A Love Like This

by Maria Duffy

  ‘You’re keeping something from me too, Bob, aren’t you? You know you can tell me. As you said, let’s get everything out in the open.’ She took his hand and squeezed it to reassure him.

  He suddenly stood up and began pacing.

  ‘Bob, please don’t be afraid to tell me. I think I already know.’

  He stopped and stared at her. ‘You do?’

  ‘Come and sit back down,’ she said, patting the space beside her on the sofa. ‘Let’s talk about this. You’ll feel much better when you get it out in the open.’

  ‘I honestly don’t think you know what I’m going to tell you, Donna. Because if you did, you wouldn’t be so calm.’ He sat back down, his face creased with worry.

  ‘It was Lexie who guessed,’ she said. ‘I suppose I’ve been waiting for you to tell me. I knew things weren’t right between us and I wanted you to say it.’

  ‘Lexie? But I didn’t … I mean, how did she …?

  ‘She only mentioned it as a possibility but as soon as she said it, I started to see it myself.’

  ‘Oh God, I didn’t realise I’d been so obvious.’

  ‘Listen, Bob.’ She moved in closer to him. ‘There’s absolutely nothing to worry about. It’s time to start being yourself. We’ll all be here to support you and it doesn’t change who you are.’

  ‘Change who I am? I’m not sure I understand.’

  Donna squeezed his hand again. ‘Being gay doesn’t change a thing. It’s who you are and we love you no matter what.’

  ‘GAY!’ He hopped up off the sofa and stared at her. ‘You think I’m gay?’

  ‘Well, I thought you said—’

  ‘Donna, I’m not gay, I’m in love with Lexie!’

  * * *

  ‘Do you love me, Will?’

  Will folded the corner of the page he was reading and closed his book. ‘Of course I love you, Sil. What a stupid question.’

  ‘But do you really love me. Absolutely and completely?’

  ‘What’s this about? You know I do.’

  ‘But you seem hesitant about Perth. If you really loved me, you’d support me. Didn’t I come all the way over here to be with you? I think it’s time you made the same grand gesture for me.’

  Will was taken aback by her insistence. They’d just come to bed after the evening with his aunt and family and he’d thought it had gone really well. He hadn’t even had time to digest the information about Perth and he’d thought Silvia was happy to let him think about it for a bit. It was a big thing, moving again to the other side of the world, and he wasn’t sure he really wanted to.

  ‘I mean, what’s holding us back?’ she continued. ‘You don’t want to be working for your mother forever. You said that yourself. I love my job but the one in Perth is going to be even better. There are no kids to complicate things so there’s nothing to stop us taking the plunge.’

  ‘I suppose not.’

  ‘Well, you could show a bit more enthusiasm.’

  Will sighed. ‘Silvia, you only told me about this earlier today. I need time to think.’

  ‘What is there to think about? We’re supposed to be getting married. That means living happily together for the rest of our lives. It’s a no-brainer – if I go, you go.’ She fixed her pillow and pulled the duvet up around her before turning her back on him.

  ‘So is that the end of the conversation, then?’ It wasn’t often he got annoyed with Silvia but her behaviour was making him see red. ‘Is that it? You tell me what you want and I don’t get a say in it?’

  She turned back around and glared at him. ‘Well, it seems to me that maybe you have another reason to want to stay here.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re being so unreasonable, Silvia. I have to think about my mother. We’ve only just lost my dad, you know. She’ll be on her own if we leave. And then there’s the job. I’d have to give her notice and see about getting a job over there myself. There’s so much to think about.’

  ‘And what about Donna?’ She spat the words.

  ‘Oh, here we go again,’ said Will. ‘I never said her name. Isn’t it about time you forgot about that?’

  ‘It’s not just that, Will. I see the way you look at her.’

  Shit! ‘What are you talking about? Tonight was only the second time you’ve ever met her. How can you say something like that?’

  ‘I’m not stupid, you know. I can see there’s something between you both.’

  ‘Sil, you’re imagining it.’ His voice softened and he pulled her in closer to him. ‘It’s you I love. You I want. There’s nobody else.’

