Free Spirit

by Andi Bremner

  Her hand slid beneath his shirt, tugging it from the waistband. He pulled back at her insistence and pulled it over his head, throwing it somewhere in the room before he lowered his head back down to hers, relishing in the feel of her soft breasts against his hard chest, the differences between them. How smooth and soft she was against his hardness, how cool her skin was to touch whilst his felt almost feverish. It was almost as if the differences between them made them perfect for one another.

  Her hands were running over him, over the hard planes and angles of his body, her fingers tracing the sharpened contours. He felt massive, looming over her, and carefully rested his body weight on his arms even as he wanted to get closer.

  Lowering his head, he closed his mouth over a breast, sucking her nipple deep as she arched against him. His hand squeezed and pinched her nipple, and Juliette pressed her hands into his hair, urging him closer as the sounds continued to escape her. God, he loved those sounds she made. It was like angels singing or the sweetest concerto he had had ever heard.

  He switched, turning his attention to her other breast, as he ran another hand over her flat belly and wrapped her hip, jerking her against him, lifting her butt from the bed. Then he kissed lower, his tongue running over her skin, licking and then dipping into her belly button.

  “Noah,” she murmured beneath him, tugging at his head. “Oh God.”

  “Hmmn?” he whispered against her skin as his mouth skimmed the top of her panties, which were so fine and lacy that they left nothing to the imagination. Not that Noah had to imagine what she looked like. The image of her, naked and dripping wet that morning, had been seared into his mind, into his heart. She was bare, shaved or waxed, he didn’t know, but she was bare. When he tugged at her panties she dug her heels into the bed and lifted her hips allowing him to slide them down her thighs and throw them away.

  “Noah,” she whimpered beneath him, shivering a little.

  Raising his head, he looked at her, drawing her deep into his memory bank and imprinting her there. Head back, lost in the pillows, eyes closed, swollen lips open and panting, breasts heaving, nipples hardened, legs spread for him, pussy arching up to meet him.

  Noah growled, a low rumble in his chest as he ran a hand lightly over her center. She was wet already, and he sucked in a breath. God, could this girl be any more perfect?

  Sliding one finger along her folds he dipped a finger inside watching as her mouth fell open and she arched off the bed, legs opening to give him further access. Gently, he pressed a thumb to her nub, circling ever so slowly as she began to writhe and grab at him, murmuring his name. His chest constricted at the marvelous sight unfolding before him, and when he dipped his head to taste her little bit of heaven, he thought he’d come undone.

  “Noah,” she whimpered louder now. “Noah…”

  “Yeah, baby. I want you to come. I want to watch you come for me.”

  Her legs were trembling, her thighs clamping around his head as she arched against him, using her hands to press him further closer, searching for her release. He kept his eyes open, watching her, loving the way her orgasm built, loving how she lost herself in him, in his touch, in his mouth.

  He felt, heard and watched her release, never releasing her as she came apart around him. He rode it out with her before he pulled back, his hands fumbling like a teenage boy as he unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off, kicking them and his underwear to one side before he joined her back on the bed.

  She blinked up at him, her face flushed, her pupils dilated and her eyes wider than he had ever seen them. Her mouth was puckered and swollen, and her breasts rose and fell in her attempt to regain her composure.

  “God, you’re beautiful,” he told her, his voice full of amazement as he lowered himself to her once more. She trembled at the feel of his skin on hers and wound her hands around his back to pull him down, reaching up to draw him into another earth-shattering kiss.

  “I need you so bad, Juliette,” he whispered, “so fucking bad…”

  She tugged at him, her hands running down over him before a hand snaked around to grasp him, her palm wrapping around him. Her eyes went wide, and she smiled up at him as she ran her hand over his length until he was groaning in his desperate need for her. “Juliette, please…”

  He nudged her legs apart, positioning himself between her thighs. He paused for a moment, tracing kisses over her face and down her throat as he probed her hot, tight entrance. She was small, and he was large. Drawing a deep breath, he surged forward, groaning as her hot center close around him. Pulling back, he pressed back in, sheathing himself completely as he paused to take a moment, making sure he didn’t embarrass himself too soon.

