Impossible

by Jason Letts

  Even though I was bundled up, I still felt the cold leaking through my clothing. I glanced at the people around me, and everyone looked equally uncomfortable. I’d like to think it was because I wasn’t alone and their lives had been thrown against the rocks too, but they were probably just steeling themselves against the cold.

  I walked quickly enough to keep myself warm. Soon I spotted the huge stone library drifting into view. The tall columns, people swarming around them as they entered and exited, were intimidating, but I knew what I had to do and so I went right to the glass doors and pulled them open.

  Both the sudden rise in temperature and the size of the place struck me immediately. There were several floors, each of them containing row after row of bookshelves. It was the weirdest thing, but I almost felt like I was stepping into Cammie’s head. She was in here somewhere, and I would have to fish her out.

  I started walking around, peering down the aisles and checking the tables and desks. There were plenty of people perusing the library, but Cammie was nowhere to be found. Going up to the second floor proved just as fruitless, making me think I’d been too hasty assuming she was here. Maybe she had some school thing I’d forgotten about. Or maybe she was spying on me from between the books, sneaking behind me and snickering silently as I made a fool of myself looking for her.

  Returning to the first floor, I was about to give up when I realized I’d been making this much too difficult. The librarian would know exactly where she likes to sit.

  “Excuse me, I’m looking for friend of mine, mid-teens, brown hair, glasses, named Cammie Wheeler.”

  The librarian, a kindly looking middle-aged plump woman, broached a cheerful smile at the mention of Cammie, which would’ve been just about the opposite of my reaction had someone brought her up to me right now.

  “Of course!” the woman glowed. “She always hunkers down in the east wing of the first floor right by the fish tank.”

  “Thanks,” I said, turning away. I’d completely passed by that section and hadn’t even noticed a fish tank.

  Heading straight for my new destination, it only took a little more poking around before I found the bubbly blue water occupying a spot near a back wall. Slowly creeping amongst the bookcases, I saw Cammie flipping through a few big books. I leaned against the side of one, crossed my arms, and waited for her to notice me.

  Cammie twiddled a pencil between her fingers for a moment, concentrating deeply, before she glanced up and spotted me. She blinked hard, a little stunned, but then she got control of herself.

  “Don’t be mad at me,” she said, and I used my shoulder to push off from the bookcase and then sauntered closer.

  “And what reason would I have to be mad at you?” I asked, keeping my voice even.

  “I told Nathan about your plan,” she answered. I stood at the other end of the round table, nodding down at her.

  “And why was that wrong?” If she was going to answer all my questions so willingly, she might as well dig herself into a hole while doing it.

  “It wasn’t wrong,” Cammie shot back. Well, so much for that.

  “Yes, it was.”

  “No, it wasn’t.”

  “Cammie!” I said, stopping the back and forth. I’d raised my voice though and Cammie put her index finger to her lips. “I told you why we needed to do this, and why we needed to keep it a secret from Nathan. By betraying me, you’ve made it harder for us to save him. Is that what you really wanted?”

  Cammie shook her head and brushed away a strand of hair. She leaned back and slid in her seat a bit.

  “You forget that my allegiance is first and foremost to my brother. He’s competent and trustworthy enough to be an active agent in any course of action we devise. But that’s not why I told him,” she explained, sounding almost amused.

  “Then why did you?” I asked, putting my hands on the table and leaning closer.

  “I told him because I wanted him to talk you out of it. I thought he could convince you not to do it,” she added.

  “He didn’t. Nathan just got irrationally angry about a lot of things all at once and made me surer than even that we need to do this. He’s having trouble coming to grips with what the disease means to him. He’s not in his right mind and I’m starting to be afraid for him.”

  Cammie sighed.

  “Well, that’s beside the point. The reason I wanted him to stop you was because you don’t seem to listen to me when I tell you that you’ve got a stupid plan that has more holes than Swiss cheese.”

  “You’re probably right about that,” I conceded. I couldn’t think of anything she could say that would change my mind. “It’s going to work though. I just know it.”

  Cammie sat up in her chair, reaching out for my hand but then changing her mind and balling it into a fist.

  “The problem is you don’t know that much. Say the experiment works and we’re able to send you to a parallel universe, say you’re even sent to the correct one despite the absolutely miniscule odds, say I’m right there waiting for you and willing to help. There’s one problem that remains. I’m still going to be fifteen years old. No matter how much smarter this other version of me is, there’s no conceivable possibility that she has already cured the disease.”

  My mouth went dry and I gawked openly. I hadn’t thought of that, and I had no idea what could be done about it.

  “So what are you going to do, just hang out and wait for me to hit the apex of my medical career?” Cammie went on, driving home the awful truth I couldn’t hide from anymore. “That’ll take a few decades, at least.”

  I tapped my fingers against the table nervously. There had to be some way to overcome this, but I couldn’t think of anything I could be confident about.

  “What if…” I paused, “you made the machine so it could transport someone through time too. Or maybe the other version of you could if I got there.”

  Cammie shook her head. She didn’t even have to consider my idea to know it was garbage.

