Confessions (New Beginnings #4)

by Michelle Lynn

  The food was good, the drinks were better, and they were in paradise.

  “Slow down there, champ.” Mack laughed as he snatched Abigail’s second drink out of her hand. “Save some for the rest of us.” He took a sip and wanted to spit it out immediately. “That’s strong as hell.”

  The rest of them laughed.

  “I’ll take a Corona,” he said to the passing waitress.

  “Aww.” Taylor smirked. “Too much for you to handle?”

  Abigail had taken her drink back, tipping the Styrofoam cup against perfect lips. “Man needs beer,” she said, hiding her laugh with another sip.

  “Yeah yeah,” Josh came to his rescue as he looked down at his own beer. “We’ll see who has the headaches in the morning.”

  “Exactly.” Mack smirked in agreement. “Plus, someone has to drive your sweet little asses home.”

  They stayed for a while, watching the dark, churning water and talking like nothing was wrong in any of their lives. Everything else faded into the background and Mack hoped it stayed that way until they left.

  The waitress came back and set a shot down in front of each of them. “We do a toast every night. These are pineapple upside-down shots.”

  She hurried away and a moment later was sounding a gong. Taking their cue, they threw the shots back.

  “What was my drink called again?” Abigail asked as they stood to leave.

  Mack hid his smile behind his hand when he heard the slight slur to her words.

  “A Cruzan confusion, Hun,” the waitress told her, handing Mack his receipt. “A number of different flavors of Cruzan rum with a splash of pineapple juice.”

  “It was good.” She swayed on her feet so Mack wrapped an arm around her waist to steady her.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispered against her hair. She shivered, despite the warm air.

  He swiped a hand across his face and then urged her towards the car.

  Back at the house, Mack lifted Abigail from the car. It’d been a long day, and she’d fallen asleep on the way. His muscles strained as he carried her inside, into her room. After setting her on the bed, he removed her shoes and covered her with a blanket. Then he couldn’t help himself. Leaning forward, he placed a light kiss on her forehead, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. Her eyelids fluttered, but she didn’t wake, and he left her to her dreams.

  ###

  The next morning, Abigail woke just as the sun was rising. Her head pounded, keeping her from falling back asleep. With a groan, she kicked off the covers and stretched her legs out on the bed. She didn’t remember going to sleep the night before. Nor did she remember the drive home from the restaurant.

  Exhaustion is a bad mix with booze, she thought. What are the odds there’s coffee?

  They’d come straight to the house from the airport, no passing Go and no stopping for life’s essentials like caffeine.

  Resigning herself to the fact that there was no way she was getting anymore sleep, she sat up and swung her feet off the bed. The cold tile felt good on her toes. Someone had removed her shoes, but left her in last night’s clothes.

  “Dammit,” she mumbled to herself, glancing towards the door. She didn’t want to take the time to change when there might possibly be coffee waiting for her.

  Who was she kidding? She was in the islands. Clothes would only make her feel like she was stuck back home. Digging in her suitcase, she pulled out her bikini and put it on.

  She nodded to herself in the mirror before piling her blond curls on top of her head in a messy bun.

  Leaving her room behind, she padded across the house to the kitchen, where she almost fell to her knees in gratitude. A full pot of coffee was right in front of her. She pulled a mug down from the cupboard and poured herself some before heading for the porch. She couldn’t actually believe she was here until she saw the ocean.

  The sliding glass door was open. The coffee should have been a tip-off that she wasn’t the first one up, and Taylor didn’t drink the stuff let alone know how to make it. Josh probably wouldn’t get up without her. Which left her face to face with Grant.

  His eyes scanned her from head to toe, making her feel both self-conscious and heated.

  “Eyes to yourself, Mackenzie,” she snapped, walking by him to sit in the chair with the best view of the ocean. It sat like a shining reminder that they weren’t in Ohio anymore.