  At that thought he chuckled.

  Juliette pulled back a little, the tiniest of frowns puckering between her brows. “Something funny?”

  He shook his head, grinning down at her. “Just thinking that you’ve got me wound up tighter than a fifteen-year-old boy. Don’t move,” he said. “Please don’t move. Not yet.”

  Her mouth twitched, but she obeyed him. They lay like that for a long moment, her hands moving over his back, her touch feather light. But soon enough her patience wore thin and she wiggled beneath him.

  Understanding her need, Noah lowered his head to her forehead as thrust fully into her, filling her to the hilt. Pulling back, he moved again, losing himself in her a little more each time, sinking deeper, marveling in the way her body responded to him, as he thrust deep within her. She felt like a glove, a velvet glove that had been made for just him.

  “Fuck!” he cried suddenly, remembering too late.

  “What?”

  “Protection,” he managed to squeak. “I don’t have any…” He didn’t have any protection, and it was kind of too late anyhow. His stomach clenched at the idea that he’d have to stop. Now. He’d stop if she wanted to, if she wasn’t on birth control, but fuck if it wouldn’t be one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his life. He only prayed that she was protected.

  “It’s okay,” she said, rocking against him.

  “You on birth control?” He prayed like he’d never prayed before that she was.

  “No, but it’s sorted,” she assured him. “I can’t get pregnant.”

  Noah let a huge whoosh of relief as he pressed back into her again, her words swirling for the briefest moment in his consciousness before he lost himself in her once more, this time holding nothing back.

  Locking her legs around his hips, Juliette dug her heels into his back urging him on. Urging him to keep stretching and filling and thrusting deep within her. Their bodies slammed against one another, both covered with a fine spattering of perspiration as they sought their release.

  She reached hers first, crying out his name as she arched against him, her body quivering around his, milking him to his own release, which followed seconds later. He slammed into her, harder and faster and deeper than he thought possible and groaned her name, burrowing his head in her throat, as he lost himself, lost every part of himself in the lightness and the sweetness that was Juliette.

  Chapter Eleven

  Juliette

  Juliette made sure to lock the door when she stepped into the shower the following morning. She didn’t want to risk another intrusion by Noah’s brother, not that she had any problems with Noah joining her in the shower at all but his brother…

  Tilting her head back under the hot water she allowed her thoughts to drift back to her night with Noah. After they’d made love the first time they’d curled up in his bed together, talking quietly before they’d made love again, this time taking their time and delighting in each other’s bodies. Afterwards they’d both drifted to sleep until Juliette had woken a few hours later and quietly taken her exit.

  But not before seeing the photo.

  The framed picture, sitting on the table in the hall table had caught her attention as she snuck out. A picture of Noah and a girl. A girl with dark curly hair and big brown eyes, who
smiled into the camera, her arms wound around Noah’s waist. And Noah … it was a Noah Juliette didn’t know, a different Noah, a Noah whose eyes were light and joyous, a Noah whose face wasn’t full of pain and darkness.

  She’d paused, picking up the photo and examining it carefully. They were in love, deeply in love. Anyone who’d ever been in love, or even glimpsed love would recognize that what the couple in the photo had was something special. Juliette’s heart had turned over in her chest, and a million questions flooded her brain. Who was the girl? Where was she now? What had happened between Noah and her? If they were so in love, why weren’t they together anymore?

  She remembered what Renee had said earlier about Noah losing someone. Had he ”lost” this girl? Had she left him and broken his heart? Or had he lost her in a way she didn’t want to think about.

  Stepping out of the shower she dried off before pulling on some shorts and a t-shirt. It was Saturday, and she didn’t work Saturday. Instead Doug was coming by to take her out for the day and show her around town. Briefly she wondered if she should go out with Doug, especially after what had happened last night with Noah before deciding there was no harm in going out with Doug. Noah had been very clear in making her understand that this was not a relationship and that they owed each other nothing. Besides, Doug was just another new friend she’d made, and she liked him. Plus, it would be good to have a tour guide to show her around Myrtle Beach.

