A Love Like This

by Maria Duffy

  She elbowed him gently in the ribs to try and stop the snoring but he just grunted and started again. She pulled the covers tightly over her head to drown out the noise. She was emotionally drained. Exhausted. Would this be one of the last nights she’d share a bed with Bob? Possibly. Did she feel sad about it? Desperately. And also a tiny bit relieved!

  Chapter 39

  He’d gotten away with it! He could barely believe it. Silvia most definitely wasn’t a fool and Will sensed a change in her demeanour since that night, but for now, he was off the hook. He felt desperately guilty about it but it really hadn’t meant anything. It was just a slip of the tongue. The fact he’d said ‘Oh, Donna’ just at the peak of their lovemaking was unfortunate but it hadn’t been his intention to hurt Silvia. She meant everything to him and he’d have to try harder to make sure she knew that.

  He flicked to the next page on the file he was reading but he wasn’t taking any of it in. He was bored with his job. The pay was good and it was definitely better than working in a bar for minimum wage, but he was back to where he’d started and that didn’t feel good. He’d worked so hard to get away from this. From working for his mother. From feeling strangled by her constant presence. But Silvia was insisting that they get as much money together as quickly as possible. For the wedding, she’d said. For the future.

  The future. Thank God they had one. They almost hadn’t after he made that blunder. He gave up on the file and sat back in his leather swivel chair and, as he’d done numerous times since, he relived that dreadful moment.

  Once the words were out of his mouth, he realised his mistake. He froze for a second and prayed she hadn’t heard.

  ‘What the bloody hell did you say?’ gasped Silvia, pulling away from him.

  ‘Wh— what do you mean? I didn’t say anything.’

  ‘You said “Donna”. You called me Donna.’

  Will tried to think quickly but the orgasm had turned his brain to putty. ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘Will, I’m not stupid, nor am I deaf. Jesus!’ She swung her legs out of the bed and reached for her underwear that had been discarded on the floor.

  ‘You’re hearing things,’ said Will, trying desperately to think of something convincing to say. A lie that would be believable. ‘Why on earth would I say that?’

  ‘Bloody hell, Will. I don’t know. Maybe you wish I was her. Maybe it’s her you want to make love to and not me.’

  ‘Now you’re being silly. I did not say her name.’

  Silvia grabbed her robe from the back of the bedroom door and began to pace back and forth. ‘Were you lovers?’

  ‘Of course not. I told you all this earlier.’

  ‘Maybe you lied. Just as you’re lying about saying her name.’

  ‘Oh for God’s sake, Sil. You’ve gone mad. I met Donna a couple of years ago and we spent precisely one hour in each other’s company.’

  ‘That’s all it takes.’ She sat down on the end of the bed. ‘A lot can happen in an hour.’

  ‘Now you’re just being silly. It was good to see her tonight. Good to find out what happened to her on that day. We shared a really bad experience over there but that’s it. Maybe you felt threatened by her and that’s why you thought I said her name.’

  ‘Hmmm.’

  He could see she was weakening so he warmed to the theme. ‘I mean, I did let out a sort of groan at the end. It’s what you do to me. You heard it wrong.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Come on, Sil. I love you. We’re getting married. Why on earth would I risk that?’

  She looked at him and he could see the worry in her big brown eyes. He reached over and pulled her back beside him on the bed. He wanted to reassure her that she was the one he wanted. He needed to convince her. Because it was true. Donna meant nothing to him other than the fact she was his cousin’s girlfriend. There was no need for Silvia to feel threatened in any way.

  She’d relented and nothing more had been said about it. But Will knew that she was being cool with him. It wasn’t anything obvious – just subtle ways she’d say things to him. She was also making a lot more demands and looking at him as though she was daring him to object. He needed to just suck it up for now.

  Because no matter how he justified it, the fact remained that he had said Donna’s name that night. He’d asked himself again and again why it had happened and he didn’t have an answer. There was no doubt that he’d had strong feelings for Donna when they’d met in Christchurch. He’d even thought at one stage that he’d fallen in love with her. But now he realised that it hadn’t been love. It had been loneliness. He’d been missing Silvia so his feelings had become muddled.

