Intensity

by C. C. Koen

  Her belly laugh blasted my eardrums in the confined space. Since I had no clue, I remained quiet. She calmed herself pretty quick, realizing she hadn’t gotten a rise out of me. “I heard you had a little problem with your car.”

  You got to be freaking kidding me! That bitch.

  I eased up from my propped stance and stood to my full five eleven. In two huge steps, I stared her down with Wicked Witch of the West perfection. Fists firmed at my sides, I snapped, “I owe you one then.”

  “Oh, you owe me alright. Except, I think I’ll take it with you on your knees…licking my shoes.”

  Gross. “You must not be too bright if you missed my message.”

  She snorted, her sing-song voice mocking, “What’s that, Saaadrena?”

  “It had something to do with…a bloody face. Since you didn’t understand the first time, it looks like I’ll have to make it harder and louder.” Just as I leaned forward to grab her, the elevator doors opened. We both looked and there stood Jax.

  Could this day get any worse? Yes! I needed to check my horoscope. The universe had to be in retrograde or spinning upside down, because this wackiness couldn’t be explained by anything else.

  His well-defined, veined hand held the door open. A what the heck is going on? expression and quirked brow pointed right at me, like I was the troublemaker.

  Yeah, like I’d tell him anything. He needed to keep his own damn mouth shut.

  I turned to B.B. and shot her a death-ray glare, communicating my silent and final warning. Snatching my bag, I stormed past Jax, leaving them behind to wallow in their demonic states together.

  I hoped they speared each other with their pitchforks, annihilating one another in the process.

  More than fuming and intent on expelling some of the negative energy, I hit up the best source of information—Mylaynee. Bowls filled to the brim with three types of icy goodness, we propped our feet up on wicker chairs, soaking up the afternoon rays out on the balcony.

  “All right, I can tell something’s buggin’ you. What’s up? You bought enough junk food to last a year.”

  I swirled the spoon through each scoop, mixing the flavors and spitting out the first of many questions. “What’s the deal with Jax?”

  She smiled wide and said with excitement, “Oh, did you get a chance to meet him?”

  My pinched lips must have clued her in to the fact that I didn’t share her enthusiasm. Her mouth turned down, and her disappointed tone said his bad boy side had been up to no good—again. “What he do?”

  I burst out in laughter and at the same time tears rolled down my cheeks, almost as if a split-personality took over, and my psyche didn’t know which persona to present first. Lost in my crazed thoughts, I paced back and forth and attempted to pull together the complaints I wanted to lodge.

  “Hey.” She stepped in front of me, grabbing my shoulders and halting my frantic movements. “Do you need me to beat the shit out of him for ya?”

  That did it. My face dried and hysterical giggling won out, both of us unable to contain it. I wrapped my arms around her, calmed my ass down, and sat back in my seat. Ready to do what I intended when I came here—gather intel. I needed all the ammunition I could get, so I’d be better prepared to deal with Jax in the future.

  “How do you know him?”

  Again she smiled, tender rather than enthusiastic. “When I came here, I had a lot of bad stuff going on. He kinda adopted me.” I lifted a brow at that statement. “Not that way, girl. I’m not his type. He’s like a brother to me.” My mouth dropped open; I could not believe it. She read my thoughts well and continued to protest. “Seriously, we aren’t like that. We’re good friends.” She smacked me in the arm. “Get your mind outta the gutter. His company’s in charge of security here. When his dad retired he took over the business. The guys he hires are all top-notch. You’ve seen them around, right?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t know he had anything to do with it.”

  She nodded. “You met Sal, he’s head honcho and manages them, but Jax is the boss. Linc contracts them. In fact, I work for Jax too.”

  “What?” I couldn’t contain how loud it came out, and my previous shocked expression came back full force.

  “Every once in a while, he asks for my help on cases. Linc doesn’t mind, so I pitch in when I can. I like it.” She shrugged and sat back down, taking a bite of ice cream. Hungrier than before, I picked up my bowl and dug in, even though it had turned mushy. “So you gonna tell me what he did to piss you off?”