  ‘Do you really mean that?’

  ‘Of course I do, love. As you said, we’re getting married, aren’t we? And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. I can’t think of anything better.’

  She snuggled into him and he breathed a sigh of relief.

  ‘Well, then you’ll agree to come to Perth,’ she said. ‘We can still come over and get married in Ireland, if that’s what you want, and your mother can come over and visit any time she likes.’

  He decided not to say any more for now. A few weeks ago, he probably would have jumped at the chance of going back to Perth. He’d have been happy to move away from his mother, his job, his boring life in Ireland. He would have been excited. But that was before Donna came into his life again.

  If only she wasn’t with Bob. And he wasn’t with Silvia. Was it possible to love two people at the same time? To be in love with them? The whole thing was a mess and he cursed that earthquake that had split him and Donna up in the first place. Would they have ended up together if it had never happened?

  The sound of soft snores filled the room and he was relieved that Silvia had dropped off to sleep. Maybe it was the wine she’d drunk earlier that had made her so unrelenting. But he’d always known she was a fiery Italian, used to getting what she wanted, so her persistence shouldn’t really have come as a surprise.

  They had a lot of decisions to make over the next few weeks and, whether he liked it or not, Donna was part of those decisions. He needed to know what she thought. Were things serious with Bob or was there still a chance for him? He couldn’t believe he was thinking that way but there was no point in lying to himself. She said she’d text if she wanted to meet him again. That was it. He’d give it a week and if she hadn’t texted by then, he’d move on. And he’d be happy with Silvia. They could go to Perth and create a new life for themselves. He’d forget Donna in time. Just like he’d done before. Just like he’d tried to do.

  * * *

  Donna was lost for words. That was the second time Bob had surprised her tonight. Lexie! How had she not seen that? Her mind began to spin as she thought about times when all three of them were together. Had there been secret looks behind her back? Had they stolen intimate moments together? Had they taken her for a fool?

  ‘Donna. Speak to me. Did you hear what I said?’

  She looked at him slowly. ‘I heard. You and Lexie.’

  ‘There is no me and Lexie,’ he said, blushing a deep red. ‘She has no idea how I feel.’

  ‘Oh! So nothing has happened?’

  ‘Of course nothing has happened, you big eejit. I have feelings for her but I’ve never once made them known.’

  Donna’s head was in a spin. There was so much to take in. ‘And she doesn’t know?’

  ‘Not a clue. I’m really not sure I’m her type anyway.’

  ‘Do you know what, Bob? You’re exactly her type.’ Donna was warming to the idea. ‘I think you’d make a lovely couple.’

  ‘Do you think?’

  ‘I do. But you need to tread carefully. Lexie has had a tough few years. She doesn’t need to have her heart broken again.’

  ‘I can’t believe we’re even having this conversation,’ said Bob, shaking his head. ‘This is the weirdest split I’ve ever heard of.’

  Donna laughed at that. ‘I know, isn’t it? But seriously. I want you to be happy, Bob. And I think Lexie might be the girl to
do that for you.’

  ‘Has she ever said anything about me?’

  ‘Actually, she never stops talking about you. She adores you.’

  Bob beamed. ‘Well, that’s a good start.’

  ‘But let things settle down for a bit,’ said Donna. ‘She won’t want to take over where I left off.’

  ‘That makes it sound so seedy.’ He looked hurt.

  ‘I don’t mean it to. But she’s going to worry about me, about what other people will think – you know how it is.’

  He nodded. ‘I’m in no rush. I’m just happy you’re happy. But now what are we going to do about you and Will?’

  ‘There is no me and Will.’

  ‘But there could be. Is that what you want?’

  Donna sighed and fixed the cushion behind her back. ‘In an ideal world, yes. But he’s with Silvia and I honestly don’t think he feels anything for me. He told me today that she was his destiny.’

  ‘He told you that? At the house?’

  Donna couldn’t look him in the eye.

  Bob persisted. ‘Donna? Is there something you’re not telling me?’