  Keeping her back to Grant, she smiled against her mug as she tilted it. A year ago, if anyone told her this would be her life for a couple weeks, she’d have laughed in their face. Living was a daily struggle in her household, and now here she was in what had to be the most beautiful place on earth.

  “Earth to Abi,” Grant said.

  “How many times do I have to tell you that isn’t my name?”

  “Whoa there.” He put his hands up in front of his chest. “You okay this morning?”

  “Just … please,” she said quietly. “Don’t call me that.”

  He studied her for a moment before nodding.

  Abigail wasn’t ready to share that part of herself with anyone. Not even Taylor knew the reason behind her name preference. She’d been Abi for the first eighteen years of her life. It was her dad’s nickname for her, but mainly when he just wanted to guilt her into not helping the family more. Her father had seen going off to college as a personal affront to him. To him, she was wasting money chasing some elitist notion. To him, it was proof that she thought she was better than them.

  “You going for a swim?”

  His eyes perused her again, but the fight had left her.

  She didn’t answer him. Instead, she asked, “Where’d you get the coffee?”

  He took a sip before setting his mug on the table and wrapping his hands around it. “Brought it with me.” He shrugged. “Couldn’t risk waking up without it.”

  “Why are you up so early?”

  “It’s just something I do since …”

  “Since what?”

  “Since I got serious about my career.” She could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, but he continued. “Since I stopped partying so much and started doing early morning workouts.”

  “Who are you and what have you done with the Grant Mackenzie I knew earlier this year?”

  He laughed and placed a hand over his heart. “Still here, Babe. He just got a better head on his shoulders.”

  “Don’t call me ‘babe’.” She smirked.

  Grant barked out a loud laugh. “There are a lot of things I’d like to call you, Sweetheart.”

  “Beautiful … brilliant …”

  “Angry … fiery … pain-in-my-ass.” He paused. “Trouble.”

  “Oh, you have no idea.” She drained the rest of her coffee and put the cup down before standing. “What’s life without a little trouble?”

  She sauntered across the deck and down the steps to where the blue wood turned into stone. Stopping at the edge of the pool, she stretched her neck from one side to the other, and then raised her arms above her head and dove gracefully into the warm water.

  When she came up for air, she looked back at the deck, disappointed to find Grant no longer there.

  If only he knew what she’d done for him. What she was still doing for him.

  Closing her eyes, she lifted her feet off the bottom and let them float to the top. Nothing was going to ruin this for her. Not her family’s overbearing demands. Not her boyfriend’s controlling douchery. And definitely not her insane desire for things to be different.

  Not for the first time, she wondered if she did the right thing, protecting Grant from unwarranted accusations. Then she remembered where she was, and let the thought drift out to sea.

  Four

  “Do you miss me?”

  “Of course I do.” Abigail sighed, holding the phone away from her face so Colin didn’t hear.

  “You aren’t talking much,” he accused.

  “Just tired.�
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  “You’re on vacation, how can you be tired?”

  “We’ve been going hard the last few days. Doing some touring stuff and hitting up the beach.”

  “I still don’t see how that makes you tired.” He was getting that whine in his voice that Abigail hated. “I still can’t believe you’re there. I thought you needed money. You should be working all summer.”

  Something snapped in Abigail at those words. They were eerily similar to the things her dad had said since she was fourteen. She’d been controlled then and had her teenage years taken from her. She wasn’t going to let someone make her feel bad for enjoying herself now, especially someone who’d never worked a day in his life.

  “We need to take a break,” she said quietly. Why could she be so assertive and strong-willed with everyone else in her life, but not him?

  “Yeah,” he said. “You’re pissing me off. Let’s calm down and talk tomorrow.”

  “You don’t understand. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Do what?”

  “Us,” she whispered.

  He was silent for a beat.

  “No, I don’t think you understand.” His voice was low, dangerous. “You remember what I can do?”

  “That’s over, Colin. It was months ago. No one will believe you anymore.”

