by Amy Woods
“You’ve got it all wrong, June. If you’d have told me that what’s been bothering you this whole time was that you didn’t want to give the puppies up, I would have helped you find a way to keep them. I can’t believe that’s all it was and you kept it from me.”
He thought they were having a heart-to-heart, a moment that would fix everything and get them back to normal, whatever that meant. But June was shaking her head.
He’d missed something crucial, but he had no idea what.
“No, Ethan. That’s not all it is.”
He was genuinely confused, and the way she was looking at him gave the impression that she was still sad and angry with him. But if that wasn’t it... “Then what is it?” he asked.
More tears ran down her cheeks, making him feel like a total jerk and an idiot at the same time.
“If you can’t see what’s been bothering me, Ethan, then me spelling it out for you isn’t going to change anything.”
With those final words, she stormed off. And he knew she was very, very upset because she didn’t take the puppies with her.
He wanted desperately to follow, but something in him caused him to pause. She’d made a comment in passing that morning of the snowball fight, one he hadn’t paid much attention to at the time but that now stood out, marring an otherwise glowing, perfect memory.
That was it.
She’d said she needed space, time to heal from what that previous jerk did to her. And more than anything, he did not want to give her reason to lump him in with a guy like that, a guy stupid enough to let her go.
So he vowed to give her a little space, a little time, just like she asked. Maybe she would realize, as he’d begun to, that she wasn’t at peace with the idea of their relationship coming to a close.
And after that passed, after her heart healed, nothing would stop him from going after her.
Nothing in the world.
Chapter Twelve
From the parking lot of her apartment building, even with tears still blurring her vision after driving aimlessly for hours, June could see her patio light blazing. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up; she did not recall flipping the switch by her back door before leaving earlier in the day.
She shut her car door and paused to grab pepper spray from her bag before making her way up the stairs to her unit. Not for the first time, but for a new reason, she wished the puppies were with her. They were still small, but their barks were deceptively loud, and lately, the little squirts had begun to put up a fuss if anyone they didn’t know got too close to their mom.
Another tear slipped down June’s cheek; that was how she thought of the situation. She’d basically adopted them, after all, and she still felt guilty for leaving them behind at the pet fair. Ethan would take care of them, but from the bottom of her toes all the way up to the top of her head, with every cell in her body, she hoped he wouldn’t give them away that day.
But she didn’t have a chance to think about regrets at the moment, because as she approached her building, June was fairly certain she caught movement on her back porch out of the corner of her eye.
She jammed her key into the lock and got in as quickly as possible, slamming the door behind her. Her back against it, she peered into her living room and down the hallway, the only light coming from a lamp on her bedside table.
“Hello?” she called, but there was no answer.
She looked out from the sliding glass door to try to see if there was someone on the patio, but the light didn’t reach too far and there were shadows everywhere, so she settled for checking the lock and the dead bolt. Setting her purse on the couch, June flipped on a single lamp, checking the closets and in every potential hiding area she could think of.
But as soon as she returned to the living room and plopped down on the couch, she heard a soft knock, and it wasn’t coming from the front door.
As icicles formed along her spine, she picked up the pepper spray and the golf club she kept under the couch and, one in each hand, headed over to the sliding door.
When she pressed her nose against the glass to better see out, a face stared back at her and a blood-curdling scream erupted from her throat before she recognized who it was.
“Clayton!” she shouted, anger coursing through her veins to replace fear. Her first instinct was to call the police, but as her pulse calmed and her breathing slowed, June reminded herself that, for all his faults, he’d never been a violent man.
Clayton Miller held up his hands and turned around, showing her that he posed no threat. Convinced he didn’t intend to hurt her, she dropped the golf club and unlocked the door, sliding the pepper spray into her pocket, just in case.
Hell, she thought, I might use it just because.
When she slid the door open, he walked slowly past her into the living room. He still stood nearly eye level with her, of course, but he’d lost weight and his thinner form didn’t suit him. There were dark circles under his eyes when he looked at her, as though he hadn’t slept well in weeks.
She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling a chill that had nothing to do with the January temperature. “Clayton, what in the hell were you doing on my porch?”
He cringed. “I needed to see you and my key didn’t work in the lock, so I figured I’d just wait out there until you came home. Where were you, June? I’ve been here for hours.”
She choked out a laugh, feeling sick to her stomach. “Of course your key didn’t work. I had the locks changed. And after all you’ve done to me, your audacity continues to amaze me, Clayton. I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but you don’t get to ask questions like that anymore.”
He looked down at his sneakers. “You’re right. I... I’m sorry.”
Her eyebrows rose in genuine surprise. “Well, that’s the first I’ve heard those words since you walked out on me and took every dime I’d saved up.”
“I know, June, and there’s a lot I need to apologize for. I’d like to do that if you’ll give me a chance.”