  Not sure I wanted the conversation focused on me right now, I remained fixed on my original target. “He’s here every night. I mean, he’s—”

  Before I could finish, she cut me off. “If you’re referring to his sexual appetite, yeah, you’ll see him all the time,” she rushed out, emphasizing the frequency and cementing an image of the bad boy engaged in hot and heavy deeds in the same breath. Dammit, I didn’t want him in my head that way. “He’s got tons of money to throw around. His gramps left him a trust fund he’s intent on blowing on every girl in this place, except for me of course, and you,” she clarified in a hurry.

  Goodness, should I tell her about his full-blown efforts to get me in bed? I set my empty bowl down and glanced at her. She scooped them both up and yelled over her shoulder as she walked inside. “You want more to eat? I have some sushi in the fridge for lunch. We need healthy munchies to cancel out the bad calories.”

  It might help, so I agreed. I needed something good to cancel out—bad Jax.

  Cement pounding below my feet, lungs huffing, head clearer than it had been in weeks, a five-mile jog had been the perfect way to start the day. Seagulls dashed into the bay, searching for their bounty. The whistling breeze, a perfect combination of warmth with a dash of cool felt wonderful against my sweaty flesh. The boardwalk this time on a Sunday morning included quite a few runners and bikers enjoying the shoreline. Most of them wearing headphones or earbuds, but not me. I loved every sound. The water, people, boats, everything. It calmed me. Regardless of what happened in my life, running had always helped set or reset the tone to a positive one. It had become a regular habit to spend at least a portion of my time outdoors.

  Accepting this job five weeks ago brought a number of surprises—an angel—Mylaynee. After the amusement park outing, Miss Chatty Pants blabbed to the other servers about our excursion. From that moment on Paulette, Fallon, and Sage joined us. We hung out as much as possible. The Fab Five, as Mylaynee called us, were inseparable. It stuck and couldn’t be a more perfect description of our combined personalities.

  An activity Gram and I often did to “spread the sunshine” brought our group to the local children’s hospital, reading, and making crafts, and just having fun with the kids. A nonverbal challenge commenced at that moment. The next week, Fallon decided we’d volunteer at the local homeless shelter. Mylaynee chose the “Best Buddies” organization, spending our day with disabled adults. Paulette wanted us to go to a nursing home. After I told her about the one Gram’s girlfriends lived at, we ended up there. It had been a while since I’d visited, and having my new friends with me made it extra special. Sage chose the local animal shelter because she wanted to be a vet. Since she hadn’t fulfilled that dream yet, she wanted us to contribute to their care in some way.

  Sunday night became movie time. Choosing from Mylaynee’s vast collection, we each threw one in a bag, and selected two. It caused a lot of razzing, but in the end added to the fun. Last week, Mylaynee announced our volunteer time would be known as “Sunshine Sundays” in honor of my gram. I bawled like a baby. Spending time with them had been an excellent ego boost. They were a dust-off-your-pants, get-back-out-there bunch. The only girlfriends I’d ever had, I cherished our time together. Beautiful women on the inside and out, they became my saving grace. Without them, I don’t think I would’ve gotten through the disastrous B.B. incidents.

  Linc continued to disappear on our days off. Most of the time I didn’t see him a
gain until Monday evenings. My heart told me one thing, my mind another, and my body screamed directives that screwed them both up. He spent the other nights with me, however nothing progressed any further. B.B. could be why he kept his distance. I had a strange feeling though, intuition maybe, that something else was going on with him. I could ask, but my conflicting feelings, along with risking getting fired and losing a hefty income, kept me in reserve mode. Holding it all inside created gut-wrenching tension. Add in to the mix, the conversation I overheard between Linc and Jax weeks ago produced another wake up call. I kept readjusting, reminding myself of my goals. It became a daily mantra, and if anyone heard me chanting stay focused, don’t let anyone get in your way, you can do it every morning in the mirror, they’d die from laughter.

  When difficult times hit, it amazed me where strength came from. Determined to do what I needed to, I garnered support from multiple places. Paychecks continued to roll in. Creditors were happy and my “in the red” debt ratio got smaller each week. Granted, I had a long way to go, but the strides I made served as a pick-me-up too. Bartending until wee hours of the morning didn’t help with loss of sleep, but the enjoyment I got from watching and playing with the Millers’ kids made up for it. Bookkeeping always rejuvenated me. It kept memories of Gram at the forefront and preoccupied the remainder of my daylight hours. It didn’t matter how busy I got, I loved working. Less time to worry about other things that would only upset me.

