Keeping Secrets

by Treasure Hernandez

  “Yep,” his partner said. “Looks like they belong to the little lady, right, Lucky? I mean, her car, the drugs were in a bag that was in her car.”

  The second officer to the scene looked at Secret. “You know you are going to do quite a bit of time for this, young lady.” He looked down at her stomach. “Plan on missing that baby’s first everything: first step, first birthday, first words, because it’s going to be a long time before you see the light of day.” With that being said, the officer took out his handcuffs.

  “No, no!” Secret’s instincts, for the first time since the cops had pulled them over, began to kick in. Without thinking, she went to run, but the officer was able to snatch her up quickly.

  “No, stop it! No!” Secret screamed as she fought the officer as he forced her hands behind her back.

  “Is that what you want?” the other cop whispered in Lucky’s ear. “You’re really going to let this happen to her?” When Lucky didn’t answer he continued. “Look, just claim the dope and we’ll work out a little something with you. Some kind of plea you know. You help us, we’ll help you.”

  “You mean you want me to be a snitch or else you gon’ put my black ass away for the rest of my life,” Lucky said.

  The officer feigned to be thinking for a moment. “Yeah, something like that.” He snickered. “So what do you say?”

  Lucky feigned to be thinking for a moment, mocking the officer, he then replied, “I say fuck you, pig.”

  In anger the cop slammed Lucky against the car. He took one hand and smashed the side of Lucky’s face against the car. “Book her,” he shouted to his partner, sure to make sure Lucky’s head stayed in place so he could see Secret’s arrest going down.

  The officer who had Secret apprehended placed one cuff on her wrist and she about lost her mind.

  “God, no! No!” she cried out as she bucked her body. “No, they’re not mine. Please, Lucky, tell them. Help me. Don’t let them do this to me. I can’t go to jail. Please! Please!”

  Through all of Secret’s yelling and struggling with the cop, the officer managed to place her in handcuffs. Secret was crying so hard she was about to hyperventilate.

  “You sure about this?” the officer who had Secret cuffed said to Lucky.

  Secret cried out desperately to Lucky one last time. “Please. Please.”

  Lucky stared deep into Secret’s innocent, naïve, and vulnerable eyes. He knew she wasn’t cut out for jail. Hell, she wasn’t even cut out for the streets of Flint, but what he had known all along was that she was loyal to a fault. Only somebody loyal would give up their virginity for a man who left her and her mother for dead. From the moment Lucky heard that story he knew Secret was someone he needed in his corner. Kat had been down for sure, but Kat’s loyalty didn’t rank anywhere near Secret’s. Lucky knew that at the end of the day, Secret was the exact someone he needed in his life for such a time as this.

  “They ain’t mine,” was all Lucky said as he then watched the police officer drag a shocked Secret over to his car and place her in the back seat.

  “I’m going to call this in and call for towing to repo the vehicle,” the second officer said before climbing into the driver seat of the car.

  “No problem,” his partner spat before turning his attention to Lucky. “Got somebody to call to come pick your sorry ass up, because there’s no way your shitty black ass is gon’ stink up my car,” the officer spat to Lucky as he removed the handcuffs from him.

  “Yeah, can I go for my phone though?” Lucky asked.

  The officer glared at Lucky before responding by doing a body search to make sure Lucky didn’t have any weapons on him. The officer retrieved the phone and then shoved it into Lucky’s chest.

  Snatching the phone and rolling his eyes, Lucky punched in some numbers and within seconds began speaking into the phone. “Look, I know you’re pissed,” he said, “but now is not the time. Five-oh got me on the side of the road and I need you to come get me like yesterday.” Lucky proceeded to recite his whereabouts through the phone and then ended the call. He then looked at the officer. “Can I at least sit in the car until my ride comes?”

  “Hell no. Sit your ass right here on the curb where trash belongs,” the officer spat before heading back to his own vehicle.