Up until she’d found him standing on her porch, looking like something a cat had dragged up, there were a lot of things June would have wanted to say if Clayton Miller ever graced her with his presence again, and even more she’d have wanted to throw in his face. But seeing him there, she realized she no longer cared what reasons—excuses, really—he would give for leaving her and everything else he’d done.
She could finally say, with absolute certainty, that she gave less than a damn.
“I don’t have anything to say to you, Clayton, and to be frank, there’s nothing you can say to me that will change anything. So, if it’s all the same to you, I’d like for you to get the hell out of my life for the last time.”
This time, it was her choice, and she wanted him gone.
He held up a hand and she saw that his eyes were closed. “That’s fine, June. I will get out of here like you asked, but there’s something I wanted to give you first, if you’ll let me stay just a second longer.”
As he pulled an envelope from his back pocket, she tilted her chin up so she could stare down at him as though she were ten feet tall. “What’s that?” she asked, not allowing her hopes to climb, not wanting to let herself wish it was what she thought it might be.
“It’s...it’s the money I took from you.”
Her jaw dropped and she quickly pulled it closed.
“All of it,” he said, holding out the paper. She stopped herself from snatching it away, opting to take it slowly instead.
“It doesn’t feel like much.”
“It’s a check,” he said. “It’s not everything I took. Some of it I... I gambled away. I still owe you the rest and I plan to make good on it as soon as I can.”
June rolled her eyes.
At least he’d had the courtesy to look guilty. Perhaps there w
as room for growth in a person as twisted as Clayton.
“Come on now, June, don’t do that. It’ll clear, I swear. Would I come all the way down here and give you this, knowing it wouldn’t?”
“I honestly don’t know, Clayton. I thought I knew you once, but then you stole everything I had and left me alone to pick up the pieces, so I really can’t answer that question.”
She shoved the check—if that was really what it was; she still didn’t trust a word the man said—into her pocket and pointed at the door.
He gave a sad nod and turned to go.
She’d given him everything once, and he’d smashed it all, and she’d believed that if she ever saw him again, all of the rage she had felt for him would return. But standing there in the tiny living room of the only place she could afford—a place she paid for every month with hard-earned, honest money she made herself—June felt nothing but pride. Pride in herself, for putting her life back together, even if it wasn’t much yet, for picking herself up off the floor and drying her tears to go to work the day after Clayton abandoned her, for telling him to hit the road when she had the chance.
She hugged herself as another chill spread through her body.
Clayton stopped, his hand on the door, and turned back. She only saw the side of his face.
“What I did was wrong, June, and you’re right that it doesn’t matter why. Hell, there are times when I don’t even know why I did it, because some days I miss you like crazy. I know I got my own garbage to sort out, but I do want you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. If I had it to do over, I’d do things different.”
With that, he opened the door. She’d thought that would be the last of him, but a second later, he was backing into her apartment as though held at gunpoint.
As he passed through the door, she saw Ethan on the other side of Clayton, shoving the man back into her living room.
“Ethan,” she cried. “What are you doing?” She rushed over to where the two men stood.
Ethan’s fists were curled and there was murder in his eyes. “June, who the hell is this man and why is he bothering you?”
Clayton flinched but didn’t respond.
She walked over to Ethan’s side and put a hand on his forearm. “It’s okay. I’ve got this handled and you can relax.”
He met her eyes. “You sure, June?” He turned to face her, jaw trembling. “I shouldn’t have let you go earlier today. I should have fought for you.” He tipped his chin in Clayton’s direction. “I’m prepared to do that now. Just say the word.”
An unexpected little flip happened in her stomach and she had to fold her lips together to keep from grinning. “I mean it, Ethan,” she said, her heart going soft with tenderness toward him. “I’m fine and everything’s okay. I was just telling Clayton to go on and get out.”
Clayton nodded, looking relieved that he’d avoided getting punched in the face, pepper sprayed or whacked in the noggin with a golf club. Finally, the man walked out her front door, taking their dark past with him.
When June turned back around to face Ethan, even though they still had a lot to discuss, a part of her knew there would be mostly light from then on.
She walked to the door and closed it, hard, not taking her eyes off the man she loved.
“June, I have so much I want to tell you. So much I understand now that I didn’t before.”
“I do, too, Ethan. Oh, I shouldn’t have left you earlier. Even though I was hurting, it wasn’t the right thing to do, and I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m the one who needs to apologize.” He took both of her hands in his and led her to the couch. Recalling what had happened the last time they’d ended up there together, June’s cheeks warmed and she took a deep breath. There would be time to think of that later; right then, she needed to focus on the conversation she should have had with him ages ago—the one they’d both feared, until that moment when all their walls had finally come crashing down.
For her, at least, all that remained was an exposed but ready heart, and she hoped he would offer her the same.
When they were seated, she took her time before speaking.