  Monique had finished renovating my apartment. All new furnishings indoors, including a luxurious lounge set for the balcony. Bamboo flooring throughout and sea-green walls gave it a serene feel. Decorative knick-knacks, a combination of antiques and contemporary pieces, embodied my style perfectly, even though I had no idea what it was myself. She created a harmonious balance, including pieces of furniture similar to the ones I grew up with and modern selections that suited my personality, making the place feel like home. She even made sure I got a cushy couch like Linc’s. Any free second, I had my butt on it with a book in hand.

  Now though, relief came in the form of a 5K. Two steps at a time, I barreled up the back stairwell. The last stretch before I fell into a cold and refreshing shower. Not a foot from my door and it burst open, my heart lodging in my throat.

  Decked out in a Vera Bradley floral sarong she’d purchased on one of our jaunts last week, Mylaynee had a glorious smile stretched ear to ear. Her eager palms rubbing told me she was up to no good. What the heck?

  “I’ve been waiting two hours for you.” Her smile vanished as she glanced at her Brighton bracelet watch. Another recent buy.

  Palms pressed to my knees, I sucked down massive gulps of air, attempting to recover from the jaunting three-story dash. Dang it, if I didn’t love her to death, I’d bulldoze over her to get some water. Soaked head to toe, I needed relief and quick, but she stood sentry at my door. Her hip-holding posture and narrowed eyes cast a miffed attitude at me.

  “Did I forget something?” I expelled each word on a short breath, inhaling and exhaling faster than normal. Damn, I’d pushed it hard, punishing my body on purpose. It worked too, easing my twisting emotions. Until now.

  Her foot tap, tap, tapping and crossed arms answered me. When I glanced up, Mylaynee swung my apartment door shut and leaned her back against it.

  What in the world was going on?

  I straightened up from my bent position and waved my hand back and forth. “Are you gonna move so I can get in there?”

  All of a sudden Mylaynee’s smile returned, followed in quick succession with three raps on the door. I stepped forward while she moved backward, opening it.

  “Happy birthday, Serena!” Paulette held at least a half-dozen-balloon bouquet, containing various exclamations. Sage tilted forward a sheet cake with vibrant turquoise, gold, and lime-green icing and well wishes on top. Fallon, arms full of decorative foil gift bags and wrapped boxes. Mylaynee wrapped an arm around my back, squeezing my hip, and pecked me on the cheek, calling out, “Surprise.”

  Particular moments reminded me of life’s blessings: love, friendship, and selfless acts. They transcended words and renewed a person’s spirit. Consumed in so many other things, I’d forgotten today’s date. Heart alight, I placed a quick kiss to Mylaynee’s temple, careful not to cover her in my sweat. The gesture repeated on the cheer line awaiting my regards.

  After I took a quick shower, we piled into Paulette’s car and ventured into New York City to one of the many spas. Another treat the girls planned. It turned out to be a relaxing event, complete with a hot stone massage, EmerginC facial, Moroccan rose organic body scrub, Argan manicure and pedicure, and a Samadi healing ceremony. A holistic, naturalist approach that had Mylaynee stamped all over it.

  Peace and serenity infused in every fiber of my being.

  Exactly what I needed.

  Gifts unwrapped, half a cake gone, and on our second flick, we vegetated on any available surface in Mylaynee’s apartment. Sage pegged it as Classic Film Night. Tonight for our viewing pleasure, On the Waterfront with Marlon Brando and Some Like it Hot with Marilyn Monroe. A huge Brando fan, Mylaynee got lucky when her choice was selected, and the one I picked with Marilyn also made it. Who didn’t love Monroe?

  Our snacks expanded too. Popcorn now included Goober chocolates. Paulette’s contribution and concoction—the bomb!

  Before I realized it, the screen credits had rolled by and the cleaning commenced. Paulette, Sage, and Fallon bid good night while I stayed behind, reluctant to return to my empty apartment. Mylaynee washed dishes, and I dried. “You heard from him?”

