Kade's Rescue (Detroit Heat Book 1)

by Lynn, Davida

  I nodded. “Yeah, I know it. I just thought it was something I could handle.”

  “I know you thought time would be enough to heal this, but I don’t think that will be enough. Do you think therapy is helping you at all? Would you say we are doing effective work?”

  I wanted to laugh. Coming to the shrink was like getting ridiculed for the problems I was already having. It was like standing in front of a crowd while someone explained everything that was wrong with you.

  “Effective work? I don’t know what that is. I’m good at taking personal risks. I’m good at walking into burning buildings and working for eighteen hours without a break. I’m not good at answering questions about myself. I can’t answer that question any easier than I can answer, ‘what are you thinking?’ ”

  “You make an interesting point. You said you’re good at taking personal risks, right?”

  I nodded, unsure of where he was going. That wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, though. I could never follow what the doc was saying.

  He smiled and continued. “But you said she asked you out, correct?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, if you wanna twist my words. When I say ‘personal risks,’ I mean jumping out of a second-story window or walking into a building that’s twelve hundred degrees. I can do that without thinking. Asking a beautiful woman out? It’s not even in the same league.”

  “I want to switch gears, again. How’s Firefighter Baggio?”

  My heart jumped at the mention of Rico. He was lying in a fucking hospital with a shitload of broken bones, that was how he was doing. I could feel my blood pressure rising, almost like there was a pressure building inside my mind. The doc was just doing his job, so I tried to push that feeling away.

  I let out a long, slow breath. “He’s hanging in there. Luckily there was nothing life-threatening, but it’s going to be months before he’s ready to go back to work; if he comes back at all. He’ll have physical therapy to get him walking right, and then they’ll know if he can do his job.”

  “Do you feel responsible?”

  “Do I feel responsible? Doc, are you trying to piss me off today?”

  He shook his head, but his smile betrayed him. “I’m just trying to get a sense of you, Kade. You’ve had a hard few months, and this relationship with Layne started off well, but ended up being just another bad deal for you.”

  “Yeah… another bad deal.” I thought about Rico for a moment. “No, I don’t feel responsible. Things would have gotten a lot worse if we’d gone into that building. I did everything I could to get a ladder up to him before he fell. My shift commander didn’t blame me, the disciplinary council didn’t blame me.”

  “But they put you on a two-week leave?”

  “Yeah, they did.” I wasn’t hiding the emotion in my voice anymore. “Two major incidents in just a few months? They had to bench me. If the media got a hold of it, or if anything else happened because of me or even to me, it would put them in one hell of a position to explain themselves. I get why they did it. I get why they had to do it. What would you have done in the same situation, doc?”

  He could sense my frustration, but then again, I wasn’t exactly hiding it from him. He always pried and asked the tough questions, and I was going to answer them. He worked his hours just like me, but at the same time, the doc had no idea the things I’d been through. I was sure all his patients had scars on the inside, but mine were on the outside, too. Those scars would never fade with time, though.

  With a smile, he tried to set me at ease. “I’m sorry, Kade. I don’t know too much about your profession, but you are right. I don’t see much choice for your superiors. What are you planning on doing? More specifically, are you planning on calling Layne or trying to apologize in some way?”

  “I don’t think so.” It hurt me to say that, but I knew things were too far gone between us. I could never apologize for what I had done, and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to explain what had happened. I had thrown away a great opportunity with a great woman; it was just one more thing I had to live with. This time it was all on me, though.

  The doc nodded, but said, “That’s a shame, but it’s your decision.” He was right on both counts.

  I was able to stay away from work for five days. On day six, I was getting stir-crazy and I wanted to see the boys on Gold shift. When they call the fire service the brotherhood, they mean it. Even if you don’t really like your coworkers, they are your brothers and you still get along with them.

  The drive to work was calming, even if it was just to pay a visit. The July sun was beating down and Clay was outside the bay, sitting in a deckchair in the sunlight. He had his t-shirt sleeves rolled up, his sunglasses on, and his head back. Water was drying on the pavement where a truck had recently been washed. Somewhere inside the open garage door, Led Zeppelin was playing. It was the perfect summer afternoon on a quiet day. They were rare.

  Clay looked up when he heard my car door slam. He raised his hand to me, but didn’t say anything. As I got closer, he sat up and pulled his shades down. “Honestly? Thought you’d be here on the last shift.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Is that what you really think of me, Cap? I’ve got nothing better to do than come to work when I’m off for two weeks?”

  Clay laid his hands out before him as if to say, Well? All I could do was nod and laugh.

