Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 1 - 4

by Blake, Lillianna

  “Why?” She froze where she stood.

  “You didn’t offend me.”

  “Then why did you look at me that way?” She turned back toward him. “Like I hurt you?”

  He fell into the deep brown glow of her eyes.

  “I don’t know how to be around you, Angie.”

  “Just be yourself.” She held his gaze. “That’s all you have to do.”

  “I can’t.” His hand tightened on hers. “I can do a lot of things, but not that.”

  “Why not?” Her voice softened as if she didn’t have enough breath to form her words.

  This was it, yet another opportunity for him to be honest. Maybe if he laid it all on the line she would fling herself into his arms and profess the same feelings. Or maybe he would make a fool of himself yet again.

  “I just can’t.” His fingers slipped from hers and his hand fell back to his side. “Please, don’t let that stop you from enjoying the party.”

  “You’re not making any sense. If you would just tell me what I’m doing to make you so uncomfortable, I could fix it.”

  The way you look at me, the pout of your lips, how good you smell. The thoughts swirled through his mind so fast that to gain his balance he placed a hand on the wall beside her.

  “Just go inside.”

  “Is that an order?” She raised an eyebrow.

  “Please.” He stared at her. “I wouldn’t want Joey to get the wrong idea.”

  Something in her expression shifted. A slight tilt of her lips, a quirk of her brow, maybe a tension in her eyelashes—something.

  “Does it bother you that I’m with him?”

  “What bothers me is that you think he’s with you.”

  “What does that mean?” She searched his eyes.

  “I mean be careful. I warned you before.”

  “I’m just having some fun, Ryan. That’s all.”

  “Is it just for fun?” He leaned a little closer to her and lowered his voice. “It isn’t more than that?”

  “No.”

  He expected her to retreat. Instead, she leaned toward him, so close that the aroma of her perfume filled his senses.

  His cheek came close to hers, but he didn’t allow them to touch.

  “So we can be friends?” She reached up and brushed her blonde hair back behind her ear.

  The movement caused a few strands to tickle along the slope of his neck.

  “I just want to be near you.” A ripple of frustration caused his lips to tense. He pulled back from her and shook his head as he noticed the odd expression on her face. “I know that’s not what you want. I’ve been trying to respect that. I didn’t think it would be this hard.” He met her eyes in the same moment that the door swung open from the inside.

  “What are you two doing out here?” Joey’s loud voice shattered the intimacy of the moment.

  Ryan flicked a glare in his direction but covered it with a tilt of his head.

  “Just looking at the sky.”

  “How poetic.” Joey laughed. “News flash, Ry, it’ll still be there tomorrow and the next day and the next day. Hey, Angela, are you ready to get out of here?”

  Ryan’s muscles tensed at the thought of Angela being alone with Joey. He shoved his hands into his pockets to prevent them from balling into fists.

  “Actually, I think I’d like to stay a little longer.”

  “Seriously? I thought we could head back to my place—”

  “Not interested.” Angela smiled at him. “I want to dance. Are you going to dance with me, Joey?”

  “Are you drunk?” Joey laughed and shook his head. “Fine, we’ll dance.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the house.

  Ryan turned away as the door swung shut. The weight on his chest was so heavy he could barely draw a breath.

  No, there was no way he and Angela could ever be just friends.

  Chapter 21

  Confusion flooded Angela’s mind as she danced with Joey, who was being particularly handsy with her in his drunken state. She shoved him away for a final time and made her way to the couch where Cassie was sitting with a notebook.

  “You two looked like you’re having fun.” Cassie rolled her eyes.

  “It wasn’t fun, trust me.” Angela rubbed a hand along her forearm and tried to shake off the creepy sensation of Joey’s needy touch. He acted more like a desperate teenager than a grown man. From the amount he’d drunk, she guessed he would only get worse.

  “Joey’s not great at dating.”

  “I noticed. But we’re not dating.”