  But the fact remained that Donna was the only person he knew that shared the experience of that earthquake. She was the only one who could understand the awfulness, the devastation. He’d love to chat to her about it. He’d been tempted to ask Bob for her number to see if they could meet up. Not for anything romantic – just to talk. And he would have done. Except for the blunder, as he referred to it in his own head.

  So now he was going to force himself not to think about Donna at all. He wasn’t going to picture how her hair waved like a twisty slide right down past her shoulders. Or how her eyes were the same colour as grass in the springtime. He wasn’t going to think about her freckles or full, pink lips. Now that he knew what had happened on that day and that she was okay, he was going to put her out of his mind for good.

  The phone on his desk rang and startled him.

  ‘Hello.’

  ‘Hi, Will.’ It was Silvia. ‘Are you finishing up there soon?’

  He glanced at the time on his computer screen. Almost five o’clock.

  ‘Because I was thinking,’ she continued, ‘I’m finished a bit early this evening so why don’t we meet at your place and go to the Shelbourne for our tea.’

  ‘The Shelbourne? Isn’t that a bit extravagant for a midweek tea?’

  ‘Maybe. But we need to start getting things moving for the wedding and I think the Shelbourne is a good place to start.’

  Will almost dropped the phone. ‘You want to have our wedding in the Shelbourne? We’ll be paying for it for years.’

  ‘Not necessarily. I heard they do great wedding packages. And it’s such a gorgeous, iconic hotel. Please say we can at least check out what they have to offer?’

  ‘I suppose. But I don’t think we—’

  ‘Great. I’m just logging off here so I’ll see you in about half an hour.’ And she was gone before he could object any further.

  They hadn’t set a date for the wedding yet but Silvia was now pushing to have it sooner rather than later. Will had thought that it wouldn’t be for at least a couple of years but she was talking about having it within the year. It felt like she was rushing things. He didn’t see what the hurry was. They were both in their late twenties and beginning to settle into their jobs and their lives in Ireland. But on the other hand, why wait? They were living together anyway, so what was a piece of paper? And if it made Silvia happy, he was happy too.

  ‘Are you finished there, William?’ His mother appeared at the door looking tired and pale. ‘I’m going to call it a day, so if you like, I can give you a lift home.’

  ‘Thanks, Mum, but I’m not heading home just yet.’

  ‘Can’t that wait until the morning? I was going to cook us steak and chips – your favourite.’

  Will felt sorry for his mother. She was finding life difficult without his dad. Before he died, she would never have left the office this early but now it was as though her heart wasn’t in her work any more.

  ‘So what do you say, Will? We can even pick up Silvia on the way home, if she’s ready.’

  ‘She’s coming into town, Mum. We’re going to go to the Shelbourne for our tea and maybe to make some enquiries about the wedding.’

  Her eyes lit up and she came and sat in the chair in front of him. ‘The wedding? You’re going to have it in the Shelbourne? Have you set the
date? This is wonderful, William, just wonderful.’

  ‘Hold on a sec.’ Will laughed. ‘Nothing has been decided yet. We’re just going to start making a few enquiries. Silvia is keen to set a date soon so we’ll see. And don’t worry, we’ll keep you up to date every step of the way.’

  ‘Well, you’ll love the Shelbourne. Your daddy and I used to go there for our tea when we were younger. Not so much in later years.’ Her eyes glazed over and Will’s heart went out to her.

  ‘Why don’t you come with us?’

  ‘Oh, I wasn’t hinting or anything. I was just—’

  ‘I know, Mum. But it would be good to have your opinion too. And there’s no point in you cooking at home for one. We can all get our tea and see what we think of the place.’

  ‘Well, if you’re sure.’ She was already up off the chair. ‘I’ll just go and tidy myself up.’

