The Bull Rider's Plan

by Jeannie Watt

  She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to lose the image. It didn’t fade.

  Emma rolled over on her back and stared at the ceiling, blinking hard. What the heck? She’d seen Jess have close calls before, and while she’d been heart-in-throat at the time, she recovered as soon as he got to his feet, waved his hand as he always did after a ride.

  I don’t want to lose him.

  Emma pressed her lips together.

  That was the truth she’d been sidestepping. She was afraid of losing him. And it wasn’t because she loved him as a friend.

  Hadn’t she learned her lesson with Darion? Get involved with a friend, lose a friend.

  She couldn’t afford to lose someone else close to her. She shouldn’t have continued traveling with Jess. Should have left when she had the chance. Then maybe she wouldn’t have crossed this line, allowed herself to start feeling...too much.

  Yes. She felt too much. And now she had to do something about it.

  Emma dragged in a shuddering breath.

  So much for getting her head together while away from home.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Emma was quiet on the drive to the Big Sky Rodeo. Whatever was going on in her head, she had to deal with on her own, so Jess watched the scenery, told himself to think about his ride.

  Instead he thought about Emma. She’d been part of his life forever, but he had a bad feeling that she was slipping away from him. That soon she wouldn’t be part of his life.

  And there wasn’t much he could do about it.

  When they reached the rodeo grounds, the grand entry had just started. Jess got out of the truck and headed back to the camper to grab his gear.

  “Jess.” He looked up to see Em standing near the door. “I’m heading for the stands.” She pushed the windblown hair back from her face. “Good luck.”

  He smiled at her. “Thanks, kid.”

  He stepped into the camper and when he came out again, she was gone. He headed to the rodeo office, opening the door to go in just as Wes reached for the handle to go out. Wes stepped aside to let Jess come into the room, gave him a curt nod and then continued out the door. They hadn’t spoken since the night at the bar when Wes had opened up his face with the cue ball, and Jess had no intention of making the first move toward reconciliation. He’d be perfectly happy if he and Wes never spoke again.

  He’d pulled another tough bull, which meant he had the potential for another winning ride. Only this time he’d win without scaring Emma.

  That was the plan anyway. Dandy did not cooperate.

  Jess rode him for eight, but the bull slammed him around, attempted to crush him against the gate, then launched into a spin, reversing course during the final seconds, sucking him down into the well, dislodging him a split second before the buzzer.

  Jess jumped to his feet as soon as he hit dirt, ready to run and, sure enough, Dandy made a pass at him with his wicked-looking horns. The bullfighter intervened as Jess made a dash for the fence, clinging to the rails as the bull snorted and raced by. Job done, Dandy headed to the gate and Jess jumped off the fence, so irritated by missing a ride by a fraction of a second that he barely noticed his throbbing shoulder—not until he stooped to pick up his bull rope and it caught fire. He stopped by the medic’s trailer briefly, then headed back to the truck where Emma was waiting for him.

  She wasn’t pale this time. Didn’t seem upset. But her shields were up for whatever reason.

  “I thought I had this one.” He took care not to look as if he was watching her reactions.

  “Me, too,” Em said, falling in step with him. “You want to drive on tonight?” The question was asked in a polite, distant tone.

  Slipping away.

  Frustration knotted inside of him. “Yeah. Sounds good.” The next day’s rodeo started in the late afternoon and he wanted to be as fresh as possible.

  She met his gaze as they walked toward the truck, and for a moment he thought she was about to confess something to him. Then her expression blanked out, which tightened the knot of frustration. Talk to me, Em.

  He could push things, but he wasn’t going to do that.

  “I have to take care of a few things, then we can hit the road.”

  “All right.” Em glanced in the direction of the food stands, which were still open for post-rodeo business. “I’ll get us something to eat, and meet you back here.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Hearing what was on her mind would sound even better, but Em was already gone. In more ways than one.

  * * *

  IT’D BEEN MONTHS since Emma had felt so adrift and unsettled. So alone. Ironically, the guy who understood her best, the guy who could talk her down, was the cause of her unrest.

  Jess had insisted on driving that morning, since Emma had driven for several hours the previous evening, getting them halfway to their destination. She didn’t feel like knitting as she rode, so instead she focused on the rolling, golden grass-covered hills.

  When she returned home, would Darion still be hiding out in Kalispell? And if he’d moved back to Gavin during her absence, would he still avoid her? She’d sent him two texts after their breakup and both had gone unanswered. Either he was truly out of her life, or he wasn’t getting her messages. In her heart, she knew the messages had gone through just fine, and that he needed to focus on rebuilding.

  She could accept that, but it still stung a little.

  Things don’t always turn out the way you want them to.

  No kidding. If they did, she’d be living a very different life right now. Len would be alive and Selma would be managing Wylie instead of her.

  “Hey, Em?”

  “I’m okay.” She spoke automatically, knowing from his tone that he was going to ask what was up.

  “Yeah. Me, too. Now, what’s eating you?”

