First Time For Everything

by Aimee Carson

  The restless, antsy feeling returned, and the sincerity in her tone only made him feel more on edge. Of course his father would have been proud. Blake was proud. But the real question was...why wasn’t he happy?

  He could touch Jax whenever he wanted. He’d engaged in a hard-fought, satisfying battle in court and won. And he’d just achieved his goal of a promotion. The first step on a path that could take him all the way to the head of the department. He should feel happy. But all he felt was this lingering ambivalence.

  What the hell was wrong with him?

  His mother interrupted his thoughts. “In celebration of your courtroom victory, I made a delicious batch of chocolate scones,” his mother said, and Blake’s heart groaned even as he bit back the grin, taking in the now forced smiles on Jax’s and Nikki’s faces.

  “Nikki, come to the kitchen and help me with the plates,” his mom said.

  Blake’s smile grew harder to restrain as he watched his mother lead Nikki away, champagne glass in hand again as she shared the supersecret ingredient that would ensure that this batch of scones would be better than the flop she’d served them last.

  When the two were gone, Jax turned to Blake. “You’re on fire, Suit,” she said sincerely. “Congratulations.”

  “Thanks,” he said, sorry the celebratory moment didn’t quite reach his heart. He took a sip of his bubbly champagne. “Actually, I have more good news.”

  Jax lifted a brow. “Better than a guilty verdict, a promotion and the promise of your mother’s scones?”

  Blake’s brow bunched in humor at her teasing tone. “This weekend my mother is taking Nikki away for an overnight trip to a spa in West Palm Beach. She told Nikki it’s their first annual mother-daughter retreat.” He sent Jax a small grin. “She told me she’s getting Nikki out of the house so we can be alone.”

  The thought of spending two whole days with Jax without worrying about the prying eyes of the world was thrilling. The thought of his future weighed heavily on his heart. For some reason he couldn’t explain, after years of working and planning and sacrificing for this very moment, he didn’t want to think about the promotion. Which made no sense, but he pushed the restless feelings aside. Right now he just wanted to enjoy today’s hard-earned verdict and the presence of the beautiful, amazing woman by his side.

  Now was a time for celebration, and he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity with Jax.

  “But, as this is my mother, her help comes with a cost, of course,” Blake continued. “We have to attend her friend’s fundraiser next week. A silent art auction.”

  “Sounds simple enough.”

  “Yeah,” he said skeptically. “That’s what has me worried. But I’ve decided not to look the gift horse in the mouth.”

  “Good plan,” she said with a smile. “So what did you have in mind for this weekend?”

  “A boat trip to the Keys,” he said. “There’s a beautiful little barrier island where I used to dive for lobster,” he said. “Very private. Gorgeous little bay. You game?”

  The sound of Abigail’s voice from down the hall filled the air, and Jax sent him a small grin. “Will there be baked goods?”

  The laugh that escaped Blake’s mouth was loud. “No baked goods.”

  Her grin grew bigger. “Then count me in.”

  * * *

  Sprawled on her stomach next to Blake, Jax rested her cheek on her hands, the heat from the sun drying the salt water clinging to her body as she stared out at where aquamarine waters met cornflower-blue sky. The trampoline making up the rear of the catamaran doubled as a comfortable place to rest, the soothing sound of lapping waves lulling her into an almost blissful state of complacency. But despite their idyllic setting, which included a view of the white sandy beach of the tiny barrier island, Blake’s eyes and that beautifully sensual mouth showed signs of underlying strain.

  Jax worried her lower lip, lost in thought.

  In some ways, Blake was the most relaxed she’d ever seen him. Not a suit in sight, just bathing trunks or a breathtaking nakedness as he’d made love to her. And with his recent run of good news, not to mention all of the great sex, why was he looking so pensive?

  Was he wondering how he’d wound up in a sexual relationship with a woman who didn’t fit his requirements? She’d never be considered sensible or practical. As a matter of fact, Jack had callously called her unstable. And she’d coerced Blake into defending her in court, so law-abiding was a bit of stretch, as well.

  Jax let out a quiet sigh, hating the self-doubt. With each passing day, she knew she was at risk of falling too hard for him, the thought more than a little disconcerting. Perhaps now was the time for a little sleuthing.

  She pushed aside the beach bag between them and scooted closer to Blake, propping her elbow on the trampoline, head on her hand. “What are you thinking about?”

  Lying on his back, he looked up at her, and, after a brief moment, he reached out to brush back a wet strand of hair that clung to her cheek. A lazy grin spread across his lips, doing wonderful things to his handsome face.

  But she could tell the smile didn’t quite reach his eyes....

  “I’m wondering how long I have to wait before I get you naked again,” he said, eyeing the cleavage of her one-piece suit.

  Predictably, heat flushed through her body in an oh-yes response, but she ignored it. “Nice try, Bathing Suit,” she said drolly. “I’m talking about the thoughts that are creating the tension around that skillful mouth of yours.”

  “Maybe it’s just fatigue from making love to you.”

  Her lips quirked, but she pushed harder. “Liar,” she said, because stamina wasn’t his problem. Something else was. And she needed to know that it wasn’t about her. “Try again.”