  “You think that’s all I have on him?” His laugh vibrated in the phone. “Ask him what happened the summer after his rookie year when he went to Vegas.”

  In any other situation she’d make a joke about what happens in Vegas and all that, but something told her Colin wasn’t bluffing so she stayed quiet. She knew the reputation of playboy Grant Mackenzie, and was scared how bad it could get.

  “You believe me,” Colin said smugly. “I can tell. When you get home, you talk to golden boy and then we can talk about us.”

  He hung up without a goodbye. She held her phone a moment longer before flinging it to her bed like it burned her hand.

  Taylor and Josh were sitting in the living room when she came out. The looks on their faces said they overheard her part of the conversation. Damn tile floors and vaulted ceilings. Taylor hurried over and wrapped her in a hug.

  “So,” she said. “You finally broke up?”

  “What?” Abigail asked. “I thought you guys liked him.”

  “God, no. He’s such a tool.”

  Abigail looked past her best friend and directed her next question at Josh. “Can I talk to you?”

  “Take a seat in my office.” He offered her a smile while gesturing her to the couch. “I am at your service.”

  Her smile was forced and fell almost instantly. Even after everything that’d happened to him over the past year, Josh was still one of the happiest people she knew. She could use some of that.

  “What do you know about Grant’s trip to Vegas the summer after his rookie year?” she asked finally.

  Josh leaned back and crossed one leg over the other. “I know he went, but that’s about it. I was still a couple years away from being a Blue Jacket.” A shadow crossed his face when he mentioned his old team, and then it was gone. Josh never let people see how it all affected him. He tried to remain strong.

  “Dammit,” Abigail yelled. “Dammit dammit dammit.”

  “What’s going on?” Josh asked, taking Taylor’s hand as she sat on the arm of the couch.

  “I think something happened. Something bad. And it’s going to get out unless I do something about it.”

  “What do you mean ‘unless you do something about it’? What’s going on, Abigail?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know.” Mack’s hair was wet from the shower and a towel hung across his bare shoulders.

  Abigail looked up, past his chest and into his stormy eyes. She recognized the look as one of her own. He was about to lose it.

  “I’m waiting, Abigail.” He bit off the end of her name, making it sound harsh on his tongue. “Why is Vegas any of your business?”

  Abigail opened her mouth to speak, but it just kind of hung open.

  “Speak,” he demanded.

  Taylor and Josh looked to each other, unsure what they should do or if they should intervene.

  Grant walked forward until he was looming over Abigail. “Dammit, Abigail!”

  He lowered himself to the floor in front of her and put his hands on her knees.

  She couldn’t tear her eyes from his as they went from stormy to desperate. “Please,” he pleaded. “What’s going on?”

  ###

  Abigail reached out towards Grant and then pulled her hand back as if she’d changed her mind. He didn’t break their gaze as he sat back on his heels.

  He hadn’t heard most of what they’d been talking about, but he heard his name in the same sentence as “Vegas”, and that was enough to send him off the deep end. The single night that had replayed in his mind over and over again for a couple years. Now it was relegated to a past mistake, something he’d always remember and regret, but not something that haunted him as it once had.

  He didn’t want his new and old lives to collide. He didn’t want Abigail or Josh to think differently of him. He’d been a cowardly kid.

  “Will you please tell me what I just walked into here?” he asked.

  Abigail took a deep breath and looked to Taylor who was watching with curiosity. She didn’t know what her friend was going to say either.

  “Okay,” Abigail said finally, straightening her shoulders as her show of strength. “Here goes. Just promise to listen to everything before you react.”

  “I promise.”

  She nodded once and sucked in a breath. “It started last year when I first started dating Colin. He knew about me and you, but to say he was less than pleased is an understatement. But things were sort of okay with us. Then the ball happened. By that point, he’d already told me he loved me. The truth was, I don’t think he loved me the way you’re supposed to. There was an obsessiveness about it that made me uncomfortable. I was going to break up with him after that night.”