  “The only reason I was able to perform the experiment in the first place was because you told me the secret to it. Do you know how to augment it so it turns time into a variable?” she interrogated.

  “No, I don’t,” I squeaked.

  “Then I’m not going to be able to figure it out, and I doubt this better version of me in another universe could either.”

  “Yeah,” I said, unable to refute any of it. I just stood there for a moment, desperately trying to come up with something despite drawing a complete blank. “So we’re probably not going to be able to do it then, right?”

  “Sorry, Apoxy,” Cammie shrugged. “I guess you’re stuck with me and these books.”

  I nodded, a hollow feeling swelling in the pit of my stomach. I turned to leave but then quickly doubled back to Cammie, thinking I’d hit upon something. But it was nothing and I sulked away.

  I still wanted to go through with the plan even though Cammie had proven beyond a doubt that it would result in disaster, but I had to accept that just going on hope when my idea didn’t have a leg to stand on would be more trouble than it was worth. I wandered toward our home, wondering how I could even look him in the eye when I got there.

  Letting go of my one chance to save Nathan was the hardest thing I ever had to do.

  Chapter 4

  I can’t say I was my normal chipper self in the days that followed. Life just kind of went on in this bland, monotonous way that made it difficult to get excited about anything. Though he still had his moodier moments, Nathan managed to be almost tolerable most of the time. It was a shame that we had to choose things to do like watching movies where we didn’t even talk to each other.

  At work, I pretty much just went through the motions. Handing over waffle cones containing scoops of Cherry Garcia or New York Super Fudge Chunk, I kept my face basically expressionless. My supervisor noticed and she asked me what was wrong. All I could say was that I was going through some personal problems and that I’d try harder.
At least I felt bad about under-performing at work. I started sleeping through my classes without a second thought.

  It just seemed like things were destined to be terrible and nothing could be done about it. I kept scratching my head about how I could make my plan work, but solutions evaded me like oil and water. All I had to go on was that if I could get to the alternate version of Cammie, she would be able to help me figure it out.

  As for our Cammie, her conscience made her head back to school after just a missed day or two. She still spent time studying Huntington’s, but she did her schoolwork too. None of us had any doubts she’d still score amazing grades even if she had a few other things on her mind.

  Once December rolled around, that meant it was time for Nathan to start teaching her how to drive in preparation for her sixteenth birthday when she could take her driver’s test. I was going to learn too, though having the two of them locked in a car with me wasn’t the most appealing prospect ever. I loved Nathan, but it hurt to confront our strained relationship. I respected Cammie, but she’d thrown in my face how futile my plan was.

  We took Nathan’s mother’s, Miriam’s, old Volvo just because it would be easier to maneuver than the truck. Our plan was to go to a big shopping center parking lot and cruise around, practicing everything. Nathan drove us there, and already Cammie had something to gripe about.

  “You know, I can drive perfectly fine. I’ve done it before,” she asserted. “It’s not like we have to start off with the kiddie stuff.”

  In a way, she was right. She had spent some time behind the wheel before, including when we went to rescue Nathan at the cement factory. I bet she could already drive circles around me because even pulling out into open traffic would’ve terrified me, so I was glad we decided to start off at a parking lot.

  “We’ll see how easy it is for you,” Nathan said. “If you’re able to manage it here then we can move on to something more difficult.”

  I was sitting in the backseat wondering if she’d get upset at me if it took the entire day for me to get the car into drive.

  Reaching the parking lot, a vast expanse of pavement surrounding the mall, we stopped so Nathan and Cammie could exchange places. Cammie hopped in the driver’s seat, gripped the wheel, and revved the engine as she smirked.

  “Yeah, baby, today’s my first day training to become a stunt driver!”

  Nathan and I laughed while Cammie shifted the car into gear. It jerked a bit as she stepped on the gas, but soon she got the hang of it. She started off slow, cruising around the shopping center complex’s roads until she became more confident.

  Nathan started giving her directions to follow. Turn here. Check the rearview mirror to see if the mafia is following you. Park in this space. Wait for your accomplices to complete the bank heist and run out carrying big bags with dollar signs on them. Make a clean getaway.

  She passed his test with flying colors, and that meant it was my turn to take a shot at it. It was amazing how nervous I was. People drove cars all the time and it was nothing, but to actually get into the driver’s seat of one for the first time kind of freaked me out. I’d seen people drive a million times, not that I could recall anything they did while they were operating the car.

  Nathan was nice about it, walking me through what I needed to do step by step. I moved the seat back from where scrawny little Cammie had it. I checked my mirrors, and fortunately my hair was fine. All that was left was to put on my directional and pull out of the parking space. When I took my foot off the brake and touched the gas, the car went backward instead of forward.

  “Stop!” Nathan howled, and I managed to touch the brake again.

  The back end of the car was about an inch from another vehicle behind us. Staring down at the shifter, it was obvious I’d put the car into reverse rather than drive.

  “Sorry,” I apologized, holding my hand to my face.

