  “Once.” Her voice contained a sadness. “I paid a high price for it, too. No matter what Madison does, I’m not going to stop loving her.”

  Her answer surprised him. Like Madison, he’d always pictured Kelley as perfect, obedient, a little too good. “What did you do, Kelley?”

  “It’s not important, it’s in the past.”

  “You’ve got this hangup about discussing the past—not just me but everything.”

  “I believe in moving on.” She straightened in the seat as they neared the house. “She’s here. On the porch. Thank God.”

  Before he’d come to a complete stop, Kelley was out the door and rushing up the walk. As he climbed out of the truck, he hit a number on his cell phone and waited for the officer on duty to pick up. “It’s Morgan. Call off the search. We found Miss Gardner.”

  He hung up and clipped the phone back onto his belt. As he got closer, he could see Kelley kneeling in front of Madison. The porch light they’d left on had burned out, leaving only the corner streetlamp to provide light.

  “You don’t know who he was?” Kelley asked. Her relief at finding her sister home was apparently short-lived.

  “Some guy. Chill. I’m okay.”

  “Chill? Did you leave your common sense in Dallas?” Kelley twisted around and looked up at Jack. “She hitched a ride with someone she didn’t know.” She turned back to her sister. “Madison, what were you thinking?”

  “That I wanted to leave that boring scene. It wasn’t until I got here that I remembered you hadn’t given me a key.”

  Kelley stood and began searching through her purse. “I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do about you, Madison.”

  Madison glared at Jack, defiant even in the darkness. “Guess you want to chew my butt.”

  “I think you know what you did was reckless. You don’t need me to tell you that. I’m not trying to take her away from you, kid.”

  At his announcement, Kelley spun around. Madison snatched the keys from her hand, bolted for the door, unlocked it, disappeared inside, and slammed the door.

  “What made you say that?” Kelley asked.

  “She was engaged in an attention-getting ploy. Why do it unless she thought she needed to reel you back in?”

  “Reel me back in?”

  “She didn’t like that we were dancing.”

  “She didn’t like the whole situation. I should have left as soon as I realized that.”

  “You can’t live your whole life around hers.”

  “Right now, I feel that I have to—for reasons you wouldn’t understand. If you’ll excuse me, I need to go deal with Madison.”

  “No. I won’t excuse you.”

  In one smooth movement, he had her in his arms, and his mouth covered hers with a desperation that came from wanting too long, needing too badly. Her body sank against his in surrender, and it was the only encouragement he needed to deepen the kiss.

  She tasted much as he remembered, her sweet fragrance filling his head with images of them writhing on the sheets, limbs entangled. He wanted to carry her to that bed he’d taken apart this afternoon, hauled over here, and put back together. Sheets or no sheets, he’d gladly take her there. Hell, he’d take her here if she were willing.

  He’d been able to get every other female in his life out of his system—except for her. Even when it was over between them, even when he’d lost all hope of ever having her again, he hadn’t been able to exorcise the memories of her, the desperate wanting of her.

  Breathing harshly, his heart pounding, he drew back. “I know my timing is lousy, but I’ve wanted to do that since you first walked into my office.”

  Her breathing was equally labored, her sad eyes focused on him as she nodded. “You’re right. It is lousy timing. But then it always is with us, isn’t it?” She took a step back. “I’m sorry, Jack, I really have to deal with Madison right now.”

  She opened the door, stepped inside, and looked at him over her shoulder. “I appreciate all your help today.”

  She closed the door, leaving him with no choice except to head to his truck. She’d been hesitant to get involved with him nine years ago. She was reluctant now—although her kiss had certainly belied her words.

  She was interested. She might not want to admit it, but she was definitely interested. And so was he. Unfortunately, he didn’t have a clue about what he should do with that bit of knowledge.

  Kelley was gripping the handle, her cheek pressed to the front door, listening for the indisputable rumbling of Jack’s truck to fade down the street. She hadn’t meant to let the kiss happen. Even in the shadows, she’d seen the intent in his eyes one second before his mouth had followed through.

  She was still trembling from the impact.

  Jack Morgan had certainly not forgotten how to kiss. If anything, like fine wine, he’d improved with age. He’d tempered his urgency with mastery.

  He’d been totally in command, seducing every aspect of her being with nothing more than the patient, questing sweep of his tongue, the hot, pliant movement of his lips. His hands hadn’t roamed. But she’d felt the strength in them as they’d pressed her body against his.

  How easy it would be to fall under his spell once again.

  But what they’d had before had only touched the surface of who each of them was. They were older now, more mature. What she needed was a deeper love, a more committed love, and that required delving deeply beneath the surface. Being completely honest. Accepting another’s faults. Revealing insecurities, failures, mistakes.