  “But you didn’t,” Mack interrupted.

  Abigail acted as if she hadn’t heard him. “That’s when he made those accusations about you. Taylor told me what something like that could do to a career, and that you were already having problems with management.” She closed her eyes and took a second before admitting the next part. “We made a deal.” Opening her eyes, she found Grant to be staring at her.

  “You made a deal,” he repeated dumbly.

  “You didn’t!” Taylor gasped, putting the pieces together quicker than the rest of them.

  “Colin suddenly withdrew his accusations of drug use.” Josh started to get it.

  “What am I missing here?” Grant asked, looking around at their incredulous faces.

  “She did it for you, you ass.” Taylor got up and slapped him on the back of the head.

  Confusion morphed into guilt on Grant’s face as understanding dawned. “Abigail, I need you to say it.”

  She huffed out a breath. “I promised to stay with him and away from you if he let you be.”

  Grant dropped his face into his hands. “Why would you do that?” he muttered.

  Abigail just shrugged. “Don’t be too grateful, I basically told him to suck it today.” She got to her feet and stepped around him to start pacing. “I have to be free of him, Grant. When I first agreed to this, I thought I could still be happy with him.” She stopped moving and looked down. “He’s not a good guy. A good person would sacrifice for someone else, but I have sacrificed enough in my life for other people.”

  Grant got to his feet to meet her gaze. “I didn’t ask you to do this. I never would. My mistakes are my own, you can’t take them away from me.”

  “He has something else on you. Something about Vegas.”

  He sat on the couch, scratching the back of his hand against the stubble on his chin. Abigail stayed standing, her stare burning into him.

&nb
sp; He should have been surprised, but he knew exactly how Colin found out, and he couldn’t even be mad because he deserved worse.

  Maybe he was still that scared young man. Maybe the only way to break free of him was to tell the truth.

  He felt like he was letting Josh down with the truth. His friend who thought drinking and women were his only demons. He couldn’t even look at him.

  Abigail is about to regret helping me, he thought. She’d want nothing else to do with him. Not when she knew what he was; who he was.

  Steeling himself against an onslaught of judgment and disapproval, he started talking.

  “I was nineteen. I’d just played a full year in the NHL as an eighteen-year-old and was flush with cash for the first time in my life. I didn’t take anything seriously. So, I went to Vegas with a bunch of guys from back home. We were having a great time. We had top notch IDs that cost me a fortune, but allowed us to drink and gamble. The real party was in our penthouse, though. There were …” He looked over at Abigail and sighed before continuing. “Women. Prostitutes, I mean. And booze. And …” This time his eyes found Josh. “Cocaine. Lots of it.”

  “We were just up there having the time of our lives and my buddy Travis falls over. We think he’s okay at first, but then he doesn’t get up. I run over to him, but I’m a little out of my mind at this point. He’s got stuff coming out of his mouth. I don’t even remember it all. We call 911 and everyone starts to split. My boy Derek tells me to get going too. The suite is in his name, so he’s going to be busted. But he tells me I don’t need to. So I leave them there.”

  Grant looked down, and was surprised to see Abigail’s hand in his. He didn’t feel it. His voice caught in his throat, but he forced the words out.

  “Travis didn’t even make it to the hospital. Overdose. Derek was caught with so much coke he went to jail for a little while. And I continued playing hockey.”

  “How did Colin find out?” Taylor seemed to be the only one who could speak.

  “Derek’s been out for a while. I’ve seen him once. He isn’t the same. Back then, he didn’t give me up. Now, I don’t think he cares. He wouldn’t actively seek to hurt me, I have to believe that, but get a few drinks in him and he won’t shut up. I didn’t bring the coke, but I didn’t exactly say no either. Derek’s sister goes to Ohio State, so I’m assuming that’s how he knows Colin.”