  After about ten minutes both officers were still at the scene and Lucky stood waiting for his ride. The officer with Secret in tow had called in the incident, requested a tow truck, and had started filling out his report. The other officer was waiting for the tow truck to show up.

  The officer driving Secret put down the clipboard he’d been writing on the last few minutes and put his running car in drive. He rolled down the passenger-side window and then slowly rolled up beside his partner, who was waiting with his window down. “The tow truck is about three minutes away. I’m going to go ahead and take her in.” He nodded back toward a weeping Secret.

  Just then a royal blue Toyota crept up behind them and parked. Lucky shot up from off the curb and headed toward the vehicle.

  “He’s really leaving me,” Secret said out loud, although it was just supposed to be a silent thought roaming through her head. Was this real? Was it really happening? Secret turned around as best she could to see where Lucky was going. She didn’t have a full vision, but she saw him open the door of a car that was parked behind her. He got in and closed the door as if he didn’t have a second thought about her. Secret turned back forward and tears just spilled from her eyes.

  As the car behind them slowly crept by in order to get back into traffic, Secret looked to her left. She’d wanted to lock eyes with Lucky. She wanted to look him dead in his eyes and try to read him. Was he this cold? Secret had no such luck as he was looking straight ahead with a stone face, like he couldn’t bear to even look at Secret. Before the car could safely dip back into traffic though, Secret’s eyes managed to lock on a sight she never expected to see: the driver. Katherine, aka Kat. Her sister.

  “Oh my God.” Once again the thoughts in Secret’s head had escaped through her mouth. Was this nightmare really happening? Had her man just practically left her for dead and driven off into the sunset with her sister? Was this some bad joke? If so, who was in on it? She needed answers. Lucky wouldn’t even look at her so she knew she wasn’t going to get any answers from him, so out of instinct she began to shout out, “Kat! Katherine, wait!”

  With the front driver window being down, Secret’s cries echoed into the royal blue vehicle. This caused Lucky to turn and look at Secret. He then looked at the driver and then back at Secret with a huge question mark on his forehead. His question mark, though, after looking into Secret’s pain-filled and confused eyes, turned into empathy, sadness, and regret.

  Even as Kat pulled off into traffic and Secret sat in the back seat of that police car, still crying and pleading through the window, Lucky just watched her until she was out of view.

  Lucky hadn’t meant for this to happen, but it had. He really did care about Secret, but he could not put himself in a position where he’d have to sell out his crew, especially Major Pain. He would do all he could to help Secret out, and hopefully get her to understand his reasoning and motives some day. Who knew? Maybe one day they could work things out and live that happy life he knew she wanted and deserved. But right now, that game had changed. And even though one day Lucky wanted to be a changed man, as much as he thought Secret would be the one to soften him and change his ways, he was who he was: Lucky. Literally, because the fact that it was Secret being hauled down the highway off to jail instead of him, where he could go on with life living as free as bird, made him one lucky motherfucker indeed.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Every single moment of time felt so surreal to Secret. The drive in the back of the police car. Arriving at the county jail and being processed in. The strip search after she was stripped of her own clothes. Everything was surreal, right down to her donning the jailhouse garb and jail-issued flip-flop-like sandals she wore on her
feet. The feet that stood in the corner of a cell she shared with several other suspect-looking women.

  It was ironic that Secret had felt out of place most of her life. But right now, she didn’t. Although hemmed up with the likes of prostitutes and other criminals, Secret didn’t feel above them in any way, shape, or form. She never had in life. Her desire to become better than her environment, she felt, had been misconstrued by both her mother and her best friend. Her passion and efforts to get out of Flint weren’t because she thought she was above the hood. In all actuality, she wanted to prove that the hood wasn’t all bad. That the hood produced some amazing, smart, brilliant, and successful individuals.

  Secret desired to be that living proof. Now more than ever that dream seemed so far out of reach. To Secret, it was a wake-up call that she was who she was: a hood chick. No matter how well she did in school and no matter how hard she tried to do the right thing, it was evident she was not going to get out of Flint. She didn’t need any more convincing. This was where she belonged. This was who she was. She was, in fact, a product of her environment, an environment just not meant for her to escape. So she made it up in her mind that it was time to throw in the towel. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.

