Renee Simons Special Edition

by Renee Simons

  "My mind was set. Not telling him saved both of us a lot of time and energy."

  "You might have been wiser to let Drew do the interview instead of calling attention to yourself. He is the reporter, after all, and you have more reason to be careful."

  She looked down at her hands. "I had to do it."

  "Why?"

  She shrugged. "I just did."

  "There must have been a reason." He lifted her face with one finger beneath her chin. "You trusted me enough to tell me the other. Tell me this."

  "I can't."

  "What are you hiding?"

  Tears welled up in her eyes. She tore away from him before they brimmed over. At the living room window, she pushed down the feelings of anger and frustration that threatened to dissolve what remained of her composure. Ethan came up from behind and put his arms around her, sheltering her against his chest. She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.

  "It's all right, love. If you can't talk about it, don't. I understand."

  Still in his arms she turned and looked up at him. "Do you?"

  "I think so," he said, touching her cheek. "Dominique and her people have been running a check on you since you started working with Conlon. They figured you had to be tied to him somehow or he wouldn't have given you the information you've been bringing back. The fact you recognized Boots Woerner didn't help."

  She started to protest, but he stopped her. His hands on her shoulders sent gentle ripples of heat flowing through her. She allowed herself to feel the familiar warmth and be comforted.

  "You have my word that I just found out," he said. "Dominique showed me the report connecting your father to Conlon and to Dino Fratello. When I saw you going up to the office, I was afraid you'd confront Tony, let him know who you were. That you'd never make it out of there alive." He held her tightly, creating a haven within his embrace.

  "Why didn't you tell me about the background check?" she whispered.

  "I was going to, tonight, when I got back from surveillance."

  She buried her face in the angle between his neck and shoulder and began to weep silently, her tears hot against his skin. What emotions forced tears from a woman who'd never allowed herself to cry in his presence? Anger? Fear? Guilt? He knew she was capable of all three and much more. He felt her unhappiness as if it were his own and wanted only to wipe it out of her mind and put her at ease again. All he could offer was the love that had been both his blessing and his torment since they'd first met. He hoped she would accept it and any solace it provided.

  He lifted her in his arms and carried her to one of the guest rooms, gently lowering her to the bed. Stopping first to part the curtains and let in the waning light and the sound of the beach below, he lay down beside her, holding her in his arms while she shed the last of her tears.

  He thought back to the first time he'd held her and the fear she'd shown. He was grateful she finally trusted him enough to let him come close. She lay quietly for a long time before leaning back against his arm to look up at him, her eyes strangely serene, as if she'd found her way home through a storm.

  She smiled and kissed him lightly on the mouth. He stifled a groan, having grown impatient with the impulses that struggled for expression despite his resolve to hold them in check. Could she know what he was feeling? She slid gently over him until her weight rested on him, warm, vibrant and inviting. Her lips rained feathery kisses over his face, along his jaw and down his neck and throat.

  Ethan's pulse raced and his heart pounded beneath his ribs. He used every ounce of self-control to protect her from the passions that gnawed at his insides, but his body ached for her. His hands yearned to touch her, his lips to taste her sweetness. His arms stole around her and his mouth sought hers.

  She moved against him, slowly, hesitantly, as if unsure how, but her hands slipped between them. As she undid the buttons of his shirt her fingers brushed the hair on his chest, then trailed down to pull the fabric from the waistband of his slacks, slipping beneath to caress his abdomen. The touch of her hand against his skin sent a shiver of pleasure through him and he took a sharp breath. She looked at him with concern.

  "Do you know what you're doing to me?" he asked in a husky voice.

  "Do you?" she countered with a tiny smile.

  He grinned back at her. "I've got a fair idea."

  "Oh, good," she murmured against his mouth. "Then I must be doing it right."

  "Doing what right?"

  "Why, seducing you, of course," she replied with an expression of innocence. "Isn't this the way it's done?"

  "It's a start."

  She rose from the bed and walked to the window, where a purple and orange sunset blazed. After a moment, she turned her back on the beauty and removed the belt at her waist, letting it fall to the floor. She loosened her dress and slipped it from her shoulders, stepping out of the cloud of crushed white linen as it settled on the bare wood. Her hand shook with a fine tremor when she raised it to the strap of her slip.

  "Let me," he whispered and reached out.

  She sat facing him on the edge of the bed. He eased one thin strap from her shoulder, revealing the creamy skin above her breasts but stopping just short of freeing them from the confines of the silken fabric. She gave him a tentative smile tinged with relief. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

  "I've never done...this...before." Her husky voice had gone soft and light, with the breathless tone of a young girl.

  "Never?" he said with a shake of his head. "Don't get angry with me for asking, but how have you managed to avoid...this?"

  "Do we have to talk about it now?"

  "Yes. " He smoothed a lock of hair that clung to her cheek. "Was it because of what happened when you were kidnapped?"

  Her cheeks flooded with color and she looked down at her hands. He clasped them in his, hoping the gesture would give her the courage to answer what now seemed to be the most important question he'd ever asked.

  She looked up. "There's been no one since. I haven't wanted to try - until now."

  "What's changed?"

