Impossible

by Jason Letts

  They spent a moment in contemplation of her words, and Nathan wondered if he’d really been true to himself. Was he living the way he wanted? It was a hard question, and he’d have to develop some patience before he could answer it.

  “What about you? How do you feel about the time you’ve spent?” he asked in the meantime.

  Gladys smiled, crinkling some wrinkles around her eyes as she gazed at him.

  “I’ve got no regrets because I’ve got two wonderful grandchildren in my life.”

  Her sentiment was sweet, and Nathan got up to come around the table and give her a hug. The shower had stopped and they could hear Cam rumbling around in the bathroom. While they still had the room to themselves, Gladys took Nathan’s forearm and offered one more bit of advice.

  “Whatever the problem is between you and your lady, the best way to solve it is usually just to show that you care. Maybe you should think of something to do that really gets to the heart of what you’re about,” she suggested.

  “That’s not a bad idea at all,” Nathan nodded.

  As he thought about what he could do to accomplish that, Cam emerged from the bathroom. Her hair was still a little wet, she was wearing the same clothes, and she had reapplied her makeup. She forced a smile at Gladys as she went for the rack of jackets by the door.

  “Don’t you look like a doll?” Gladys cooed, though Cam barely acknowledged her compliment.

  “Thanks,” she said, grabbing a black jacket and slipping it on. The door closed a moment later, and Gladys turned in surprise to Nathan.

  “She left in an awful hurry!”

  “I guess you haven’t heard about her new boyfriend,” Nathan explained. “He seems to be quite a mystery and all we see are the ways she’s twisting herself around him.”

  “It’s just a phase,” Gladys concluded. “It’s natural to want to play up your looks to make yourself more appealing at that age. Or at any age, really.”

  Nathan shrugged, watching as his grandmother grabbed her cue and started for the door herself.

  “I’ll be off then. Sounds like you could use some time to relax, to reflect,” she said. Once she left, that seemed like all there was for Nathan to do.

  *

  After escaping from Nate and the soccer house, the library was already locked and so I had to spend the night sitting against a warm wall by the heating plant that had a vent. I didn’t sleep at all because I was both jarred by what had happened to me and forced to keep an eye out for campus police.

  Now it was morning, and I had to find a way back to the city even though my body felt so exhausted I wished I could just fall into a ditch and die. Did Nathan even care that I was doing all this for him? No, he didn’t, and that was because he couldn’t remember who I was, but I couldn’t let that stop me because I loved him and this was the only way he was going to get better.

  It seemed a lot of students were moving out today because it was the end of the semester. Doing my best to put on a friendly smile, I asked a few people for a ride back to the city but got turned down every time.

  I went into one of the academic buildings and started scrounging through the free food they were offering to students taking their final exams. I tried not to look anyone in the eye or stand too close, having a feeling that wearing the same clothes for so long was starting to give me the smell and appearance of a vagrant.

  Avoiding eye contact left me with a lot of time to stare at the wall, and that’s when I found a way to get back to the city. Tacked onto a bulletin board, a flyer announced that someone was looking for students to split the gas bill in exchange for a ride back to the city later that day. Like most of the other papers on the board, this one looked like it hadn’t gotten any attention, but I ripped it off the wall and ran to a payphone just to make sure.

  Calling the driver, I found out there was space left and it would only cost me about five dollars to go. That was good because I only had a little more than that. Now all I had to do was find a way to burn a few hours before it came time to leave.

  My face against a desk in an otherwise vacant corner of the library, I whittled away the time doing as little as possible. I had vague thoughts of doing something to get back at Nate, maybe getting him in trouble for his scummy house or finding a way to rat him out to Sasha. It would’ve felt really good to see her flipping out at him, but I had no idea how to contact her here.

  I’d just have to put it behind me and think about what I had to do. Once Gladys told me where Cammie was, I’d find her and get her to help. Since she wasn’t living at home, my guess was she was studying at a prep school somewhere, and it was possible she was already working on finding a cure for Huntington’s disease.

  My mind felt like it was in outer space, and the time to leave came sooner than I thought. It was early afternoon, and it would take a couple hours to get into the city, meaning I’d get to the nursing home before normal business hours were over. Overall, I was very optimistic about how this was going to turn out.

  I walked to one of the residential buildings where a red mustang was parked by the access road around back. A few other people were moving things out of the building, but I could tell the two guys waiting beside the mustang were my ticket out of town. Considering the great lesson Suze taught me, I had to rethink my policy of not riding with strange men.

  “Are you Sarah?” one of the guys asked, and I nodded my head.

  “I’m Trevor,” he said as we shook hands. He was a bit overweight but had a teddy bear quality to him. “And this is my friend Justin,” he added. Justin was the same height as Trevor and it looked like he was constantly sucking his cheeks into his mouth.

  “Is anybody else coming?” I asked.

  “No, nobody else called us. Glad you did though,” Trevor said, and I had to wonder why.

  “Here’s my five bucks,” I offered, pulling a bill out of my jacket pocket.