  Heading downstairs she found Renee at her usual place in the kitchen, this time cooking up some pancakes. Ryan was there, too, already digging into a huge plate. He looked and up and grinned when she came in, his eyes lingering on her still damp hair.

  “Looks like I missed this morning’s show,” he teased.

  She glared at him, although her mouth twitched. “I locked the door this time.”

  “Ryan,” Renee began, her voice taking on a serious parental tone, “will not be intruding on you in any way, Juliette. But, unfortunately, he has to move back home. At least for the time being.”

  “Oh?” she asked, taking a pancake from the stack and covering it in maple syrup. “Why’s that?”

  “My roommate got a girlfriend,” he grumbled, “so I’m out so she can move in and play house.”

  “That’s tough.”

  “Hey,” Ryan said through a mouthful of pancake, changing the subject. “Heard you went out with my brother last night. On a date.”

  Juliette paused, wondering who’d shared the information with Ryan. Her eyes lingered on Renee’s back at the stove, before she glanced back at Ryan, offering a slight shrug. “You heard right.”

  “Where’d he take you?”

  “We went to a restaurant down on the boardwalk and then on the sky wheel.” She kept her gaze fixed on her breakfast, ignoring the way her heart fluttered as she remembered the other part of her date. The part had left her exhausted and satisfied and the part that had pre-empted the best sleep she’d had in a long, long time.

  “Sounds like fun,” Ryan said and then added, “You know Noah doesn’t date right?”

  “Ryan,” Renee began.

  “Well she should know!” he protested. “Before he breaks her heart.”

  Juliette smiled at him. “It’s okay,” she told him honestly. “I already know Noah’s not available, and that’s fine. He’s a great guy, and I like hanging out with him.”

  “Has he told you about…”

  Juliette watched him, waiting for him to continue. When it became clear he wasn’t going to she finished the sentence for him. “The girl? No. But I got the impression it was serious. What happened?”

  “Huh?”

  “To the girl …”

  “Charlotte,” Ryan supplied.

  Charlotte. Juliette ran the name through her head deciding that it suited the girl in the photograph perfectly. Charlotte. “Yes. Charlotte. I saw a picture of her and wondered…”

  “You saw a picture of her?” Ryan interrupted, his eyes going wide. “Where?”

  Juliette colored, glancing again at Renee, who still had her back to them, having found something completely fascinating by the grill. “Um, at his house.”

  “You went to his house?” Ryan grinned, the smile stretching from ear to ear. “All right!”

  “Ryan,” Renee said in a warning tone.

  Juliette shifted in her seat. She hadn’t really wanted to share with anyone, particularly Noah’s family, that she went back to his house. She hoped he wasn’t annoyed at her for sharing that, but then he was a grown man. “I don’t want to pry, I mean I know she’s someone very special to Noah, I was just wondering…”

  “She’s dead,” Ryan informed her. “She’s been dead for years. So has Noah.”

  “Ryan!” It was Renee again.

  “Well it’s true,” he cried. “He doesn’t date. He doesn’t do anything but go to work and hang out at the Oak. He hasn’t even been back in the water since the accident.”

  A coldness suddenly washed over Juliette as she connected the dots to a story she realized she already knew. “Wait.” She glanced between Ryan and Renee. “Are you telling me that the person he couldn’t save, the person who drowned, was his girlfriend? Was Charlotte?”

  “Girlfriend,” Ryan scoffed. “She was his wife.”

  “Ryan!” This time Renee wacked him across the head, although Juliette had no idea why.

  Juliette stared at him, his words circling around and around in her head. Oh God. Noah was married? It was his wife that had been in an accident on the water and he hadn’t been able to save her? He’d lost his wife?