  Will laid his head down on the desk as soon as she’d left the room. Why had he gone and done that? He wouldn’t stand a chance of having his say with two strong-willed, opinionated women making decisions. It was great that Silvia and his mother got on so well but sometimes he felt outnumbered. If they wanted the Shelbourne, they’d get it, whether he liked it or not.

  He shut down his computer and went to get his jacket from the hook on the back of the door. Despite constant nagging from his mother, he hadn’t given in to wearing suits to work. He always looked smart in a pair of trousers and an open-necked shirt, and kept a tie on hand in case he absolutely needed it, but the formal look just wasn’t for him. His mother had bought him a wildly expensive herringbone blazer in the hopes he’d ditch the quilted jacket that he wore to work every day but it remained on a hanger in the office. For special wear, he’d assured her.

  His stomach rumbled as he headed down the hall to see if his mother was ready and he realised he was ravenous. Maybe tea in the Shelbourne wouldn’t be so bad after all. His phone beeped just as his mother appeared at the door of her office with her coat on and her hair freshly brushed.

  ‘This will be Silvia now,’ he said, pulling the phone out of his pocket. ‘Perfect timing.’

  They walked to the front door as he checked his message but stopped suddenly when he read what was on the screen.

  ‘Hi, Will. It’s Donna. Can we meet? x’

  Even just reading the message felt like a betrayal. It had been the last thing he’d expected. He snapped the phone shut and stuck it back in his pocket.

  ‘Well, is she here yet?’ asked his mother, staring at him. ‘And why has your face gone all red? Are you feeling unwell?’

  ‘I’m not, it’s not … I mean, it wasn’t her.’

  ‘Oh, right so. Will we wait outside?’

  Thank God his mother had been with him rather than Silvia. Silvia would have copped straight away that the text had unsettled him and she’d have demanded to see it. God, imagine if she knew Donna was texting him. All the work he’d put in over the last couple of weeks to get her back onside would have been wasted. He wondered what Donna wanted. Part of him was excited at the prospect of seeing her but he also knew that if he did decide to meet her, he couldn’t tell Silvia. And that was hardly a good basis on which to build a relationship.

  He pulled up the zip of his quilted jacket as they stepped outside the building. Although it was mid-May and the weather was beginning to improve, there was still a nip in the air. His phone beeped again and he held his breath before checking the message.

  ‘I’ll be there in five. Sil. x’

  He breathed a sigh of relief but allowed his fingers to click on the previous message. He read it again. He’d need to think before answering. That was if he decided to answer at all. Probably the safest thing to do would be to delete it. He couldn’t have Silvia finding the message and letting her mind run away with her. He tapped the delete button, but not before saving the number to his contacts. Under a false name, of course. It would give him time to think about whether or not he was going to meet Donna. He needed to decide whether it would be worth the risk – the risk of Silvia finding out or, more importantly, the risk of him falling for Donna all over again.

  * * *

  ‘Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!’ Donna danced from foot to foot as she frantically tried to stop the text from sending. She quickly switched the phone off in the hope that would stop it. Jesus! She’d just been messing around – typing texts to see how they’d come across. She definitely hadn’t meant to send it!

  Bob was in the shower and she’d been waiting for him to come out to have a chat with him. She’d lain awake all night thinking about him – whether or not he was gay and whether or not she should ask him. It certainly wasn’t something that she could come right out with so she’d planned on just talking to him about their relationship and see where things went from there.

  But then his phone, which he’d left on the kitchen counter, had beeped with a message. She’d ignored it at first but then that blue light had winked at her. It was flashing on and off, taunting her, calling her over to have a look. She’d busied herself chopping tomatoes and cucumber to make a salad but she’d eventually given in and had a look. The message was insignificant. It was the contacts she was interested in. She scrolled down and there it was. ‘Will – cousin’ it said. There was even a little picture of him. It was one of Bob’s favourite things about his beloved Samsung Galaxy – the fact he could snap a picture of someone and add it to their phone number. He thought it was fun to see a picture of someone flash up on the screen when they rang. Personally, Donna thought it was creepy.