Ethan looked handsome, as always, but there was a little vulnerability in him just then, wearing the same hooded sweatshirt he’d put on for the pet adoption event earlier that day, his hair a little mussed, that five-o’-clock shadow she loved so much making an appearance. She longed to touch him, to reach out and run her fingers along his jaw, but there would be time for that later, she hoped.
His eyes were dark in the dim light coming from her bedroom—she still hadn’t switched on any additional light, and doing so then could potentially break the spell they were under. It was one of those moments in life when she knew everything was about to change, for better or worse, and it felt as if even the quietest breath had the potential to destroy it all.
“Listen, June, I know we have a lot to say to each other, and I’d love to start if you’re ready.”
She offered him a tender smile, holding back from reaching out to wrap her hands in his. “No,” she said, her voice firm. “Let me.”
He started to open his mouth but thought better of it when he saw the determination in her expression.
“That guy that just left?” she asked, pointing a thumb in the direction of her front door.
Ethan nodded.
“That was Clayton Miller.” She drew in a long breath and slowly released it. “I was in love with him for six months, so much so that I thought he would be in my life forever. We never actually talked about it, which I see now was probably a red flag, but I just assumed we would get married someday. Every moment that we weren’t working, we spent together, and we both shared a dream of owning a business together.”
She shook her head. “I was stupid to believe him—I see that now—but he convinced me that he’d found the perfect building for the bakery I wanted so badly, and I trusted him. I went there with him, once, to an empty store in a cute little strip mall in Dallas, and fell in love with the place.”
Ethan nodded, his eyes narrowing as he followed along.
“Because I worked so much and Clay—Clayton—had a more flexible schedule, he convinced me to transfer all of my money into his bank account so that he could make an offer one afternoon. That morning, he kissed me goodbye like always.”
Ethan cringed.
“And I didn’t see him again until today.” Even after all that time, admitting such a thing was still embarrassing.
“Did you go to the police?” Ethan asked.
“I did, but because I’d willingly given Clayton the money and I wasn’t under duress or threatened or anything at the time, there wasn’t much they could do. They tried to track him down for a little while, mostly as a favor to me, I think, since this is a small town and everybody knows most of the force, but after a bit, they let it go.”
She wrung her hands. “I tried to do the same, but honestly, until you came along, I was having a hard time believing that I’d ever get over that pain of being abandoned.”
Ethan reached out and took her hands. “I’m so sorry he did that to you, June.”
She shook her head. “And the worst part is, he made me stop trusting myself. It’s a miracle I didn’t extend that to everyone around me, but thankfully I didn’t. I’ve got a lot of good people in my life that I would have pushed away if I’d have done that. But no, it was just me.”
“What do you mean?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“Well, I figured that if I was that stupid once, if I trusted someone like that—someone who took everything I had without breaking a sweat—then I should never let myself get close to a man again.”
“It wasn’t your fault, June.” The words were true, she knew, but still so hard to digest.
“So when you came along, even though
I started to fall for you from pretty much the moment we met, I didn’t want to let myself get too close. You seemed wonderful, but if I made such a mistake before, who was I to judge?”
“Do you still feel that way about me?”
“Of course not, Ethan,” she said, willing her words to convey the extent of what was in her heart. “You have to see that.”
“I do. I do see that, June, and I’m so sorry that I didn’t go after you today. I’m so very sorry if I made you think I didn’t care that you ran off.”
“Ethan, I know you care. I can see that, even though I know you didn’t really want to from the beginning.”
“June, please let me explain...”
She held up a hand, then placed it back over his. “Of course, but let me finish, okay?”
He nodded, his brown eyes so warm.
“I want you to understand what happened today, when I left the pet event, I mean.”
“Absolutely,” he said. “I mean, I think I have some idea now, but I want to hear your story.”
“Those puppies, Ethan—they mean more to me than I think you realize.”
He looked like he wanted to say something but he kindly let her go on without interrupting.
“I think I’ve come to see them as a sort of...symbol...for lack of a more accurate word. They’ve come to represent some things for me that I hope make sense. If it doesn’t, and you think I’m crazy, you’re welcome to walk right back out that door.”
“June.” His voice was rigid, final. “If you’ll allow it, I will never walk out that door without you knowing I’ll be back. So, I’d love to hear what you’re going to say, but know this—I am not that man that left here a few minutes ago. I am not him. I will never treat you like he did. I will never do what he did to you.”
Ethan swallowed, his jaw ticking in that nervous way.
What he’d confessed certainly made it hard for her to continue, but it also made her heart swell with joy.
“I definitely want to hear more of that,” she said, giggling, which made him laugh, too. “But what I was saying is that, the puppies are sort of like this representation of...well...us. Look, I know it’s weird, but they brought you into my life, and even though we got to know each other apart from them, I always had this sort of fear that if they went away from me, well...you would, too. What I mean to say, or ask, really, is...would you still be here if it wasn’t for them?”