  She hated to admit it, but she’d never viewed them as equals before. She’d always seen herself as being in charge of the relationship, issuing demands, establishing guidelines that they needed to follow. To become involved with Jack now, she’d have to recognize him as an equal, a partner. The implications terrified her.

  With Jack, she didn’t think she could be completely honest. Nor did she think he had the capacity to accept her faults.

  Not when he’d accepted absolute responsibility for raising his son.

  She shoved unsettling thoughts of Jack to the back of her mind. She had more immediate, pressing concerns, and although she really had no desire to deal with them, she knew she had no choice. She’d put off the inevitable long enough. She walked through the living room to Madison’s bedroom. She rapped once and opened the door.

  She’d liked this house because none of the rooms—except for the master bedroom—had a lock on the door. Madison couldn’t shut her out if she wanted to.

  Madison already had her red li
ghtbulbs in place, which gave the room an unnatural, eerie feel. She sat on the floor, her legs tucked beneath her as she rummaged through a box.

  “What about respecting my privacy?” Madison muttered, her hands stilling although she refused to look at Kelley.

  “How about respecting me? Madison, what you did tonight was another action in a long list of reckless behaviors. I know you’ve experimented with drugs. You dress up and go to bars. Get arrested. Walk away without letting me know you’re leaving. I don’t know what to do. You’re sixteen, and I can’t seem to make you understand that I worry about you, I love you more than is humanly possible, and I’m terrified of losing you. I’ve lost two fathers and my mother. You’re all I have left.”

  Madison hung her head. “I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

  “You don’t think at all.” Kelley dropped to her knees so she was closer to Madison. “You speak and act impulsively. Everything we do affects at least one other person. The world isn’t made up of only you.”

  “Now you’re getting preachy.”

  “Damn it, Madison, what do you want me to do?” She lunged to her feet and began to pace. “You tell me that you don’t want me to be your mother, and then you do childish things. Running away tonight was incredibly stupid.” Madison had put herself at risk for horrors that Kelley didn’t even want to think about. She glanced around the room, looking for a weapon—and then she spotted it.

  She took a deep, calming breath. “If you question my authority again, if you leave without telling me, if you don’t straighten up—and I think you’re smart enough to know exactly what I mean by that—I’m taking away your phone and your computer for a month.”

  “You can’t do that! You can’t cut me off from my friends in Dallas. I’ll go insane.”

  “You can keep in touch the old-fashioned way: with pen, paper, and postage stamps. Or you can straighten up your act and keep your privileges. Your choice. But I’m warning you, I’m not kidding this time. This house was supposed to be a new start. Don’t blow it.”

  Three seconds after she walked out, she heard Madison slam the door shut. Fine, let her stew for a while at the injustice of it all.

  It was nearly midnight when Kelley crawled beneath the covers, weariness finally settling in. She’d been so wired after her confrontation with Madison that she’d had to work off some of her energy. She’d closed herself off in her bedroom and unpacked boxes, setting up her knickknacks, striving to feel more comfortable in the new house. Like Madison, she sometimes felt overwhelmed, needed to escape.

  But right now, nothing felt like a sanctuary. Maybe that was part of Madison’s rebelliousness. She didn’t have a sanctuary, either.

  Who was Kelley kidding? Jack was right. She was irritated that he could see so clearly what she couldn’t. Irritated that he’d kissed her. Irritated that she’d let him and that she’d enjoyed it.

  Irritated that part of her inability to settle into sleep had nothing to do with Madison and everything to do with Jack. She snuggled down deeper beneath the covers and, with a finger, outlined the lips he’d kissed. She could swear they still tingled.

  Closing her eyes, she drifted off to sleep thinking about the one night they’d shared…

  When the doorbell rang a little after midnight, Kelley knew who it was. She turned off the muted television, leaving only the flickering flames of the vanilla-scented candles to softly illuminate the apartment. The images on the TV had served as company while she’d waited, but she had music playing faintly in the back-ground. Her expectations for this evening were probably far different from those of the young man who waited on the other side of her apartment door. From him, she expected neither flowers nor wine—he was, after all, underage—so she’d taken it upon herself to create the ambience she wanted. Moments like she imagined this one would be were far more important to women, anyway.

  With her stomach fluttering, she walked across the living room. She’d been waiting, anticipation mingling with anxiety, not certain if the path she was about to travel was the right one, almost certain that it wasn’t, but knowing that she really had no choice in the matter. Her heart had long ago decided her course.