  She met his cool gray gaze with a determined one of her own.

  As if sensing there was no escape, he heaved out a small breath and turned his head to stare up at the sky. “I’m thinking about the promotion.”

  Surprise shot her brow higher, and Jax studied his profile and the sexy stubble on his chin, the moment filled with warm sunshine, the smell of coconut sunscreen and the sight of Blake’s lean, muscular torso drying in the sun. Salt water beaded on his chest and stomach, clinging adoringly to the hard abs. Heart tripping faster, she pushed the distracting thoughts aside, because right now she needed to focus on what was causing the worry lines around Blake’s eyes.

  Something told her they were about more than just a job.

  “Did you accept the position?” she said.

  His voice was matter-of-fact, logic and reason radiating from his face. “I told them I’d have to think about the offer.”

  Despite her uneasiness, a teasing smile crept up her mouth. “Of course you did,” she said, looking down at him. “Because you always stop to consider your next move from every angle.”

  And he did, too. Even going so far as to proclaim the first time he’d slept with her as an exception to his rules. He hadn’t said anything more on the subject since. Had he simply extended the offer to include more time?

  And suddenly, she needed to know if he were capable of letting go of the rules. Would he always be a by-the-book kind of guy? Was she destined to be an exception until he’d gotten his fill of her crazy ways?

  She tipped her head. “Do you ever do anything for fun, just because you want to?”

  “I used to be famous for it.”

  She let out a disbelieving laugh. “Back when you were three years old?”

  “Up until I turned twenty, I was worse than Nikki,” he said, looking up at her again.

  Shock drove her eyelids wide. “I don’t believe it.”

  “It’s true,” he said easily. “Whatever Nikki has done to drive me crazy, I did ten times worse to my father. High school was one trip to the principal’s
office after another.”

  Her disbelief must have been obvious, because he shifted to face her, his head propped on his hand. But a part of her was afraid to believe there might be hope for the man.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “I want an example.”

  “Okay,” he said. His eyes crinkled in humor. “My sophomore year in high school, I put a gator in the pool at school.”

  She sat up, shock dropping her mouth open.

  “The alligator was only three feet long,” he went on, ignoring her stunned look. “But the coach ignored my hastily scribbled Do Not Feed the Gator sign and didn’t see him until he was halfway into the water. And just for the record,” he went on drily, “it’s impossible to back up from a swan dive.”

  The image made her laugh. “And then what happened?”

  “Swim practice was canceled, just as I’d hoped. At least until Fish and Wildlife fished the gator out and released him back into the wild.”

  “No,” she said with an amused shake of her head. “What happened to you?”

  “My dad spoke with the principal and got my suspension cut from ten days to three. He constantly had to use his negotiating skills to bail me out of trouble.” A glimmer of a nostalgic smile lifted his lips. “By my senior year, the pranks got a little of hand.”

  She stared at him, trying to take it all in. The image didn’t gel with the Blake she knew. She’d always assumed Nikki was like her mother, while Blake had the steadfast genes of his father. But perhaps there was more of Abigail Bennington in him than she’d originally thought.

  And the possibility brought a surge of hope so strong it scared her.

  “So what happened to ruin you?” she said.

  “Most people would say I grew up.” His eyes crinkled in genuine amusement. “Leave it to Jacqueline Lee to say I’ve been ruined.”

  She fought the need to let the conversation continue at a lighter level. To keep the tone easy and fun. But as she stared across at him, she felt an intense need to be honest. If Blake Bennington couldn’t learn to loosen up a bit, if he couldn’t relax those so-called compatibility rules—because no one would ever consider Jax sensible—then their relationship was just a succession of one-night-stand aberrations.

  With no chance for more.

  Her sincerity was reflected in her tone. “I think you take caution to unhealthy levels.”

  His eyes flickered with an unidentifiable emotion. “A certain amount is necessary.”

  “Too much is stifling.”

  “Not enough and you pay a heavy price,” he said.

  Gazes locked, several seconds passed by, until Blake broke the silence. “Case in point, one night I was out with two of my college buddies when we got picked up by the police. We’d handcuffed three guys from a rival fraternity to a statue down at South Point Park.”

  “You’re kidding me.” She blinked back her concerns, loving the snapshots of the hell-raiser Blake from his youth. Encouraged by his stories, the tension easing a bit, she stretched out beside him again. “Why did you do that?”

  “Retribution.” He sent her a rueful smile. “They’d loosened the bolts on our derby car earlier that day, and it fell apart during our annual fundraiser race. The wreck was pretty spectacular,” he said with an amused grimace. “They were drinking heavily in celebration of their victory, which was why it was so easy to handcuff them to that statue.” He let out a soft grunt. “We weren’t completely sober ourselves.”

  “I can’t picture you in police custody.”

  “Dad came down, smoothed everything out and got them to drop the charges.” His mouth tipped up on one side. “It was handy having a powerful and influential father.”

  “Did the incident make him angry?”

  The pause was short. “It made him dead.”

  The words barreled into her with enormous force, and she sucked in a breath, her chest hurting. Her heart pounding. She’d thought the price he’d paid had been his run-in with the police. His almost arrest. But she’d been wrong.