  Who had she been kidding all this time besides herself? Secret belonged to the streets of Flint, and now more than ever, it was time for her to start acting like it. She’d been raised by those streets in more ways than one. Gone would be the scared-looking, naïve little girl everybody had pegged her to be. From this moment on, Secret knew she’d better take everything she learned and put it to use, because life as she had wanted it to be was no longer an option. The dream was history. Time to wake the fuck up!

  “Secret Miller,” a guard walked up and called out. “Come with me.”

  Secret paused for a minute, looking around. She then stood with a look on her face that asked, “Who me?”

  “You Secret Miller?” the guard asked her.

  “Yes,” she replied.

  “Then come on. Who the fuck else you think got the name Secret Miller in here?” The guard shook her head in frustration as she unlocked the door, grabbed Secret by her elbow, and pulled her out of the cell. She proceeded to handcuff her before walking her down a hallway, through a door, then down another short hallway before stopping at a door. The guard unlocked the door then took Secret into the room.

  Secret looked into the room that had about five chairs lined up in little cubby-type cubicles. Three of the chairs were occupied. The guard walked her down to one of the empty chairs and sat her down. She then removed the cuffs from Secret’s wrists and walked away.

  Secret just sat there looking straight ahead at the clear glass barrier that separated her from another room. After a few seconds, the door in the other room opened and in walked a familiar face.

  Secret took in a deep breath and then let it go. She didn’t even try to keep the smile on her inside from showing itself on the outside. When told she could make one phone call, her options were slim to none. But still, she took a chance on dialing the number of the person who the last time she saw them they were fighting.

  As her visitor made her way over to the chair on the opposite side of the glass from Secret, Secret hurriedly picked up the phone so she could begin their communication, not knowing how much time she had to visit with them.

  Her visitor picked up the phone on her side and spoke into it. “You been telling me since I can remember that the truth will set you free. Well, bitch, will you hurry up and tell the truth so your ass can get out of here and be free?” Shawndiece said into the phone.

  The girls couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

  When Secret had made her one phone call, she’d reluctantly called Shawndiece. No matter how mad Shawndiece was at her and no matter how long it had been since they’d talked, she knew if anybody had her back it would be her best friend, her hood mentor, the girl who’d taught Secret everything she needed to know in order to make it this far in life. She’d always given Secret just the right advice, so when Shawndiece told Secret to drop the dime on Lucky and accept any plea deals that had to do with her testifying against Lucky, Secret should have agreed to do it. But she didn’t. She didn’t disagree either. Instead Secret told her best friend she’d just let go and let God, something her grandmother had taught her.

  “God got many of the characters in the Bible out of situations similar to mine,” Secret had told Shawndiece. “We’ve been doing things our way forever and it hasn’t gotten us out of anything, only deeper if you ask me. So for now, I’m just going to be still and let this play out how it’s supposed to. No more interfering with destiny.”

  It was clear, as Shawndiece sat across from Secret, pressing her to throw Lucky under the bus, that her days of navigating Secret through the tough situations in life were over. She officially now had to take a back seat. And Shawndiece, having taken on the role of Secret’s hood-life GPS, felt pure guilt as she looked at her friend through that glass, locked up in jail gear. Shawndiece’s eyes began to water.

  “Bitch, you better not cry,” Secret spat.

  Shawndiece’s tears immediately dried up, as her emotions switched gears. She went from feeling sad and hurt for her friend to complete shock. “Bitch, did you just call me a bitch?”

  “Yes, because that’s what you are acting like, a little bitch. I’m the one sitting in jail, about to give birth at any moment, and I ain’t even crying. So you damn sure better not.” Secret wanted to cry though; God knows she did, but she knew tears would not get her anywhere. They’d never gotten her anywhere with Yolanda, and they didn’t get her anywhere with her father the night she got pregnant.