  Her firm, high breasts rose and fell with a deeply drawn breath. She looked at him squarely. "I trust you not to hurt me. I think you would take time and care and be gentle."

  As much as he wanted her, he felt uncomfortable with the implications of her words. Her first experience had been a bad one. Now she was putting herself in his hands. Did he really want the responsibility? What if he failed her? How would he face her - or himself?

  He put an arm around her and lay down again, drawing her close until she lay pressed along the length of him. She had no idea what she was asking. The experience would be more difficult than introducing a virgin to sex.

  He lifted up on one elbow and looked down at her. "This is kind of embarrassing, love, but it's been so long for me, I'm not prepared." “Embarrassing” seemed like an understatement as he cleared his throat. "I've no way to protect you. It wouldn't be fair."

  She remained silent for so long he wondered if his words had registered. When the tears returned, he knew they had.

  Finally, she whispered, "I can't have children, Ethan."

  What the hell had they done to her, he wondered angrily.

  "As for the rest, I'm willing to take a chance."

  "I'm not."

  "Does that mean you don't want to be with me?"

  He hated the look of disappointment and fear hovering in her eyes. "I want to take care of you and keep you safe and to deserve the trust you've put in me. That means being with you in the right way at the right time."

  She rose and went back to the window. He stood beside her. The sun had nearly disappeared behind the horizon, lending a warm golden glow that radiated upward from the place where sky and water met.

  "You're right, of course. One can't always act on one's impulses."

  She sounded calm and in control, but he knew he'd hurt her - as he had on other occasions. This time, he couldn't begin to guess how to make amends.

>   Chapter 11

  With nothing further to say, Jordan left Ethan and went down to the beach to walk along the shore. She wore only her slip but the day had been warm and the temperature hadn't dropped much below its high. Restless and edgy, she waded into the water and swam, but lost interest after only a few minutes. She came ashore to find Ethan watching her.

  "How long have you been standing there?"

  "Not long. I came to find out if you're hungry. Are you?"

  "Yes. How about you?"

  "Yes." His voice sounded strangely tense. She examined his face and realized that his hunger had nothing to do with food.

  "You make Raphael's Venus look like a drudge."

  The unexpected compliment brought fresh tears. She turned away to avoid his gaze. He slipped his arms around her, cupping her breasts in his palms. His head rested beside hers and she felt his breath on her cheek.

  "I'm soaking wet," she protested inanely, fighting for control.

  "Then I guess I'll have to get wet, too."

  He grabbed the bottom edge of his tee shirt and pulled it over his head, then undid the snap of his white duck pants and slipped out of them. In one quick movement, he tossed both garments onto the sand and headed for the water.

  She felt something stir inside her at the sight of his strong body. Her gaze drifted from broad shoulders to narrow waist to his firm buttocks and solid, well-formed thighs and legs. When he stood waist deep in the surf, he turned and called, "Come out here and keep me company." After a moment's hesitation, she complied.

  The sun had fallen below the horizon and a chill cut through the air. She shivered, not only from the cold, but also from the blatant desire shining in his eyes. He held out his arms and she came into them, and where their bodies touched, it was warm.

  "Better?" he asked with a smile.

  "Much." She watched his face. "Ethan, what's this all about?"

  "No analyzing," he said, loosening the straps of her slip. "Can you bring yourself to take this off? Soaked through as it is, it isn't doing much good and will only get in the way later."

  “Later?”

  Though the wet fabric clung to her, she peeled it off. Ethan wadded it into a ball and tossed it toward the shore.

  "Let's just swim," he said.

  Side by side, they matched strokes and turns. Ethan compensated for his longer reach by slowing his pace. They moved through the water in tandem, swimming several yards before returning to a spot near where they'd gone in.

  "You're a bonzer swimmer," he said.

  "Is that good?"

  "That's terrific," he replied.

  "You're better," she conceded.

  "Yeah, well, you know how it is when your country is surrounded by water - still, you held your own."

  "Because you held back," she countered, wondering if he would be that considerate if they ever made love. She glanced up just in time to see the glimmer of laughter in his eyes as he read her thoughts.

  "Will you give me your hand, Jordan?"

  He beckoned to her with such seriousness she felt compelled to reach out. He took her hand, kissing the fingers until they tingled. He passed it down the side of his face, his neck and shoulder and brought it to rest over his heart, where its steady beat throbbed against her palm.

  Like a guide leading a traveler through an unfamiliar landscape, he led her hand down and across his stomach, along his hip, finally placing it firmly over one buttock. He left it there to hold him beneath the water. He held out his own hand and waited, his gaze gripping hers, fastening onto her soul and holding on not to imprison, she sensed, but to free.

  With a tiny shudder of fear, she took his hand, kissed it as he had done hers and led it in an identical journey over her body. Instead of the revulsion she'd always felt at even the thought of a man's touch, she experienced a strange tremor of life wherever his hand passed, as if he had awakened her body's cells from a long, dark sleep.

  When her hand brought his beneath the water to cup first a breast and then her bottom, the action shifted their bodies into instant contact. Nothing came between them but a film of liquid that quickly sluiced away, leaving them touching at every point from chest to thigh, their bodies slick and warm beneath the shoulder-high water.