  No wonder he barely smiled. No wonder his eyes were dark and haunted. No wonder he growled and scowled at everyone. The man was carrying the worst type of guilt, the worst burden she could ever imagine carrying. To feel the weight of someone else’s death, to bear the responsibility, to know that it was your fault. She’d only known him a few days, but she knew him enough to know that he’d feel it ten times worse than someone else. The knowledge, his loss, his grief, would play in his mind over and over and weight on his soul constantly. And he’d blame himself. And for that person to have been his wife, to have been the woman he loved beyond all others….

  No. She pulled her thoughts in. She didn’t know the details of the accident, but somehow, she instinctively knew that it wasn’t his fault. Whatever had happened to Charlotte had been a dreadful, horrible tragedy, but it was not his fault.

  Even as Juliette told herself this she knew Noah believed it was. She saw it in the shadows on his face, the sadness that flickered across his eyes and the way he refused, had declared solemnly that he would never love again. How could he? He’d loved already.

  “Juliette,” Renee said quietly, “Noah should have told you this himself.” She shot her youngest son a frown before continuing. “But in saying that you need to know. You need to understand. It wouldn’t be fair to you.”

  “Oh my God,” Juliette whispered, her hand going to her heart, which broke thinking about all he’d lost. “Poor Noah.”

  “He’s been through hell,” Renee told her, “and he blames himself every day. But since you, since you came into our world I’ve seen a different side of him, a lighter side. I saw him smile yesterday, and I can’t remember the last time I saw him smile. I can’t tell you, as a mother, how happy it makes me to see him smile again.”

  Juliette suddenly felt very foolish and very stupid. She’d thought of Noah as a project, someone she could make happy, someone she could teach to be happy. But how could someone who was so shrouded in guilt and sadness be saved by someone like her? She was a girl who ran from her shadows, who, when things got difficult or even slightly uncomfortable packed up her shit and escaped in the middle of the night. What did she know about losing the love of your life? She hadn’t really ever loved anyone. And she’d thought she could come in here and be all sweetness and life and make him forget about the one person he’d felt everything for.

  She cringed thinking about last night. It wa
s fabulous, and she had no doubts that he’d wanted it to happen. But, and she hated even thinking it, when he’d been with her had he been secretly hoping and even wishing, she was Charlotte?

  She pushed the uneaten pancakes away from her, no longer hungry, and stood up not looking at Renee or Ryan. She needed to be alone, needed to think. “I think … I think I’ll go for a walk.”

  She walked over the dunes towards the water and then hesitated, wondering where to go and what to do. A part of her wanted to go back into the house, pack up her things and leave. Go somewhere else, somewhere where there were no Noahs and no broken, haunted men. But she’d only been here a few days and she liked Myrtle Beach, she liked Renee and Ryan, she liked Toby and working at the workshop. Things had felt like they were all falling into place. The stars in the universe aligning and telling her that this where she was meant to be. And besides, where would she even go? She couldn’t go back, she knew that. The idea of going back to her life in Lexington, with Harry, in that house with his friends smoking weed in the living room, the burnt out car on the vacant block behind them, the sounds of dogs barking, cars back firing, and couples fighting filling the neighborhood. No. She’d moved on to there, searching for somewhere better, and she’d found it. Having found it, she really, really didn’t want to let it go.

  She just had to stay away from Noah, she realized. He was broken. He carried so much weight in his heart that was he broken. He’d told her this, he’d warned her, and whilst she’d listened she hadn’t really heard him and she hadn’t really believed. But now she did. Now she understood that she couldn’t save him, and in trying, she might just end up hurting them both.

  ****

  When she came back a little later from her walk she found Doug waiting for her on the porch.

  “I’m so sorry!” she cried, rushing up the steps to greet him, her thoughts clearer after dipping her toes in the water and inhaling deeply the fresh salty sea air. It was true, she had decided, sea air really was good for the soul. “I completely lost track of time.” She didn’t tell him the truth; that in being so wrapped in thinking about Noah, she’d forgotten entirely about her plans with Doug.