  Terribly, terribly wrong.

  With tremendous effort, she swallowed back the horror-stricken look.

  When Blake went on, his voice was low. “If he hadn’t had to come pick me up, we wouldn’t have been out on the road at two in the morning when that car crossed the median.”

  Pain cinched harder around her chest, and Jax bit back the need to touch him, to comfort him. During their previous discussion of his father’s wreck, not once had he mentioned he’d been in the car. Or that he’d been present when his father had died. She’d experienced a lot of painful losses in her life, but had never had to witness the death of a loved one.

  “All I got was a cut from flying glass,” he said, his expression almost blank as he leaned back and touched the scar on his eyebrow, and the ache in her chest grew tighter. “My dad didn’t look or act too injured, either, but I learned later he was bleeding into his brain.”

  Jax blinked back the sting in her eyes, her heart bleeding for him.

  Blake cleared his throat, staring up at the sky, his face impassive. “He must have known something was wrong, though. He kept telling me I had to start taking my future seriously. That I had to take care of Nikki and my mother.” He let out a self-accusatory huff. “So I promised I would, but I kept telling him to quit being a worrier, to lighten up because he was going to be fine.” After another pause, he rolled his head and looked at her. “But he died. And my family lost a great husband and father,” he said. “And Florida lost one of the best United States attorneys this state has ever seen.”

  Given the tragedy, his gaze was remarkably steady on hers, but the deep sadness and regret in his tone was heartbreaking. So much more than just her future with Blake was at stake. His happiness appeared to be at risk, as well.

  She blinked back the tears that threatened on his behalf. “Are you trying to take his place?”

  He shot her a skeptical look. “I couldn’t even if I wanted to,” he said. “But working my way up the system has been my goal since I first joined the Department of Justice.”

  If so, why wasn’t he more excited about the promotion? She’d sensed his inner turmoil since their boat trip began, and now she knew it was in response to the job offer. Which should have made her feel better, but now she felt worse. Because after hearing how his dad had died, it was obvious he was still trying to live up to the promise he’d made to his father.

  But no good could come from living your life trying to fill a dead man’s shoes.

  “I’d be a fool not to accept the new position,” he said.

  “Forget what other people think.” She longed to get him to see reason. The kind of reason that involved the heart, not just the head. “What do you want?”

  The pause that followed felt as though it lasted forever, and she could see the doubt etched on his face.

  “I like the excitement of the chase of the investigation,” he said slowly. “I enjoy the challenge of the

  trials. But the higher up the chain I go, the less hands-on the position will become.” His eyes honest, he gave a small shrug. “I’m happy where I am.”

  “Then turn the offer down.”

  He pressed his lips together. “It’s a big opportunity,” he said, his tone pure logic. “I’d be a fool to pass it up.”

  Looking down at him, Jax sent him a pointed lift of a brow. “Is that you talking?” she said. His expression was more conflicted than she’d ever seen, and her voice dropped an octave, desperate to get through to Blake. “Or your father?”

  The flicker in his eyes reflected the truth in her words.

  Blake rolled his head to stare up at the sky again, his voice distant. “It’s hard to tell the difference anymore.”

  Jax studied his profile, struggling for the words that would convince him to let
the heavy weight of responsibility go. But she was experienced enough to know that those words might not exist, because although the car accident hadn’t left Blake with massive scars on the outside, he carried them heavily on the inside.

  And as Jax had learned long ago, those were the hardest to heal.

  A look she couldn’t interpret flashed through his eyes, and his breath came out in a frustrated whoosh. “And here I am, whining about my past, when you—”

  Jax covered his mouth with her hand. She knew what he’d been about to say.

  “This isn’t a competition,” she said, sending him a softly chastising look.

  No way was she going to let him belittle his past by mentioning hers, as if his suffering had somehow been less significant in comparison. Pain was pain, no matter how it was served. And his certainly affected his choices for the future.

  The sensual lips beneath her fingers sent a skitter of desire down her limbs. She had no idea how long her time with him would last. And she was hit with an overwhelming need to bury her worries about where he was headed, where they were headed, and simply make love to him again—both the former hell-raiser and the current rule-follower.

  Her lips quirked into a gently teasing smile. “But if we’re comparing our physical scars...” Jax sat up and slid the straps of her one-piece down to her hips, exposing her skin and the numerous marks on her belly. She sent him her best sultry look, knowing he’d get distracted by her bared breasts. He always got distracted by her bared breasts. “My scars are definitely more impressive than yours.”

  As predicted, heat flared in his eyes as they traveled down her curves.

  His voice husky, he said, “Is this a competition?”

  “If it was, you’d lose.”

  She sent him her best seductive smile, and his sexy gaze lit a fire low in her belly, only to be tinctured by the burn of something else when his gaze landed on her abdomen.

  Her breathing grew shallow, quick, as she willed herself not to move. They’d made love multiple times since that day she’d revealed her scars to him, but anytime he’d tried to touch one, she’d moved his hand to more important, more needy areas. Hoping to sidetrack his efforts.