  “You don’t have any more stuff with you?” Justin asked. “There’s plenty of room in the trunk.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m leaving everything in my dorm room over break.”

  Nodding, we got in the vehicle and started out of town. I sat alone in a wide, black back seat while the two guys sat up front. Leaving campus immediately made me feel better, and I probably could’ve fallen asleep on the seat, but I didn’t trust these guys nearly enough to do that. Instead I crammed myself against one of the doors, practically trying to hide.

  We hit the highway, and the guys started talking about movies and video games. They turned some rock music up, which jarred in my exhausted head. After about two minutes on the highway, I became aware of how fast we were going. Other cars looked like they were standing still, and I felt the seat pressing against me as we rocketed forward.

  “Don’t you think this is a little bit fast?” I asked, not feeling as safe as I would’ve liked.

  “We’re fine. Should get there in about an hour. I didn’t get a car like this so I could spend all day trying to get where I was going!” Trevor chuckled, giving Justin a high-five.

  I sighed and locked the door I was leaning against. There didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it, and I wouldn’t exactly have a problem with it if we got there a little sooner.

  It wasn’t until we were almost all the way back to the city, so close we could actually see the ramp for the exit we needed to take, that the error in judgment on Trevor’s part came back to haunt him. At first it was just a hint of red reflecting off the ceiling, which could’ve been from the hood or something so I didn’t pay much attention to it, but then Trevor groaned, craning his neck so he could look into the rearview mirror.

  I immediately spun around and spotted the police cruiser trailing us. Looks like we wouldn’t be making such good time after all, and I can’t say I felt too sorry for Trevor after he was practically begging for it by going so fast.

  The two boys seemed tense, and I could hear Trevor taking deep breaths. He pulled the car over and rubbed his face.
r />   “Ok, let’s all just act natural,” he said, and Justin nodded emphatically.

  “Why can’t we just be natural?” I asked, suddenly concerned.

  Trevor twisted around in his seat to look at me. His raised eyebrows insinuated that something was going on, and I happened to catch him glance at the trunk before righting himself. Suddenly I was panicking. What did these guys have in there? This could be a major problem, and I was stuck with nowhere to go.

  We came to a stop on the side of the highway just one hundred yards from the exit ramp we needed to take. I felt like making a run for it, but in reality I couldn’t move a muscle. The flashing lights against the ceiling made me nervous, and I could tell the officer was walking toward us when the two guys started holding their breaths.

  An officer, goatee, badge, and all, tapped on the driver’s door window, urging Trevor to roll it down. He complied instantly, and I wondered how much of his panic came through on his face. The officer peeked around the vehicle, which was clean of anything incriminating.

  “You have any idea how fast you were going, son?” he asked, and Trevor brought his hand up to scratch his neck.

  “Umm, I’m not really sure. There was a downhill there,” Trevor said.

  I rolled my eyes. There was no way going downhill would justify an extra thirty miles per hour. What did it matter though? I just wanted the cop to hand Trevor a ticket and let us leave. That would be the best possible scenario.

  “License and registration, please,” the cop demanded, and Justin and Trevor both fumbled in the glove compartment for the proper document. After they handed over both, the cop walked back to his vehicle, giving me an unsettling glance as he passed.

  “It’s gonna be alright,” Justin comforted Trevor, who was rubbing his eyes. “They don’t know anything.”

  Trevor quietly waited for the officer to return. When he did, I heard him sigh as he approached the window.

  “I’m going to need you to step out of the car,” he said, and I stifled a gasp. I was going to get stuck going to jail with these guys because they were giving me a ride. I knew it. Trevor stuttered, trying to come up with some kind of argument, but the officer told him to hurry.

  A second later, Trevor had his hands against the passenger window, staring at me through the glass as the police officer patted him down. The look on his face horrified me, and I turned my head to the front seat where I noticed Justin flick the door unlocked. Was he going to make a run for it? This was getting crazier by the minute.

  Another police cruiser pulled up ahead of us, and that seemed to keep Justin from doing anything to make the situation worse. A pair of officers exited their vehicle, approached, and told us to get out of the car. I felt like I was going to faint. The door popped open and I crawled out, coming face to face with a man so emotionless that he didn’t even really seem human.

  I was patted down too, which was uncomfortable and embarrassing. Cars were going by, and I could tell we all looked like criminals. The cops started asking us questions about where we were going and why. They’d opened the trunk and were going through it, but I couldn’t see because I was closer to the hood.

  “I don’t even know these guys. They were just giving me a ride to the city so I could visit my grandmother in the nursing home,” I pleaded, hoping I could get through to the straight-faced cop.

  “Tell it to the judge,” he said, starting to walk away. Desperate, I reached out and tugged his sleeve to call him back.

  There was no hint that he believed me, so I had to come up with a way to prove what I was saying. Fishing into my pocket, I removed the flyer from the bulletin board advertising for the ride, which I mercifully still had. I handed it over, and at least the cop looked at it. He glanced at me and nodded.