  “No?”

  “We’re just having a little fun.”

  “I see.” She looked across the room at Ryan as he set out more snacks. “I saw that basket you brought Ryan. Nice work.”

  “Thanks. I’m trying to make each one unique.”

  “That’s nice. It gets old ordering the same stuff over and over again. I’ll have to keep your shop in mind.”

  “I’d appreciate that.” Angela smiled. “I hear you’re an artist?”

  “I guess.” She laughed a little. “A starving one, that’s for sure.”

  “What kind of art?”

  “Murals mostly. I can do canvas and such as well, but there’s nothing more fulfilling to me than seeing a wide empty wall before me.”

  “I bet.” Angela smiled. “I’d love to see some of your work sometime.”

  “I’d be glad to show you.” She met her eyes with a slight smile. “I’m sure that Ryan would bring you to one of my shows.”

  “Ryan?”

  “Joey’s not allowed. He’s plowed through too many of my artist friends—excuse my terminology.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. That’s what you’ve gotten yourself into.”

  Angela cringed and picked up a bottle of water. “I’m not sure I’ve thought this through.”

  “Listen, if you want to hang out with Ryan, you don’t need to use Joey as an excuse.”

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “I’m not going to get in your business, trust me. Just know you’re welcome in our little group whether or not you’ve got Joey hanging all over you.”

  “Thanks.” Angela laughed and began to relax.

  “Angela, let’s go. I’m ready to leave.” Joey slurred his words as he gestured to her with his keys clutched in one hand.

  “Okay, fine. But I’m driving.”

  “No way. Nobody drives my car.”

  Ryan stepped up behind him and smacked the keys right out of his hand. “I’ll lock you up myself, you idiot.”

  “Oh stop, it’s always about rules with you.”

  Ryan rolled his eyes. “I can take you home if you want, Angela.”

  She looked into his eyes for a long moment. She considered declaring that there was nothing in the world she could possibly want more. Before she could reply, Joey slumped onto her shoulder as he stumbled in an attempt to reach for her keys.

  “No, it’s okay. I’d better make sure that he gets home safe.”

  The tension was clear in Ryan’s expression, but Angela scooped up the keys and steered Joey toward his car.

  Once they were alone in the car, she headed toward his house.

  “We had a good time tonight, didn’t we, babe?” He leaned close to her. His hand rubbed along her knee. She shifted her leg away from him and sat back against the seat of the car.

  “Sure, it was fun.”

  “Okay, so maybe we can have a little fun of our own?” He lunged toward her so fast that it startled her.

  “Oh. No, that’s okay.” She flinched back to avoid a kiss in the same moment that she stepped on the brake.

  “Wow.” He slapped the dashboard and shook his head. “What is wrong here? I’ve spent time with you, we’ve gotten to know each other a little. I’ve been willing to be patient. I can respect a woman that wants to take things slow, but this is way too slow for me.”

  “I’m just not interested in making out like a teenager, J
oey. Plus, you’re drunk.”

  “Well, that’s all I’m interested in. That’s what I think of as hanging out and having fun. So far this hasn’t been much fun.”

  “You’re right.” Angela sighed. “I don’t even know why I started this with you, Joey. I guess I thought I could be more fun than I actually am.”

  “Or maybe I’m just not the guy you want to have fun with.” He scowled as she continued to drive toward his place.

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I’m not stupid. I’ve seen the way that you look at Ryan.”

  “He’s not my type.”

  “You mean his badge isn’t?”

  “Whatever.”

  “I’m not interested in playing second fiddle to someone else.”

  “Good. I think we can agree then that this has run its course.” She parked in his driveway.

  “Come inside, I’ll show you a good time.”

  “No thanks. I’ll bring your car back to you tomorrow morning.”

  “Fine. Whatever.” He lunged out of the car and almost fell onto the driveway.

  Angela rolled her eyes and climbed out to walk him up to the front door. She unlocked it for him, then gave him a light shove inside.