  “Any action?” I was losing my mind at home. In less than a week I’d installed a new hardwood floor in my living room and re-stained the small deck in my backyard. All the usual house stuff had been taken care of, and I was beyond restless.

  He shook his head, “Nope. Relatively quiet few days. The guys are already calling you the black cloud. With you gone, we’re actually catching up on some sleep.”

  As a few of the Gold shifters headed into the bay, Clay stood up and motioned for me to follow him around the building for some privacy.

  At a picnic table in the shade, he sat down. I knew what was coming. It wasn’t the same nervous anticipation that I got at the shrink’s office. Strangely, it was something a bit more comforting coming from him.

  “I want to hear how you’re doing. Really doing.”

  I told Clay about Layne and how it had all ended about as badly as one could imagine. He listened as I spoke, nodding at the right times. It was so much easier talking to someone who understood. Clay was in his mid-forties, and from the stories I’d heard, he’d seen his share of shit.

  Like most firefighters in for the long haul, he was glad to be a captain. He got to tell people what to do and make sure his guys stayed safe. As the body begins to wear down, it’s the only way to stay in the service.

  After I’d wrapped up, he smiled. “You know my wife, Marie?”

  “Of course.”

  “One of my first calls was on a car crash. Semi versus Geo Metro. The woman in the Metro was still alive when we got there. As the guys got to work extricating her, I held her hand. She was pinned in pretty good, and no one thought she was going to make it. The woman was conscious for a long time, and I kept her talking. Her name was Marie, too. She died maybe three minutes before we were able to pry the dashboard off of her.

  “When I met my Marie, that woman int he Metro haunted me. I was crazy about this girl, but there was a ghost haunting us. A ghost she didn’t even know about. I was this close to blowing it with the love of my life because of a ghost. Marco and his sister are going to haunt you for a long time, too. I wish I could tell you different, but it’s the truth. I nearly let Marie go because of that car crash. Don’t make the same mistake I almost did.”

  “Kind words, Clay.” I tried not to let the emotion come through. “But she probably thinks I’m a head case. I set things up great, then totally screwed them up in a matter of minutes. I can’t blame her if she never wants to hear from me again.”

  “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with anything you’ve done. You made the right call with Rico, and no one can blame you about the freak-out at the re
staurant.”

  “She might blame me.”

  “Yeah, she might,” he agreed, “but after you explain yourself to her, I bet she won’t.” Clay stared at me. “You are going to explain, right?”

  “I don’t know. I told the shrink I wasn’t, but I can’t get her out of my head.” I looked past my captain and into my memory. “I’ve got to do something, though.”

  “Any volunteers today?”

  I barely heard Shatrice as she set the Starbucks down in front of me. I was staring at the volunteer sheet. “Hmm?” I tore my eyes away from the list, my mind reeling.

  She stared down at me as if I was ignoring my homework. “Girl, you look a little pale.”

  I had no words. All I could do was hand her the list of volunteers for the day. I was sure she wouldn’t be as shocked as I was, but then again, she hadn’t gone through what I had.

  My friend took the clipboard, her eyes trailing over the list of names and groups. I her eyes get big, then look over the clipboard at me.

  “Engine 37, Detroit Fire Department…Is that who I think it is?”

  My heart was racing. I didn’t know if it was from fear, excitement, or what. I was feeling a hundred different things, and my mind was too messy to get any of those feelings straight.

  “I don’t know who else it could be. That’s his truck, or whatever. Shatrice, is this my life? One mess after another?” I sighed and grabbed the coffee. “Thank you for this. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Sometimes, neither do I.”

  My heart rate didn’t dip while the other employees came in. Once everyone was somewhat settled, Leslie introduced our secret ingredient. Someone had donated a few cases of radishes, so we were going to try something new. People suggested different things, but I didn’t really pay much attention. I was dreading the awkwardness between me and Kade.

  “If you haven’t checked the volunteer sheet for the day, we’re going to have some special guests. Everyone keep your pants on, because a company of firefighters will be working with us today.”

  As the group of women around me cheered, my feelings were the exact opposite. There was exactly one firefighter I didn’t want to see. After such a promising start, I wanted to forget all about Kade. Tough luck, I guessed.

  Shatrice didn’t cheer with the other ladies. She knew how I felt. Unfortunately, it wasn’t going to stop Kade and his coworkers from coming in.

  The more I thought about it, the less I wanted to see him, even if he had an apology in mind. He could have explained himself at dinner instead of coming up with an elaborate plan to see me again. He had my number, yet he hadn’t texted or called once. He didn’t seem like the public apology type, either, so I was very reluctant to see what he was up to.

