She considered the fact that she might have to spend some time in meditation about the fact that she was so drawn to his fury. It had been some time since she’d been drawn to any man.
She slipped away before he could spot her spying on him. The last thing Jillian wanted was to get off on the wrong foot with her new neighbor.
Chapter 2
Mateo Williams stared up at the house in front of him and tried to get control of his anger. His heart slammed against his chest. His mind was fogged with the desire to lash out at someone, anyone. He hated the way he felt, and yet that hatred only fed into the anger.
The house seemed to be staring back at him. It was everything he’d once dreamed about and now it seemed to be mocking him.
This was the house that they would have had their first anniversary in. They’d planned to have a family, to get a dog, to do everything that he thought they were supposed to do—to build a life together. But with one stroke of a pen, she’d changed all that.
He closed his eyes as he recalled the moment that Kate had told him she wanted a divorce.
They’d started out with couple’s counseling—a way to strengthen their relationship, she’d claimed. Only he’d started to notice a theme in their sessions. It was always his fault—he had a temper, he didn’t communicate, he wasn’t available.
Then it was over. She refused to even consider alternative options.
On his knees, he’d begged her in one of the most shameful moments of his life. His blood still boiled at the memory of her back as she’d turned away from him. He wished he could destroy everything that reminded him of her.
But he’d already bought the house, and it was too soon to resell. So she got their apartment, and he had to move. Now he faced a reminder of his mistake, and would continue to, every single day.
Not only was it excruciating, but the amount of repairs and renovation he’d have to do to be able to resell the house was going to take a lot of time. He was determined not to sink any more money into the property than he already had. With only himself and time on his hands, he was going to do as much of the work himself as possible.
He turned back to the movers. With the looks they were giving him, he could tell that they weren’t pleased to be working with him. He didn’t really blame them. He was constantly on the edge of an angry outburst.
“Make sure you put the tools in the garage. Where’s the ladder?”
“I put it in the shed behind the house,” one of the movers replied.
“Why would you put it all the way back there? Get it and put in the garage.”
The man glowered at Mateo, but Mateo ignored him. He had to find a way to calm down. He took a deep breath of the fresh air.
When he’d first seen the house, he’d fallen in love with the location. The house could have been a shack, and he still would have bought it. He’d envisioned himself out on the lake in his kayak. He expected to go fishing and hiking, and maybe even do some rock climbing at some nearby parks.
What he hadn’t expected was that he’d be doing those things alone. Now all the things that he’d found beautiful and exciting about the house were just salt in his wounds.
He growled under his breath and turned away from the house. As he did, he caught sight of a woman near the property line of his front yard. Her blonde hair was tied back in a loose ponytail, her eyes were wide and inquisitive.
“Just what I need, a nosy neighbor.” He frowned and looked back at the house.
It would take him a long time, but once it was done, he’d sell the house and have the memory of it and his ex gone forever. If only he could get through the next few weeks without losing it, he was sure that he’d survive—at least he hoped that he would.
He stepped into the garage and walked over to the bicycle that leaned up against the wall. He hadn’t taken it out for a ride in some time. There were a lot of things that had been put on pause as he’d arranged his future with his wife. Nothing had pleased her.
He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. Sometimes the anger was strong enough that he thought he might explode. He pushed away the avalanche of thoughts about what might have been and drew in a deep breath in an attempt to control the fury that threatened to surface. He had to remain in control.
He pulled the bicycle out of the garage. “I’m going for a ride. If you finish up before I’m back, just lock up.”
“Will do.” One of the movers nodded.
It crossed his mind that they could take anything they pleased, but he didn’t have much for them to steal.
He hopped onto his bicycle and began to ride.
Another thing he liked about the area was the multitude of well-marked bicycle paths. There were no cars competing with him for a slice of pavement. This allowed him to pump his legs as hard and fast as he could. The more wind that hit his face, the more his frustration subsided. If only he could keep going until everything that burdened him was nothing more then a blip in the distance, maybe then he could be the person he’d once been.
Memories tangled together in his mind—sharp words, slammed doors, broken dishes. Somehow between the time he’d met her and the time everything had ended, he’d turned into a monster—a man that he didn’t even recognize with emotions that he couldn’t seem to control. He didn’t even recognize himself anymore.
Maybe she’d been right. Maybe he had become the terrible person she’d accused him of being. Despite the hurt he felt that she’d left him, it went deeper than that. He wondered if everything she said about him was true, and he was just too blind to see it.
One thing he was sure of—he’d never allow anyone to dictate his life and choices again. He had no intention of ever allowing another person into his heart.
Chapter 3
Even after she walked away, Jillian could hear him as he barked out orders. Her stomach tightened in reaction to the anger in his voice. She vowed to do her best not to get rattled by the commotion next door. It might be interesting to have a new neighbor, but she had a daily schedule she’d always stuck to.