  Once the door was closed she hurried back to the car. As she started the engine she closed her eyes. Was this what her love life would be like from now on? The thought made her shudder.

  She recalled the way that Ryan had leaned so close to her. The entire drive home, the memory of his voice and the way he’d looked into her eyes plagued her.

  Sure, Ryan was who she wanted. But it wouldn’t be fair to start something with him, when there was no way they could have a future. He wasn’t the type to just have fun, and there was no way it could ever be more than that.

  “If only.” She sighed as she parked Joey’s car next to her own.

  Chapter 22

  Ryan slammed another handful of paper plates into the trash bag. His conversation with Cassie was meant to calm him down; instead he was even more frustrated.

  Cassie’s voice echoed through his mind. “So just be alone. That seems to be what you want.”

  “How can you say that?” He turned around to face her. “This entire conversation has been about how much I don’t want to be alone.”

  “No, this entire conversation has been about how much you want to be with Angela, and all the reasons why you won’t even attempt to make that happen.”

  “She doesn’t want to be with me.”

  “You don’t know that. Right now, she only sees what you show her. You haven’t let her see any deeper. You want her to be able to look past the badge, but you’re not giving her anything else to look at.”

  “What’s the point?” He shook his head. “I’m not going to give up my career. That’s it.”

  “You’re getting way too far ahead of yourself. You two haven’t even had a first official date.”

  “Because she doesn’t want to date a cop.” Ryan frowned.

  “You can’t deny the chemistry there. Are you really going to let Joey be the reason she’s around you? I think it’s pretty clear that she’s only with him to be near you.”

  “Is it?”

  “Yes.” Cassie laughed. “Trust me. There is no way that Angela is in love with Joey.”

  “That’s the thing, I don’t think she wants to be in love with anyone. She doesn’t even really believe in love. She thinks that it’s not meant to happen to her. How do I compete with that?”

  “You can’t. Just like she can’t stop herself from being in love. But if you don’t ever give her the opportunity to feel that way, then of course it won’t happen between you.”

  “So you think I should ask her out?”

  “No. She’s much too stubborn for that. You have to get her attention.”

  “I rescued her from a mugger.”

  “Yes, that was a good start.”

  Ryan laughed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, so what comes after that?”

  “Insist on it.”

  “Insist?” He raised an eyebrow. “Toss her over my shoulder and carry her off to dinner?”

  “Well, maybe not on the first date. But I think there’s a lot to be said for a man who acts with confidence and determination. Go to her, tell her how you feel, and demand that she give you have a chance.”

  “I don’t know. She doesn’t seem like the type that would like that.”

  “Okay, then sit at home alone and think about the future you’re not going to have.”

  “Ouch.” He scowled in her direction. “That’s a little harsh.”

  “It’s honest. If you don’t make a move, you’re going to keep going to work, coming home, going to work, coming home.”

  “Don’t forget bowling.”

  “You should probably forget bowling.” Cassie sighed. “Look, Ryan, I wouldn’t be pushing you toward her if I didn’t think she was worth it.”

  “I trust you on that.”

  Cassie patted his shoulder. “Good luck. I have to go.”

  He walked her to the door. “You’re right. I’m going to do it, I’m going to get her attention.”

  “Just remember, you want to get it in a good way. Don’t go handcuffing her or anything.”

  “Oh, that’s an idea.” Ryan grinned.

  “No! Ryan, no handcuffs!” She pointed a finger in his direction and laughed as he closed the door.

  As he turned around to finish cleaning he noticed the gift basket on the counter. He hadn’t even opened it. He sat down at the kitchen table with it and tore into the cellophane. He picked through the cookies, crackers, and various fruit.

  When he got to the bottom, he was surprised to find a few interesting items. One was an old weathered key. He turned it over in his hand and admired the nicks and dark spots along the metal. It was larger than most and had a weight to it that left him wondering what type of metal it was.