  She gave him what she thought was a hard-eyed glare. His gaze didn’t waver, so she finally gave up and shifted her gaze to the front again. “I was just going over our situation in my head.”

  “Meaning the don’t-touch-even-if-we-want-to situation?”

  “And the wanting-to-stay-friends situation.”

  “I’m your friend, Em.” He spoke with quiet adamancy. “I always will be.”

  If they left things as they were now, yes, he probably would be. But would she be able to spend any time with him?

  It was hard being a friend to a guy who made her ache inside. It was equally hard not to be able to act on that ache. Being distant with Jess didn’t feel right...but it felt safe. She needed time and knew instinctively that if she gave in to impulse, things would not end well.

  Not only was she not ready, she would not risk her relationship with him. He might get irritated with her standoffishness, but that was a small wound that would heal.

  Jess’s phone rang and he dug it out of his shirt pocket, glanced at the screen, then put it to his ear and asked, “What hospital?”

  Emma’s gaze jerked his way at the mention of a hospital, only to see his lips curve in a fascinating way.

  “Hey, it was a legitimate question...yeah. Same to you.”

  Emma rolled her eyes and settled back in her seat, grateful for the interruption, now that she knew Jess’s twin was calling for nonemergency reasons.

  She heard the smile in Jess’s voice as he said, “Congratulations! That’ll help put a roof on your barn,” and wondered if Skye, Tyler’s wife and her boss, had a hard time dealing with her husband’s occupation. She’d never said anything, but maybe Em would ask her sometime.

  Or not.

  Jess chatted for a few more minutes, then as the town came into sight he said that he had to go and pocketed the phone again.

  “Tyler.”

  “So I gathered.”

  �
�Had a huge win.”

  “Kind of got a hint of that, too.”

  “That’ll be me next year,” he said with a cocky smile that looked more Tyler-like than Jess-like.

  “I hope it is. I hope you win big.”

  “So that I’m out of your hair?”

  Emma’s cheeks started to feel warm. “So that you realize your dream,” she said primly.

  “I will.” He gave her a look she couldn’t read. “Trust me on this.”

  * * *

  JESS DISAPPEARED SHORTLY after finding a parking spot on the edge of the crowded rodeo grounds. The rodeo had already started, so Emma headed toward the packed stands while he gathered his gear. She shielded her eyes against the sun as she climbed the bleachers, turning her head at the sound of a sharp whistle. Mallory waved at her and Emma started working her way along the row toward where her friend sat.

  “Hey, stranger. I didn’t know if you were going to be here.” Mallory shifted to her left, making room for Emma.

  “I didn’t see you at the last rodeos,” Emma said as she sat down.

  “Kait picks and chooses. She doesn’t have the funds to do every rodeo and sometimes she can’t get the time off work.”

  “Ah.” Emma shrugged out of her denim jacket and set it next to her.

  “Still traveling with Jess?”

  Emma managed a casual smile. “I am. That’s why I’m here.”

  “So, what happened at the Road House? You went to the restroom and never came back.”

  “I texted you,” Emma said with a frown.

  “Yes.” Mallory leaned closer. “But what happened? We saw the ruckus in the back room, but there were so many people in the hallway that we couldn’t tell what was happening.”

  Emma gave her friend a sideways look. “Long story short? Wes was a jerk, Jess took exception. Wes hit him. Jess hit him back and then someone called the cops so we went out the back door.”

  “Wow. You escaped. Like Bonnie and Clyde.”

  “Only without robbing the place.”

  Mallory shook her head. “I have no idea how you can travel with that guy and not jump him.” Emma frowned at her, hoping she looked perplexed instead of guilty, and Mallory laughed. “I’m sorry. I just know what I would do.”

  Just as Emma knew what she was tempted to do.

  What she would not do because she wasn’t going to mess up her life again—at least not until she was strong enough to face the consequences.

  She and Mallory chatted through the rodeo. Kait clocked the second-fastest time in the barrels and Mallory leaped to her feet, punching the air. “Yes. Gas money!”

  Emma laughed—or tried to. The bull-riding event was coming up and her nerves were starting to strum. Mallory continued talking and Emma did her best to follow the conversation while telling herself that she had no reason to be this nervous...except for the fact that Jess hadn’t had a truly good ride since they first kissed. Oh, he’d won a couple rodeos, but at what price?

  She was not good for him and being on the road was no longer good for her.

  When the bull riding started, Mallory stopped talking. The first three rides went well, then Wes got bucked off almost as soon as his bull left the chute. Another good ride followed, then Jess was up, just before LeClair, who would close out the event.

  Emma watched him straddle the fence, ease down onto his bull, then realized that her fists were clenched so tightly that her fingers ached. She made a conscious effort to relax her taut muscles only to have them go tight again as the gate opened and Jess’s bull burst out into the arena.

  Jess was back in form, anticipating the bull’s every twist and turn, sticking to the beast as if he were part of him. It was a beautiful thing to watch, even as her heart hammered.

  The whistle blew and Jess tumbled off sideways, with no attempt at finesse, and that was when Emma realized she was standing. She slowly sat down as Jess walked to the gate after giving his customary wave to the crowd.