  Earlier in the evening, she had sat in a special section designated for the Hopeful High faculty and watched the procession of graduating seniors, with their black robes flapping at their calves and their yellow tassels swaying on one side of their black graduation caps. They’d paraded toward the front of the high school auditorium. The music teacher had enthusiastically played Pomp and Circumstance, and Kelley knew that she wasn’t the only one clutching a tissue she’d pulled from her purse, hoping she could go a few more minutes without having to use it.

  With the announcement of each senior’s full name, the bittersweet moments had touched her more deeply than she’d anticipated they would. Applauding, she’d watched with swelling satisfaction and tears stinging her eyes as each student marched up the steps, crossed the stage, shook hands with the principal, and received a hard-earned diploma. Students she had taught. Students who had sat in her classroom, completed her homework assignments, and taken her exams.

  She was incredibly proud of each and every one of them, had never felt more like a teacher, hoping she’d added to their lives in some small measure, knowing they’d permanently touched hers. She’d remember each and every one of them with fondness. Even the troublemakers, the difficult students, the ones who had challenged her with poor study habits.

  Then Jack Morgan’s name had been called, and the tears stinging her eyes spilled over onto her cheeks. Her greatest accomplishment. Her most satisfactory achievement. He’d actually managed to pass her class with a B average the last six weeks and had made an A-on the final exam.

  And as impossible as it seemed, as wrong as it was, he’d somehow managed to capture her heart.

  Following the ceremony, she’d come home to her apartment, knowing he’d be out celebrating. She wanted him to have this night of revelry, something he’d worked hard to earn.

  And now he was here. She popped her knuckles and rubbed her damp palms over her jean-clad thighs. She’d considered wearing a silky nightgown, but she couldn’t quite embrace the role of seductress, especially when she couldn’t completely discharge the notion that she was corrupting him.

  She almost laughed at that. Jack Morgan was the corrupting influence. He wasn’t an innocent boy. She had a feeling his experiences went far beyond hers. With one more deep breath to steady her nerves, she opened the door.

  The porch light cast a halo around him as he stood before her, his black graduation cap pressed against his chest, the yellow tassel dangling across his hand. The rebellious boy had doubt written all over his face.

  She couldn’t have sent him away if her life had depended on it.

  In a silent invitation, she opened the door farther. He slipped through. With her heart thudding, she closed the door and turned to face him.

  His familiar, cocky, confident grin slowly eased across his face as he extended his graduation cap toward her.

  Hugging it against her chest, she felt the hot, stinging tears once again threaten. “I was so proud of you, Jack.”

  “Wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you.” He cradled her face between his large, work-worn hands. “That day you came to the trailer, I’d made up my mind a few hours before you got there to drop out of school, go to work full-time, and make my way without a diploma. I thought nobody cared. Didn’t think anything I did made a bit of difference to anyone.” He pressed a kiss to the corner of her mouth. “But it mattered to you.”

  He kissed the other corner. “I didn’t think graduation night would ever get here.”

  She heard the impatience in his voice, but she didn’t want her time with him rushed. They’d waited too long, held too many emotions and too much desire at bay. She wanted tonight to be special, to be perfect in every way.

  “I have a gift for you,” she said, stepping away, watching his hands fall t
o his sides, aware of every nuance of his movements.

  His grin increased, and pleasure sparked his eyes. “I’ll just bet you do. I can’t wait to get into it.”

  She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, supposed she should have expected his single-minded purpose. “No, a real gift.”

  She walked to the dining-room table and picked up the box, wrapped in blue paper decorated with graduation caps and scrolls. She now realized that the white bow was probably a little too feminine for Jack, but she’d wanted the package to look nice for him. Taking another deep breath to clear her nervousness, with hope against hope that her gift would please him, she extended it toward him.

  She’d spent hours trying to determine what to give him. She’d wanted something special, something no one else would think of. Something not easily lost or given away. Something he might always possess to remind him of her when he wore it.

  He stared at her offering as though he thought it might bite. “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I know. But I wanted to.” She shook it at him. “Open it.”

  Worry and concern etched his brow. “I didn’t bring anything for you.”

  “You’re not supposed to give me anything. This is your graduation gift.”

  He stood there with his gaze flickering between her eyes and the wrapped package. He shoved his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.

  She laughed lightly. “Jack, didn’t you send out graduation announcements, get graduation…”

  She realized then—with his uncomprehending stillness—that he hadn’t. That he had no one, other than her, who cared one whit that he’d walked across the stage to receive his diploma. She thought her heart might shatter on the spot.

  “It’s just a little something I wanted you to have,” she assured him, desperately wishing she could have done more for him.

  He still appeared unsure as he took her gift. He gave her one more doubtful look before he tore off the paper she’d placed around the gift with such care. He opened the box, his confusion apparent by the deep furrowing of his brow.