  ‘I got his number from your phone,’ she said, sheepishly. ‘I’m sorry, but I needed to talk to him. It was just once, I swear. I met him today at lunch time.’

  Bob didn’t say anything.

  ‘Honestly, Bob. It wasn’t like I was going behind your back or anything. Well, not before today. And I’d been planning to tell you.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter now,’ sighed Bob, and then his face lit up. ‘But surely it’s a good thing if he wanted to meet you. You’ve got to meet him again. Tell him how you feel.’

  ‘I … I can’t. I’d only make a fool of myself. He doesn’t feel the same.’

  ‘But how do you know that?’ Bob was standing up now. Pacing the floor. Planning the next move.

  ‘Haven’t you heard me, Bob? He’s in love with Silvia.’

  ‘But he thinks you’re in love with me.’

  Donna lowered her head. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Listen, Donna. There’s no need to be sorry. We’re both going to move on. How did you leave things?’

  ‘He told me to text him if I wanted to meet again.’

  ‘Right, where’s your phone?’

  Donna stiffened. ‘Why? What are you planning to do?’

  ‘Not me. You! You’re going to text him and say you’ll meet him tomorrow.’

  ‘I’m working tomorrow.’

  ‘Sunday, then.’

  ‘Bob, I’m not asking him to give up his Sunday to meet me. He’ll be with Silvia.’

  ‘Well, then Monday. Stop making excuses. Right, get typing. You’re going to meet him and you’re going to tell him exactly how you feel. What do you have to lose? If he doesn’t feel the same, he’s going to Perth so you might never have to see him again. And if he does feel the same …’

  Donna’s heart flipped with excitement. Bob was right. She’d tell him. Maybe it would amount to nothing but she had to do it. She called up his number and typed:

  ‘Hi, Will. Let’s meet again. How about front of St Stephen’s Green at 1 p.m. Monday? Donna x’

  She checked it and deleted the kiss. There’d be plenty of time for that later if things worked out. She suddenly felt exhausted. Emotionally drained.

  ‘I need my bed,’ she said, after she showed Bob that she’d sent the text.

  ‘Me too.’ He hesitated. ‘Can we still share the bed for the moment? As friends? I promise there won’t be any funny business, even though I’m not gay!’

  ‘Oh God, I’m sorry about that, Bob. I just thought … it was just …’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. Don’t you think I’ve heard it a million times before? I’m just confident – in touch with my feminine side.’

  ‘And I love you for it. Come on, let’s go to bed.’

  Donna felt more content than she had in ages. She and Bob were meant to be friends. Nothing more. It just felt right. As she snuggled in under the covers, she thought about Will and wondered were they the same – destined to be friends. Or did destiny have something else in store for them?

  Chapter 44

  Donna was early. She’d finished work at twelve and had immediately gone into the little bakery toilets to change. On Bob’s suggestion, she’d gone to River Island the previous day and bought a gorgeous knee-length, jade-green dress. ‘It’s your colour,’ Bob had assured her. ‘You want to blow his mind.’

  Jan had commented on the outfit but Donna had been vague. She and Bob had decided to keep the split quiet for the moment. Just until things settled down. Jan had seemed miffed when Donna hadn’t told her where she was going and Donna had felt bad for keeping secrets from her. But it wouldn’t be for long.

  She watched nervously as crowds of lunchtime shoppers poured through the doors of the shopping centre. What if he didn’t come? He’d replied quickly to say he’d be there but maybe he’d had second thoughts. She shifted her weight onto one foot. Her new nude Next sandals were killing her but she had to admit they looked gorgeous with the dress. She checked her watch again. Bang on one o’clock.

  She’d told Lexie about her split with Bob. There was no way she could keep it a secret from her friend – especially since she lived with them. But they weren’t telling her about how Bob felt yet. ‘One thing at a time,’ Donna had said to Bob, and he’d agreed. Lexie was very sorry they’d broken up but she was thrilled that Donna was going to talk to Will. ‘Imagine if you two got together after all this time,’ she’d said. ‘It would be like a fairy tale.’ Donna was doubtful it would ever happen but there was still a little flicker of hope that she was holding on to. Almost ten past one now and no sign. Her hope was fading fast.