In the mornings, she repeated her affirmations before she even got out of bed. She set her intentions for the day and tried to remain in a peaceful accepting state. She found that this approach to life allowed her to succeed in just about everything she set her mind to.
As the afternoon light began to wane, Jillian prepared for meditation by changing into a loose flowing white gown. She preferred not to have anything restrictive on, so that she wouldn’t be reminded of the physical world while she meditated.
She settled into her favorite meditation spot. It was a high window with a wide windowsill. The view overlooked the lake, and as the late afternoon sunlight spilled through the glass and warmed her body, she often felt as if she was fully connected with nature.
She settled comfortably on the windowsill. She noticed the new neighbor on his bicycle as he rode toward his house. The moving truck appeared to be gone. Now things would be calm, she assumed. It would be a good time to meditate.
She took a deep breath and began to release all the tension she’d gathered in her body throughout the day. Muscle by muscle her body relaxed. She was so accustomed to doing this that she didn’t have to think about it.
As the tension fell away, a warmth billowed up within her. It was familiar and as comforting as a hug. She drew in another long deep breath and her body felt as if it had expanded beyond her lungs.
She was just about to draw another breath, when the shrill sound of a drill disrupted the comfortable silence she’d settled into. Her eyes flew open. Her entire body grew tense.
“Okay, it’s just a drill. Outside sounds will happen.” She refocused on her meditation. She began to release the tension in her body once again.
When she drew her first cleansing breath, she nearly bit her tongue in response to loud blows of a hammer. She opened her eyes and blinked a few times. It sounded like the hammer was right outside her window.
A moment later the hammer blow
s were replaced by a string of curses. It wasn’t as if she expected no one around her to curse, but it certainly wasn’t a good background for meditation. She’d spent a lot of time removing negative self-talk and words that held negative connotations from her vocabulary. The sudden invasion of ugly words was jarring to her.
“Fine, this is just not the right time. I can move my meditation time today.”
As Jillian stood up from the window, she was curious about what her new neighbor was up to. She stepped out onto the balcony to take a look.
She was startled to find that he was on a ladder across from where she stood. His shirt was on the ground and his bare back flexed as he swung the hammer. There was enough distance that she thought she might not get caught, but her heart lurched as she realized that with one look over his shoulder he would see her there.
She started to step back away from the railing. As she moved, her foot knocked into one of the flowerpots that lined the balcony. The pot clanged against the metal bars. She took a sharp breath and looked up in the same moment that he turned his head toward the sound.
His gaze appeared to collide with hers. A sharp shiver of anticipation raced up her spine. Did he see her?
As he continued to stare, she was certain that he did. Would he introduce himself? Would he demand to know why she was watching him? He held her gaze for what felt like an eternity. She couldn’t bring herself to look away.
Then, as if he couldn’t be bothered, he looked back at the gutter. He didn’t speak, didn’t smile, didn’t even apologize for all the noise or his language. He just ignored her.
As he began to hammer again, she turned and walked back inside from the balcony. Of all his possible responses, she didn’t expect to be ignored. It was clear to her that he was not a friendly person.
“It’s important to be flexible.” She spoke the reminder out loud so that she would believe it better as she stepped back into her bedroom.
The thought of flexibility reminded her that she should get a little yoga in before she went for her evening walk along the lake. She headed back downstairs to the living room and got out her yoga mat. She decided to do just some easy stretching, since her nerves were a little rattled.
She turned on some peaceful music and began to ease into the first position. As her body stretched, the windows of the living room rattled. It wasn’t hammering, or even a drill that did it. It was fierce angry music. She could barely make out the words in all the noise and screaming.
Tension rippled through her body. She was not accustomed to such an invasion of her peaceful surroundings. Although there was no rule against loud music until after ten, she’d never experienced a neighbor who disrupted the quiet of their natural surroundings quite this way.
Her skin prickled with irritation. There was no way she’d be able to meditate or do yoga, with that kind of noise.
“Alright, stay calm, everything’s fine.” She stood up and climbed the stairs to go back up to her bedroom. She’d just change and leave for her walk early.
As she grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to wear she felt uneasy. Normally, she didn’t hesitate to change in her bedroom, but with him working on the house she wasn’t sure if he might be able to see her. She changed in the bathroom instead.
As she left the house, she saw the large radio he had positioned beside him. Even though it was almost dark, he was now hard at work chipping away the old siding on the house. It occurred to her that he must be exhausted. He’d moved in, gone for a bicycle ride, fixed the gutters, and was still hard at work. Only a few hours had passed since Jillian had seen him moving in, yet she didn’t think he’d stopped for a second to rest.
A hint of sympathy filled her as she studied his rigid back. Something was driving him to be so determined.
Chapter 4
Mateo tried not to be overwhelmed. He’d already smashed three fingers with the hammer. He couldn’t focus. It was as if he was distracted by something without knowing what it was. Or maybe he just felt the need to punish himself. He deserved the wounds that the house repairs were giving him.