  He set the key down and picked up the box beneath it. It was metal also and just as beat up. It struck him as strange that Angela would include such a damaged item in the basket, but it also intrigued him.

  He tested the key in the lock on the box and, as he hoped, it opened. When he lifted the lid of the box his heart stopped in his chest. Inside was a very old police badge. It was hard to make out the numbers and other information on it, but its shape was unmistakable.

  He ran his fingertips along the ridges and closed his eyes. He could imagine the officer that once wore it—in a different time, a different world, really. Why would she give him a gift like that? Why would she appeal to the one part of him that kept them apart?

  He held the badge tight in his hand and struggled against a wave of affection that rushed through him. He loved her in that moment. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know her story, or if they would ever have a chance to be together. He loved her.

  No matter what it took, he was going to make that clear to her. How she reacted to that would be her decision.

  He set the badge back inside the box and locked it. Then he carried it into his bedroom. He pushed aside some small items on his bedside table, replacing them with the box. It stood out because of its rusted spots and the dent in its lid, but he didn’t care. He set the key on top of it and admired it. It was now the most treasured item that he owned.

  When he woke the next morning his determination remained. Maybe Cassie was right. He needed to make it clear to Angela that he was willing to demand her attention, even if that meant risking her friendship.

  He dressed and headed out before he could lose his nerve.

  Chapter 23

  Alone in her apartment, Angela tried to sort out her feelings about the night. She didn’t mind the idea of ending things with Joey. That was something she never should have started in the first place. But the question of whether that meant she needed to end her friendship with Ryan as well weighed on her mind. She didn’t want to give up the chance to see him, but at the same time it was torturous to be near
him and ignore the feelings that were becoming more and more obvious to her.

  After sorting through some paperwork and making it through a few chapters of a book, Angela tried to relax in bed, but sleep eluded her. Normally she could curl up and nod off very easily, but that night, her mind raced with the memory of how Ryan had made her feel—the sparks, the intense urge to be near him, even the odd desire to want to know everything about him.

  She searched through her recollection of every man she’d ever dated for a time when she’d experienced anything similar. Although many times she’d been caught up in the moment with a man, none of those times compared to what she experienced just being close to Ryan.

  Was it that he’d saved her? Was it that he might be her last chance at true romance? She tried to force the thoughts of him out of her mind, but it was impossible.

  When she was finally able to fall asleep, she dreamed of him. Not the Ryan she knew, but the Ryan she didn’t know—Ryan in uniform, Ryan thrust into dangerous situations, Ryan looking at her with accusations in his eyes. She woke with such a start that she almost tumbled out of bed.

  She rubbed her eyes as she sat up and wiped away the tears that had suddenly gathered there. No, it wasn’t fair to think of him that way when he’d been nothing but kind to her, but she had no control over it. Her instincts warned her that Ryan was not a person she could be with. But that didn’t make her desire for him subside. Her conflicting thoughts about what she was feeling for Ryan made it difficult for her to think straight.

  She headed for the kitchen to make coffee and hoped that it would help her to clear her mind.

  As she waited for the coffee to brew, she flipped on the television to drown out her thoughts.

  As simple as it could have been to get involved with Ryan, it wasn’t right. How could she lead him on, knowing that she’d never be fully comfortable around him?

  After the story he’d told her about his ex who’d asked him to give up his career, she knew that wasn’t a position that she could place him in again. As long as he was in a profession that stopped her from being able to accept him, she couldn’t even entertain the idea of dating him. Maybe that wasn’t something that he could understand, but the thought of hurting him was too much for her.

  She poured herself a cup of coffee and added a splash of milk. As she sipped the hot liquid she leaned back against the kitchen counter. This was probably it, the last apartment she’d live in, the empty space that she would stare at for the rest of her life. Maybe she would get a cat. A cat might make her feel a bit more occupied. She sighed and took another sip of her coffee.