  As we got ready to start cooking for the day, someone pulled out a sack of potatoes. I remembered watching Kade peel them, trying my best to tear my eyes away from his hot body. I shook the memory from my head, trying to coach myself into ignoring him when he and his coworkers showed up.

  Shatrice knew me well. She came over at one point and leaned in close. “I’ll take care of it. I’ll make sure he’s taking out trash and cleaning fridges all day. When he comes back inside, he’ll smell so bad you’ll forget all about him.” She was an angel. “In the meantime, Darnell has a friend who just got out of jail…”

  “No, thank you, Shatrice.” I walked away, shaking my head and laughing. With a bit of lightness in my heart, I got busy cutting the tops of hundreds of radishes.

  My mind slowly began to wander, and before I knew it, I could hear the many masculine voices of Engine 37 in our offices. My heart was back at full-speed, my fears front and center once again. I let out a groan that no one could hear but me.

  A few of the women who worked at the soup kitchen turned. I could hear them murmuring to each other, trying to get a view of the sexy firemen. I would have given anything to have been anywhere else.

  I heard Leslie in the office giving them the rundown on how things worked. Turning to throw a box into the recycling, I glanced over. I didn’t see Kade, but I could only see through the office door, so it didn’t mean much. Maybe he was trying to keep out of sight. It would have been a small kindness to me.

  Leslie gave the firemen a tour and I was probably the only one trying not to look at them. All the other women, even Shatrice, were doing their best to look without looking. I rolled my eyes and continued cutting radishes.

  After the tour, the men got to work. Leslie must have sensed that I wanted nothing to do with them, because she didn’t give me a helper. I tried to control my pulse, but it was no use. I could feel myself sweating and I kept looking down to see my fists balled up.

  What right did Kade have to just walk out on me like that? What had gone wrong in a split second that had turned him into a complete jerk? I wanted answers, but at the same time, I didn’t ever want to see him again. I even got mad at Shatrice for bringing me the coffee. I knew it wasn’t helping my nerves. But of all the people I was angry at, I blamed myself the most.

  I should have taken a break and waited around for a nice guy. Instead I looked for trouble, and that was exactly what I’d gotten. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run. But I couldn’t do either.

  When I heard a voice behind me, I jumped. It was one of the firemen, and luckily, it wasn’t Kade’s smooth, deep tone.

  “Excuse me, ma’am. I have a question that I hope you’ll be able to help me with.”

  I set down my paring knife and turned to face the man. He was tall, and he had a look like Kade did. They both had this air of confidence and strength, but even I could see that he was lost in the kitchen.

  I smiled at him, trying to be polite and not let my bad mood affect others. I was a professional. “What can I help you with?”

  He lowered his voice and a pit opened wide in my stomach. “I need you to let me tell you about Kade.”

  I put my hands up, stopping him from going on. “I don’t want anything to do with him. I don’t know what he told you, but he ran off on me and made me look like a fool in front of a restaurant full of people. I have nothing to say to him, and there’s nothing I want to hear about him.”

  The man grabbed my hands and lowered them. I had to look him in the eyes, “He’s crazy about you. You really don’t want to hear that?”

  “He’s just plain crazy.” I could see some of my co-workers looking over at me, and my face began to flush from embarrassment. “I’ve got to get back to work.” I turned back to my large box of radishes.

  I might have been able to focus that morning if three other guys hadn’t come up to me basically saying the exact same thing. They told me Kade was crazy about me, and they wanted a chance to explain. I tried to keep quiet. I didn’t want Leslie to see me making a scene. But they were testing my patience like nothing else.

  At least I knew he wasn’t there. I’d looked around enough in that first hour to see that he wasn’t among the firemen who had come to volunteer.

  As we got set up behind the lunch counters to start serving, another volunteer appeared beside me. He was an older man, and at the sight of him, I rolled my eyes.

  “Don’t tell me: Kade is crazy about me. Blah, blah, blah. Please.” I turned to him. “Please, just save it.”

  He smiled at me. “No can do, dear. You know we don’t quit, right?”

  I sighed. This was hell. This was exactly what hell was like.

  “I’m not gonna sway you and tell you how sweet he is. I’m not gonna make him out to be some saint, because he’s not. He’s a guy that does a hard as hell job, and it took its toll.”

  The older firefighter sounded tired, as if his words were weighing him down. I sighed. I had to admit, it wasn’t what I was expecting to hear.