  “What’s this?” he asked. I’d accidentally also given him the piece of paper with the Hofmann Voltameter and the rest of Cammie’s experiment.

  “Just some schoolwork,” I said.

  Leaving me standing there, the officer returned to the others, who were busy going through bags they’d removed from the trunk. I didn’t even want to know what these guys were hauling. The look on Trevor and Justin’s face made it clear enough that this would be a day that affected the rest of their lives. Some people think they can get away with anything.

  “You sure you can handle it?” the officer asked the other two.

  The response was an affirmative, and then he came back to me.

  “I’ll play taxi and take you the rest of the way. It’s not far,” the man said to me, and the sense of relief almost made my knees buckle.

  “Thank you so much,” I said, completely oblivious to my previous drivers. I tagged along behind the officer and climbed in the back seat of his cruiser. I still felt a little bit like a criminal, but at least I was going to get where I needed to go.

  Plexi-glass separated the back seat from the front, and I peeked through it to check out the special computer equipment attached to the dashboard. We merged into traffic for just an instant before taking the exit that had been in sight the whole time.

  “What did those guys have anyway?” I asked meekly.

  “Stolen electronics. About the only way guys like those would have a car like that,” he said, and we returned to silence.

  As terrible as State College had been, I can’t say I was too excited to be back in the city. I still had no place of my own and was continuously chasing something that seemed just out of reach.

  I’d finally remembered which nursing home that man living in Nathan’s house had told me Gladys was in, but the officer never even asked me for it. I guess there weren’t that many. Pulling off the road, still somewhat on the outskirts of town, we followed a long driveway surrounded by cedar and willow trees. Dark clouds hovered over a long one-story building, which looked full of melancholy despite the obvious effort into making its appearance pleasing.

  “Thank you so much,” I said to the officer as I climbed out of the car.

  “Stay out of trouble,” he advised, and I would love to but it seemed just about the most difficult thing in the world right now.

  I was here though, finally approaching the doors of Lazy Oak Nursing Home, and this was the last step before I would find Cammie and get what I needed.

  The automatic doors had barely opened before a strong scent hit my nose. If I didn’t know any better I’d say it was formaldehyde, but in reality it was probably just bleach and pine sol. There was some furniture in the lobby beside a reception desk, and everything looked clean to the point of being sterilized.

  Other than a few residents scattered about the room who utilized walkers or wheelchairs, the only other person was the young receptionist sitting behind a desk. She had beautiful brown hair that draped over her shoulders, and I was immediately jealous of how cute she looked. This girl had been waiting to greet me, and I’d need her help because Gladys was obviously not in the room.

  “Hi, I’m looking for Gladys Wheeler,” I said, and the girl smiled.

  “Oh, that’s so great! She hardly ever gets visitors. Let me show you to her room.”

  It made me sad to hear that Gladys was being neglected in here, because even right before I switched into this universe she had always been so active. Bridge clubs, crochet, that kind of thing. Sometimes it seemed as though she was out and about more than I was.

  But as we walked through the halls, I got the feeling I was about to find a very different Gladys who inhabited this world. We passed a corridor that seemed very lively, containing older folks sitting on benches outside of their rooms reading a book or talking. It turned out the farthest wing was our destination, and it just seemed gloomier and decaying somehow.

  The hallway was vacant and most of the doors were closed, but glimpsing into the ones that were open revealed sleeping residents who really didn’t seem like they would ever wake up. We came to a room near the end that had “Gladys Wheeler” on the accompanying nameplate. The door was open just a crack, and the rec
eptionist nudged it open.

  “Oh, good. She’s awake.”

  I entered to find Gladys sitting up in bed, but she made an absolutely ghastly sight. Her body was bony and lumps of loose, speckled skin bunched around her limbs. Her glazed eyes looked like they were going to drop inside of her skull, and it was obvious from the contours of her cheeks that she no longer had her teeth. And yet for all this, she looked at me like I was a ghost when I entered the room.

  “Hi, Gladys. You have a visitor. Isn’t that great?” the receptionist said, slowly shouting it into her ear. Gladys responded with a nod, and the receptionist came to me before exiting the room.

  “Let me or anyone on the staff know if you need anything, ok?” she said.

  I thanked her and let her go, turning slowly to the frail, elderly woman before me. My stomach was twisting itself into knots, and every bone in my body felt so raw and sensitive. I didn’t know if I could go through with this, so I had to hold Nathan in my thoughts and force myself to pull the plain white chair over to the bedside.

  I was about to speak, but I caught Gladys looking at me and found it oddly disconcerting. The TV was on in the room, though the sound was off, and the images of it reflected against her eyeballs. I breathed more of the noxious fumes circulating about the building and struggled to compose myself.

  “Hi, Gladys. You don’t know me, but my name is Sarah,” I said.

  “What?” she asked, tilting her head a little closer to me.

  “Hello! My name is Sarah!” I repeated, quickly adopting the receptionist’s deliberate manner of speaking.

  “I haven’t got any money,” Gladys told me, her eyes wandering slightly in search of a pocket book.