  Trying again, I managed to get the car into the correct gear and pull out of the space. There weren’t any other moving vehicles or people around, but I kept the car so slow we probably could’ve walked faster. Reaching the end of the lane, I peeked around the last car parked in the row, slammed on the brakes, and braced for impact.

  “Ahh!” I screamed.

  There was another car cruising along the road a good fifty yards away.

  “This is taking forever,” Cammie moaned, slumped against the back seat.

  “Give her a chance,” Nathan objected, twisting around to look at her. “She’ll get it.”

  His defending me did a lot for my confidence, and I did actually start to do better. I calmed down a bit and focused on what I was doing. Even though they were at a snail’s pace, I made a few turns, circled the mall, and inched into a parking space.

  “And I didn’t kill anyone either!” I cheered. Nathan clapped, and I made a fist pump, but by then Cammie had already pulled open my door and was demanding that I exit.

  “Between this and your driving skills, you’d make a great chauffeur,” I jabbed, and she immediately let go of my door. Somehow I’d managed to survive my first shot at driving, and so I slid into the backseat, a cheesy grin beaming from my face.

  “Now we have to get to our secret hideout,” Cammie observed, continuing the role-playing they’d started before.

  “Remember, the worst thing you can do is draw the attention of the police by disobeying traffic laws,” Nathan added.

  Nodding, Cammie adjusted the seat and mirrors and then pulled out from the parking space. She merged onto the mall road and then stopped at a light before the exit. Cars whizzed by at a dizzying pace. I probably would’ve passed out if I’d been driving, but Cammie practically salivated and revved the engine again.

  The light changed and we started cruising down the busy road. Whether it was switching lanes or passing other cars, there was nothing Cammie couldn’t do.

  “I hope you’re taking notes back there,” she taunted, and I grumbled to myself.

  We turned onto some vacant side streets where Nathan presented the next challenge.

  “Ok, the police have created a barricade to seal off the route to the hideout. There’s a row of officers pointing their guns at you from behind their cars. There’s only one possible way to foil them, a three-point turn,” he declared darkly, and Cammie gasped.

  “I don’t know how much these cops are getting paid, but if a three-point turn outwits them than it’s way too much,” Cammie commented.

  Turning the wheel, she crossed the median sharply, twisted it back to reverse the car perpendicular to the road, and then pulled forward going in the opposite direction.

  “Child’s play,” she proclaimed, and by then I was getting a little sick of her gloating.

  We drove on a little further until we came to a few cars parked along the side of the road. Nathan glanced back at me and winked.

  “Ok, we’re at the secret hideout, and all you have to do to get away with your loot is to parallel park between these two cars,” he explained.

  “No problem,” Cammie responded.

  An SUV and a station wagon were a car’s distance apart, and I leaned to the side to see if any signs of worry appeared on Cammie’s face. She looked fine, but the car moved much more cautiously than before. After coming even with the lead car, she put the car in reverse and spun the wheel to back into the spot.

  “Careful, careful,” Nathan warned.

  I giggled when the car bumped into the curb, and I can’t say I really even tried to hide it. Cammie, who had been looking back to watch the car as it went in reverse, cast me an awfully sour look. Is it bad that I took so much delight in her failure? I guess I’ll just have to accept that it’s one of my few flaws.

  “Who needs cops when you have curbs around to foil bank robbers?” I mused.

  “Shut it,” Cammie glowered. “I’ll get it if you just hang on a sec.”

  She pulled out and drew even with the lead car again, then she backed up without turning the wheel nearly enough. Eigh
ty percent of the car was still sticking out into the middle of the road.

  “Uhh, correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t we want to be over there?” I asked, pointing out the window to the parking space we weren’t occupying.

  “I don’t suppose you want to give it a try,” Cammie barked, her beady eyes glaring in the rearview mirror.

  “But I can’t get out of the car here. We’re in the middle of the road!” I moaned. “Maybe if we were nice and safe in that parking spot I could.”

  Cammie growled and pulled the car forward. She gripped the wheel so tight her knuckles were starting to go white.

  “Just take a deep breath. You can do this,” Nathan urged.

  Putting the car in reverse, Cammie prepared for her third attempt. She twisted the wheel, looked back, and watched the car slide to the right. She whipped the wheel the other way to straighten out the car, but she didn’t do so enough because the wheel clipped the curb.

  “That was really, really close,” I comforted her. “I’m surprised you didn’t make it.”

  “Would you listen to her?” Cammie howled at Nathan. “I could’ve gotten it if she had just kept her fat mouth shut.”

  “I wasn’t doing anything!” I objected, craning my neck to look in the mirror. “Do I really have a fat mouth?”

  “Yes, you were!” Cammie continued.

  “Ok, that’s enough,” Nathan interjected. “I think driving practice is finished for today. We’d better stop before my head splits open from the shouting.”

  Nathan climbed out of the passenger’s seat and went to switch with Cammie. Once he’d gotten behind the wheel, he clicked the lock on the passenger’s door right before Cammie tried to open it.

  “I need you two to get along, so I’m making you ride in the back seat with her,” he ordered.

  “Fine,” Cammie acquiesced. She set her grumpy body on the seat next to me just about as far away as the car would allow.