  “Great ride,” Mallory said.

  Emma waited for her heart to stop trying to pound its way out of her chest before saying, “Yes. He did well.”

  LeClair was next and by the time he’d finished a ride that rivaled Jess’s her heart rate had slowed.

  How many times had she watched Jess ride? Dozens if she counted all the rodeos she’d gone to when Len was alive. She’d always felt a touch of anxiety, but nothing like she felt the past two times she’d watched him ride.

  And that told her it was more than the ride. More than the fear of losing him. It was...complicated. As if multiple threads had woven together, creating a situation that she didn’t understand and didn’t know how to address.

  “Are you all right?”

  Emma turned to Mallory, who had stopped gathering her purse and jacket and was staring at her, an expression of concern creasing her forehead.

  “Actually,” Emma said slowly, “I don’t know.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s a very long story.”

  “I have a very long evening ahead of me. Kait has a boyfriend and I probably won’t see her until the wee hours.”

  People around them were getting to their feet, gathering belongings. Emma and Mallory stood to make it easier for people to get by. Emma met Mallory’s gaze as the last guy eased by, but couldn’t bring herself to say yes. Did she really want to share? If she talked about it, then the situation would become more...real.

  As if it wasn’t real now.

  “It had to do with your bull rider, right?”

  Her bull rider. Emma moistened her lips. “Yeah.” She sat back down as the announcer started naming the winners. “My bull rider, whom I want to keep as a friend.”

  Mallory jerked her head toward the stairs. “Come with me. We’ll get a drink somewhere and you can tell me as much or as little as you want.”

  Emma got to her feet. A drink sounded good. A sounding board even better. Maybe she did need to get some of this out in the open. Get a second opinion. Stop pretending that staring out the window would give her an answer, when experience told her it wouldn’t.

  * * *

  JESS WAS LOADING his gear into the truck when the text from Emma came in.

  Out with Mallory. Back in an hour or two.

  Jess tapped out a quick reply and then opened the tiny fridge to pull out a beer before pulling his notebook off the shelf above the bunk and settling at the table. He wasn’t going to make the mistake of going after her again. If she got into trouble, she had friends.

  He flipped open the cover and scanned the calendar he’d taped just inside. Five more rodeos. He noted the name of the bull he rode and his score and was about to close the book when he instead opened to the pages where he’d outlined his plan. He read through it, then closed the book, took another pull from the bottle.

  Funny how the bad rides had made him more determined to bring his plan to fruition. He’d get through this season and then attempt to go pro regardless of how he finished. If he failed, he failed, and at least he’d know.

  In for a dime, in for a dollar, as Ty always said. Ty had done well following that advice, and there was no reason Jess couldn’t be just as successful. He was committed now. More so than when he started.

  He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. When he jerked awake again, the camper was dark and his neck was stiff. And his first thought was to wonder whether Emma had made it back yet.

  Scooting out from behind the table, he made his way out of the camper, rubbing his stiff neck as he walked around the truck. He glanced in the window as he walked by on the way to the facilities, saw Emma’s boots sitting on the front seat where she always left them, along with her clothing, while she slept, and instantly felt better. She was back.

  Back, but still shut
off from him.

  He missed her. Missed her smart mouth and sassy comebacks. Missed having her drive him crazy by doing things like telling the biggest gossip on the circuit that they were on their honeymoon.

  Good times.

  When he got back to the camper, Jess stripped down to his boxer briefs and climbed into the bunk, where he lay staring at the dark ceiling. Sure, he could have fallen asleep sitting up a couple hours ago, but now...

  A light tap on the door brought him onto one elbow. Before he could push the covers back, Emma opened the door and stepped inside. Jess went still, half afraid that if he moved or spoke, she would head back out, and he didn’t want that. Not until he knew why she was there. Why she was in essence breaking the pact.

  If that jerk, Wes, had done anything to her...

  The thought evaporated as Em started toward him. When she reached the bunk, she eased herself onto it. Almost but not quite touching him.

  “Em?”

  She touched him then. Brushed his face with her fingers before lowering herself down beside him, her knees making contact with his.

  Jess almost forgot to breathe. Still propped on his elbow, he gently touched her face with his free hand, smoothing her hair away from her cheek, wondering what was going on. She skimmed her fingers along his jawline, sending a primal need surging through him before she settled her head to his pillow and nestled up against him. Jess studied her profile against his pillow, grateful that she was there, confused as to the reason.

  Finally, he dropped a protective hand over her, gathered her closer and settled in.

  “What’s going on, Em?”

  “I’m leaving.”

  He pulled back so that he could see her face in the dim light. “When?”

  “Tomorrow. I can’t do this anymore.”

  He gently caressed her face. “Do what?”

  “My being here isn’t doing either of us any good. It’s distracting you from your rides.”

  “I won tonight.”

  “You could have done better.”

  He was ready to take offense when it struck him that she was clinging to the bad rides as a reason to leave, rather than deal with the real issue. Which put him in the position of having to make a choice.