He closed his eyes at the thought. Maybe he did. When he opened them again, he saw that the gutter drooped once more. He cursed a few times and slammed the hammer into a nail in an attempt to secure the gutter. Maybe the house had something against him too.
As he drew back to hammer in another nail, he heard a sound behind him. He turned his head in the direction of it, and found himself looking into the clearest blue eyes he’d ever seen. They reminded him of ice and an expansive summer sky at the same time. It wasn’t that she was so close—there was a bit of distance between them—but the color was so intense.
He stared into her eyes without a thought of looking away. For a few seconds it felt like he’d entered a different dimension, a place where everything he experienced was pure pleasure. All of the anger and hurt that brewed within him seemed to disappear. It was a brief loss of sanity.
A moment later reality slammed back into him harder than ever. Obviously he was distracted because she was spying on him. No wonder he couldn’t get anything done right—what with someone watching him the entire time.
He narrowed his eyes and turned away from her. He was relieved that she didn’t try to strike up a conversation. If it were up to him, they’d never speak. He didn’t care how stunning she was in that white gown.
The idea that she might be beautiful only made him more angry. He craved isolation, not an awkward encounter with a strange woman—especially a woman.
He focused on his work again. When he finished the gutter, he grabbed a few tools from the garage. As he did, his mind wandered back to the woman on the balcony.
He gritted his teeth as the memory of looking into her eyes kept returning to his mind. His irritation mounted. No matter how he tried to push her out of his mind, those eyes kept returning to it.
He grabbed his radio and put on one of the angriest tracks he could find. He blasted it as loud as the volume dial permitted. He wanted to drown out any distractions. Then he went to work prying off the old siding on the house.
Every piece shredded was one step closer to escaping the pressure of owning the house. He couldn’t wait to have it gone. Then maybe he’d wander the country for a while. He could always find construction work wherever he went, to keep himself afloat.
It sounded like a good idea to him—no attachments, no commitments, and certainly no heartbreak.
He was about to pry off another large piece of siding when he felt a tickle along the back of his neck. He froze. There was no doubt in his mind that he was being watched. When he looked over his shoulder, he was annoyed to see the same woman he’d seen on the balcony before. She just stood a couple of feet away staring at him.
“What?” The word popped out of his mouth before anything else could. It wasn’t polite or friendly, and he didn’t care. It was nicer than what he’d been thinking. “Is there a problem?”
“Oh, no.” She smiled.
He noticed the way she fidgeted with her fingertips, pulling at them with her other hand.
“I know you’re working hard. I just thought maybe I should introduce myself.”
He didn’t respond, but he did set down the tool he was using. He knew the introduction was inevitable. There was no point in fighting it. He turned the radio down enough so that he could hear her.
“I’m Jillian.” She offered him her hand. “I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood. I’m sure that you’ll like it here.”
He clenched his jaw and tried not to look into her eyes. “Mateo. Thanks, but I won’t be staying.” He turned back to the house and picked up the tool again. He was sure that would get his point across.
“Oh, that’s too bad. It’s a wonderful place to live. Peaceful.”
He winced and tried to keep his temper in check as he turned back around to look at her.
She tilted her head to the side. “The lake is stunning.”
“I bet.” He narrowe
d his eyes as he looked back at her. “I have to get back to work.”
“Sure, of course. I’m just going for a walk. If you’d like, I could give you a tour of the walking paths sometime. I noticed you on your bike earlier and there are some great places to ride.”
Her comments made him bristle even more. “Yeah, I’ve noticed you noticing me.”
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“I mean, I don’t know what you’re getting out of it, but I really don’t need you staring at me all the time. It’s distracting.” He turned the volume of the music back up and looked back at the house.
His heart pounded hard. He knew he was being rude, but he didn’t care. He wanted her to leave him alone. If he made her angry, then it was more likely she’d never talk to him again. That was exactly what he wanted.
He returned to his work without waiting to see her reaction. He expected her to yell, maybe even to curse. He was prepared for her to tell him what a terrible person he was. When none of those things happened, he stole a glance back over his shoulder.
She was gone.
He caught sight of her as she walked toward the lake. The wind stirred her hair. His heart skipped.
“No.” He shook his head and ripped off another piece of siding. “Not this time, Mateo. You’re not falling for that again.”
Chapter 5
Jillian was left in shocked silence in reaction to her new neighbor’s words. Not only had she not expected him—Mateo, he’d said his name was—to talk to her that way, he hadn’t even given her a chance to defend herself.
When he’d turned his music back up, she’d taken a step back, fighting her instinct to argue with him. She wanted to point out that she had no interest in watching him, that he needed to consider the fact that he had neighbors and turn down his music, but she hadn’t.
Instead, she’d turned and walked away. She’d learned never to engage a man like him. He was angry with a capital A, and she had no patience for that.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4 Page 26