  Crap. How did I know she’d go there? I mumbled, “Nope.”

  She handed me a dish and prompted, “Did he do anything for your birthday?”

  I stacked the dried plates and cups in the cabinet and shrugged at the long shot. “It wasn’t on my mind, so I doubt he knew.”

  Silverware in hand, she rinsed and questioned, “Have you asked him what’s going on yet?”

  “I’m afraid to. My heart might not be able to take it.” I dried my hands on a towel and passed it to her. We finished in the kitchen and settled on the couch, continuing the heart-to-heart.

  “I’m embarrassed to tell you this.” After a pause that seemed an eternity I confessed, “We haven’t had sex. I think it’s because he’s with B.B.” Mylaynee shook her head, but I was on a roll and couldn’t stop expelling my pent-up frustration. My face buried in my hands, I muttered, “What’s he doing with me?” Pieces of my heart scattered everywhere, I gazed at her and pleaded, “To me?” She reached out, but I got up and paced in front of the TV. “I don’t know what I’m doing. Have no clue how to handle a man like him.” I flicked through a few DVD cases, pretending to study them. As I picked up the next one, her hand pressed on top of mine and pulled me into a comforting embrace.

  I took a few steps back, but held onto her arms, unearthing my painful past for the first time. “Do you know what it’s like not to be wanted? My mother didn’t. She left me after birth. Twenty-two years and I’ve never met her.” Her mouth dropped open. Not giving her a chance to interrupt, my explanation turned heartfelt. “Gram took me in. Filled my life with love and acceptance in more ways than one. But something happened—” I choked on the rest.

  Returning to the couch, I tucked my legs up, wrapping my arms around them in a protective ball. She joined me, rubbing my back in a soothing way. I stared at the door and attempted to gather my overwrought thoughts. “My grandmother was the sweetest, kindest person you could ever meet. It didn’t matter who you were. If you came to her and asked for anything, she’d give it to you without question. And she loved to cook and bake. We always did that together. She taught me so much.” A thousand images of her flashed in my mind in a colorful kaleidoscope.

  “But there’s—a void.” My chest constricted and in the next breath, I expelled with vehemence. “Not for my mother.” I laid my hand on my heart and expressed with passionate conviction. “For someone right here.” Her e
yes filled with tears. She took hold of the same hand and wove our fingers together.

  “Linc and I don’t know each other well, but there’s something there. I can feel it.” My head pounding, I dropped it along the back of the couch and whispered, “Do you believe in fate?”

  She nodded with a tender smile, almost like she’d gotten lost in thought herself.

  “Me too,” I crooned.

  Her hand squeezed mine, and with the other she wiped her eyes. “Your friendship means so much to me. I love that you’re here, Serena.” She nudged my shoulder with hers. “You’re my girl, right?”

  I wrapped my arms around her ribs and hugged the stuffing out of her. Her support meant the world to me, and in one fell swoop she wiped out the loneliness I’d felt prior to moving here.

  This day and my treasured friends—forever engraved on my heart.

  Back in my apartment, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, anticipating a deep sleep. I stepped a foot in the bedroom and came to a standstill. Linc was sprawled on my bed, arms behind his head, ankles crossed, bearing a dimpled grin. His all-consuming presence filled the room with a sense of anticipation.

  “W-what are you doing here?” I sputtered.

  He dropped his feet on the floor and ambled toward me, grasping my hands and dragging me along as he walked backward. My stunned body plunked down on the comforter. He reached under the bed, pulled out a box with a humungous red bow on top, and plopped it on my lap.

  “What’s that?” Again, my response came out, making little sense.

  His hardy chuckle charged the room with a potent zing. I closed my eyes and let the positive energy revive me.

  “I’ve been waiting for you to get back so I could give this to you.”

  That statement had my eyes popping open. I wanted to remind him I’d been waiting a lot longer, but his expectant look kept the words locked inside. Instead, I glanced down and tried to figure out what he bought me. Would he get me lingerie? Nah. The large size canceled out jewelry. Besides, he wouldn’t get me something like that. Could it be—