  As they held each other Jordan closed her eyes to concentrate on the sensations that accosted her - his firm yet gentle touch, his body, hard and angular in some places, lean yet muscular in others, warm and pulsing in yet another. Beneath it all, the undulations of the surf rocked them in a sensuous, rhythmic prelude to a fulfillment yet to come.

  His lips claimed hers finally, taking tiny nips as if sampling forbidden fruit, then caressing slowly, feasting on the sweetness they discovered. When her lips moved in response, parting slightly in unconscious invitation, his tongue slipped gently inside and found hers, playfully enticing it into a pleasurable exploration of textures and tastes, surfaces and corners and the tingling sensations that resulted.

  Slowly, she became aware of his touch traveling up her back, and wondered what new delight would result. Her mind traced its path, pausing abruptly as he found one breast, cradling it in his open palm. A gentle fingertip brushed the erect nipple, sending a shaft of intense feeling to somewhere deep and empty, where it opened like a blossom of light, spreading its warmth through her. Her eyes widened as myriad sensations filled her body and freed impulses held in check for so long she had begun to think they didn't exist.

  Awake and trembling along the entire length of her body, she moaned against his mouth and wrapped her arms around his neck. He held her close for a moment, then lifted her face so he could look at her.

  "You said you trust me," he murmured. "You'll need to give me all you have for what comes next. Can you?"

  She wanted to say no, to protest that she wasn't ready to trust, that her fear was still too intense. Just as strong was her need to put the dark past behind her and move into the light. She nodded.

  Ethan held her in the angle of one arm as he moved his free hand downward, from the sensuous curve of her hip along the gentle rise of her belly and the mound of springy curls below. The movement set her to trembling again and she tensed against his invasion. His mouth found hers, his lips and tongue repeating their earlier seduction. He hesitated, waiting for the involuntary sign that would tell him what he needed to know. His tongue explored the inside of her mouth, urging, cajoling, arousing her finally to search his mouth with the same freedom.

  Jordan’s hands began to dance over his body, echoing the rhythm and movement of their tongues as her body fine tuned to his. Now, he let his hand move lightly, subtly underscoring the rhythm already established, adding another voice to the chorus. She stiffened for a moment then, unable to resist, relaxed against him. He increased the strength of his movements, directing her senses inevitably to the key to all her defenses. She resisted his gentle probe.

  "Let me in, Jordan, love. Let yourself go, just a little..."

  "I'm afraid," she whispered against his neck.

  "I know," he murmured. "Just try. If you truly can't, we'll stop. Promise."

  Jordan focused on his hands stroking her trembling thighs, first the outer sides, then the inner. Despite the cold, his touch heated and sensitized her skin, sending a liquid warmth washing over and through her. She opened herself to him, letting him feel the burning wetness that had nothing to do with the bay around them. He began to stroke her again, the movements so soft at first that only by concentrating could she isolate them from all the other feelings bombarding her senses.

  Very soon, however, it became clear that here was where he had been leading her, here to this secret lying dormant within her, where her body's reaction to his touch sent her blood searing through her veins, set her muscles into spasm, her heart beating uncontrollably, and started an ache so deep and wide that she expected to break apart with it.

  Through half-opened lids she saw his eyes go liquid, watched a vein throb in his temple and heard the faint hiss of his
breath. For the first time, she realized what his mission was costing him. In the midst of the agony and pleasure and need he had aroused, she reached out and touched his temple, struggling for words.

  "Ethan, you...”

  He stopped her with his mouth, then drew back. "No, Jordan, you..." He captured her lips for a long, breathtaking kiss that left her shaking in his arms. "Will you trust me once more?" he asked against her cheek.

  "Why?" she murmured weakly. "What further sweet torture do you have planned for me?"

  "The ultimate."

  "I don't know if I can," she said with a sigh.

  "I think it must be now, my love, if ever."

  "Here?" she asked in amazement.

  "Here," he said, "where the water will make you buoyant, so you can control our joining and take as much or as little of me as you can handle. And now, while your body is as ready as it will ever be, so the pain will be less."

  She remained silent for a long time and Ethan feared that his careful orchestration of the moment would go for nothing. Suddenly, more than anything, he wanted to bring her to fulfillment, to do that for her despite anything else that might happen between them. Finally, she lifted her face and kissed the corner of his mouth, whispering against his lips, "Yes."

  Without further hesitation, his hands slipped under her bottom and hoisted her hip high. He held her securely, letting her lower herself slowly around him, taking him into her, while he supported her, her weight lessened by the water in which they stood. With more self-control than he ever thought he possessed, he allowed her to make all the moves, keeping himself still, resisting the need and temptation to plunge deeply into her and surrender to the power of his passion.

  Jordan slid down over the hard throbbing warmth of the man, felt her muscles relax and expand to receive him, her body molding itself around him. Something broke loose inside her and she began to cry quietly.

  Ethan's eyes opened. He kissed away her tears, murmuring quiet words of comfort and reassurance. Finally, she lifted her face and looked at him, wondering what she could do to repay the patience he showed her.