  ‘Hello, Donna.’

  Donna almost jumped out of her skin. She’d been looking down Grafton Street, expecting to see Will coming from that direction, when her shoulder was tapped from behind. She swung around and her mouth gaped open.

  ‘Silvia! What are you doing here?’ She felt panic rise up inside her. What if Will arrived at the same time? It would be difficult to explain that one away.

  ‘I’m here to see you.’ She looked professional in a navy pencil skirt falling just below the knee and a crisp white blouse with ruffles up at the neck. ‘Sorry I’m late.’

  ‘Me? I’m not sure what you—’

  ‘Let’s not waste time pretending, Donna. You asked Will to meet you here but he sent me instead.’

  Donna’s heart dropped to the floor. She was glued to the spot. He sent his fiancée. How could he? If he didn’t want to see her, he could have just said. She felt humiliated. Devastated. She wished she could be Dorothy – click her heels and be back home.

  ‘Shall we walk?’ said Silvia, making a sweeping gesture with her hand towards Grafton Street. ‘I’m just on my lunch break so I don’t have long.’

  Donna nodded and fell into step beside her. She opened her mouth several times to say something but nothing came out. It wasn’t an easy conversation to start. They walked slowly and in silence for a few moments until Silvia spoke again.

  ‘He likes you, Donna. But he doesn’t want to see you again. He doesn’t want to be reminded.’

  ‘Reminded? What do you mean?’

  ‘Didn’t you see his hand? Do you know what he went through on that day? It was the most awful day of his life. He said that seeing you is a constant reminder of the disaster in Christchurch.’

  ‘Oh.’ She’d hoped that meeting her might have been the one bright thing about that awful time. Obviously not.

  ‘I think it’s a bit of PTSD, to be honest.’

  ‘It’s what?’ Donna could feel blisters popping up on her heels as they walked and had to resist the temptation to take off the sandals and walk in her bare feet.

  ‘Post-traumatic stress disorder. He has nightmares, you know. And seeing you just adds to that.’

  ‘God, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.’

  ‘How could you? You barely know h
im at all.’

  Donna looked at her and saw the steel in her eyes. They were loaded words – she barely knew him at all. And she was right. Silvia was warning her off and she had good reason to.

  ‘I didn’t want to cause any trouble, you know,’ said Donna, close to tears. ‘It’s just he’s the only one who understands the horror of that day. I just wanted to talk to him about it.’

  Silvia took her elbow and guided her expertly through a crowd of shoppers. ‘I know. And I understand. Really I do. But you can’t put him through the trauma any more.’

  ‘But that was never my intention. Why didn’t he tell me about this when we …’ Shit. She probably shouldn’t mention their last meeting. God, she wished she knew what Will had said to Silvia.

  ‘When you last met?’ Silvia stopped suddenly outside the main door of Brown Thomas. ‘Don’t worry. He’s told me everything. He didn’t say anything to you because he could tell that you were, let’s say, needy. He didn’t want to upset you.’

  Needy? How could Will have said that about her? She felt a mixture of fury and devastation. She’d loved him – really loved him. And she’d been sure he felt something too.

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Donna. Will understands that you went through a lot over there too. Maybe you should talk to your own boyfriend about it. I’m sure Bob is a great listener.’

  What could she say to that? ‘So what did Will say? Did he just tell you to come here and warn me off? It doesn’t seem like something he’d do.’

  ‘Not warn you off, Donna. Just let you know that he can’t see you again. He was going to text you but I told him it would be easier if I told you face to face.’

  ‘I’m sure you did.’ She couldn’t resist the jibe. Silvia was horrible. And if what she was saying was true, Will wasn’t much better either.

  ‘Anyway,’ Silvia continued, ‘Will and I will be heading off in just over two weeks so we’ll be out of your life for good then.’

  ‘Heading off?’

  ‘Yes, to Perth. Remember we told you the other night?’

  ‘I … I didn’t think Will was sure. I thought maybe he didn’t want to go.’