  Quick as a flash, she’d grabbed her own phone and copied the number down. She’d thought it might be nice to get in touch. Exciting even. But she was also nervous about it. First she’d typed:

  ‘Hi there, Will. We need to catch up. Call me. Donna.’

  Too demanding. She deleted it. Then she tried:

  ‘Hi, Will. It’s Donna here. I hope you don’t mind me texting you but I was wondering if we could meet up some day for a chat. I hope you’re well. Donna.’ Too formal. Deleted again. Then:

  ‘Hi, Will. It’s Donna. Can we meet? x’

  That’s when she’d pressed Send. All she could hope for now was that she’d switched the phone off quick enough to have stopped it. It was definitely a bad idea. If Will had wanted to meet up with her, he’d have gotten in touch. She’d obviously been just a passing moment for him – probably one of many. She tentatively switched the phone back on and crossed her fingers.

  She could hear Bob singing as she waited for the screen to spring to life. His singing always made her smile but not today. Come on, come on! The bloody phone was torturing her. It was taking ages. Eventually, it lit up and she anxiously opened the messages. ‘Message sent’! Shit. Well, that was that. It was in Will’s hands now. Either he’d ignore the message, leaving her feeling stupid and needy, or he’d agree to meet her to warn her off. To tell her that he was in love with someone else and they were getting married. Either way, it was a lose-lose situation.

  Chapter 40

  ‘Wow, Donna. You look stunning.’ Lexie’s mouth gaped open when Donna emerged from the bedroom in a yellow floral dress. ‘Anyone would think you were trying to impress someone!’

  Donna blushed. ‘Well, there’s no harm in trying to look my best, is there? I hardly made a good impression in Milano that night, with my nose streaming and my eyes puffy and red.’

  ‘Well, he’d be blind if he didn’t notice how gorgeous you look today.’

  Will had texted back. She’d almost died when the message had come in because she’d begun to think he was ignoring her. It had taken him two days but he’d eventually replied saying:

  ‘Sure. How about 1.15pm on Friday. Front of Stephen’s Green Centre?’

  She hadn’t hesitated in replying. Friday was her day off so it was perfect. The text had arrived on Wednesday and she’d spent the last two days thinking of nothing else. What was she going to wear? What was she going to say? Would she be able to cont
ain her feelings? But she knew she’d have to. Despite how she felt, she would never purposefully break up a relationship. If she knew he was happy with Silvia, then she’d have to accept it. But a small part of her – no, a huge part of her – hoped that he felt the same as she did. That he’d tell her that she was the one for him and not Silvia.

  She did a final check in the mirror before heading off for the bus. It was only a ten-minute bus ride so she had plenty of time. She’d toyed with the idea of being a little late. Just so that she wouldn’t appear too keen. But then she’d thought of that day in Christchurch. That awful day. And she knew she couldn’t be late again.

  The summer sun was beaming as she strolled up Grafton Street and she was thankful for the loose cotton dress she was wearing. She glanced at her watch as she got to the top of the street and saw it was only just gone one. Plenty of time for her to get herself together before he arrived. But as she approached the entrance to the centre, she saw he was already there. He hadn’t changed a bit in the couple of years since they’d first met, except maybe his hair was a little neater. She’d loved how it had fallen in loose curly tufts over his forehead. Now the curls were more controlled. He was wearing pale chinos and a open-neck blue shirt and was tapping something into his phone as he leaned against the wall. She stopped for a moment just to look at him. She adored him. How could she not?

  ‘Hi, Donna,’ he said casually, as she finally approached him. ‘It’s good to see you.’

  He didn’t kiss her.

  ‘Will we go inside for a coffee or just go and sit on a bench inside the park?’

  Donna finally found her voice. ‘The park sounds nice. It’s a lovely day.’

  They ran across the road to avoid the traffic and Donna felt disappointed he hadn’t grabbed her hand. He hadn’t noticed the dress either. She’d picked it because it was almost identical to the one she’d worn the day they’d met. She’d thought it would remind him of the connection they had back then. Obviously not.