  Secret blinked back the tears in her eyes and swallowed the ones in her throat. She shook her head and said, “You can’t cry. You don’t cry, remember. You’ve been my strength, my rock, for years. If I see you break, Shawn, I’m fucked.”

  Shawndiece regained her composure. “So you been in jail all of forty-eight hours and you hard now? Got a new vocabulary, cussing and shit.”

  Secret chuckled. “I always had it in me. Unlike you, I just know that there is a time and a place for everything. And this is the place where I put everything you’ve taught me into effect.” Secret put her hand on the glass. “Shawndiece Franklin, I know now that all those years ago God placed you in my life for such a time as this. I’ve watched and I’ve learned from the best. So you know I’ma be all right in here. Right?”

  Shawndiece nodded as a smile crossed her lips.

  “See, that’s what I’m talking about. Have a little confidence in your girl,” Secret said.

  After that, Shawndiece was feeling a lot better about her best friend’s situation. They talked for around ten more minutes about how Secret ended up in jail and how they could possibly get her out.

  “I swear to God, I’m going to do everything I can to get you out of here. I’m going to be at every court date, wherever I need to be,” Shawndiece promised. “Oh yeah, and I put some money on your books, too.”

  “Thank you. I hope you didn’t put too much on them, because I don’t plan on being in here too long. My hearing to set bail is next week.” She looked down at her stomach. “Hopefully this bundle of joy can stay in the oven long enough not to be born in jail.”

  “This is your first offense. I’m thinking your bail won’t be too bad. They might even let you out on your own recodonence.”

  “It’s . . .” Secret started to correct Shawndiece and pronounce the word she was trying to say, but instead she just let it go and smiled. She knew what her friend was talking about. Just because she’d never spoken hood language didn’t mean she didn’t understand it.

  “I’m sure Lucky will get me out no matter what the bail is,” Secret said, still having some confidence in the man she felt walked into her life and saved her. Her heart wouldn’t allow her to believe he’d let her rot there in jail. Only time would tell.

  “Lucky? Fuck Lucky. Don’t you take a
red cent from that rat bastard,” Shawndiece shot with venom. “That punk bitch watched them cuff and carry you off to jail . . . with a baby in your belly.”

  Secret understood Shawndiece’s anger, but she was sure Lucky had his reasons. She hadn’t talked to him yet, but she would definitely give him the opportunity to explain himself. She felt Shawndiece wouldn’t understand, so she didn’t even bother to speak on it with her. She didn’t know how much longer they had for the visit, but she knew that she didn’t want it to end on a sour note.

  Just like she had been given a mental cue, the guard appeared, letting Secret know she needed to wrap up the visit.

  “Aw, boo, I hate leaving you in here like this,” Shawndiece whined.

  “Trust me when I say a piece of you is in here with me.” Secret tapped her chest where her heart lay beneath. “I got this.”

  “And I got you.” Shawndiece put her hand up to the glass. Secret did the same. “Girl, let’s stop this corny Lifetime movie shit. The last thing you want them dyke bitches up in there to think is that you a lesbo.” Shawndiece quickly removed her hand from the glass.

  “Girl, you are stupid.” Secret laughed, putting her hand down too. “Anyway, keep your phone close to you and make sure you communicate with my mom.”

  “She been up here to see you yet?”

  Secret shook her head. “I don’t even know if she knows I’m in here. That’s why I need you to communicate with her. I don’t know whether she’ll even care, but still let her know what’s going on.”

  For the first time since Secret had left home, Shawndiece saw where maybe her friend was missing her mother, wanted her, needed her, and was perhaps a little disappointed that she wasn’t there.

  “Don’t look so sad about your moms. It might be a good thing she hasn’t been up here. The last thing you need right now is all her negative energy.” Shawndiece then added, “I still don’t understand for the life of me how you’ve been an understudy to the epitome of ghetto-hood-project chick and had to be taught by me.” Shawndiece let out a tsk.